ILuv2sk8 , 26

Okay, so, I have a steady income from subbing, I've only gained 5 pounds, living with my parents isn't SO bad, and paying student loans isn't the worst ever.

 

Kiwiblog while angry and drunk= not the best. El oh el.

I haven't gotten a real job, I've gained weight, I live with my parents and I owe about 80,000 dollars in student loans.

 

I fucking hate being a real person.

 

College, please? Come back to me.

 

Words to the wise: never graduate.

I just want to know where I fit in the world.

I'm a college graduate as of yesterday.

 

Today I spent all day sending in my teaching license application, sending e-mails for letters of recommendation, updating my resume, and other busy work that will eventually (hopefully) get me a job.

 

It feels so weird to be a part of the real world, of the working people who I have always seen as real people but have never seen myself as a part of.  My student teaching went SO well, and my supervisor, my mentor, my IDOL, told me that I was the best student teacher she has ever seen.  I loved teaching the elementary teaching, I loved teaching middle school, I loved(ish) teaching high school.  I know now that I can teach it all and that I'm so capable.  But being the only real classroom teacher?  That's so surreal.  Being interviewed for a position where I, and I alone, am the leader, the disciplinarian, the person in charged? I'm still not sure that I'm ready.

 

I'm sure it was weird for my advisor to give me great praise and tell me how good of a teacher I am because I was SO unreliable in her (and others') classes.  I feel that when the students are there and real, it's not about me anymore.  When I missed classes in college, it was my bad and I would deal with the consequences of a lowered grade or a class missed for notes on lectures.  In student teaching/ real life, when I miss, it's the STUDENTS who are effected.  I would pull myself out of bed, no matter how sick I felt.

 

No matter how confident and ready I look (which I'm told by many people is pretty persuasive), I don't feel it.  I don't know if I ever will.

 

Regardless, I'm diving in.

What the hell, kiwibox. I left for a year. I've left for longer. Every time I came back, it looked the same. Like coming home. I could write in my "journal." Who still did that on the internet? It had some dumb thing for status updates, but that was it. There were still Q-books. There were polls. It was ridiculous, and I loved it. Now, kiwibox, you have conformed. Congrats, facebook.

I have been happy for a long time. No one I used to talk to on kiwibox is here anymore, I'm pretty sure. I can make new friends. Shall we be friends? I'm Jill and I'm 22. I don't understand new kiwibox and my life is boring, but let's be friends anyway.