** I posted this in my postboard also. But I figured I might as well put it as many places as I can to get my opinion out there. **

Do you remember when Kiwibox was run by teens for teens? Just for fun?

Do you remember when the people who were in charge of the site actually used the various aspects?

I recently have been reading all of the threads about 3.0 and change yeah whatever. I understand things have to change. I understand that things need to modernize. The original kiwibox website probably would be laughed at by newcomers (though, those of us who have been here for 9 or 10 years probably would be giddy with delight at having the old website back)

Then I came across the new "big kiwi" (though I don't know as he'd want to be called "big kiwi" the way Lin used to. That title BELONGED to Lin. Did Mike ever call himself the Big Kiwi? Either way, Mike did a good job with it as well.) I went to Andre's profile and there wasn't much there.

Then I went to Mike's profile and he has postboards, polls, qbooks, information about himself... His profile is FILLED OUT and he USES the various aspects of the site. Or at least, he used to.

I remember when I had to open multiple windows to be able to catch all the journals I wanted to read because they'd refresh too fast and I wouldn't be able to catch them. Same with qbooks. Heck, I remember when the journals and the qbooks is what I came to the site FOR. Postboards weren't my thing really (though towards the end of 1.0 I started to come then since 2.0 that's mostly what I've done)

I miss the personality and the close knit group that Kiwi used to be.

Did this all go away because of Kiwi becoming outdated or did we all just grow up and get lives doing other things than kiwibox?

Some of the things I like about 2.0, but I feel that with each change we're losing what the whole mindset and core of what kiwi was originally. And this isn't a good thing that we're losing. I liked what kiwi was originally. I liked the mission of by teens, for teens and the anonymity. It was safe. It was fun.

Do you remember what kiwi used to be? What were your favorite parts?

Well I'm a little bummed out. Turns out after doing some more thinking and getting another perspective from a friend who has "been there" Rob thinks we should probably wait until at least June to seriously think about buying a house. He wants to make sure we get some more money in savings. Which really is a really good idea. I mean especially since we are still planning on trying for a baby. we need to at least have enough in savings to pay the mortgage payments while I'm on maternity leave as well as whatever other bills may come up. And it'll be good to wait until we see if he gets full time at his job. Which they should considering they're constantly expanding and even just informed him that they have a new office in town.

but I still have to admit, I was really looking forward to doing all of the setting up house things. And we had a lot of ideas that were "we can do that when we get a house" things.

I do recognize that it'll be best this way. I just wish it didn't have to be.

Oh well. At least we still get to try for a baby. And knowing my luck I won't get pregnant right away anyway, so we'll probably sitting real pretty by the time that happens.

So we will continue to put $200 a month in savings. Maybe I'll throw a little more in. I dunno. Right now I'm saving in my old account to buy Rob and myself new wedding bands. We talked a while ago about getting titanium bands. And I'll be able to afford them soon. But I'd rather get a house if my piddly amount that I have saved in another account would help. But Rob's really anal about the account having exactly the amount he expected in there. So making it any different by any different amounts of deposits will throw him off.

eh. ultimately, our apartment is good. And it is cozy. I'd rather have the baby than the house. A house we can get any time. And actually, if we wait longer and save longer, we could get an even better house. So, I guess this is best.

Here's hoping we have a baby soon.

OK so I'm sure that everyone at my regular journals (xanga and livejournal) are sick and tired of hearing about me blabber about the exciting (to me) point I am at in my life. And no one's on IM right now really.

I am SO excited. Rob and I have decided to try to buy a house. Rob looked at a house on Saturday but decided we could do better. And he told me tonight that he made an appointment with the realtor to look at some others on Wednesday.

I am really excited. I know that with the economy going downhill right now it maybe is a bad time to be looking and everything. And I'm terrified about whether or not we'll be able to get a mortgage. And I definitely don't know what we'll do about a down payment. We may have to wait until after we get our tax return. Which would suck because I want to buy a house and start settling into it asap.

My other big news is that Rob gave me permission to quit my birth control pills. So yesterday I took my last active pill. I'll have my period probably around Wednesday and then we'll be using condoms for about 3 months and then we get to start trying for a baby.

I can't wait for that either! I have been reading about all sorts of stuff. I know I want to cloth diaper and breast feed so I've been doing some reading about both of those. And I can hardly wait. I can't wait for the pregnancy experience. I can't wait to have the baby and to be cuddling and raising it.

I kind of hope that the next three months go quickly because I can't wait for the excitement of actually trying for a baby.

The reason we're waiting 3 months is because my gyno suggested that I wait 3 months after going off the pill to reduce risk of miscarriage and also to allow my body to regulate itself again. Also we had planned on starting to try in January anyway.

I bought some prenatal vitamins today. I didn't read the package well enough though and you're supposed to take 2 of them a day which means it wasn't nearly as good a deal as I thought it was. But I didn't buy the biggest bottle on purpose. I wanted to go ahead and get started taking prenatals, but I didn't do enough research before hand to know what to look for.

I guess I'm going to go take a shower or something. My head's been stuffed up all day. bad allergies. blah.

I haven't gone through and re-read this journal yet, though I will eventually.

I just realized when I looked at the recent past entries that I never mentioned that Aaron and I ultimately broke up. We finally broke up for good either late February or early March 2005.

Shortly there after, I met the man that I ended up marrying.

Rob and I officially got together April 1, 2005. We got married December 2, 2005. And we just celebrated our 2 year anniversary. Things are still awesome and I am very happy.

I don't know how well things were wrapped up previously so I won't try to "wrap things up" really.

One note... it's interesting... I'm sure I've talked about my friend Aaron, who I had a crush on for the longest time, well he and I do still talk to one another. It's amazing having friends from that far back.

But anyway, that's all. Just wanted to kind of close things up so to speak.

Wow. i went on a trip down Memory Lane last night. I was wondering when I had originally started my Kiwi journal and so then once I got to the beginning I started reading. Not every entry, but most of them, and then I started skipping big chunks. I considered trying to move them all to my LiveJoural, but Rob said that it doesn't work as easily as it should.

Anyway, if anyone might still come across this... My last entry was almost exactly 2 years ago. I announced that I had gotten married.

Well, my 2 year wedding anniversary was yesterday. Things are still wonderful. We can hardly believe it's been 2 years.

No kids. Rob is working on his Bachelor's degree. We'll consider it after he graduates. I recently swore off children, but after having read through this journal I read some of the precious moments that we had with the foster kids, and I think I'll consider children again. But definitely not until Rob has graduated.

I noticed that I never mentioned that I got my B.A. in theater. Yeah, for anyone who might remember, I started majoring in Sociology and minoring in Theatre. Well by the time I graduated I completely switched that. Major in theatre minor in sociology. Funny how life works.

Emmaleigh was finally adopted. She's 5 now and a very funny, precious little girl.

My brother BJ got married May 12, 2006. Funnily enough, his wife's name is Emily.

I now live in Middle TN, not East TN. My husband's college is here. I enjoy it.

I work at Wal-Mart now. Started as a cashier, and now I work at the Customer Service desk. I love it (most of the time) and constantly am coming home with crazy stories about what people do.

I'm trying to figure out how to "wrap up" so to speak this journal. I feel like I've left so much hanging with how infrequently especially towards "the end" I wrote.

Aaron and I broke up in... early March '05 I believe. It just wasn't working out. He wasn't happy with my theater stuff, and I just turned out to not be the person he thought I was or that he thought I could be. I didn't want to change to be that person. I wanted to explore roles in theater and he wasn't happy with me potentially playing a "wife" or "girlfriend" role. One of the things that sealed the casket was it was rumored that my college was going to do Macbeth and I was going to play Lady Macbeth. Aaron didn't want me to play that role. I told him I wanted to do it if I was offered it. After that things really started coming to a close. Ultimately, he and I were on the phone talking about breaking up and then my father called him and told him he wasn't to come near me any more. So yeah. it sucked. we talked off and on for a little while until I ended up meeting Rob.

Rob and I officially got together April 1, 2005. He was bored one night and started IMing random online profiles. I had left my computer and YahooMessenger online while I was at rehearsal. When I came back, he was still online so we started talking. Neither of us were looking for a relationship. He had just gotten out of a 3 year one that was kind of rocky and she had cheated on him several times. I had just gotten out of the 1 year one with Aaron (like... literally just gotten out of it). But we ended up talking more and more and ended up falling in love.
The first time we met in person was kind of funny. We were talking about wanting ice cream so I finally said "Well I'm going to Sonic. You can show up if you want to." (because turns out we lived like 15 minutes from each other. how crazy is that?) So we met up and talked until the girl finally was like "Hey, we're closing up... do you want to actually buy anything?" He was like "Oh! shit! She needs ice cream!" Then a couple days later we met up at Taco Bell because he was hungry. In the Taco Bell parking lot we talked some more and ended up having our first kiss. And out of all 5 of the guys I've kissed, his was definitely the most wonderful.
He would come to my rehearsals and stuff and one night after rehearsal we were sitting on a bench outside the theater building and I asked him "So what are we?" and he said "what do you think we are?" and I said "Well, are we like dating? Are we a couple?" and he said "Do you want us to be?" And I said "yes" and he said "well there you go." That scared me because there was never an actual answer and I have been burned by that very same type of terminology before (see the Matt drama in my highschool days!)

But, we've been together ever since.

Aaron quit talking with me because he said it wasn't fair to Rob and me or our relationship if he was still around. So he wanted a complete break of contact. Which made me sad. I still would have liked to have attempted friendship especially after having shared a year of our lives together. But oh well.

Rob and I got married after we had been together 8 months. We got married December 2, 2005. We knew from the beginning we wanted to be together. And things had gotten increasingly emotionally and verbally abusive from my father. So I really wanted to be out of his house.

The summer before my Senior year in college, I moved to North Carolina to work at an outdoor theater for the summer. And then when I came back I had an apartment on campus. But I hardly stayed there. I mostly stayed at Rob's.

Rob's family is very interesting. He has a brother that's 3 months older than me, but is about 4 inches shorter than me. So he calls me his big little sister. and I call him my little big brother. Rob's brother has a (now) 3 (almost 4) year old son. His brother's (soon to be ex)wife is a whore. She has 2 other kids and another on the way all with different men. The only one that is even most likely Andrew's (Rob's brother) is Eli, the oldest.

Rob's mom was a lesbian. So he had "two mommies." Jeanne (his mom) and Joanne (her partner) had been together about as long, if not slightly longer than my parents have been together. Jeanne had been married to Rob and Andrew's dad. But then she discovered she was a lesbian and divorced him and got together with Joanne.

I talk about her in the past tense since she was killed in a hit and run car accident in August of this past year. She was like a 2nd mother to me. It's terrible because we had also hoped to be able to give her the granddaughter she so desperately wanted. Well it's terrible also because she was basically raising Eli as well. And just an unexpected, brutal death like she suffered is just... really hard.

As for Mike... He and I talk occasionally. But we both got busy with our separate lives. Same with Ben. I actually talk more with Ben than Mike, but conversations with Ben always have been fairly... empty. Not a lot of substance. When I do talk with Mike we seem to pick up where we left off a lot. Which is awesome.

anyway... I THINK that maybe ties some things up. maybe. haha.