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Well well well..
Marcotte87 24
heeey you! i see youre not overly active on the site… -
Well well well..
Sme 28
Oyy I have very obviously not been on here in a whi… -
Well well well..
Sugar_xxx 26
You finally made an entry!! Lol. That sucks Jewel s… -
It's all just too much
KKzMissShrtcake 26
I figured they would fire him. Like I said, falling… -
It's all just too much
Sugar_xxx 26
Aww, that sucks Mike got fired. I hope he can find …
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xx*wednesday*
got kind if heavy and chunkier? but after that it started to get a whole lot lighter. and its brown at times also. *thursday* nothings happening anymore. =/ little brown stuff comes out. im quite paranoid. supposively those pills could have made it come sooner or later, and come darker or lighter, or spotty even. How the fuck do you remain calm during this? ermBleeding a little started earlier this morning.
it seems pretty light. seemed to have some cramp-ish type things along with it. and tummy hurting. still seems pretty light. but brownish. dont act like a sloppy modelOh Sme, I did catch all your responses actually. =] Wednesday, Feb 25th --- I went shopping last night with my mom around 7ish.. I was going to drag Mike shopping with me, but I decided if I didnt start looking now. I'd be doing i the last minute and thats not always pleasant. We went to JC Penny first and didn't find anything. I tried on one pair of pants (1's) and it didnt fit. So, then we went to Khol's. They actually had a bigger selection. I grabbed at least seven pairs of pants to try on and came out with three pairs. Turns out, I went down yet another size. =/ So, now Im wearing 0's. I guess it depends on the brand? Cause, some jeans I have are threes, ones, and now zeros. I have fives that I'll probably never fit into and never HAVE fit into. pretty crazy. Seems like Im losing weight, but I dont have anything to lose really. And, maybe its cause Im picky about my pants?? So, it makes it harder to find a good pair? lol. Idk. Considering I like mine to be form fitting. I like it to LOOK like I have an ass. lol. oh well. I walked away with three pairs though for about 50 dollars. One of them was on clearance for 12.00. Thats exciting. Wish it wasnt all so expensive though. hah. but, oh well. After shopping we got some Culvers for dinner. And then.... that pretty much condluded the night there. I never got to see Mike. I cant remember if I mentioned it or not, but his mom took away his car keys. So, he's stranded at his house now. I assume she'll take away the keyboard next and then he really wont be able to do shit. She's upset she has to pay for his car payments and insurance. which, I understand. but, taking the keys away wont really do much. =/ if you think about it. I told dad about this. and he's like, "you know the next thing she's going to do is kick him out. and dont you dare come to me asking me if he can move in with us." And, I always thought maybe he would let him. But, Im pretty sure he already has this mindset that Mike's lazy and whatever else... so there's no way he'd let him come live with us without a job. or maybe not even at all. Idk. So,I got lectured from dad...about my life and how I should really rethink my decisions about being with him. Same crap as usual, really. slightly upsetting. even though im used to it. but, ehh. Its one of those things... about how bills are so expensive and life requires a lot of money.. especially if you want big, fancy things. Ehh. Nothing I didnt know already. but, ah well. Its still just kinda depressing. Thursday, Feb 26th --- I had class at 9:30. I got up at 8:25. And was scrambling really fast to get ready. I think I barely made it to school on time. haha. but, I was still the first one there, just chillen. I basically played on my phone throughout most of the class. She was having computer problems. So, we didnt start class till like 9:45ish er so. After that I had plans to hang out with Mike. We were supposed to do that whole 'lunch' dealio. Before I went there I went to Meijer and picked up hair dye. w00t! and then more face cleaner stuffs. Lovely. Cant wait to get my hair dyed. I hinted to Mike a little today about getting my hair dyed. First he said he was excited, but then all the sudden he's like nahh i dont really care what color it is. I like it how it is or black.. but as long as it stays long, i dont care. Kinda made me feel... ehh. Im sure its not a big deal. could be worse. But, he always loved the black. and I always thought it was ironic cause Junior loved it brown. *sigh* But, soon as I can get dad to do it... my hairs is gonna be black again. w00t! A whole four dollar dye, as opposed to the 45 or possibly more dollar dye I'd have to pay at a salon. I think its pointless to do at a salon, really. but, oh well. Its been raining most of the day. Kind of nice. But, it started raining pretty hard and it was epic. kinda scary. lol. I hate driving in shitty weather and in the dark. arg. everything was just dandy though. Mike and I didnt really argue at all er anything. He's on this new thing all the sudden where he "hates people" but, I think its weird to hate people if he talks to a lot of them anyways. Swearing he talks to no one. i dont believe it. and hes mad that i dont believe him. but, whateverrr. Noel called while I was there. And, Mike didnt want to pick up the phone so I did. We talked for awhile actually. It was weird we talked like consistantly for 5 mins maybe. and then Mike didnt want the phone for whatever reason. I felt bad cause I think he just hung up on him when I went to go pee. So all the sudden he says he didnt wanna talk to him when Im there. But.. they freaking talk everyday for like an hour. so... wtf. but, i dont ask questions. i do, but i just like to say that. =P ahaaa!! oh well. We went to Walgreens too. For reasons that I dont want to admit here. le sigh. perhaps elsewhere. but then we went back to his house and then I left a wee bit before 2. I got home around 2:15. Helped my mom work for awhile. And cuddled with the puppies and whatever. been playing on the computer and trying to occupy myself, really. Ive been washing some laundry. Oh my english teacher finally got back to us. I just still think its really dumb how she expects things to be done, but... if you dont post directions that's not fair to us. Specially since I could be working ahead. but, she leaves no other instructions or nothing open so that we know what TO do. Like she keeps us in suspense for no reason. Kinda pissed that one paper is due on sunday. and then another one is due on the 8th. which, is next sunday. =P Im kind of excited though because Im gonna do it on St. Valentine's Day Massacre. =D Im not sure that very many people have heard of it. Least I know I havent... until I had history classes with one teacher in highschool. oh well. I do got stuffs to be working on with school. =P should prob start working on that. ahaaaa. I got nothing else for today though. =/ Im not sure whats gonna happen over the weekend yet.. with Mike not having his car and whatnot. kinda depressing, really. Im trying to whip him into shape into getting a job faster, so we all can stop hearing people bitch. and his mom will get off his nuts. oy. supposively, he's "listening" to me though about the things I tell him. who knows if thats true though. haha i think this is long enough. just remembered that I had another awkward dream. will speak of that later though. More cute lil pictures. =]I promised more pictures. I thought I had a ton more than this. But, the other ones aren't that great. We havent taken pics in awhile. which is sad. lol. So, I'll prob take updated ones to show you how chunky they are. =P Or some other good ones are on my freaking phone. lol. Arg! Oh well. I think they'll be opening their eyeballs soon though. That's exciting!  -This is ALL of them. I just realized the last group one I posted of them eating only had 5 of them, so that was before the girl was born.=P But, I love these ones.  -There's always one that always has his mouth open and tongue out. It's super cute.  -A very very tired looking Ellie  -She cuddles with her babies, sometimes. I'm kinda nervous about starting my training next week. Kinda scared about the whole job thing, oddly enough. Only took me like three years to find one. ugh. Im not excited about the six hours each of training. But, I dont really have a choice. I had to go shopping to find pants. And, I always hate to admit this.. but, I'm almost slightly concerned. I was a size 3. At one point, my mom thought I could fit into 5's. So, I have like a pair of 5's that Im never going to touch. and I have 3's and then the last time I went shopping I got 1's. But even some of the 1's I have fall off me and it looks like Im swimming in them. So, I go out to JC Penny... find nothing. Went to Khol's and found a ton of things to try on. And the 1's were still making me swim. And it wasnt until I hit the 0's that I actually fit into them. I am one of those chicks that likes the form fitting pants.. that actually fits my ass, so it looks like I HAVE one. Im pretty little.. but.. jesus. I keep going down in pant sizes and its crazy. Sometimes I dont even eat that well. And I've been splurging drinking a lot of pop, because we have dr. pepper and that's my favorite. And my mom said I should start working out so I can build muscle. Since i dont really have fat to burn, my muscle will just start going away. so, I ought to do something about that.. I guess. cause i think it is true. =/ its slightly frightening. I always wished I had a phatter ass.. so i could at least fill out jeans. most of mine fit when I put them on, but over time they start falling off. Arg. I was just excited I found some thoug. I got three pairs for 50 bucks. guess thats not too bad. =/ idk. luckily, i dont need to buy fancy shirts though. =P Less money I have to spend. Oy. I know that was a really random rant last night too. haha. I was so pissed though. The boy and I went through some little arguing fits the past couple days. I actually miss writing in here about all the things I was writing in here about. But, you know... I have something I'd like to talk about now. And that is - if your man's ever done numerous things to hurt you, how quickly do you think you'd be able to get over it? And how long is tooo long to hold onto the past? Quite honestly, most of our arguing was dealing with things from the past. I still have some issues with some things even after it's been at least a year since all that garbage. Just for me, its hard to forget those things and it's hard to WANT to fully trust him after he betrayed my trust a few times and lied about things to me. But, because its the past Im supposed to let go? I mean... eventually you put the past in the past and move on. But... its hard sometimes to feel comfortable in the relationship.. when I saw the things he was doing behind my back while we were together. Some of that he still doesnt know that I know about. And Ive been debating if I should bring it up or not. I think that probably all sounds really jumbled coming out of nowhere. I mean..I could jump into every issue and maybe get some better formed opinions. But, idk. Maybe I honestly do hold onto things for too long, and it probably really is a problem. But, for all the things I've seen I never really blame myself. Some of those things were just... unforgiveable. Im surprised I was able to let go of it all. Or a good portion of it at least. heh. I love him with everything that I got though, really. And it's all been worth it. He's just done some really hurtful things. And, Im scared that everything will repeat iitself and Im trying really hard to avoid that. I dont want to be let down again and I dont want to be oblivious to things either, ya know? ugh. Im about done now though. Maybe I can find something more exciting to write about later. Let your bottle waddleTuesday, Feb 24th -- I had humanities 9:30-10:45. I'm pretty sure nothing exciting really happened. I think I was working on my homework for most of the day actually. Some reason one of the quizzes i took in Human Services messed up. Im not sure how. It went through with my grade but it was showing up like I didnt do it. First time I got a 9/10 and this time I got a 10/10. Figures, he'll probably take the lower grade. =/ Idk. Its the second best one I've done so far though. Most of the online stuff is just a pain in the ass because the teachers dont get back to you as fast as they should. Which there are assignments and things that need to get done and they're supposed to be there to help and they aren't. Ive been waiting for my teacher to respond back to me for almost a week now probably. And one dumbass.... my english teacher. It says we're supposed to do peer work on our drafts sunday-thursday. and just today she posted the instructions and then on March 1st the papers are due. So, we lost days to do this cause she's a fucking douchebag. but, whatever. I do really like the online classes though. I get less distracted and I think I take in a whole lot more learning at my own pace (well.. a week for each chapter anyways) and whatever. Sometimes the noise is a problem though. Luckily, we have three other computers. And, Mike offered me his computer to work on school stuff if I ever need to get quiet-time. It's not so bad though.. if I do it while the kids are at school and not on the weekends. I wouldnt be able to do this at my old house though. It was NEVER quiet there. Look at my swearing. LOL. Good story -- apparently, I got a second warning due to my swearing. I didn't really know the postboards were regulated and it breaks some TOC something er other. Idk. I never got the first warning, but I just got one yesterday. Both times was because I said "fuck" and then she's like if you get three warnings your name gets banned, and that's really dumb. Something about private ones you can say whatever but you have to watch for kiwigirl ones er something.. and those ones are regulated. Ehh. this def. isnt really a little girl's site anymore. so wtf ever, mann. Oh well. Not so much more happened. Except, things got a little nasty between Mike and I. =/ I just feel like somethings not right. Probably what topped it off was he was trying to convince me to go to his house wearing my bikini. Mind you, the first one I bought was red. and I remember I only got it because my hair would be black and i thought it'd look amazing with the red suit, right? And he knew this. He's seen it a thousand times. And he goes, "oh.. you should wear you're orange bikini" and I'm like... orange, really? It's red.. and there's no way it can be mixed up with orange. not at all. And, I know he's not colorblind. Someone tried to use that as an excuse for him, but he's def. not. So I freak out.. cause it's not the first time he's done it. And if he likes it so much,I think he'd know it was clearly red. Sometimes he likes to just piss me off for no reason just to get me mad but thats not anything to joke about. Im worried enough as is and he knows that, but he never makes the situation any better. So,I told him he should stop seeing other people.. cause... i dont have an orange one. and from there...I think it just went downhill. I was really pissed and I didnt even wanna talk to him actually. I barely said anything. then he decided to not say anything. and arg. doesnt help that Ive been considering telling him so other things about the past when I could get into his email. And then all this stuff happens and it just feels really dumb. We're back to doing that stupid 6th grade bullshit.. where we stop talking and just sit there and thats retarded. I hate it.I did it with him and I did it with Junior and I can't stand it anymore. I just cant take that. I just wanted to leave. By the end of the night.. he just said he was tired and went to bed. I was so exhausted, but I didnt think I'd ever be able to sleep. I sent him a few offline messages and... Im saying I really do love him. and I cant help it that i still have trouble with things. I'm really insecure... there's no doubt about that. he knows this, but he refuses to help the situation any. so what am I supposed to do.. besides sit here like a retard. idk. Ive let go of a lot. I've forgotten about so much. But just sometimes.. when he tells me things... I dont ever know if I can believe it because I remember how he was epicly joining those sites to find girls to fuck and I never asked him about that. Hows it supposed to make me feel.. when he's saying he's single and looking for a girl to do this and that and... oh how single I am? plus he lied about shit., He says I always make him to be the bad person, and its always his fault. never my fault. and then he brings up the fact that I lied about dating Junior, but he's better than me cause he doesnt hold it against me. I dont care if he holds it against me at this point..or ever.. because he's done far worse things than I have to him. Doesnt make it right. but....at least I wasnt doing what he's doing. my parents were fighting again too. how lovely. Wednesday, Feb 25th -- My comp was fucked up this morning for whatever reason.=/ Think its okie now though. Didnt get to speak with Mike before I left for school. And then Im txting random people during class and he calls me at 11:45.. in the midst of my class. So, I get out of class at 12:15 and call him back and everything is okie.. but good. but then it just gets bad. and then worse after I told him I wasnt stopping by before I went home. because parents would bitch that no one was at his house. and he got mad and says he doesnt know if he could see me. cause his moms being a bitch. and it got quiet... silence.. just like I mentioned before that I hate. I was gonna hang up a lot of times, but i told him I cant do it.I cant sit there like that.. and how the whole thing is dumb. He claims theres nothing wrong and he doesnt have problems, but he wouldnt act that way if nothing was wrong. and its true. he gives off signs when he's mad or irritated and those were the ones. Our convo never gets very far because we're both stubborn and we both view some things differently. I want him to do things to help me, that he refuses to do because he doesnt think he should have to. and he swears he does them and its never good enough and i never recall these events. So, it's always "on me" as to how things go and what i can/cant get over. probably if he knew the half of what i did know, he'd understand. it is the past... and i should maybe forget it. but, i dont wanna be one of those dumbass girls that is obliviious to all the signs and whatever, you know? ah well. I think things are still kinda ehh. but, i dont really know. Im not sure how to react to this anymore. or what to even do to make it better. Idk if Im even seeing him today or not. Its about to be 3. and he still hasnt told me yet. =/ I need to know though.. cause i could be doing other useful things with my time. like.. shopping for work pants and possibly new shoes. did I mention I got my training hours already? and i passed the drug test. (obviously) Training hours starts on Monday from 1-7. its just computer training.. whatever that includes. im not really sure. and then Wednesday and Thursday I train fro 4:30-10:30. kind of a bummer. then.. idk when I'll start. she said she thinks the store is opening on March 12. But the first time she said the 13th. I dont really know though. but, in due time I shall find out. So, I need to buy some kind of nice pants. we can wear anything thats not jeans. and shoes dont matter as long as they're not old and dirrty or really stand out a lot. ohh anddd dad said he'd dye my hair for me. =] I really dont wanna spend the 100 dollars to get my hair cut and dyed. And today my mom got her hair done and dad asked me if i bought the dye yet. so, i think he's excited to do it. =P baaha. so, im excited about that. think im just gonna not tell Mike im dying it again and let it be a surprise. turns out I got a B on the psych. test too. 42/50. didnt do as bad as I thought. i may still have a good chance of passing that class afterall. puppies are doing fine. =] Their tails look really gross. or at least the part that got cut. i think they're healing well between their little claws coming off, tails clipped, and the umbilical cord drying off. =p cute litle things. We only named one of them, and his name is Brutus. Im not sure why thats his name. but, he's a favorite and we may end up keeping only him. Im not sure., dad's telling me that he's telling my mom that i want to keep him. and since i clean up stuff and help clean the dog's messes.. theres no reason we couldnt keep him. so for me, she'd let us keep him. everyone would still love him no matter what anyways. so, idk. just having three dogs again would be intense. we have the room though. and the yard. dads up and down about keeping him.. but he cuddles them and loves them, its so cute. =] he holds them really tight and says "shh" really soft and they stop crying. lol. its adorable. oh well. im done writing for now. tired of it. |
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