GumonyerShoe , 27

I just wanted everyone to know that I got married on Friday. My husband is named Rob. We've been together since April. We kind of eloped.

Pictures are here:
http://cn.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2001137&l=c11c7&id=141100819

I have two journals I actually keep up with. A regular PG rated journal and one that's more PG-13ish. If you're interested in either of those kn me and I'll give you the addresses for them

Thanks to those who responded last time... whenever that was. heh

Peace

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List of responders

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faeriedustchik, sweetcheeks33, TheMomma

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OK so we were apart for a week almost exactly down to the hour...

Aaron came over today and we went to the SAC and watched a movie and through that movie, it was like we'd never broken up. We definitely weren't "just friends" yet, every time we came close to kissing, we'd pull away or turn it into just a hug... which isn't even "just" a hug. Our hugs have continued to be very deep and passionate hugs even when we were "broken up."

We just couldn't keep away from each other. And we were just continuing to say that we weren't together, but in reality, we'd not been apart since he asked for me back on Monday. Sure, we didn't kiss on Tuesday and we stopped wearing our "taken" insignia, but our hearts weren't in it. We both wanted to be together.

We were in separate chairs, but they were right next to each other... we had our fingers entwined and he kept smelling my hair and playing with it and touching me in all these really loving and also sensual ways that I don't even know if he realised he was doing. Like he'd just stroke my arm or my neck or hair...

And actually before we even left my house, he was tickeling me and got his beard against my neck and with his breath and tickeling of the beard and flirty/playful attitude all mixed together... wow... it really turned me on.

But that's not why we got back together. I mean true, I kept thinking that we weren't really apart anymore so why even pretend that we were. Why not just re-declare ourselves... But also because really, I got to thinking and realised how wonderful he really was. How he supported me and encouraged me and just wanted to love and take care of me. I realised that if I let him go, I'd be seriosuly missing out and might never find anything like that again and I'd lose him to someone else. (though I still maintain that if he finds someone he'd rather be with I can't keep him. His happiness is more important.)

um... anyway... so yeah... I can't remember what else I was going to say.

Aaron and I broke up on Sunday, but we're still friends. We're trying to work things out and maybe get back together. Actually, hopefully. Because we do still think we love each other and it just seems to be a shame for people who love each other to not be together.

There are a lot of reasons. But I don't feel like going into everything right now.

I think I had a panic attack today. I was just sitting in class, paying attention as much as I could, everything was normal and then I started to feel kind of sick and light headed, and then it got worse and I got really disoriented and my hearing started to go like I was in a tunnel and I felt like everything was rushing, like my heart and my brain and breathing and everything. And my vision was all jumbled feeling, like it wasn't blurry, I could still see and everything but everything seemed extremely ... sharp. I tried to breathe slowly and fairly deeply (but not so much that I would hypervenilate) because I thought I was going to pass out or throw up (or both!) and because I felt like I couldn't breathe... so by forcing myself to breathe slowly and deeply and as calmly as possible, I was making sure I continued to breathe. Everything was rushing, rushing, and I felt a tingling kind of sensation creep through my body and then I felt a cold sweat pouring out from me everywhere. Then the rushing stopped and everything went back to "normal." I was still a little light headed and I had sweat all over me. It looked like I had been running or in very hot humid weather.

I went to work and told them I was going to the nurse and i tried to tell her but she said she didn't think it was a panic attack since I didn't have a histroy of them and I didn't know of anyone in my family having a history of them.

She told me my vital signs were all good. Blood pressure was fine and everything. Ultimately she decided that it was probably just stress.

I still disagree. I think there's more of a problem, but it could just be the stress because I am under an INCREDIBLE amount of stress right now (Alpha Psi, OOMITS, classes, play, Aaron, theatre stuff, 2 jobs, family stuff...)

So she advised me to get some lunch and talk with my parents. I decided to kill two birds with one stone and went home for lunch and talked with my parents.

We decided as a starter, I should drop the Pizza Inn job. So I turned in my 2 weeks notice today. And we also decided I should drop the psychology major to just a minor. So I haven't done that officially yet, but I'll get around to it.

If I need more stress removal I still can drop a class.

Aaron's friend suggested that I might try and get tested for hypoglycimia (sp?) A lot of the symptoms do seem to be similar to symptoms I've had. But then they're general kinds of things and you can't really decide from them.

Another thing I noticed was that some of the side effects of Allegra are similar to things that happened. But I've taken Allegra for years.

However, I did notice something interesting. It does say that it can alter mood and stuff. I can't remember when my depression problems started and when I started taking Allegra but I really wonder if they're connected.

I just went to http://www.hypoglycemia.org/ and took the quiz they have on there and scored an 87 which is a pretty high risk for hypoglycemia. It reccomends further testing.

But look at some of these symptoms:

fatigue
insomnia
mental confusion
nervousness
mood swings
faintness
headaches
depression
phobias
heart palpitations
a craving for sweets
cold hands and feet
forgetfulness
dizziness
blurred vision
inner trembling
outbursts of temper
sudden hunger
allergies
crying spells



OK, so a lof ot those things could be "normal" they happen to everyone now and then... big deal.

BUT, those who know me might notice a lot of those things in me... I dunno. Maybe I'm just crazy or overly scared about this thing that happened earlier today...

Look at the symptoms for a panic attack:

raging heartbeat
difficulty breathing, feeling as though you 'can't get enough air
terror that is almost paralyzing
dizziness, lightheadedness or nausea
trembling, sweating, shaking
choking, chest pains
hot flashes, or sudden chills
tingling in fingers or toes ('pins and needles')
fear that you're going to go crazy or are about to die
and this story on a website:

Ann was watching television after a typical workday. She suddenly developed a peculiar and very strong feeling of being lightheaded and a smothering sensation as if there were no oxygen in the air she was breathing. Then a surge of pounding rapid heartbeat began. It came on so quickly and was so severe that she became panicked that she might be dying of a heart attack! Then she felt very shaky, sweaty, and unsteady. This whole experience reached peak intensity within 60 seconds. This was the eighth such attack this month.

then this is further down the page:

Panic attacks reach maximum intensity within a minute or two once they begin. They diminish slowly over the next 30 minutes or the next several hours. It is common for the first attack to cause a person to go to an emergency medical facility. Subsequent attacks occur several times a month and are often as severe as the initial attack.

About three fourths of Panic Disorder patients are women. Panic Disorder begins most often when people are 20-30 years old. It begins less often in teenagers or persons in their forties. It is uncommon for the disorder to appear in the elderly for the first time.

It is important to note that although a few experts say it is more common in persons who experienced a separation experience as a child, many of experts feel that Panic Disorder afflicts emotionally healthy people. Persons with Panic Disorder are no more likely than the average American to have suffered from emotional problems at the time the disorder begins.

The first major panic attack occurs. The person often seeks emergency medical evaluation at this time. The initial examination is commonly normal.

It says that depression medications are often used to treat panic disorder. I'd already thought about depression medication some... hmm...

I don't know. I'm just throwing out ideas and basically trying to get something together. it's crazy I know.

Anyway... that's what's happened to me today.

Well, Aaron and I have reached a major problem. And it has come to my family's attention (and they brought it up to me) that my relationship with him seems to not be healthy and it seems to be very stiffling.

I can't remember everything to put it all down here right now, but I'll talk about it later (probably).

Right now I think I need sleep.