Fizzykiss , 32

Last night Robbie gave me this necklace. He told me he saw it at Target and asked D if he could get it for me. (a butterfly is used on many lupus websites, posters, and such).

He told me he knows it won't make me better, but it might make me feel better.

Then he asked me what it feels like to have lupus. He then told me he wanted the truth and not to lie to me.

I tried to find a way to explain it that he'd understand, but wouldn't be able to over think it and make it sound worse than what it is.

I told him to remember the last time he bruised his knee. I told him that all of my joints feel like that. My ankles, my knees, my elbows, and my shoulders. He asked about my neck. I told him that it feels weird. That it hurts and showed him where. I told him it kind of feels like when his sister punch his arm, its just in my neck. Then he asked why I turn red. I told him that's from the sun, that if he looks closely there's a lot of little blister type bumps on my arm. I asked him if he remembered when he had poison oak. I told him that it feels like that, but instead of being caused by a plant its caused by the sun. That's why I have long sleeves on most of the time, or an umbrella with me when we are outside.

I told him the medicines I'm on are helping me, even though it doesn't seem like it. Its just going to take a while for them to fully help me (most things I have read say a year or more). And that we are trying to find out whats going on with my neck. I told him that they may have to cut my neck open and remove one of the lymph nodes so they can find out whats going on. He thought that was kind of cool and asked if he could see the stitches when they do it.

He hadn't said anything, so I didn't realize that he was convinced I was going to die from this.

I think our conversation last night helped a lot. He seemed a bit more upbeat this morning and didn't seem like an act like I've noticed the past month or so.

I've never understood this. I know several people both online and offline that are like this.

It irritates me to see people getting help from the government and then going out and buying new cell phones all the time or new cameras.

Not to mention this one mother at the kids school has 4 kids, is on welfare and just bought a new (used - 2004) car because she was tired of the old one.

SHE DOESN'T GO ANYWHERE but to take the kids to school and pick them up. The last car would have been perfectly fine for that.

I know I know, its none of my business, but when WE (taxpayers) are the ones actually supporting them it does piss me off.

I'm finally back. Didn't have internet for a while. I was starting to go crazy. Most of my friends and family are back east or in Oregon.

We don't have much of our stuff yet. Just what we could fit in the cars when we drove up.

We were supposed to go this coming weekend to get everything else, but health issues have other ideas.



this will be my veggie garden as soon as we clean it up.














We are going to tear this out and make the closet bigger. I don't like fake fireplaces.

why is it people who deserve kids either can't have them, or their baby dies either before or after birth.

But scum of the earth can have kids like its nothing. I mean some people have kids and decide they don't want to be a mom and walk out on the child. HOW THE HELL CAN A DECENT HUMAN DO THAT?

Life isn't fair.

Not just with having kids.

Why did I get sick? Why me? Why not some crack whore? Why not some child molester.

OMG this is such a cute movie! I'm not sure who like it more, me or the kids. Definitely one to buy as soon as it comes out on DVD.

It was funny. We ran into 6 people from my multiples group at the movies. Thats not counting me or Molli. So there were 8 of us all together. 7 sets of twins and 2 sets of triplets. One woman stopped to tell us how much she admires us, that 1 child drives her insane at times, she couldn't imagine having 2 of him. Another woman asked if there was something in the water, or in this case the popcorn.

Tomorrow (well today - Saturday) we are going out to watch monster trucks with our friends. The kids are super excited. Well Robbie and Jazzy anyway. JayLyn's not in to them to much. She's more princesses and makeup.

I'm annoyed. I bought Robbie some red hair spray and its freaking orange. This is the 2nd time I have bought this brand and had this happen. I have to run in the morning to see if I can find red, or he's gonna have to choose, either orange or blue mohawk.

As soon as he's done with school he wants to dye it, but he can't decide on what color.

I called in my prescriptions today. I am almost out of the plaquenil, but the other one I have 10 left. Apparently having 10 is to many and they refused to refill the other one. Geez thanks. I wanted to refill it now because Monday is our last day with this insurance. The other one starts July 1st, but it will be a week or so before we get the cards.