Page 16 – Blog | KraZii_BlueZ

I always get myself into weird situations

11/08/08 4:55 am

So things between Ryan and I are still pure shit but I NEED to update you on the past week like you have no idea. Okay, back to last Monday. So I found out from a mutual friend that Ryan was calling me a psycho bitch. Needless to say this obviously made me incredibly upset. So I was sitting at home bawling and I called Kyle (my ex that I'm friends with who goes to school here) incredibly upset. He recommended I come over to hang out and relax a little and I agreed. So I went over there and me, him, his three roommates, and one of his roommate's friend all ended up playing beer pong. Well, the roommate's friend, Josh, was SUPER hot. Like not even cute, hot. So he was flirting with me and I definitely flirted back. At the end of the night he got my number and we ended up texting until 4 am and he was so sweet and cutesy. Tuesday rolled around and we ended up being all affectionate and cutesy around campus. Next thing you know, that night, he spent the night. So, you kind of know what happened. I've spent the entire week with him with lots of physical whatnot going on. He's not my boyfrend, just a nice distraction from the real world. I found out some secrets about him that I'm not going to get into on here but they're pretty serious. My initial reaction was to be really pissed off but now that I've slept on it I've decided you know, fuck it. I'm going to tell him that I know his secrets but, if he still wants this thing between us to keep going, I'm okay with it. It's a really awkward situation but, you know what, for once in my life I'm going to be selfish and just go with what I want to do, whether or not it's the right thing to do. I realize how awful that sounds but, you know what, I just don't care anymore. So there :P

my pumpkin, a little old lol

side view of Mr. Pumpkin

I put out an uncarved one for the squirrels to eat too

my new hair (I've had black hair since Ryan and I started dating so I needed a change)

another view of the new hair

my new little sister in the sorority :)

the boy I'm "seeing"

responders

amygrace726, KKzMissShrtcake, mashuki, popluver, Reach, x_anyotherway_x

I feel so numb, like I'm walking in a daze

11/03/08 4:41 am

Things still aren't any better. I hate the way things are. I mean, I never thought my best friend of almost 5 years would become the most amazing boyfriend and then dump me so quick like a bad habit and refuse to speak to me. I was in one of the halls one time and he happened to walk by and wouldn't even look at me even though he knew I was there. And there's a little food court kind of area on campus where the Greeks are notorious for hanging out at. Any time I'm in there, he'll grab his food and leave. Apparently I have cooties or something. I have no idea what the hell is going on. I wrote him this huge letter apologizing for whatever I did to make him turn on me and he emailed me to tell me he read my letter and that was it. Like, not even a response to the letter. It hurts so bad to the point I skipped the class we have together last week because it just hurt too bad to even look at him. Every time I see him (which is almost daily because our schedules match up so well) my heart breaks again and I want to cry every time. The class we have together has a break and I usually spend that break in the bathroom crying. This is quite possibly the worst I have ever felt and I don't even know what to do. I hate it so so much and I just wish I could wake up from this nightmare.

On a better note, though, here's some pictures for you guys.

my adopted little (not actually my little) and I at her initiation into Phi Sigma Sigma

at the bar for Kaitlin's birthday

best friends/sorority sisters at the cider mill on Halloween

me playing on one of the slides at the cider mill

and I played on the little bikes too lol

a goat at the cider mill

some of my sisters on the seesaw

some of the boys of Phi Kappa Tau who we went to the cider mill with

some of the lovely ladies of Phi Sigma Sigma at the cider mill

responders

mashuki, Reach, x_anyotherway_x

yea you bleed just to know you're alive

10/24/08 10:55 pm

Things have gone from bad to worse with Ryan but here's some pictures to prove I'm not dead.

Halloween party at my grandma's with my parents and a family friend

sweet little 50's girl

this is what my best friend and I do in Nonverbal Communcation lol

my amazing best friend and I <3

mmmm David Beckham....

in my apartment

I hate where this picture was taken (my ex's) but I think I look cute lol

my best friend decided to mess with my hair :P

with my niece, Emma....I have three nieces and a nephew

way back when I was cat sitting for one of my sorority sisters

my best friend and sorority sister, Theresa, and I drinking last night

my other best friend, Eric, and I drinking last night

my sorority sister, Tara, and I drinking last night

drinky drinky!

the last picture of Ryan and I....

responders

CCtheActress, JazzlikeMraz, Justins_Goddess, KKzMissShrtcake, mashuki, popluver, Reach, stardazed13, x_anyotherway_x

10/19/08 3:18 am

Ryan and I are done. And, after five years of friendship, he won't even speak to me. I feel like my world has just come to a screeching halt. I can't even put into words how I feel. I want to die.

responders

altmanst, KKzMissShrtcake, popluver, Reach, stardazed13, x_anyotherway_x

well I'd love to make more entries but...

10/10/08 9:50 pm

...my computer decided it would be a good idea to take a shit on me. Literally it doesn't turn on. So Ryan's going to take the hard drive and get all my stuff off of the laptop and then reformat the whole thing and hope it works. We shall see!
Other than that, though, things are good. Currently stealing the boyfriend's laptop so I have some Internet access. School's quite busy as the semester is at the halfway point but it's going good. Just got over having bronchitis...that was real fun (not!). Now Ryan's sick so we're just full of germs lol. I'm petsitting one of my sorority sister's cats. She's really cute but she's starting to get annoying so hopefully my sister takes her back soon lol. I also have a roommate now who is another one of my sorority sisters. She's cool I just need to get her to clean up after herself cuz she's rather messy. But, yea, that's Saginaw in a nutshell. As you can see, I'm having a pretty damn good time. :) Now I just need a laptop lol.