Linly , 27

Copy of Email:

Dear Ebay User,

As you know, I almost never reach out to you personally with a request to get involved in a debate in the U.S. Congress. However, today I feel I must.

Right now, the telephone and cable companies in control of Internet access are trying to use their enormous political muscle to dramatically change the Internet. It might be hard to believe, but lawmakers in Washington are seriously debating whether consumers should be free to use the Internet as they want in the future.

Join me by clicking here -- http://www.ebaymainstreet.com/netneutrality -- to send a message to your representatives in Congress.

The phone and cable companies now control more than 95% of all Internet access. These large corporations are spending millions of dollars to promote legislation that would allow them to divide the Internet into a two-tiered system.

The top tier would be a "Pay-to-Play" high-speed toll-road restricted to only the largest companies that can afford to pay high fees for preferential access to the Net.

The bottom tier -- the slow lane -- would be what is left for everyone else. If the fast lane is the information "super-highway," the slow lane will operate more like a dirt road.

Today's Internet is an incredible open marketplace for goods, services, information and ideas. We can't give that up. A two-lane system will restrict innovation because start-ups and small companies -- the companies that can't afford the high fees -- will be unable to succeed, and we'll lose out on the jobs, creativity and inspiration that come with them.

The power belongs with Internet users, not the big phone and cable companies. Let's use that power to send as many messages as possible to our elected officials in Washington. Please join me by clicking here right now to send a message to your representatives in Congress before it is too late. You can make the difference.

Thank you for reading this note. I hope you'll make your voice heard today.

Sincerely,

Meg Whitman
President and CEO
eBay Inc.

P.S. If you have any questions about this issue, please contact us at government_relations@ebay.com.

Anyone heard of this? Sounds pretty crappy if it's true.

It's just really really hot. :( I dont sleep well, baby is so big when he moves it almost hurts, I just want to be done. LOL.

Time for work. *sigh* I hate my boss, I hate my job, I just want to be DONE.

Wow, it's so hot. :( I am not a happy camper right now.

Our internet was turned off at the apartment so I'm trying to check my email at my grandmothers because I just dont want to put the $$$$ towards a luxury like the internet when there's so much else that needs to be taken care of. Jason doesnt really care or get it. I keep trying to hint about a second job and it's not settling in. *sigh* I dont know what else to do, I dont know how to help him if he wont help himself. And I dont know how we're going to make rent after baby comes if he's not working to jobs. I'm not TOUCHING my savings for anything other than baby stuff.

I've been feeling really icky, it's just so hot it makes me sick. I almost passed out yesterday while taking a shower and then threw up for hours afterwards and couldnt keep anything down until almost 7 or 8 PM. Today I noticed as soon as I was away from the AC I started to get very sick. I think it's just the heat, it doesnt agree with me. Oh well. :(

Busy weekend ahead, lots to do! Will be sure to write more later.

I waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaant him here nooooooooooow! I'm so tired of waiting to see him. I just want his lil smushed face and the pink/red skin and wailing cries that only mommy can quiet. ANd dare I said I even want to know what it feels like to hold him to my breast and look down and him while he's feeding and being able to be completely amazed just by watching him. I swear sometimes I can already here him and I'm just so tired of waiting. I'm not patient, I want him NOW!!!!!

First class of Lamaze last night. THAT was interesting. Dont even know how to begin, but just, wow, lol. I think we've got a crazy wannbe hippie instructor that doesnt like me already. LOL!

My boss is SERIOUSLY pissing me off. He's already hired in a new girl as my replacement and now he keeps trying to push me out the door as soon as possible. I keep fighting to try and keep my hours because he's all on giving the new girl more hours and cutting mine back. GAH! Plus he's going to be paying her MORE than I make NOW! I'm FUCKING PISSED. She has no experience, nothing. I feel really disrespected. URGH.

Beau is refinancing the car, as in I actually SAW the papers for it yesterday. He called me over to sign them, then when I got there was like "Um, I dont know what you're supposed to sign, nevermind, let me call them tomorrow." Uh, okay! He's still going to screw himself over, but he's doing it to get my name off the car.

On a different note, I almost started crying last night because I looked at Beau, felt all the emotions I was feeling, and knew I would NEVER be able to look at Jason the same way. I'll never be able to see Jason and have a twinge of regret that we couldn't work it out, have a lingering bit of desire, have that intense chemistry that Beau and I had. I loved the person Jason was before we moved in together. The person he became (or really was) is not who he was when we first started dating.

Last night Beau and I were chatting for a minte and he suddenly got quiet and then went "Why are you with him still? He sounds like he treats you worse than I did."

How do you explain? It's not that Jason ever MEANS to be mean, it's just that he doesnt have any drive to do anything for anyone but himself. As long as he has his PS2 and his hotdogs he doesnt care whatelse happens. He has no pride in himself in that respect, no desire to really work hard and make something of himself. He'd rather blame the rest of the world for all his mistakes.

Does he treat me poorly? No, not exactly. He doesnt talk badly to me, he doesnt hit me, he doesnt run around on me, he's just totally beneath me. In the same way that no matter how much chemistry Beau and I have, no matter how many fires ignite when we see each other, no matter how comfortable I feel with him and how much of a safe haven he feels like, he's beneath me too, and I wont go back to that. I deserve so much better than I let myself believe, and I need time to help that thought take root and grow to the point where I dont hesitate to say no if I see a red flag. To where I stop making excuses, to where I can be 100% happy again just being me and comfortable know that someday I'll get married, but that someday will come on it's own without my rushing towards it. I need to put the effort into MY life for my son.

But damn I would be lying if I didnt say that I'm greatly tempted every time I see Beau. What the heck IS IT about him? HE's so EW and yet so *Purr* all at the same time, I dont get it.


Nothin’ but an empty page
Breathin’ in an open space
Captured by your moments grace again
There’s so much I left behind
Even more that waits in time
Everything’s so wonderful
I’m standin’ on the edge of my fear
And I see it clear

“Chorus”
Here’s my resolution
I’m letting go
All I need to learn is
Along this road
And I just want to be the best mom
I can be
Breathe
It’s my resolution

Livin’ life without a plan
Findin’ solace where I stand
Learnin’ how to love again
And all I want is somethin’ real
That I can feel

“Chorus”
Here’s my resolution
I’m letting go
All I need to learn is
Along this road
And I just want to be the best mom
I can be

It’s my resolution
My resolution

Eh, I edited the "mom" part in, but yeah. LOL.

First, here's the goods...

Zachary - Bought me my crib from Target and is making a toddler size rocking horse with frogs and bugs to match my bedding.

Cynthia - Desitin, Nail clippers, baby bath, onsies, diaper changer organizer

Aunt Susan - Book, baby health kit, outfit, blanket, onsies, handmade baby blue afgan, Dr. Brown bottles, baby sippy cup

Phyllis - Bouncy seat from registry

Strongs - Baby's first year book, bath "Hot" duck, hooded bath towels, waterproof pads, homemade puppy & alphabet quilt

Aunt Heather - Book, Boppy pillow & cover

Patsy - Infant sling carrier & baby Einstein Video

Grandma Susan - snuggly carrier, receiving blankets, Ocean wonders aquarium crib toy

Carol Ann - bottle sanitizer, backseat mirror, teether

Corrine - clothes, hats, onsies

AUnt Cindy - Breast feeding PJS for ME!!!!

Aunt MeMe & Nana - monitors & Glider & ottoman

Grandma Vicky - clothes, bibs, teether, thermal receiving blanket, toy net, socks, night gown.

Nana - diaper genie, wipe warmer, diapers, wipes, nursing pads

Musical picture frame

Mark & Carolyn - diapers, pail & shovel, medicine kits, outfit

Diane - velour blanket with block colors - so soft!

Mommy - bassinette & stuff!



The story -

The baby shower. What a very powerful phrase. All through the shower I kept thinking to myself “I’m not REALLY having a baby am I?” Obviously I’m having some issues with reality and denial here. I’m so ready for him to arrive. I’m so ready to hold him and see him and love him and teach him that the world CAN be a good place if you know how to look.



Anyway, back to the shower. To start it off I had to go out of my way to pick up my “best” friend Jill because she’d been in a car accident two nights prior and was too scared to drive to the shower. Eh, fine, no problem. We stopped by the mall and I had my makeup done because I just didnt want to deal with it myself. Too much effort, LOL.



We get to my grandmother’s and try to help with any last minute things that may have been needed, etc. Soon another friend Lindsay arrives and we just chat for a while. At 6 pm the pizza arrives and as I’m trying to make a plate of pizza and eat it we have our first guests! I hear “Linly! Get the door!” screamed across the house as I’m trying to scarf down a few bites because I’m starving but of course I abandon the pizza and my friend on crutches and get the door. On the way to the door I pass my grandmother who’s standing there sipping her wine. Of course it would have been too much trouble for her to answer it wouldn’t it? The rest of the night I seemed to butt heads with my grandmother who went from being the do-it-all hostess to suddenly "Oh I'm not going to do a thing!" and propping her feet up. Wouldn't be an issue, except my own feet were already the size of softballs and my top was threatening to show off the pools of sweat collecting under my ever-growing globes of leaking milk attached to my chest. Love the woman to death, so glad to no longer be living with her.



The rest of the guests slowly trickle in and between random bites of pizza I’m answering the door and greeting people and showing them where to put their gifts. Some of them I know, some of them I’m not so sure I’ve ever met before, but hey, come on in! As long as you have a wrapped gift in your hands we’ll allow you to enter and eat.



We all put on name tags which look like diapers and one of them had the coveted brown spot colored inside which made it the first time in history a woman would become excited to be opening a “dirty diaper” as it meant she actually won something rather than had to clean. Everyone starts to mingle and hug and comment on how big my baby bump has gotten and how beautiful I look in blue. After awhile my wonderful aunt arrives with the cake, ooooooh the cake! It was 9 inches tall and wrapped in sugar ribbons and absolutely to die for. I couldn’t have gotten a better cake anywhere. I swear she stole the show from me with that cake, hahaha! Of course this is the same woman who when I called two weeks ago and asked if she’d make my cake responded saying she wasn’t sure there was enough time for anything elaborate but she thought she could throw together “something”. I’m attaching a picture of the cake. It was “something” alright.



It took three tries to gather everyone in the living room to open the gifts and despite my best efforts to hurry because of the glares I got my my aunt to made the cake ( I think she just wanted to have the attention back on her for her wonderful cake) I was sidetracked again and again by tape and string and ribbons and having a lack of scissors handy.



We opened gifts and BabyLove received LOTS of fun things. We have baby medicines and a boppy pillow and blankets and quilts and bottles and clothing and bouncers and a glider and mirrors and toys and picture frames and just, gah, so many things. I’m going to be going through them all tonight and making a list of everything later on. I also have a couple more gift cards for BRU that I opened either last night or which are being mailed by people who couldn’t make it. I’m thinking of saving these and using them to buy my next car seat in 6 months. We’ll see. I didn’t receive a swing but will most likely just buy one in Texas so that’s not a big deal at all. I also was surprised no one bought me cloth diapers! I thought for sure I’d get TONS of those, but again not a huge issue.



We also had our lovely 150$ bassinette compliments of my mother, bless her heart. She started out with a 20$ bassinette from a garage sale in Texas, when her plans changed and she no longer was able to come up for the shower she figured she’d just have one shipped to my house. By the time the new bassinette was bought and paid for and shipped, she’d spent 150$ combined between the two bassinettes. LOL! And she also sent a huge box full of baby clothing and little items she’d picked up here and there to be stuffed in the bassinette. Again, bless her heart. :)



Zachary was praised by all the lovely “old” women there for buying my crib. Everyone was just so impressed that he would be so kind and willing to do so much. We also received the baby sling he wanted as a gift so I was REALLY excited about that, as was he.



Jason’s mother started to cry at one point during the evening when it was her turn to share a memory she had of me and she burst into tears and said “Sarah’s just going to be such a good mom because she’s already such a wonderful mom to our granddaughter Hailey.” I, of course, started to tear up too and for the first time I started to realize how much this whole moving to Texas thing is affecting her. I’m sure she’s been praying so hard that things would work between Jason and I and now she’s going to have to go through the whole process of negotiating time with this little one like she did with Hailey. (Jason and Hailey’s mom were not together when Hailey was born) I just hope that no matter what happens with Jason and I, that I can keep a positive and working relationship with his family for baby’s sake.



The one pet peeve I have about the whole evening is about my two “closest” friends. These girls have always been able to count on me to be there for them whenever they needed a friend and have always announced on their own that they are my closest friends, etc., and they BOTH showed up to the shower without ANY gift or card or anything. I understand financial issues or not having money to buy a gift, but the least you could do seeing as you’re my “closest” friend is to even make a coupon book full of free babysitting coupons or house cleaning coupons or meal making coupons for after baby comes or SOMETHING. Don’t just come to my shower, eat the food and brag at how you’re my closest friend, and then sneak out the back door without leaving me anything. I would have understood if they’d even pulled me aside and just admitted they were broke and needed a rain check until next payday or something. I just thought they acted very tacky and rude, especially since I know both of them smoke nearly a pack a day AND were talking about how they were going to the bars the past couple weekends (and the one starting today). I guess their cigarettes and beers are more important that their “closest” friend’s baby shower. *sigh* This is why I’ve just stopped talking to people, most of them just don’t get it yet.



So the shower was wonderful and I had such a marvelous time. I’m finally getting really excited about everything and I can’t wait to organize and go through all his little things and really starting to get ready for him. :)


Today's Reactions -

I feel odd because I feel like I whine too much. I really dont care much about the STUFF, but man sometimes I'll get so peeved about something it almost seems like the world's going to end because of it. I suppose that's part of the pregnancy hormones, making things which normally wouldn't be a big deal suddenly become a HUGE issue.

I can't believe I"m already 34 weeks! Only six weeks left to go... wow...

BTW, as we get closer, know that Susan (kiwiname = susan) always knows if I'm OK or not so if any of you worry you can always KN her and ask if everything's okay or not. :) I'll really try to keep making regular updates to let y'all know I'm still okay, but sometimes I just dont have the energy. :)

Laters...

I'm also going to try and get new pictures soon.


shoot - cake picture:

I'm BURNT! I was out in the sun for 20 minutes yesterday floating in the lake to cool off before returning to the shade and now I'm BURNT! Owwie!

I found out that my wonderful 14 yr old brother is going to take his entire summer earnings and use it to buy the crib I want. How amazing is that! A 14 yr old boy is so excited about his newphew that he's willing to spend his entire summer savings to buy the crib. I cried I was so touched. I think since I'm not supposed to know about this but I still feel badly that this will be his ENITRE summer paycheck I'm going to try and spend a little extra money on him this summer so he and I can do some fun things together. Maybe a few more movies, maybe another bowling trip, etc.

Speaking of cribs, induldge me a moment. My aunt and her husband bought a beautiful nursery set for their two children. We're talking like an 800$ crib and a 500$ glider, etc. Top of the line stuff. Three years ago she offered to let one of my step-uncle's wives use the crib set because they were expecting their first and she wasn't using it anymore. Her EXACT reasoning for things was "Great they'll use it for awhile and then when they're done Linly will be getting married and having her own baby and then I'll give them to her."

So, to recap, she offered to my step-uncle and his wife for them to borrow the nursery set for their kids and was planning on giving me the furniture for my kids as a gift.

Anyway, as it happens this step-uncle and his wife are expecting their second baby a week before I'm due. I told Cindy not to worry about the nursery set they were using because, after all, Cindy didnt tell THEM that she would be giving it to me eventually and didnt put any time limit on them using the items, so it would be tacky to ask for them back when they're expecting again...

However, since this couple is only related to my aunt by a marriage in the family and are not close friends with my aunt and they KNOW I am expecting and have NOTHING, wouldn't you think they might have at least offered the furniture or asked my aunt if it was okay for them to continue to use it?

Maybe this bugs me because my Aunt and I are really close and for sentimental reasons she really wants me to have her nursery stuff but can't because it's tacky to ask for it back. However it's JUST as tacky for them to not at least OFFER or ASK if they could use it again. I told my aunt not to worry about anything because it's not worth causing a family fued or anything, but it just sucks because one, I'm stuck having to get everything myself, and two my aunt really wanted me to have her stuff.

:(

I wish family was easy.

Time to dive back home...