Readalottobooks , 25

disappointed.

i don't get him.


why???

Obviously Friday night was a bad night. (It happened to be a very good night at work, though. I sold 4 phones, which is a lot).

Saturday night was much better. I gave Chris a call, and we hung out at Old Chicago. We sat together at the bar, and enjoyed beer, food, and trivia, like we usually do. Afterwards, we talked for a while in the parking lot! I love it when we do that. Because I get cold, and Chris keeps me warm. Anyway, he held me for a while as we talked. I asked him if he liked me or if I was just a fun person to go have a beer with. Damn him, he dodged the question. Oh well. What I need to do is try kissing him next time. I really wanted to Saturday night...

Then Sunday. I work all day. Boring day. Not busy at all. We had our company picnic afterward. That was pretty boring, too. Free food though. I heard some awesome stories from Coach Jeremy, though. Who knew that at one of his previous clubs, two employees got drunk, shrink-wrapped another employee, put him on a pallet, and slotted him in the steel? LOL!!! I got a kick out of that. Anyway, Chris and I decided to go to Old Chicago afterwards, and see who else we can get to join us. We round up Darcy, Brett, Sara, and Ryan.

Anyway, now to the best part of the evening. Mmmm beer!! Sara and Ryan leave fairly early, leaving the rest of us. I don't know what was so funny, but once I started laughing, I literally could not stop! I was hyperventilating! I was crying! After I finally calmed down, someone said something else funny, and I started up again. I cut myself off after that. Darcy's really fun to go out with. We need to convince her to go out more often! Anyway, Brett sat next to me. -happy moan- I don't know exactly what it is about Brett, but I think he's awesome and I REALLY WISH HE DIDN'T HAVE JULIE (his girlfriend)!!!!! Let's just say lots of footsie, hand holding, leg rubbing... If only Chris would do that for me... I'd be so happy.

You know, maybe it's not necessarily a relationship that I want. I'd be okay with cuddling, and hugging, and footsie-playing. We wouldn't even have to kiss. If that was all I really wanted, though, I'd be happy with the relationship (of friends) that I have with Brett right now. Or maybe the physical contact I get from him makes me want even more.

Anyway, we ended up staying til after 11 at Old Chicago. Darcy and Chris originally only went out for one beer. Well... Chris had at least five and a tequila shot. Darcy had a shot of tequila and two? three? beers. Me? I had four and I was done. We cashed out, but ended up sitting for a while longer. Then, we decided we were hungry, so we had to reopen a tab! LOL!! I bought the cheese fries, Brett bought himself and Darcy a beer, and Chris bought himself a beer. They tried to get me one too, but I don't think I would've been safe to drive if I'd had one. Good thing I still have a few brain cells left! Anyway, at the end of the night, we all went our separate ways. No extended hug from Chris... Oh well... Until next time, anyway.

Not having a good night tonight.

Was supposed to go out with Sara, perhaps others.

She never returns my calls.

Thought Chris might be at Old Chicago.

I get there. He's not there.

He doesn't respond to my calls.

Brett's not going out.

Lidija's out of town.

Shawn calls.

The guy I don't particularly care for.

I ignore his call.

I text him, saying I'm not doing anything other than sleeping.

I'm not happy tonight.

I wish I could change it.

I really do.

Well, Sara's definitely no longer employed at Sam's Club. I'm sad about it, but I guess I'll survive somehow.

I don't know if I mentioned it earlier, but I now sell cell phones at Sam's. I went up two pay levels, and get to dress up for work.

Unfortunately, I keep having doubts about working the cell phone booth. I don't like standing in one place so much. I'm not very good at selling phones. Coach Jeremy is no longer my manager :(. That just changed. I know there's no open spots on the floor right now, but I think I want out of phones. I need to talk with Jeremy, see what he says.

I paid my tuition and bought my books last week for fall semester. $1800, plus $400. Ick. I'm taking public speaking, precalculus, western civ ancient and medieval, us history since 1877, and psychology of gender. Hopefully I can survive this semester, and get good grades again.

As far as relationships go, I guess I have a few possiblities. I've been going out with Chris from work several times, mostly to Old Chicago. We joined the World Beer Tour together, and play trivia for hours. I haven't been out with him for a week and a half, though. Need to change that. I also need to talk with him, and see if he's interested in a relationship or just a beer buddy. He's not being clear in that...

On Friday night, I was shocked to have a new possibility, one that I'd never thought of before. One of Brett's friends, Shawn, talked with me for a long time at Lidija's birthday party. He admitted that Brett suggested that we get together. Anyway, we stayed behind that night, and talked. The next night, Brett and Shawn and crew went to Applebee's. I got there after they did, and they saved a seat for me next to Shawn. I didn't plan on going out that night, so I was tired and didn't talk much. But we'll see. Not sure how much I like him. Definitely not as much as Brett or Chris.

Zach. Oh Zach. Chris and I ran into him at Old Chicago two weeks ago, and he had a girl with him. Not sure if it's the same one that he was with back in May. Anyway, we talked then. And then Zach texted me a lot last Wednesday. Anyway, we end up going to Steak and Shake. I mention my frustration of not being in a relationship. Then, we go to his place and watch the first half of Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Haven't seen the rest of it yet...

If Zach or Brett ever became single, I would definitely hook up with either of them. I like both a lot. For now, we're good friends, but I think there's potential for more.

I'm weird right now. For a solid year, I was really happy. But lately, I'm not so much. I wonder if it's Sara's leaving that's got me down. Now I'll be lucky to see her once a month. I need to call her badly, and just talk. I haven't sat and talked with just her in months. It's been too long. I think my mental health is suffering because of that. It might also be my job switch... I need to figure that out.

I also need to go to the car repair shop and get an estimate. A month ago, a garbage truck switched lanes without noticing me next to him, so my bumper has a hole in it right now...

My uncle's doing really badly right now. His pacemaker's acting up, and he'll be going to surgery tomorrow morning to try to fix it. Apparently there's only five doctors in the nation that can do this surgery, so he's 3 hours away right now. I love him, and he's my godfather, but he's been through so much in the last few years. There have been several scares, and I've prepared myself to say good-bye each time. Is it morbid of me to think he should pass on now? I guess if this surgery works, though, it'll completely change his life for the better... I don't know what to think.

Similar but different topic. Why do I seem to like the process of Catholic funeral mass? I don't get much out of regular Sunday mass (granted, I haven't been to one in years), but funeral masses I understand and love. Really, I'm not a death-lover.

Well, I guess that's an update on me...

I don't know what to think right now...

Sara told me earlier that she's quitting Sam's...

I understand her reasoning...

I'm going to miss her so much...

I hope I'm able to hold myself together...

I'm worried about her, though...

She told me a few months ago she was worried about isolating herself...

I'm afraid that might be happening...

I need to talk with her...







Anyway, on a happy note, I went out with Chris last night. We went to Old Chicago, and played trivia, and drank beer, and ate food. We joined the World Beer Tour, and tried some different beers.

Afterward, we stood outside in the parking lot for a while, just talking.

It was breezy and chilly, so Chris held me close to keep me warm.
I should've taken initiative and tried kissing him.
Oh well.

It was a very good night!