First of all, I can't believe this site is still up and running :P. It's crazy to me. I used to write on here all through highschool and junior high.. and I was just thinking about it the other day because I wanted to come back and read some of my entries. Who would have thought it's still here. As crazy as it sounds... this website really helped me a lot. I wrote on here all the time. Which is why I wanted to come back and read everything :p.
Life has changed a lot for me. Obviously. I'm in college now, art school.. photography major :). Something I used to write about that I dreamed to be doing at this point in my life. I've changed a lot though, and my life has changed a lot as well. It's just crazy to see. Crazy to read how I used to be and think. I don't know why i'm having this epiphony tonight, but here I am.
I think i've been writing entries on here just about every year since 2006. So here's my 2010 entry :). 2010 is almost over, which is crazy in itself... so I have to carry on the tradition I guess.
But I guess the point, and reason for me reading all of my old journal entries? I miss the person I used to be. I'm in college, working towards my dream... but somehow I feel more empty than I ever felt before. I live back at home, and things with my parents are fine. But I go to school full time, and I work full time. I have a bestfriend, but no other friends. I don't see my family. I used to be fun. I used to have a lot of friends, and I used to have time to hangout with them. I used to be in love. I used to be carefree.
Sometimes... especially tonight for some odd reason, I look at myself and think, "what the hell happened to me?"
I just want to feel; attractive today.
(c)Ophelias-Overdose
can you believe that it is already December! sheesh, this year is going by so quickly o.o before I know it i'll be out of high school! :D but trust me that doesn't make me sad in the slightest :). This week I have finals, (pre calc, & art on wednesday, then AP english and Law on thursday) and no school on friday! I love when i'm not expecting a day off but then I actually get one :D. it made my week. but quite frankly, i'm BORED :(. Steve cut my hours again D: only 19.5 this week, ridiculous. But i can't complain, or he'll probably fire me :/. and having no hours is much worse than 19.5 hours. but when i'm not working, i'm so bored D: is that terrible? lol.
I feel like i just don't have anything to pour my heart into at the moment, and it's bugging me. for awhile I was extremely focused on college application and whatnot, but now that's mostly stalled until I can fill out FASFA. Binh and I are wonderful, of course lol, but besides him I feel as if life is just very dull for the moment :/. nothing exciting is happening, and I dont really have any friends to hangout with or anything o.o;
Lol, the other day my mom told me taht she was worried because I said I didn't have any friends >.< I guess that's a bit of an understatement. I do have some friends, but none that i'm really close to, I guess. it just seems like most of the people I used to talk to have changed so much. and its probably half my fault too, i think i push people away after awhile D: oops. well, I used to at least, I dont think im like that anymore. But i get along with the people that I work with so much better than the people at school, they are all just way older than I am XD. I think I just like the mature mind better, I don't know.
But as for right now, I just wish I could cure this utterly bored feeling that I feel. It's just kind of odd. And at the same time, it makes me not want to sleep. Usually i'm way more tired! but last night I could not fall asleep for the life of me, and I didnt have anything that I could really do as an alternative. Sheesh this all sounds so pathetic >.< but that's life I guess.
all I can really hope for right now is that college and photography work out :). Have I mentioned that I really want to work for National Geographic? I can't remember, but I REALLY want that, so bad. Thats basically been my drive, I guess, im not sure what died down though. probably the fact that I can't really progress much until I finish high school D: but I really really hope that I can make that dream come true. I honestly don't know what else to do if that doesn't happen :/ i want it SO badly, if it doesnt work out that will be pretty disappointing :/.
but again, why worry about those things right now :).
the main thing that's been bothering me right now, I guess, is my family and their complete lack of compassion :/. i'm so disappointed! ever since things happened with my mom, her whole family has basically shunned her. and its wrong! the day before thanksgiving my grandpa told my mom that she didn't have a family, and just kept putting her down. and same thing with her brother and his wife, they're always making rude comments :/. it's like they don't care anymore, or something. it bothers them that I don't live at my house, but i don't really think that's any of their bussiness. Im doing what I need to do, and that's all that matters. I just wish they would not be so crappy to my mom :/ I know that it really gets to her. If you don't have your family.. then who else do you have? D: urg.
I wish i knew why people acted so cold sometimes.
i'm sorry this entry turned out to be pretty random!
I just feel like I don't have anyone to talk to anymore,
sad; but true. So instead i come here, I guess.
but at least it's some sort of release.
it's probably what I needed honestly.
although; I really wish I could be tired now.
I think i'm giong to try and fall asleep though,
I have to go to school early tomorrow to make up a test :/.
then I have to start studying for my finals D: that's
going to be an annoying task.
but eh,
enough of this
depressing entry :p
byee!
<3
cried me a river- Kristinia Debarge
powerless- Kristinia Debarge
sexy bitch- David Guetta
Maybe- Sick Puppies
world so cold- Three Days Grace
so contagious- Acceptance
without you- Three Days Grace
life starts now- Three Days Grace
evacuate the dancefloor- Cascada
it had to be you- motion city soundtrack
i think that's it :).
life is fine :).
today me and binh went and had lunch with my mom.
i made him let me pay XD
he never lets me!
but i wanted to tak them both
to a nice lunch :). so i did!
and i almost made enough tip money to make up
for it today anyway :P so no biggie.
nice though,
i can't wait for thanksgiving!
some of my family is coming over this year,
and binh gets to meet them,
and i just love family time :)
i miss it,
my family has been kind of broken
this past year :/ so the time that we do
spend together i really cherish.
and i always love thanksgiving dinners,
they are my favorite :).
i wish i had more days off of school next week, though!
this year we only get thursday and friday D:
but what can I do?
One of the guys that I work with told me
that one of the studios in our city is looking for a photographer,
i'm not really sure if they would actually hire me,
but i think I am giong to go up there,
just to see :].
I dont have a degree or anything,
but I mean, i have a pretty large portfolio
and I'm giong to be going to school for photography for sure.
so maybe I have a chance :)
it's worth a try!
nothing else new is really going on,
but I wanted to give a little update :).
bye X3
hello :).
okay, so I talked to the new manager about hours,
and told him id appreciate longer shifts, and he was really cool about it :)
he said he'll make sure to make them longer. and, as much as I dont
like him, he's giving me good hours, and he thinks im a good worker,
so i think i have security here :>). and i'm also getting the chance to do
other things besides just buss tables and do dishes, which is nice.
that's such a low job, O.o sometimes a break is nice.
oh and school was good today:).
me and thuy did meals on wheels,
i love doing that.
i get out of school, and the old people really appreciate it <3.
it makes me feel nice. but we were REALLY confused today!
before we left we counted both the cold meals, and the hot meals,
and we had 15 of each, we counted a few times and we swear on
our LIVES that there were 15 of each, and yet, when we got to the 14th house,
there was only 1 of each left! and we know for sure we had 15,
and she didn't accidentially give 2 to anyone,
so we were really confused.
it makes no sense o.o;
and my head just hurts thinking about it.
unsolved mysteryy.
were doing it tomorrow too :).
im happy, i like not being in school.
on saturday me and my mom and my aunt and her mom
are going to have a movie night :D it will be fun and relaxing <3.
and on sunday me and binh are going to see 2012!
looks like an intense movie.
plus i can't wait to have the day off <3.
that's about all to report,
bye loves!
x3
