GumonyerShoe , 27

Here's a picture of us just after we first started dating (this was like about March '04 I guess)

Here's my boyfriend and me in our "Rennaissance Clothes" (This was in May '04)

Here's a recent picture of my boyfriend the way I usually see him (web cam image) (I can't remember. Sometime like in July '04 probably)

Here's another recent picture of him (this is like... sometime in July '04)

If you notice on the recent pictures of him he has a goatee. That's because he grew it for me 'cause i LOVE goatees. Isn't he sweet!!

yeah... so school starts today and I really don't want to go to sleep...

I got to talk with an OLD online friend of mine tonight though because of my badness of staying up late.

Uhm... what else...

Yeah this semester's going to be NUTSO because of two jobs, theater crap and school and boyfriend... We'll see if I'm still alive and have a boyfriend by the end of the year.

*sighs*

peace.

Aaron came over today and we went to see Princess Diaries 2. It was good. Predictible, but good. Very touching at times and also funny. Yeah not his usual type of movie. But he's such a good guy, he takes me to chick flicks and doesn't even complain really.

Anyway, after seeing the movie we went to Wal-Mart where he bought a couple flash lights that look kind of like a laser pointer but not for the girls 'cause they're always taking our lights, and he bought a jug of water and a towel.

Then when we got home he washed my feet and told me that he had wanted to do that for a long time and it was a very strong desire to do that. It was really sweet.

It gets harder and harder to separate at the end of the time we spend together though. We just don't want to separate. It's like we never have enough time.

Well, I guess I'm gonna go now.

And so, I believe I am beginning to fall in love with Aaron (all over again?). I have loved him from the beginning, I'm just not sure my love had progressed as far as his had, or if it had at one time, it had lapsed. I don't know why, I just think that it had. Something was different. I admit that at times I almost felt like it was a chore, definitely a choice to love him, but I kept on all the same.

But over the last couple days/week, I have felt him reaching out more to me. Oh, I have never had any doubt in my mind that he loved me or that he was completely and totally in love with me, but I just didn't feel it at times, or maybe I was scared to accept it.

He has been calling me in the morning when he gets to work, and on his lunch break and when he is heading home from work (if I'm not at work). And then I call him when I get to my car after I get off work.

We've always talked a lot. But we've been talking a whole lot more. Not about anything in particular, we've just been talking.

And that day that he came to see me when I was feeling really down. Just to spend time with me. And I could just hold on to him as tightly and as long as I wanted (well, until he had to go home of course). His coming to see me, even though he had just been here two days before, spoke love very greatly.

He has been talking a lot about how he wants to support me. Well, he has always talked like that but maybe I've just been refusing to accept it or listen or something. I don't know. But it suddenly means so much more to me and seems so much more important.

I don't know. I think I've had a block all this time. Maybe it's just that I'm really vulnerable right now (I'm at a point where normally I just get very depressed but while I still don't feel the greatest or strongest emotionally (I cry at the slightest thing now it seems) I feel, more secure I guess, and not as self loathsome.). I don't know.

All I know is that I am remembering back to right when we first started dating or started talking about being a couple and I found something every day that caused me to fall in love with him more.

I should probably look back through our old conversations and re-live those and find those reasons again.

I was starting to get very dry and admittedly was feeling like I was doing all the giving.

I think I really broke this week when he said that he felt like he wasn't giving me enough, that he was just taking from me. Even though he's constantly giving me physical tokens of his love, it finally clicked I think, or if it hasn't yet, it is starting to, that I don't care about the physical gifts, it is him that really shows me his love.

His realisation of this has shown me the greatest amount of love I think I have ever felt from him.

Where do we go from here? It can only get better I believe.

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Perhaps this will answer your question Britt. I have in passing thought about Mike, but the realisation is that maybe he wouldn't have even been the best. yes, I did and do still love him, but it is Aaron that I am with, and so it is Aaron that I will continue to work on loving.

I seem to have been striken with some terrible not sleepableness. Part of the current problem is my having been allowed to sleep so late to compensate for not having been able to sleep the night before. It's a viscious cycle my friend, a viscious cycle.

Right now I have been hit with huge feelings of great affection towards my boyfriend. I don't particularly know what has brought it on, but I just sent him this hugely sappy and "love sick" e-mail.

I often wonder if I'd be able to sleep better if he and I were married and sharing a bed. It's not that I'm worried about him or anything that it's like I've got to keep an eye on him and make sure he's ok... but it's just that lately it's seemed like (and he told me today he feels it too) I don't want him to go. I want him with me all the time.

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On an unrelated note, Kevin, one of the guys from my mission team in Brazil, IMed me again tonight. I find it facinating how he's always coming up with new ideas and usually they're completly break through and I've never thought about them before but he is so charasmatic and has such a way with words that I'm always totally in awe and agreement.

Well tonight was no different. He still has that way with words and that conviction that what he has had revealed to him is truth. But tonight what he was talking about is something I have long thought about and struggled with. It was facinating to both of us.

Actually, we have had similar passions before. So it wasn't really a new phenomenon for us to agree so much.

So, it's been an interesting night. Perhaps I shall attempt sleep now.