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&& theres a feeling i cant control
Forbidden_death 23
[bgcolor=gray][bgcolor=darkred][color=darkred][smal… -
[journal 002][08]
VeilofMystery 21
Long time since you've posted -
[hold on][dont let go][life isnt worth givin up]
RockerChick09 20
that is so perfectly said. i need to show my boyfr… -
[hold on][dont let go][life isnt worth givin up]
VeilofMystery 21
<3 :) -
[hold on][dont let go][life isnt worth givin up]
JJsCherry 26
i really like that. so fits me lol ~Sandy~
CommentsStatistics
o1.[[thoughts run through my head over & over]]It's been months. Literally months since i have wrote a single thing about my life on paper. It used to be something I couldn't go a day without-- but hell now it seems as tho' i can't find the time. Schools back in the works, But i mean it truly doesn't take up that much of my time. I think I'd be less stressed if i did write a lot more. It used to help so much..
[hr color=white] Current updates-- boys, they all suck. period. I've got so much of my past lingering around its killing anything with the possibly of being good. I wouldn't say I'm single. I started talking to this guy around my birthday which was in June-- hes been around ever since, you could say I am happy. I mean I don't see it lasting forever. I think that he truly doesn't want to be in relationship. I feel like I am just a level sometimes. Like a so called "fill-in". Maybe I'm wrong maybe I'm right. I just don't want "Mr. Right" to pass me by because I am wasting time. I work a lot. Which leaves me gettig home at around midnight-- so i don't really have a lot of time to put into something. Why i am i letting all this shit get to me? It's consuming me. Why waste any more time? [hr color=white] I've had serious relationships since i was 15. There hasn't really been a moment since then that I've truly ever been alone. Alone scares the shit out of me. I hate being alone. I always have. Then when i seem to want to get away or stay away from people-- it doesnt happen. Im picky. Idk what i want... [hr color=white] Im Rambling, <3tabs. && theres a feeling i cant control[bgcolor=gray][bgcolor=darkred].[/bg]=.[font=webdings]c..c..c..c..c[/font]=========================================[color=darkred]|..[color=white]191..[/color]11.20.08..|[/color]===
[color=darkred] About three things I was absolutely positive: [/color]First, Edward was a vampire i am a the school right now, ill update later. So its rare, that i write in here. Most of them consist of nothing important, just bullshit. but i have a few things on my mind today. i have been single since august. it doesnt feel like that many months has passed. ===Second, there was a part of him ===============and I didnt know how dominant that part might[color=330000] be- ===================================that thirsted for my blood[/color] for my blood [font=webdings]c..c..c..c..c[/font] dont make me fall any harder than i already have// baby i cant take it. ===[color=darkred]And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably== in love with him== [/color]===[font=webdings]cc cc c[/font]..[bgcolor=darkred] ©spitzy_sucker78.. [/bg][/bg] [&&] i got this feeling---You havent checked these in a while, its funny because i used to think you used to get on every week. wait, maybe you did then. maybe its just that you dont now. anyways.. you asked me a question the other day, that completely through me off guard. i mean my head was spinning.
"i dont want to sound ungrateful because i am. but how can you love me after everything i put you through? whether it has been intentional or from just being naive." Do i still love you? Well first and formost--- ARE YOU STUPID? don't ever question me loving you, it hasnt changed since day one. maybe altered-- but never gone away. from the trips to the mall, all the trouble i used to get in with my parents, all the bad decisions i made, all the smiles you placed on my face, the first feelings of everything, the way you held me close, the way you made me feel.. all of that-- its still there on a day to day basis. i never quite got the right words to say i dont guess i mean hell, we dont really even talk about things like that anymore and when and if we do we really just dont say the things we end up wanting to sayyy. we put it off to another time, or just never say much at all. im not sure how it has turned into what it has--- but this is what it is. We are random and not in the good way- We dont talk a lot about nothing. When we do talk-- its nothing. we--- are.. nothing. this sucks, ill have to be the first to admit honestly i never thought that this would happen. Things could change-- veryy easyy.. they could change, but i am not sure if they will. Now to why even after everything i still feel the same. You have been the one consistant, non-consistant thing in my life since i met you. i always knew if you needed you u i could turn to you. i always knew that whatever the problem may be-- you sir could make me feel better. But, with that said, sometimes its hard not to think about the bad things, its hard not to think that i wasnt what i wanted to be with you.... that all this time has passed and you feel into the arms of my best friend or at least her bed. Its hard to say that im not sure if i can truly forgive you. Yes, mistakes people make them all day everyday. But thats a line of respect that i will never cross and NEVER WILL. I know you still care about me, and if you ever dout my love for you--- your nuts. i love you. dont forget it. i am here when you need me and i will always be here when you call. always, cole cole [10/21][school][sick]Hey Hey :] test this morning in reading. i think i done okay, her test are pretty much easy so im happy about that. she told me that i have been doing good at staying on task so that made me cheer up a bit this morning.
i am sick :/ idk if jenn got me sick or what, but i am a mess! i swear if you saw me right now youd feel sorry for me. hopefully itll go away in a couple of days. im so drained when im sick. i hate it. i have no energy and i just want to sleep. i wish that thats what i could be doing right now!! --check out the myspace www.myspace.com/abrokenmemory. uhm, i gotta send out a few emails and i have a stupid paper to try to write up for sct 100. how is everyone? hows things been going? rant about something. give me a topic :] --thursday. VeilofMystery : yeah i know. ive been working a lot, never had time to get on here and write, but now that im at school from 8 to 3:30 i have a little time. [072][love remains the same]i am sitting in class. you have got on to read the other one, but maybe you will soon.
We havent talked in forever && i hate this being the way of writing to you to tell you the things that are on my mind, but this has always been the better way for me & you know that. i was thinking today about how thing used to be. how high school used to be, how journalism was MY LIFE. how you were my everything. so much has changed-- yet love remains the same. i sit back sometimes and i miss you more than ever, then after a while i am able to knock it out of my head. im not quite sure how-- i just can. we have been through a lot. i want you to be able to come to me- even just as a friend to say "hey how are you, how have you been" i want you in my life, im just not sure how to place you there. ive screwed up a lot & when i say a lot-- i mean A LOT. i know this. im not proud of it. but im thankful because now i can truly know what i value in my life & what is more important than somethings-- this is what it all comes down to. i love you. i dont care if you are forever just my friend.. im okay with that as long as you are in my life. im not okay with NOT talking to you.. so lets change that sir. i love you. i hope you have a good day && a good night. always & forever, even more than that. cole cole. |
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