GumonyerShoe , 28

"Ours?"

People say
flaunt it if you've got it
I don't understand
If you flaunt
do you still have it?

Every word you say
Look you give
Cent you spend
gives a piece of you away

Every thing you do
gives a piece of you
But are you really yours?
Do we own ourself?
Should we give
Is it ours to give?
©8.8.02

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I wrote this ... a long time ago. I just found it again. I can't really remember what brought it on, but I do remember writing it. I wrote it while I was bored at work once.

Well, auditions are over. Casting has been done. I have like one line, if that much. *shrugs* If I remember correctly, I am the first servant in Act IV scene iv. I say "Things for the cook sir; but I know not what."

Jeff Davis is playing Romeo and he's pretty upset with it all.

Landon is playing Capulet. I think I'm a Capulet servant, so that's cool 'cause I like Landon. But Al is Lady Montague. It would have been cool to be her servant. Michael is Montague so that would have been cool to be his servant too. I was his wife in Don't Drink the Water.

Any way... I'm a little bummed about a small part after Ev kind of talked it up and seemed to indicate he was going to give me a bigger part this time. I mean, I don't care too much 'cause a) I was scared to death about doing Shakespeare. b) I don't think I read very well the first night of auditions (at least my first reading) c) I knew there was a dumpload of people auditioning so I didn't expect to get a big part. d) I figured he'd give the bigger parts to the older students. But you know, in a way I would have liked to have a bigger part, especially since he'd kind of gotten me excited about it.

So... yeah.

Also, I'm kind of down 'cause Chris asked me to go to lunch with him today and I had him tell me the time and place so that it would be more likely that he'd make it. Well, he said BK at 12 or 12:30. I got there about ten 'till ('cause I'm almost always early) and waited until 5 after to go in. I went in, got what I usually get when I'm waiting for him (chicken tenders and french fries so I can break them into pieces and eat slowly to make it last longer.) and ended up staying there until about ten 'till 1 when I finally went back to my car and called him. I got the hotel (as usual) and his mom (or whoever) said she'd give him the message that I called and asked me for my number to give him to call me back when she saw him. I went ahead and left my cell phone on so that he could call me. He's not called. He's not online. DUMP that boy is one of the hardest people on earth to get a hold of! I don't even know why I continue trying to work things out.

So, I headed back to campus and went to my history class and then went to check my mail and on my way, I saw Nick so Nick and I hung out. Checked our mail, he got something to eat and then I walked with him to his dorm part way (as far as I could before I needed to head the opposite direction to work). It was cool. Nick used to have dreds but he took them out and now his hair is just a crazy black ... mass. And my hair was really poofy today too. So we were walking around together (or rather, he was riding his bike and I was walking along side) and I'm sure we made an interesting pair. Nick's so much fun. I was glad I got to see him again.

So, I went to work and did my thing and now I'm home. When I came home BJ was walking the dog and I told him all about the casting and about theatre class today and the skits that I'm in for theatre class. (Both of the ones I'm in Josh and I are "in bed" together. One we're in our own sleeping bags but we end up hugging each other ('cause we're scared.) and the other we're a couple...and I'm pregnant...but we start out in bed together.)

So... that's kind of my day... and frustrations of the day.

Oh, Audition Call Backs last night were so funny. Romeo's line after Juliet does her famous rose speach has one of the funniest phrases in it...

Juliet: ... Romeo, doff thy name, and for that name which is no part of thee, take all myself.
Romeo: I take thee at thy word: Call me but love....

Now how you emphasize that last phrase makes all the difference. We were all laughing so hard 'cause if you read it "right" it sounds like he's saying "Call me ... Butt Love." Really funny stuff. sorry... I may have to verbally say it to give it the full effect.

That's it for now.

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Shoutouts to people who responded

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shampoo10 : yeah... I kinda like the play...

SiZZliN_DaNCeR : thanks... my part is above.

TheMomma : Yep. and my family brought me flowers to the last preformance. And Landon always gives me hugs. :o) Life is pretty good.

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You just want my body
I can see it in your eyes.
You just want my body
to get in between my thighs

I'm just a body to you
a body to hold
You want somebody, anybody
to keep you from the cold

Well I may be a body,
even a somebody
But I don't want to be
just some body

Boy you got a lot to learn
a lot to learn about love
Boy you gotta control that yern
gotta wait for the true love
©11.18.02

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I was trying to work today and I don't know why but the first section of this just popped into my head and would not go away. So I quickly typed myself out an e-mail with this poem in it and sent it to myself so I could put it up later.

Any way... This seems to me to be pretty straight forward. It's related to my stress over guys who say they like me or whatever just because they want a body. Some body. Any body. I have a couple names in mind, but I won't mention them.

12:56 AM

Have you ever felt the need or just the desire to simply curl up with "your guy" and not necessarily talk, though that would be OK, but just be in the close proximity with them and just curled up cuddling with them.

I have... I feel it all the time. Right now I'm so tired, I just wanna curl up. But I don't want to be alone. I want someone to hold me. I want to fall asleep in someone's arms. Just sleep together, not sleep together.

Mostly I think that "someone" would be Mike... I'd love to just curl up with him and hold him and have him hold me and the world would all seem fine and right and there wouldn't be any worries. Just to rest my head on his chest and be close to him.

Then there's also Ben. Again a very cool guy, and seems to be more willing to do an online/long distance relationship. I'm not really sure what my feelings are about him... I like him a lot and think he's great...I don't know...

And there's Chris... the local teddy bear. But we all know my feelings about him... I've not talked with him in a long time it seems... slightly frustrated... But *shrugs* I've got a couple other "prospects" I guess.

Any way... I just wanna cuddle with someone.

I've also had a real urge to "make out" lately... I think the stress and stuff from the theater gets under my skin. Either that or I'm just horny because of my hormones being messed up due to my period. I've discovered that right before my period and sometimes through my period I'm always more sexually adgitated. And my period just started the other day.

Well, I'm gonna shut up now I think.

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Shoutouts to people who responded

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angel2525 : :o) Yeah, he is. He rocks.

TheMomma : Me too. :o)

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4:12 PM

Well, 3 preformances down, 3 more to go. One tonight and two on Monday.

So far they've gone really really well I think. The first preformance didn't feel so great 'cause the audience didn't laugh much, but the others since then have been good.

My Bible Study was on the front row of the first show. And William (a cool guy from my Freshman Seminar class) was in the front row of the second show. And my mom and brothers and sister were at the 2nd show too. And last night there was a family we used to do a lot with there. They didn't know I was in it until they saw my name in the program and I took my veil off. hehe My friend Ashley from church is coming tonight. Her dad called for directions. So Ashley and Nikki will be there tonight. I wonder if Chris'll come...

Well, now that I'm writing I don't know what to talk about.

Landon and I had a really good talk the other night in the dressing room inbetween when we were needed for things. We talked about the trials of friendships in the theatre department. Good stuff. I felt honoured that he opened up so much to me when I've hardly known him. And he gave me a hug last night after the show.

Alex gave all us girls flowers in the dressing room yesterday. And her family came all the way from California to see her preform! It was the first play they'd ever seen her in! It was so cool!

Auditions start for Romeo and Juliet on Tuesday! I've had so many people tell me I'd do a really good job as the Nurse. Mr Robertson told me he was going to have me read for her, The Apothecary and Lady Montegue and Lady Capulet. But he said the first thing that came to mind for me was The Nurse. And that's what everyone has told me.

I register for classes on Monday.

Oh man... I want to like write about all the funny things that happen during "Don't Drink the Water" but I'm drawing a mind blank right now!! :-p oh well.

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Shoutouts to people who responded

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shampoo10 : youch. That's annoying when that happens.

SiZZliN_DaNCeR : "Don't Drink the Water" a Comedy in Two Acts by Woody Allen.

TheMomma : One of the girls took pictures last night and I've taken a couple pictures with my web cam (of my makeup basically and just 'cause it's very "Annaka" so I might use them for things) and Mom said she'll take some pictures on Monday night when she goes to see it again.

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