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Wednesday --- I had Psychology at 11:OO. We started getting into the first chapter. And that woman rambles about things.. that I dont think we even need to talk about. I guess that makes life interesting. *shrugs* but it seems pointless to me right now. We still havent gotten the syllabus yet. And the class is even more packed that it was before. 5 seats in each row.. and.. I cant visually remember how many rows there are. lol. but almost all the seats were taken. Its crazy. We sort of got out 5 mins early. She said usually she always does let us out 5 mins early to talk to people and/or to ask anyone questions. So thats nifty. I jetted outta there though because of my court time. Court was at 1:OO. When I got home it was about 12:3O. I picked up my mom and we left right after that. Amazingly, we still got there kinda early. I was pissed though because going through security I had to get patted down. Last time I had to take my belt off and I felt weird. So, I didnt wear the belt. And something on me kept beeping. The only thing I had on that was different this time was another bracelet. I thought for sure it was the new one, but the cop insisted it wasnt. I took it off, plus my other ones and it STILL went off. i thought maybe it was my earrings. but, I had those on last time too. So I had almost all my bracelets off. took my phone outta my pocket and had all three of my hoodies off. and still buzzing. So, he went to pat me down. I was kinda pissed. And then one of my bracelets broke..I was pissed about that. and I grabbed all my stuff and then forgot my phone. And this lady behind me was all bitchy and was like "IS THIS YOURR PHONE??!" in like the rudest tone EVER. I hate that people there are so bitchy. Not everyone is gonna love their job!! jesus. So, we got in the court and I checked in. The whole entire place was packed. It was crazy. I saw two state troopers, and didnt recognize either of them. So, I thought for sure I was off the hook. I was probably like the 5th person to get called, which I was surprised. He asked me if I was ready for my trial. Then he asked if the witness (cop) was present. And more cops came out of this room. I thought maybe I was fucked.. and he was hiding in there. But, he wasnt there. So the judge was like.."you win." He just kept telling me that I won and since the witness wasn't there, we cant have a trial.. obviously. And then he said he cant prove whether or not I did it. So, he told me to slow down. He gave me back my license and I was outta there in like 20 minutes. =D Record time for court, I would say. haha. There was one silly guy in there though that was sort of arguing with the judge, and it made me laugh. He was bitching because the judge called a bunch of people up there asked them if they were ready for their trials, they said yeah, and he said sit down. But, this guy didnt like that and said he had to work at 4:30, so he couldnt sit there all day. and they argued about it and whatever. Lotsa people last time, were driving on suspended licenses.. which, amused me. but, oh well. I got home and messed around for awhile. Mike seemed to be being difficult and I was kinda just annoyed a bit by him. Then, I magically got super super tired. And the less sleep I get, the more bitchy I get. and thats not good for anyone. I've noticed Ive been more snippy anyways. Not really trying to be, but I need a good amount of sleep to be content with my day. haha. but, oh well. Note: I really hate country music, mostly. But dad listens to it so much I know a few handful of songs. One morning he sung this song to me and told me how he really loved it and how he felt was expressed in the song. And since then, I've been obsessed with the song. It's Movin On' by Rascal Flatts. They're like the only big-ish country band people that I enjoy listen to. Makes me feel like a lame-o though. haha. Im not a country person, really. Just pointed it out cause Im listening to it now. And prob will another like five times. I didnt leave for Mike's till about 4ish er so. Which is said cause I was home since like 1:30ish/2:OO. And he just ignored me half the time online and just talked about wanting to get some. And, I wasnt digging that. But, I got to his house close to five. Just chilled and watched tv and whatever. I told him about the lack of sleep = even more bitchiness. Which, he knows this. lol. But, he says I havent been a bitch and he'd tell me when I was. Ehhh. Life goes on. We did end up enjoying ourselves after my moodiness though. He's learning. =D I was super tired and have almost daily been getting headaches now. Idk why. I left at like 10:20 though. We always end up talking the most when I get ready to leave. hah. and then we never shut up. oh well. I came home, showered. Read the chapter for humanities. then went to sleep. Thursday -- Humanities is getting a little better. I hate having to get up that early to go though. haha. I always hate it. =P Mikes been getting up super early too. And, idk why. He assumes its because we've been going to bed at 12, so he gets a lot of sleep. Whereas, other times we wouldnt go to bed till later and thus he'd sleep in all day. But, oh well. I went to classs. There was only 4 of us today. i think the other two people arent coming back? Idk. Its getting a bit better to deal with the two way thing though. I still hate seeing myself on the screen, but s'all good. Felt lame for reading last night cause I took notes too. And then today we went straight into the chapter and she had a power point thing. and took those notes. Our notes were mostly the exact same. and.. there wasnt really much discussion. We looked at a few handful of paintings and that was about it. =/ I picked up my Human Services book.and left. Decided I would try to get a Valentines Day present and try to find something for Nick for his bday. I didnt really find anything I liked at Meijer's.. besides I got this picture frame for 2 dollars.. that Im gonna put my fav pic of Mike and I in and give to him. And then.. I got some free underwear. lmao. Pretty much the exact same as the last free pair I got, except they're black and smaller. So, hopefully... they'll fit more comfortably than the other ones. And then I found THE CUTEST pair of pj shorts. Omg! I have this awkward obsession with pandas all the sudden. And they were selling panda stuff. So, I had to get them! lol. Only 8 dollars. And they had the little towel/dress/robe thingers and those were 15. but theyre so cute. I put them in the wash already so i can wear them. haha. then I went to Dominick's and picked out two gift cards for Nick. He really said he just wanted money for stuff.. but, I hate just giving gift cards. =/ unless I can help it. But, Im sad cause i could easily pick stuff out for him. but, Im having troubles now. oy. And still didnt find anything good as far as valentines day goes. bleh. probably try Target next, or Walmart. =P Then, I went home finally... around 11:3O. Looked for food for a long time. cuddled with Vince. He's learned more tricks.=] He's so smart. hehe. and then I did some work stuffs. talked to Mike. Got this thing in the mail from the park district. They wanted volunteers for some of their camp things. I wasnt too excited about most of them. But there was a preschool one and I put I wanted to do that. Feeel like a douche though.. cause it asked if you're younger than 18 yrs and I put yes.. not reading it, thinking it asked if you were 18 or older. haha. So, I had to ruin the paper and scartch it off. and put yes and on the side.. just for added effect I put I'd be 19 in june. lol. kinda sad that most of these things Im looking into are in Aurora. And.. im not that close to there anymore. And I wouldnt mind hanging out with little chillens. =P teehee. So we'll see how that goes. Those other ladies never got back to me about volunteering. Kinda waiting to see if I get this job though before I look more into it. But, not much more has happened. Mike has a.d.d apparently and is "talking to too many people" and cant talk to me. So, we're barely talking. haha. Oh.. I saw something for you Sme, that I thought was pretty cute. I was all excited about it.. but it was something for graduating or graduated kids. lol. thought that mighta been awkward. haha. still got more random things to send to you though. =P And uhm... thats about it really. Just chillen now. Glad that I dont have to go to school till Monday and I can hopefully SLEEP this time.
Tuesday --- The community college actually has three other locations, which is kind of nice. The original one has a massive amount of buildings and floors probably. Ive only been into the counseling building, I think though. And then theres another one thats downtown and that has a couple floors. Ive only been in there once, that was the time Mike and I went to that career workshop thing. And then the last location is connected to the hospital. The first floor is doctors offices and then you go up the stairs and its the college section. Which theres the huge counseling office and then on the left and right is the two hallways full of classrooms. Theres probably only about 5 on each side. And then on the opposite side of the counseling thing is the conference room. Its pretty tiny. But, classes are limited there. Its a 20 minute drive there. probably a 30 minute drive downtown. And then.. probably a 40-45 min ish drive to the original campus. Trying to save myself some time commuting. haha. (that whole thing was really unneccesary) My second day of school didnt go to bad at all. It was kind of a surprise though. The room is basically the conference room. I felt stupid cause i double checked the numbers, cause it didnt seem right to me. I didnt know it was a "two-way course" though. I kept waiting for the teacher to come in. Theres only 6 of us in the class. And then I saw all of us on the tv. So I learned that its a live thing. The teacher is at one of the other campuses and she has students in front of her - and then she has a video of us in the classroom so she can see us and we can see her students and her, whenever she puts the camera on her. so, its kinda interesting. And its like half online too. so, its kinda interesting. Im not really digging it at all. but, i think im gonna suck it up and go with it. We got out probably like 20 mins er so early. I got home to check everything out online, and some reason that class wasnt showing up. So, I was freaking out about it. cause theres stuff already posted that I needed to look at. But, I got someone to fix it for me. And my mom called about the earth science book. and they said that I need to go to the downtown campus within the next two weeks.. and I can get a full refund of the book. So, thats exciting. probably the next time I go to Mike's.. or Im gonna make Mike come with me to do it. =P since its closer to his house. And thennn... I bought my human services book today also. Im glad I waited actually.. cause there were used books available. so, I saved about 20 bucks there. I got home around 11ish er so. messed around with that online stuff trying to figure it out. made pizza for lunch. and that was about it for awhile. helped my mom work. and then after that I finally went and checked out all the online classes info that I havent looked at yet. I thought I was missing a lot. But, Im rather confused... cause theres information up and some syllabus quiz we're supposed to take.. and I think maybe theres information on there from a previous class. Cause it asks what the instructors name is and the guys name is posted EVERYWHERE and his name isnt an option. and then some other question has the date of September in there... and the class ends in May. so.. I messaged him and asked about that. I was gonna take it and get it over with.. cause it has to be done by Feb 2nd. But, I got confuseddd. technically.. class doesnt even start until Friday. but, we'll see. =/ idk. but everything with school is okie thus far. THeres like nothing in the English class right now. People are posting introductions about themselves and half the people cant write for shit. and its so awkward to see. I think I either need a new computer or a new keyboard to do these online classes. some of my buttons dont want to work anymore. or they're sticking. and thats annoying. I was looking into that a little bit today too. thinking if I get this job.. Im gonna pay for other things and hopefully set aside money to go to a computer at the same time. Im supposed to read for humanities. none of it makes sense to me. haha. Im so lost. but, im gonna go with the challenge. hoping 4 months goes by quickly and easily. =P I asked Tehgin last night if she knew anything about the job business. But, she said she hadnt heard a word about it. I think she'd probably let me know ahead of time anyways. But, just waiting that one out I suppose. =/ Shouldnt give up my searches though, I suppose. Although, my mom said I should still volunteer somewhere. So, idk how it'd fit school, work, and volunteering in. AND seeing Mike. some people can get away with it. but, idk. maybe if i was single.. that'd work a whole lot better. heh. unless i got Mike to volunteer with me. but, we'll see. Tomorrow.. I have Psychology again from 11-12:15. Really hoping I get out early like last time. cause I have court at 1:00. hoping that goes over quickly. I dont want my wednesday to be interrupted by freaking court. But, either way Im gonna see Mikee. =P Id rather him come over. but, guess hes having gas issues.. so.. idk what we're going to do yet. but, oh well. I cant wait for this week to be over though. so hopefully things slow down a whole lot. I think thats about it though..... hopefully all goes well with court though. i dont really wanna dish out more monies.
Sunday --- Turns out Mike didn't "feel" like going to see a movie. I knew we wouldn't see one, actually. Aha! But, whatever. He called me and decided he was going to come over. I always like to leave things up to him because there are days when he doesn't like being at home and just wants to leave. So, I always ask him what he wants to do so I know what he's in the mood for. Either way, I dont really care as long as I'm with him. We always find something to do.. even if it's the same shit. And he decided he wanted to come over and not be at home, I guess. Don't think anything exciting really happened at all. Watched random shit on tv. It was actually standup comedy on Comedy Central for a lotta hours. Most of them, I never heard before but they were pretty entertaining. Not much more happened though... that I can think of. I found this chick on here that posted a bunch of sites that she wins stuff on and I signed up for two of them. This one is a music site. Where you listen to music and rate it and get points for stuff, and you win stuff for it. lol. figured... why not. http://www.promosquad.com/logged_in.php there's the link incase you are interested. I dont really know much about it. But, if you play around on there. It's nifty. You get points for taking polls too.. and that's always easy and somewhat fun. Plus, who doesnt like getting free stuff? haha. Makes me laugh though. They make me listen to a lot of dumb shit though. Basically.. the kinda music I really really hate... I have to listen to. lol. Gayyy. We had dinners kinda late. And whatever it was.. wasn't settling well with Mike's stomache. And actually it really wasnt doing too well on mine either. But, Mike couldn't handle it, so he ended up leaving at 8:30. Instead... of the usual 9ish er so. Which, I never understand why I stay later at his house and he only stays till 9 at mine. but, whatever. He said he really didn't wanna leave, but he doesn't want to poo at my house apparently. lol. He thinks its really weird, even though we have like 5 freaking bathrooms. He can seclude himself anywhere he wants. but, oh well. So.. not so much happened really that night. I did all the address labels around 11 er so.. cause I didnt know how long I'd be home for the next day. So, I tried to do my fair share in helping. Mike left around midnight to go to sleep. And lately.. I havent been able to sleep around that time anymore. Im just not tired that time.. idk why. I tried to force myself to sleep since I had to get up kinda earlier. I eventually did fall asleep, but it was just kinda irritating. Monday -- I got up a little bit before 9:20, I think. or 9:30. I went and showered... all that good stuff. Started getting ready. It was my first damn day of college. How exciting, right? I really didn't wanna go. I was scared I was gonna get lost too. But, it's funny because that campus isn't big at all. And there's only two hallways of classrooms. haha. you can tell why there's limited classes there, cause it's not huge at all. =P and you can only fit so many kids in one classroom. So,I left at about 10:20. Hoping to get a decent parking spot and making sure I didnt get lost. As soon as I was walking up the stairs I saw this kid, Alex, whom I used to go to grade school with. He's a cutie actually. =P And I was surprised at how talkative I was. Normally, I don't deal with new situations well.. but..it was pretty much like old friends. I mean... we were, technically. But.. we werent ever really that close. He did tell me this one lady was a really easy teacher though. So, the next time I see him...hoping I do..I wanna ask him what her name was, to get into her class. He said he had her for biology and they had all take home tests and they graded it themselves and barely did anything.. cause she barely speaks english. so who could pass that up? aha! Seemed like they knew each other somehow.. cause they were talking and she said she loved him. lol. But it was cute.. cause she came back and asked him what his name was. haha. And we both laughed about that. =P but then she wanted to talk to him, so I left to go find my Psychology classroom. It's pretty much packed, actually. which was surprising. The teacher came like a little after 11, when it was supposed to start. She made us go around the room and say our names and major. Im glad that was it, I hope it's nothing more next time. Cause I hate going around and having to like explain your personality or say stuff you like. it's queer. Alex told me he heard it was a hard class and an interesting choice for my first semester of college as well. It doesn't seem that bad. I know Im actually going to learn and Im really excited about it now. Not about the group project - apparently at the way end we have to get in groups and teach the class for 30 mins. Dont like that. But, there's only 4 tests. and it has three chapters in each test. that's probably not good. but.. if im interested enough, I think i should be able to keep it in my brain. We got out like 30 minutes early though. that was exciting. More fun on Wednesday, I suppose. i went to Dominick's on my way home to get money back from those cake mixes. Apparently, the sale was only for preferred savings customers. Idk if you know anything about Dominicks or have one of those. But...its one of those.. you swipe the store's card and then it helps you to save money on some stuffs. So, she said it came up more because I didnt have the card. So, she made me fill out a thing, so it didnt happen again. haha. So, now I have my own dominicks card. =P Then, I went home. Got there around 12ish er so. Made some noice Italian bread with my dad for lunch. We ate, and then I had to run off again to go to the interview. I left around 1:20, I think. I got there a wee bit before 2.. which was when it was supposed to be at. And Tehgin actually showed up there too. And Amber was supposed to interview me.. but she made me wait cause apparently her cook was late. So, I just talked to Mike and Randy online while I waited. She eventually came.. i dont even know what time. And she just had this little flippy book thing and told me she had to ask me those questions and she had to take notes after I gave the answers.. and I guess they base that off whether or not I get hired? I was trying to read it and see if I was in a good part or bad part. haha. but, i couldnt really tell. so, she was asking me questions as if I already had the job. I think everything went rather well.. except she got to parts about being the "team leader" or "manager" ish type person. She said even if I didnt want that position, they have to ask about it anyways.. so incase they ever want to move you up.. they can look to see if you were a good candidate and not have to go through the whole thing over again. And one of the things she asked was like what would you do if a kid kept coming in late, how would I handle it. and.. I said... nicely? and she said yeah. So, I was like.. well confront them about it and cut back their hours probably. and she said alot of people there were actually always late, so its a problem. And I said .. well, couldnt you threaten them with their jobs? and she kinda look disturbed by that answer and said no. But... I think generally... if you're cutting back hours anyways... you are kind of threatening them with their job. cause they're gonna get less hours and not make money and... they'll learn to not be late anymore. And I told my mom and she said depends on the person and what type of worker they are. and odds are that they wont fire you anyways cause they NEED you. so they take advantage over the system. which is exactly what Mike was able to do at nearly all of his jobs, oddly enough. hah. and that is true. but, she got up and asked Dave a question and then said they'd call me in a few days and let me know their decision. I guess she was interviewing other kids all day too. so, idk. I got competition..apparently..? After that I left. It was like 2:30 when I got done. I stopped by Mike's just to say hi. and then went home. Helped my mom work. Left for the post office at 5:30. and then went to the bank in Jewel. Deposited my money.. so I have enough to pay for the book I needa get for human services. So, I gotsa buy that book tomorrow. I should have it before friday still. but that human services class is online. it says they start at 5pm on Friday. So.. I was hoping to find John so he could give me the rundown about how it works. I forgot I was gonna go to the online orientation.. but, I forgot about it. i think there were still more.. but i threw that paper away. so, im just gonna wing it now. I keep signing on though.. and it seems like i'll get the hang of it anyways. It just might be more fitting for me. Idk. but, well see. and then I needa call someone to and ask about the earth science book. odds are they'll make me want till buyback days to get rid of it. but, we'll see. went home after that. and helped with dinner. and ate. and now been checking journals and writing here. Tomorrow I have my first day of Humanities at 9:30am. How exciting. that book doesnt look good, even. so, im kind of scared about the class. haha. but we'll see. damn general ed garbage. blah! but, thats alll I got going on tomorrow. Then wednesday.. is a whole lot more adventures. ugh. And Sme -- Im down for whatever you wanna do. lol. We could just make a joint account.. ish. If you wanna make up the name er something, I'm down with that. lol. Or throw out ideas. Im really not good at that. lol. I almost forgot about that too. I've got a ton more cookbooks too though. haha. So, I got this.. if I run out of ideas of my own. lol. I have a lot of favorites though. teehee.
Saturday -- Got up around 9:30, I think. Started getting readdddy and whatever. Nothing too exciting. Mike left to go shower and then he said he was coming over. The night before he said he was gonna go to Luigi's before coming. So, I went to Dominick's really quick to get cake mix to make my epic cake. They were having a sale on baking things. some cake mixes were like four for five dollars. So, I was like heyy.. why not. and I picked up whipped cream and that was it. Course ... with my luck it was too good to be true. lol. It rang up retarded. I shoulda said something when I was there... I didnt wanna look like an ass though and be wrong. It rang up 2 for 2.55 two times. so, I got charged 10 dollars for those four boxes. I told my mom and she was all excited to call and fix it. So, I gotta go back there to get some monies back. It was good timing though cause I walked in and like 2 mins er so later Mike was knocking on the door. Dont think he went to Luigi's either. but, oh well. Amazingly enough.. he was willing to jump right into baking. I probably shouldnt have considered it after the Dominick's ordeal. Cause, shit just went down from there. haha. I got Mike to mix the cake batter. Last time I made this cake.. everything turned out fine. I made two FULL cakes in a little.. I think it was 9inch circle pan. But this time... it started leaking out everywhere. It got all over the oven. My mom started saying I told you so... trying to tell me how to bake. haha. She thinks cause I used different brands of cake mixes, that that's how it happened. I felt bad cause we had to clean the entire oven. But, I say it needed to be cleaned anyways. It hasnt been cleaned since we moved in though. So, it actually looks a lot better anyways. It wasnt on the list of things to do. But, ehh. But, my cakes still baked wonderfully. Then, I couldnt get them to come outta the pan right away. Course last time.. I never had a problem and I was doing it all by myself. but, whatever. Point is... it worked out in the end and everything came together nicely. I made chocolate frosting instead of vanilla this time. But, basically it was the same two layered.. whip cream and strawberries in the middle-ness.. cake. It was yummyyy still. =P Mike and i watched a wee bit of Juno. And other various shows. He napped on me for awhile. nothing real exciting happened. Except, he did tell me he really thinks I'm bipolar. It kinda made me laugh and I asked him why. And he said cause sometimes my moods really do get out of hand and I get really happy and then ready to kill someone in the span of five seconds. His best example was on Friday night when we were in the car... trying to decide what to eat for dinner. I said pizza, he said no. I said what do you want, he said I dont know. So, here I am driving around like a retard... with no answer and Idk where to go. So, I was really happy.. but then started to get pissed cause he wasnt helping. And he kept being a brat, so it bothered me even more. And sometimes I just feel like I really can't talk to him, cause he never listens. Or he never wants to tell me anything or make any decisions. He wants me to take care of everything, and I get sick of taking care of everything. So, maybe it was just pent up anger.. more than anything else. i dont know. My moods did change pretty fast. i caught myself thinking a lot of random things though. So, Idk if it was just me being really angry. But, he started trying to make it better. and he was singing to me. And he never ever sings to me. It was cute actually. And he wasn't half bad either, just some parts i think he tried to hit it too hard. =P I mean I really can't say much.. cause my singing isnt really that great. lol. I just belt things out in my car all the time to release energy. Actually is very helpful sometimes. lol. I feel really good afterwards. =P But, I dont know. He says I barely make decisions. But its funny.. cause yet again.. today.. I aksed him what he'd wanna do tomorrow. I said we should see a movie. I even picked the movie, and he said no. But, of course... we're gonna go through the same exact thing tomorrow.. and waste time debating this, and probably not see a movie. Feels like I just cant win sometimes. Another thing - was that we were talking about the whole job dealio and school and I asked him if he was scared about it and he just said "i dont know." I wanted to know how he felt about it. if he was nervous or what.. but he couldnt say anything. I was seriously asking. Because, when he went to start work... I was really scared. Im always scared of change. I hate it. Im used to him being home all the time to talk to now. And, I know things are gonna be weird once i start school again and if I get this job too. It wont be AS bad because I still could see him and whatever. Schools only like a freaking hour a day. so, its not really that big of a deal. Just work.. would be close to right after school. But, Idk. I guess we'll see how it goes. I'm still scared that we won't have time for each other. But, the workplace is like down the street from his house.. if all else fails. If he got a job, I think it'd be interesting to see his hours. I bet his wouldn't work with mine.. cause that'd just be too luckyyy. but, I dont know. He never heard back fro Radio shack, I assume. And nothing yet from Panera. Apparently, his mom is being a bitch.. so now he's all in the serious mood to do stuff and finding a job and working out and whatnot. We'll see how well it works out, really. He knows he has to change stuff, he's just really slow about doing things. I think I forgot to mention also.. that I searched online for good face cleaners for acne. My dad used to buy pro-active. But, that stuff gets expensive after awhile. It was working for the most part. but, not really well enough. Most people recommended Neutrogena oil free acne wash. So, I went out and got this cream kind. There was a very different types. And, I actually think its been helping. Im not sure if thats everything just clearing up, finally. or if its really helping. But, most of them... I think were from bleeding. My mom likes to call them that anyways. Cause sometimes she gets them too. and thats depressing. lol. makes me feel like I'll never have luck getting rid of them. But, we'll seee. Havent had any new ones since I started using it though, so Im quite excited. Someone else said cetaphil.. I think it was called. And another girl had all these juice organic thingers. but, oh well. just thought I'd throw that out there. oh, and as far as that chicken recipe goes. I need to seriously consider finding a chicken recipe book like that. haha. with just chicken. =P I luff chicken. i prefer it, mostly. Im not that picky about it. We really like cheesey things and things that include noodles. lol. I have to make some kind of epic Italian meal. That Italian cookbook is epic.. I'll have to take pics of it er something. lol. I havent gone through it al or even dared to look too much into it. lol. otherwise... idk. lol. I did a lot of rambling there.
I always thought friends were a very important thing in life. I kind of yearned for a best friend just like I yearned for true love. Sadly, it never really seems to happen. None of that ever really works in my favor. Something really depressing to me is that I went back thinking about the first best friend that I ever had. It was in the first grade and her name was Kaeloni. The saddest part was that she moved away the next year to go to Alaska. Who the fuck goes to Alaska? lol. Apparently, her. But that was my first best friend gone. I still have little letters and cards and stuff that we wrote to each other and how we'd be "best friends forever." I decided I would try to find her on myspace and catch up with her after all these years. I sent her a message as soon as I found her, and I never ever got anything back. She's still on my friends list, but she's never said a word to me. It's pretty sad, because I put a lot of thought into finding her and writing her a message. After she was gone, I went through a few other "best friends" as I'm sure we all do while growing up. I can't remember the order exactly anymore. But, I guess the moral of the story is that all of those best friends have faded over time. Another girl I became good friends with, Stephanie, she vanished somewhere. All my other friends used to hate her, but I hung out with her a couple times and she was pretty cool. She probably switched schools too, and since then we haven't spoken. There were some "best friends" that came with me through highschool though. But, those "best friends" already had other "best friends." And thus, I had been replaced. I was no longer the priority. I suppose I'm guilty of this too, but it's all so very depressing. It's just so sad that life has to get in the way of everything. I want to go back to those old days of crying in the bathroom with my best friend and having no idea why we're crying, and then we just bust out laughing. I love those old days. I love the days where boys never even mattered. How our girls came first, and boys always came second. I love how we were never too busy for each other, and all we had was time. I miss playing volleyball with the girls that I liked. The ones I actually got along with anyways. I really miss it all. And now, I find myself asking what is a best friend? Where do I find one? How do I get one? What does it cost to just have someone there when you need them? Mike used to never want to call me his best friend AND his girlfriend. He always wanted to keep it separate for whatever reason, and I think I finally know why. But, we've come past that now. Personally, I've always considered him my best friend not just my boyfriend. And he finally admitted that I was more than just his girlfriend, I was his best friend too. I AM his best friend. I love that. I love hearing it. I love knowing that he'll always be there for me and I can always rely on him, even if we do ever breakup. I know for a fact he'll always be there. It makes sense though - because if your best friend is your boyfriend/girlfriend it'll be ten times harder to let go. You'll have no one to go to anymore. No one to be by your side. No one to really rely on. It'd just be horrible. It's true, I'd probably be miserable without Mike being there for me. But, I've also had this "best friend" that I've known since preschool. We didn't really get close till way later in middle school, but we sure do have a long history. I thought we'd always be so close. But she changed. I changed, I guess. Turns out we stopped having so many things in common, I suppose. She went her ways, I went mine. And now we barely even talk anymore. I started replacing her with someone else, because there was someone else that was there for me more than her. I felt bad about it sometimes, but even now I feel ten times closer to the other girl. It sucks that we grew apart. I blame it on life and growing up. I know I've tried contacting her numerous times, and try to tell her we need to do stuff but she never jumps at situations to hang out until she's ready so I stop trying. It's just depressing that I can't say that I really have someone else there to rely on as a best friend. I want that. I want to have a girls night, enjoy myself, and gossip like we're little kids again. I just really want all that. I hate that life entails so much and requires so much work and responsibility sometimes. We all have our separate lives, and its quite obvious we're all at different points in our lives also. I just wish that we wouldn't have lost that closeness. I wish we could still have as much fun as we did growing up. I wish we could be careless again, and not worry about impressing boys that are useless anyways. Oy. I'm starting my first semester of college on Monday, and I must admit I hope I meet a really good person to become friends with. I've always said I wanted to find a job for that reason as well. Turns out, I also have an interview on Monday as well. It's a place where one of those "best friends" actually works. Except, I think if I got this job we won't ever really work together anyways. I'll have day shifts and probably as soon as I'm done, she'll start. And there's not many people that work there. haha. Eight people total, I think it was. and probably three of them are girls. oy. So, I'm banking on school to help me along here. Guess I'm really tired of not having someone else that I can rely on. Sometimes you just need to get away. You need to see a fresh new face. You need to vent to a fresh new face. Damn life. I wish it wouldn't go by so quickly.
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