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&& theres a feeling i cant control
Forbidden_death 23
[bgcolor=gray][bgcolor=darkred][color=darkred][smal… -
[journal 002][08]
VeilofMystery 22
Long time since you've posted -
[hold on][dont let go][life isnt worth givin up]
RockerChick09 20
that is so perfectly said. i need to show my boyfr… -
[hold on][dont let go][life isnt worth givin up]
VeilofMystery 22
<3 :) -
[hold on][dont let go][life isnt worth givin up]
JJsCherry 26
i really like that. so fits me lol ~Sandy~
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Forbidden_death , 23from Villa RicaCommentsStatistics
umm last night.. today.. boring. I love riley and i dont know what to do[bgcolor=crimson][font=verdana]Here's My Heart[/font] [font=webdings]Y[/font]
 [/bgcolor] [font=verdana][color=crimson]Hello kiwers, How is everyone dewin today? me.. ahh well okay here I guess.. I mean I dont know.. just kinda bored.. yeah my mom and dad went today and got carpet and tile for the house.. i didnt go I was to tired.. but o well.. yeah last night I went to the movies and seen the villiage, it was ok.. but didnt meet up to what I thought it was going to be. it was okay tho' good enough to watch. I havent talked to riley.. all day.. I tryed calling eariler and he was at work with Rodney.. so I was sad.. cause i havent talk to him.. and I went to candaces and couldnt talk to him.. but hey I will live.. just hope I get to talk to him tonight.. my brother and jana put sum timed shit on my puter.. I only have an hour at night and it sucks ass so I have to hurry when I write and i cant stand that.. but I will go get on my cousins screename.. so i dont care.. fuck it. ya know I can't wait until we get our house built.. I just simply cant fucking wait.. I mean I have to help out painting and its worth it.. I just get so bored with it.. because primer.. and its stupid cause its all white.. and nasty looking.. but you have to do that.. so I will get over it.. I just like bitchin.. I guess I dont know I am just online talking to justin and nelson.. wishing that riley would get on.. and if he doesnt and he falls asleep I will be so pissed so I HOpe he doesnt.. but I dont know.. I have my hopes up but then again I dont, I mean because i have been let down before.. but all of a sudden it feels different.. better different and I love this feeling. Well.. I guess thats all for tonight and i will try and write tomorrow.. that is if I have anything to write about.. because well all i am supposed to be dewin tomorrow is painting in the house, so I dont know if i will even feel like writing IF i have sumthing to write about.. so until tomorrow.. bye [bgcolor=crimson] [font=verdana]I'll Let You Break It[/font] [/bgcolor] [font=verdana][color=crimson] x Wearing x boxers and etnies shirt x Jewelery x my watch x Listening To x mixed cd x Eating/ Drinking x monster energy drink and sour cream and onion chips x Wanting x to love and be loved back physically x Loving x riley x Hating x my heart [bgcolor=crimson] [font=webdings]Y[/font][/bgcolor] [font=verdana][color=crimson]Anti_s0m3thing: Hey rodney and riley. I love you guys.. hey baby thank you for resonding.. and you still havent made a journal.. silly gooses Trendy808: Thanks for responding [/color][/font] [bgcolor=crimson] [font=webdings]Y[/font] [smallest][font=verdana][color=lightgrey]break my heart//©cee_jay[/color][/font][/smallest] just my thoughts. Life and reasons.. just reasons.. freinds?[bgcolor=deeppink]
 [font=verdana]Dork![/font] [font=wingdings]o o o o o o o o [/font][bgcolor=white][font=wingdings][color=deeppink]o o o o[font=verdana] Entry: 4 Time:1:o3 [font=wingdings]o o o o [/color][/font][/bgcolor][font=wingdings] o o o o o o o o[/font][font=verdana] Hello its like 1:00 sumthing in the Am.. but hey that's okay.. because I am bored and I have no life.. and well I love writing.. its the only thing that make's my life okay anymore.. beside's the few people i can talk to anymore. Anywho, today I done a lil bit of shopping.. lol, kinda for shcool, kinda.. I got a few tanks.. umm Element and Dickies.. one I got to go with my plaid skirt and the other one.. well I just like it.. and I got a pair of pants.. and a few other shirt's and I bought a shirt for sumone. I like buying people thing's and I don't know why. I am really spoiled and I love getting things for myself. But when it really comes down to it, I love buying stuff and picking out stuff for other people. Sumtime's I can't stand it when people put word's in your mouth or try to act like they know how you feel and you know they are faking it.. I hate that more then anything. But I guess that's just life.. I mean I honest have a few people that I talk too and sum I hardly even get the chance to talk to, there's Rodney, Casey, Nelson, Emily, Rissa, My cousin, Riley (when we don't fight about stupid shit), Corey, Drew and Justin seems like real nice guy and actually makes me smile for now reason.. whats up with the mexicans.. mex 1 and mex 2 and mex 2 1/2. I mean I don't know.. that's life.. and anyone that want's to be a bitch to me.. that kewl.. because I love you just the same.. there no point in conflict and nonsense.. I just wish that people would realize there's more to me.. then what I wear or how i have a temper or my attitude.. just wish that sumone really wanted to get to know me. I wish people realized how much.. whats the word for it.. umm how much potential I have.. I just wish more people cared I guess, and that they weren't so caught up on thereself.. anyways.. there no point in bitching about this.. just sumthing to write about I guess yes we start school in just a week and few days.. it's like Aug 5 we start. Part of me can't wait and the other side never want's to go back.. I love it and hate it.. I think I am going to have alot of problem's this year and I am not so sure I am going to be able to stay in county my parents might pull me out because of sum shit.. I mean I hope they don't.. but there isn't much i can do.. because one person can only take so much until they blow.. and well I am about there with stupid shit that has just built up side me, but hey then again.. I can let things not get to me.. but when care sumbody.. it's hard to not let thing's like that get in the way.. and I know they will because she want's what I had with him and she will never get it because he doesn't love her and i think it's funny.. cause nothing will be the same anymore.. and she doesn't even care.. but thing's will get realized in the long run and I will no longer be there. But anywho. I guess thats all i have to write for now.. and I will write more another day.. Write Here o o o o o o o o[/font][/bgcolor] [bgcolor=white][font=wingdings] o o o o o o o o[/font][font=verdana]X wearing- john deere shirt and shorts X [/font][font=wingdings]o o o oX jewelery- Rileys balls X X listening to- slow motion X X eating-wish I had sumthing X X drinking-spirte, I cant have caffeine X X wanting-things to be okay for once X X loving-the people that care about me X X hating-people that lie, and Fony freinds X o o o o [/font][/bgcolor][bgcolor=deeppink][font=wingdings]o o o o o o o o [/font][font=verdana] Responder/Subscriber List [/font][smallest][font=verdana][color=white]break my heart//©cee_jay[/color][/font][/smallest] Man.. What do I do? School needs to hurry I have no life. I hate my thoughts HELLO you guys.. how is it.. this day of july.. me.. ahh.. well okay.. Corey's supposed to come over tomorrow and so is drew.. drew and my cousin are going to work out.. But I dont know if he is going to now.. cause I havent talked to him all freakin day and it makes me sad, I just want things to make since again.. and I dont know if they ever will.. and it sucks. Riley seems as if he doesnt want to talk to me.. and well I dont know.. thats not just it.. I mean.. i still am in love with him to a certain extent, and that hurts me to still want to be with him because all he does it break my heart and I am so sick of it.. I just want to have fun.. and not have to be sad and just hang out with the few people that do love me for real and the ones that really care about me.. and well corey's great.. I love talking to him, because well we see so much shit alike.. and we talk so easy and its wonderful.. Then there's ya know.. having these freinds that really just want to screw ya over, then there's Drew making me happy and trying to settle thing's.. and make thing's better.. and just being there for me when noone else is.. I mean..Brandon's there for me.. no doubt' but with him liking me.. it's kinda hard for me to talk to him about everything, But overall he just make's me feel like I really matter.. and it still hurt's Rachel when I talk to her about Riley.. and I know it does.. I mean I see it.. and if I am face to face.. I hear it in her voice.. I alway's knew she liked him, but I never thought she would kiss him.. and well I never thought he would kiss her.. but hey suprise suprise.. shit happens.. then you just get up to step in it.. then smell like it.. then have to clean it off your foot or shoe.. and then you get it one your hand.. and yes.. a line of bullshit, just a line of pure shit. I mean I love Rachel to death.. and one day maybe thing's will be okay.. but she tell's me she doesn't want to be with Riley anymore.. and I don't think it's true.. I don't know why.. even if she tell's me a hundred times, I still feel like she does.. just sumthing that tell's me... a gut feeling.. sorry Roach.. but I still feel like you like him.. Then ya know there's Candace.. that want's to tell Drew that I am using him for is car.. when I never even ask to go anywhere.. and I have asked to go two place's the whole time and that was to see Riley.. and to come see her ass.. then she want's to tell drew that, its bullshit.. She's my freind one day.. and hates me the next.. I don't know. Danny.. god I wish he was here.. I hardly get to talk to him.. cause him and ashley and I dont want to cause problems.. damn I love him to death.. and I hate it that he is with sumone that wants to control his life.. and tell him who he cant come and see and shit, I hate it.. I wish I could just see him. I have a few people I can talk to.. corey, wes, brandon, nelson and casey.. but I mean.. I just wish that I could have sumthing more then I have and I wish that I could get over riley.. when hes done with me.. I am going to have nothing.. i am going to me an emotional wreck and he isnt even gonna care, I mean.. he will tell me he doesnt love anyone else.. or that he doesnt want to be with anyone else.. but he sure proves hisself other wise and I hate it.. I wish sumtymes.. that everything could just be simple.. later for now.. thats all Umm.. Life and dewin it the jesus way. lol.. Not what your thinking... I dont believe in god.Hey you guys its me.. Again.. just here to write about sum shit. I havent talked to riley. since Thursday night.. he hasnt called and I am not going to call him. I see no point in it..
Yesterday JULY 2 2004 I got asked to be with sumone.. I was truly amazed and happy and it felt funny.. i am supposed to wait.. it isnt supposed to happen now.. it cant tho' he would let it.. it feels funny and really different.. be being happy without ya know really forcing myself to be. I love the feeling. Its the best. Well Today, this morning drew came over and stayed until about 2:30 sumthing.. we really just slept all day.. and watched pretty women. I love that movie. Well Monday me and my cousin and Rachel are going to the movies its gonna be fun. I guess thats all I have to talk about for now.. until I have more to say. later 7-2-04 Having sumthing to say.. thinkin about life a lil to muchHello you guys. Long time no talk. Well todays been a day like any other. Just more things in life.. coming and going.. and feelings out the ass.. and just more and more shit.. well not shit really just things I have to deal with. Life and it's reasons.. and Guy's.. and freind's.. ya know.. alot of thing's make since.. more now then ever.. and I don't know why. i have just been thinkin alot.. and its scary. I do Love this guy.. and I know that I have to get over him.. because my parents don't except him.. and well I don't really ever think they will and that hurts.. I want my parents approvel.. and I don't think that will ever happen.. because my dad is just really hurt with the way things went in the past.. and I keep telling myself.. if its meant to be.. it's meant to be.. and we will be together.. so have fun in the mean time..right? Well I am trying.. and I am.. and well I hang out with people and well mainly just one and that's Drew.. yeah he's like a mircle.. and he just comes into my life when I really need him.. and just.. well he's there consantly.. and he's great to me.. and hes wonderful and I Love him to death and I love every second I spend with him.. and I don't want to screw up anymore.. I am tired of making wrong decsions. It makes me so mad at myself.. cause I screw up the best things in my life and I am so sick of dewin that. I can't stop thinkin about all the choice's I make everyday.. that effect me in the long run.. and it make's you think about every lil move you make.. for example.. sumthing you wear, a shirt.. or a pair of shoe's.. sumone new might notice.. and you might talk to them.. and find out that they are your soul mate and their who your supposed to be with.. or if you are in a store and you want a MOuntain Dew.. will you meet sumone standing there too.. A freind.. or sumone to fall in love with.. everything seems diffcult.. but yet at the same time all so simple. In the past for almost 2 yrs.. things have been good and bad.. back in forth.. ups and down.. I mean for 2 yrs I spent my time on sumone in the end.. ended up kissing my best friend..sumone that I love that.. just used to not call me or want to spend time with me.. and well just so much.. that I really never needed in my life.. Have you ever wondered if your whole life was a mistake?? That Makes you think.. man I am sick and tired of not being happy and having to answer to people.. and just really being sad and depressed all the time.. and now that I am happy and I found sumone that makes me happy.. sumone else comes along to. Sumone.. that's just a really great person and makes you think about things you have never thought about before.. being Happy all the time.. Sumone loving you for you and.. not having to call them.. they call you.. and well thinkin about you and saying amazing stuff.. that you want them to say.. It's great.. Lifes ok for now.. things are difficult.. but I am not sad.. Thanks to people in my life.. Brandon.. Drew.. Riley at times.. but then again not. It would be so hard for us to be together.. so what just give it time.. and later see how things go.. thats right.. I made an oath to myself.. dont get involved.. don't rush things.. take your time.. your okay if your single.. your not gonna die. you will live.. go to you freinds.. DREW and Brandon.. are about the two people that I talk to the most outta anyone.. I do talk to danny and Rachel.. but I can't talk to Rachel about Riley.. because I think that she doesnt want to hear it..I love her to death and I hope that things go back to what they used to be.. but I can only hope.. and make sure things work out for the best..Man. I have written alot.. its like 5:05 in the morning and I do need sleep.. cause I am getting up at 7:00 tomorrow.. yeah so.. Umm thats it for now.. and I will talk more later.. Bye Bye you guys.. I will write tomorrow. |
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