MizTheatre , 22

Hay guys. So its like 430 in the morning...Im tired but i cant sleep. Cant sleep ever anymore bc its like a damn froggy mating ground outside my window.

So about 230 after deciding i wasnt going to get any sleep tonight i decided to get some homework done. Like i did last night. I got my paper thats due wednesday done. I was going to work on my paper due next wednesday. Its to write about a poem...and we could use one of our own so i wanted to use one i wrote called 'roses' so i went into my other screen name to try to find where i posted it, but i got distracted (as i always do when looking for something under my old SN)

I was reading about a few different people who used to be in my life but arent anymore. It made me kinda sad. Made me wish that life was as eventful now in college as it was 4 years ago when i was a sophmore in high school...

So i thought id share a bit of my past.

Well if you want to no more if your like really board or something you can check out my old screen name aarons_gurl13
Just look for an entry with a title of something that sounds interesting or that has one of the names i will shortly mention


OK so BRENDA: Well she was my best friend starting in 9th grade. We were together constantly. Like sisters we were so close. even have the same birthday. I later on found out that she was a year older then she said she was. IDK why she would have to lie to me about her age...was she embarrased to be older then everyone else in her class? IDK but anyways. So we were close until sometime in 10th grade when she liked my ex BF and as every good friend knows you dont date your BFFE ex BF. LMAO. So we had our times of fighting and our times of being best friends. After I moved away to SC we talked for awhile and then she began acting weird. She would read my entries on here and somedays would leave a comment about how much she missed me and all that and then somedays she would tell me how much she hated me and all that. I never did know what was going on. I still to this day dont understand what really happened between us. All i know is that when i moved back to NY I saw her at the mall and we talked and it seemed like she wanted to be friends again, but something inside me told me to be carful bc she was messing with me and sure enuf i was right. So I havnt talked to her since. But she must care about me somewhat bc there was a time she thought i was cutting myself and she called a councler and had her call me...the cuts were cat scratches since we had 2 cats but still...makes me wonder what really ever happened?

heres a poem we found that made me cry later on

"Friends forever," you promised.
"Together till the end."
We did everything with eachother,
You were my best friend.

When I was sad, you were by my side,
When I was scared, you felt my fear.
You were my best support-----
If I needed you, you were there.

You were the greatest friend,
You always knew what to say:
You made everything seem better.
As long as we had eachother,
Everything would be okay.

But somewhere along the line,
We slowly came apart.
I was here, you were there,
It tore a whole in my heart.

Things were changing,
Our cheerful music reversed its tune.
It was like having salt without pepper,
A sun without it's moon.

Suddenly we were miles apart.
Two different people, with nothing the same.
It was as if we hadn't been friends;
Although we knew deep in our hearts,
Neither one of us was to blame.

You had made many new friends
And luckily so had I
But that didn't change the hurt-----
The loss of our friendship made me cry.

As we grow older, things must change
But they don't always have to end.
Even though it's different, now,
You will always be my friend.


OK So next we will have DAVE: Wow dave. I loved him so much. OK well as much love as a 16 yr old can have. But he was truely amazing. he was wonderful...he was also like 8 years older then me. haha. he was so sweet and wonderful to me. But things changed with that as well. He told me that he wanted to be with me but he wouldnt until i was 18 and legal. my mom loved him. he would come see my plays. we would talk for hours on the phone. he would sing to me. He just seemed perfect. So I tried to talk to him later on but he never has responded to me. Hay ya dave! Guess whos been 18 for like 2 years now and misses ya! haha. So the night b4 i moved back to NY he came to my house and we went to the beach. it was a great night and i miss him. I never talked to him again after that :-(


So next is BEN: So I met him back in 10th grade when working on guys and dolls. we spent a bit of time together bc his bffe tori played match maker for us. He broke up with his GF susan so we could date (who btw hates me bc she says he cheated on her with me. He didnt. We did nothing B4 he broke up with her ahh W/E its kinda funny) so we dated for a few months then i made the mistake of cheating on him over the summer and told him now every time i see him its weird and u can cut the tention w a knife...even after all these years. I really miss him. That was a horrible mistake. One of the only things I regret in my past.


Well i dont think there is anyone else to really mention. Just i hate how happy i was back then. and skinny haha. Life was so much simpler when i was in HS. I miss being 16. I would gladly go back. But i would change alot of things. I wish i could go back knowing what i do now. Hell life would turn out great haha!

ok so i guess that all. I have class at 10 so i gotta get some sleep. Ill write later maybe. I hope someone reads this...i hope someone wants to share in my reminising.

Hay guys so im going to make this short. Im at dads helping him out since he fucked up his back again.
So those of you who read yesterdays entry you will know why I had the worse weekend and why I hate this holiday. So anyways I tried most of the day Friday and Saturday. Then to try to get my mind off of everything friday night we went to play bingo and i won $33.35. Then Saturday we went to the beach to watch some fireworks then got some ice cream. I didnt sleep saturday night. I slept for maybe a half hour and drempt that i was raped again. It was basically that i drempt about the night. So i woke up and was to afraid to go back to sleep so I guess i finally was just so exhausted that I passed out at 7am while watching tv then woke up at 10 BC my dad called. I started crying and didnt stop for like an hour. Then mom and I went and talked in her room. I fell asleep like 1:30pm and she got me up at 3:30pm. We went to walmart and then had dinner I did some homework. Made myself sick by crying again. Then I watched some TV and went to bed.
I am so glad the weekend is over. I hate this holiday. I always will.


So anyways. Today I got up at 9...then 9:10...then 9:20...then 9:25 LMAO then I got ready for class and tried to call my dad. When i got to campus my friend texted me and told me the teacher wasnt there yet so i went up to the classroom and talked with my friend daniel about the weekend then we all signed a piece of paper to show we were there(but he wasnt!!!) and went to dads. Now Im just finishing up some work for him and will be heading to the post office and back here maybe for dinner. Well ill ttyl.

5 years ago...

This is a very hard time for me. I HATE this holiday with a passion.

5 years ago today...

was the single WORSE day of my life.
I will never be the same and this holiday will never remind me of anything but that horrible day.

5 years ago today...

I was raped. I was raped by a man who was quite a bit older then me. I was 15 he was 25 ish. He was like a brother I never had. I felt safe with him.

5 years ago today...

I went swimming so nothing showed up on the rape test kit. This man got 3 days at the local jail house and was released on bail. The man who set his bail was a very good friend to my family. He later said he never would have if he knew it was me this sick man raped. The worse thing that happened to this man was...

my step dad beat the shit out of him when he heard.

We kept it from my cousin who went to school with the guy because we knew what he would do. Later he found out and took a group of friends to beat him to a pulp.

5 years ago today...

My life changed forever.

OK. So yesterday I gotta message on myspace to come see an old (havnt seen him in about a year) friend's new band play. I know he sends these to everyone, but I told him Id come since I hadnt been able to make his other shows. So I decided to go, and my mom came with (i know...bad move, but she is my best friend, and it was at a local restaraunt she hadnt been to) So he played the song he knew I loved and watched me watch him as he sang it. So we talked a bit while he was taking a break and when he was done. He winked at me a few times while he was playing. So after the show, he and his friend ask us to go play pool. So I said id go, mom didnt want to. So I met them at the pool hall and my friend and I basically flirted all night. I agreed to take him home. I kinda stole his hat at the end of the night, and he ended up getting back as we were walking to my car, so i turned and tried and sucessfully grabbed his hat back, and he pulled me in and kissed me. So we got to his place, and before we ever got out of the car we were making out and playing around. We ended up going at it in my car. After he asked "so are you going to call me?" I asked him "are you going to call ME?" he said "no, your going to call me." so i said something along the lines of "because you guys never actually call back" we laughed and made out a bit more, then he headed up to his Apartment.
So I tried to text him today and I didnt get anything back from him. I messaged him on myspace when i got home last night, and i saw he read it but he didnt respond.

So I know this would normally mean that he isnt into me, and it was just a one night thing, but he made me promise to call or text him. So Im just so confused. And I dont know what I should think. was it just a fling or should i give him the benefit of the doubt and not rule things out?

Hay guys. sorry I been out for awhile we have been moving and most of yall should no how hectic that is. We finally got air conditioning in the house. its been so friggin hot and so unbearable in here. Feels so much better now. well ok i just got back from babysitting and getting worried about how im going to get the money to go to NC to see my cousin graduate HS. I need 60 bucks in like 2 weeks...hmmmm