Readalottobooks , 25

Thanks Kiera! It looks like things are looking up a little bit.

 So, yesterday was my first official day in freezer/cooler. I need to get a good pair of gloves to wear while I'm working there, but I really like it so far. It's soooooo much more physical work! But I like it!

 Umm, so one of the reasons why last entry was depressing was because of Derrijk. The day after I wrote the entry before the last, (if that makes any sense) He sent me a text message saying "It's really not safe 4 u 2 like me as much as u do." I haven't really talked with him much since then. This'll be the second Sunday in a row I haven't hung out with him. I miss spending time with him. We've texted a tiny bit, and acknowledged each other when we've seen in person (twice since the text), but haven't talked much. I've been meaning to call him so I can actually find out what he means by that text. I know that I want a relationship and he's not ready for one, but I don't understand how his text fits in to that. So we'll see.

Classes are going well. I am, however, a little ashamed to admit that I did skip a class, public speaking last Monday. I had to give a speech that I totally was not prepared for. I gave the speech on Wednesday, and didn't miss a single point on it, which I don't get. Oh well. Precalc is going well, as is gender psych. I had a western civ test on Thursday, and I don't know how I did on it. If I did horribly on it, I'll probably drop the class. Spare myself some anxiety for the last few weeks of class, and save my gpa.

So, I will almost definitely be getting a new car on Tuesday! It'll be a 2010 Honda Fit Sport in Blackberry Pearl! I went to the dealership last night, and the loan person said he would stake his job on me getting the 2.9% financing for it under my name, and my name alone! My credit union said they'd need a cosigner, so I'm really hoping that I do get it with my name on it. I'll be trading in my Accord, and should have a really high down payment, so that should help. My credit score is very high, especially for someone so young. So, I've got my fingers crossed!

I think that's all for now!

I have some major issues right now.


I'm starting to think I may need to get some help.


I thought switching job positions may help, but I don't think it'll help as much as I thought it would.


I told one of my friends that I've been depressed over the last week. I casually said don't worry about me tonight, and she's like what? I should be worried about you? Whatever.

I just need to get through tonight. And hopefully I'll be slightly better tomorrow. 

I have a problem. I have a few problems.

My depression's back. I'm doing my best to keep it from enveloping me, and so far I'm succeeding, but it's getting harder every day.

I need to stop being on Facebook every waking moment of every day. That's why I've decided to not log in for a week, possibly longer.

I need to stop going out so much. I went out Tuesday night with Stacy and Tony for karaoke. I went out Wednesday night to Old Chicago for dinner between classes, and then again after class to hang out with Crystal, Chris,  Dee, and Divo (my favorite OC staff). And I went out last night with Chris, Stacy and Tony to The Hat for karaoke. I've already decided that tonight I will not go to Old Chicago. Tomorrow night I will not go to The Hat. I might still go to BWW on Sunday, though, but that's mostly to see Derrijk. Which leads me to my next problem.

I've got a lot of thoughts about Derrijk right now, but they're all flowing through my head in random order, so bear with me. I like him. I really hope that a relationship starts there. I've been enjoying the time I spend with him greatly, and I'm pretty certain he's been enjoying it too. There's one major thing I'm not too sure about, though. It may be based on my inexperience with dating and men, but I think our "relationship" became physical fairly quickly. Almost too quickly. He's made me happier than I've been in an extremely long time, perhaps ever in some respects. I find myself wanting to spend more and more time with him, yet we've only seen each other about once a week. I know I need to talk to him, but it's something that should be said privately, and not with our group of friends. It seems that once I get to his apartment, we start kissing right away and don't talk much there. I need to call him or postpone the kissing so we can talk. My only fear, albeit a slightly irrational one, is that if I say something when I first get to his apartment, then we won't do anything that night. Although I have heard from several sources that he loves to cuddle, so I doubt that would be the case.

Oh boy. Classes are another source of my frustration. We just finished up a major group project in western civ. I hate group projects. Anyway, so I didn't do much of anything for the project. I spoke for 30 seconds, while everyone else spoke for 4-5 minutes. I'd be surprised if I get higher than a D in the class. I just don't care for it. I can't learn very well with the professor's teaching style. I've seriously considered dropping it, but I just don't know. If I dropped it, I'd drop below full time, but my loans would still be deferred (over 6 cr hrs). I'd be out the money I paid for the class, but that doesn't matter to me much. It's not a class I need to graduate. It is a personal decision that I need to make, and it's a difficult one. My other classes are going well. Precalc is going great. I'm liking math a lot. Gender psych is great. I love the professor. Public speaking is going well, and the professor likes me, and gives me extra opportunities for me to succeed.

I registered for spring classes. Spring will be full of fun classes for me, with professors I like and subjects I'm really interested in. I'll be taking: humanities of Renaissance, calculus 1, US History since 1877 (this time with a great professor), adolescent psychology, and educational psychology. My only concern about spring is paying tuition. I plan on taking a slight pay cut (more on that later), so money will be slightly tighter. I also plan on buying a new Honda Fit, either later this year or very early next year. Car payments, as well as helping out with insurance, will take a large chunk of money. Also, I need to stop spending so much money on beer and food.

On to work. Obviously, I've been very frustrated with my current position for quite some while. It's so boring. In fact, Tuesday night I was so fed up with it that I almost walked out. I talked to Coach Jeremy yesterday. I told him about that, and he said there was very possibly a spot in freezer/cooler opening up. Luke plans to go to electronics, while Ryan is planning on going somewhere else (not sure yet where). I double-checked my career preference, and Jeremy talked to Brandi. When Brandi opens the position, she'll see my name up there, and I should get the job. Hopefully this happens in the next week. I'd be going back to level 3, and probably take a fifty cent pay cut, but I'd be back on the sales floor. I'd prefer to be in Jeremy's area, but at least I like my team leader (Chris).  

Well, I think that's all my main concerns for now. Anne, if you ever feel like commenting, you sure can! I think there's a way to comment directly on this, otherwise you can call or text me. It's been ages since I've actually talked with you! 

I'm so tired today. I don't want to work on my group project or write an outline for a speech or go to class this afternoon.

I just want to sleep all morning, then kiss Derrijk all night.




In my dreams. Although, I guess if I called Derrijk we could probably hang out tonight. I might have to do that later. Now that he's in town, I want to see him more often than once a week.

Wow. I can go back and edit previous entries?? I don't plan on doing that.

I've decided that I really don't like working in cell phones any more. I've been trying for a month to get out of there, but no luck yet. I've done fairly well selling phones, but there is a lack of consistency, and it's boring as hell.

I haven't talked to Sara in ages. I miss her. She's extremely busy with teaching, though.

Chris and I still go to Old Chicago at least once or twice a week.  Chris and I are just good friends, although many still think there's a chance. Lidija and I even made a bet: who would make out first? Chris and I or Andrew and Lidija? I consider many of the staff at OC to be friends, and they're awesome. I've gotten several free drinks from them :D. I tip them very generously when that happens.

Buffalo Wild Wings is now my Sunday evening hangout. Lidija, Ann, Sean, Derrijk and I have been going there the last several Sundays, with others joining us occasionally. They have a decent selection of beer there, as well, plus trivia.

 School is going fairly well. I can't remember if I mentioned it already or not, but I dropped one unnecessary class. It was unneeded stress. Gender psych is a super fun class, and it's going along really well. Precalculus is also going very well. That's kind of funny, though, as I have a bad habit of going to Old Chicago before class with Chris (and having a beer or two). Western civ is all right, a standard history class. Public speaking is going fairly well as well. My mid term grades were pretty good: As in gender psych and public speaking, B in precalc, and a D in western civ because of some late work that hadn't been put into the system before midterms came out.

Happy sigh. About a month ago, my friend Lidija texts me to say I have to be at one of our favorite hangouts that weekend because one of her single guy friends is coming to town.  Saturday night, I go to the bar. I end up sitting next to Derrijk, and we talk a lot. We start holding hands. Next thing I know, one of my good friends texts everyone saying "hand check." So... Derrijk and I are the last ones to leave that night. I ended up winning the bet. :D The next night (Sunday), we all go to Buffalo Wild Wings. I cuddled with Derrijk the entire time. We went to the movie theater afterward, and I kick his butt at air hockey. We talked a lot, and actually missed the first ten minutes of the movie! Well, um, we didn't end up seeing much of the movie. We end up going out to lunch to Olive Garden on Monday morning, and he bought my lunch. We walked around Vander Veer afterwards. Accidentally missed the first few minutes of class, we were talking for so long. We talked and texted through the week a bit. Derrijk came to town again the next weekend, and we met at BWW again. This time, he had a hotel room. We went back there to hang out for a while. He left town again the next morning, but returned the following weekend, this time to his newly-rented apartment. I ended up staying Saturday night with him. Sunday we went out to lunch at BWW. The whole group went to BWW for dinner that evening. Anyway, I'm just rambling about how much time I've spent with him. Derrijk is a really nice guy, and I've loved spending time with him. Only one thing isn't so great about it. Derrijk just broke up with his gf of over 2.5 years because she cheated on him. He was supposed to be in England with her and studying chiropractics over there right now. So, he's not ready for another relationship right now. It's taken me a little while to completely get that into my mind, but I'm completely happy with what we have right now. We went to BWW last night, and to his apartment last night. I've really enjoyed getting to know him and having a physical relationship again. Before I met Derrijk, it'd been years.

So,  my many recent FB posts saying how happy I am have largely been related to Derrijk. Unfortunately, work and group projects in school currently are making my life hell. But hopefully both of those will be resolved soon.