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[bgcolor=dimgray] [font=wingdings]ppppppppppppppppppppppppppp[/font] entry O40 time 7:37 [font=wingdings]ppppppppppppppppppppppppppp[/font] [color=white] [[ Love is just another form of suicide ]] So, that lines true. I'll garentee you that. Cuz well, my moods are fucking odd as hell. Dont know. Im happy and all, but something's not right. Maybe I should stop thinking about other people and stick with my own feelings, cuz I feel like bawling.. and.. doing major damage to myself. Not normal after all what happened, but eh.. whatever.. I'll live.. I suppose. So, Mike got to come over yesterday. ((thank Goddess)) I basically cleaned the house up, chilled with my lil bro.. waiting for him to come, and he got here around 1ish. So, we chilled in my brothers room, playing mortal kombat for awhile.. watched some tv.. that barely even lasted. Went outside for awhile, boys we're being stupid.. playing with sticks and shit.. I got hit in the ass with two branches.. haha damn I was getting abused in the booty. haha. oh well. [/color]
Then the hose was brought out, so me and Mike were running from it for awhile.. then we just stayed outside most of the time, walked up and down the sidewalk.. he he he.. holdeded me.. and gave me my hugs and shit. Daamn.. I couldnt have been happier. Maybe dreams do actually come true. hah. Ya right.. but ehh.. he touched my ass an awful lot.. and yeah.. he was having a field day touching me.. haha but I suppose that's normal. so he grabbed my hand and we holded hands for awhile. Twas nice. I really enjoyed my time with him yesterday. I wish it never would have ended.. Cassie and Katie came by.. the two chicks that I despise secretly.. hah..so I was getting all crazy.. then Joey was coming by on his bike too.. so I went over by Mike.. holded his hand, and I was like yup this is mine. And he just said hi and went on doing what he was doing. Sounds mean.. but ehh.. lol whatever. Just wanted to get my point across. hehe. He scared the shit outta Cassie and Katie though.. but thats where have my craziness comes from. yup yup.
So, before he left.. gave me another hug.. and I just walked around some more. Fucking crazy as hell. Got like a shitload of guys staring and shit.. not to sound uhh self-centered er anything.. cuz well, I got a really low self-esteem.. but damn.. these guys gotta be at least 18 or older... all mexican too. hah. And funny, cuz most the time their in groups in their cars. And the one stopped in fronta my house and was like you wanna go cruise..eeek, sometimes it's scary around here. These guys are fucking crazy as hell.That's half the reason im not outside much. Half the neighborhood hates me and you cant go anywhere without somebody hitting on you. It's like damn. Eh, but... yeah.. touched Mike's.. ahem.. special area.. haha he was holding my hand.. telling me he was getting a boner n shit.. he's like just the littlest touch and bam there it is.. he's like i cant control the thing, that's why I wear baggy pants. I was like haha. so, I moved closer.. hehe.. he he wanted some.. was gonna do it too.. I could see it in his eyes, but got all paranoid and shit.. my hands were shaking.. bleh. I guess I I got chickened out.. haha. it's sad. He was gonna give me some frenchy, but I dont think you should rush into that without just doing little pecks and shit, im not one to move fast.. and well... hah never done it before. So.. yeah.. sometimes I worry about me. haha. oh well. I I just really love that kid. -sigh- Cant wait till next weekend. And that's that really. We talked again at 8.. haha and his Ma and everyone at his house made fun of him cuz he hugged me in front of her and shit. But they want me over at HIS house this sunday coming up, I believe. So we shall see.. should be interesting. write here [font=wingdings]ppppppppppppppppppppppppppp[/font] mood . ehh wearing . uniform listening to . the fan talking to . no one watching . the screen plans . school thinking . bout Mike loving . Mike hating . Brenda wishing . this week will go by fast random thought . I miss Mike [font=wingdings]ppppppppppppppppppppppppppp[/font] orangeapples1 Arniwyn Skribblez67 LiL_Babie_Gurl SyCxNxThExHeAdx 4M4ND4 [font=wingdings]ppppppppppppppppppppppppppp[/font] + Steph + [font=wingdings]ppppppppppppppppppppppppppp[/font] copyright: sweetie212- scream... [/bgcolor]
[[ Love is just another form of suicide ]] So, that lines true. I'll garentee you that. Cuz well, my moods are fucking odd as hell. Dont know. Im happy and all, but something's not right. Maybe I should stop thinking about other people and stick with my own feelings, cuz I feel like bawling.. and.. doing major damage to myself. Not normal after all what happened, but eh.. whatever.. I'll live.. I suppose. So, Mike got to come over yesterday. ((thank Goddess)) I basically cleaned the house up, chilled with my lil bro.. waiting for him to come, and he got here around 1ish. So, we chilled in my brothers room, playing mortal kombat for awhile.. watched some tv.. that barely even lasted. Went outside for awhile, boys we're being stupid.. playing with sticks and shit.. I got hit in the ass with two branches.. haha damn I was getting abused in the booty. haha. oh well. Then the hose was brought out, so me and Mike were running from it for awhile.. then we just stayed outside most of the time, walked up and down the sidewalk.. he he he.. holdeded me.. and gave me my hugs and shit. Daamn.. I couldnt have been happier. Maybe dreams do actually come true. hah. Ya right.. but ehh.. he touched my ass an awful lot.. and yeah.. he was having a field day touching me.. haha but I suppose that's normal. so he grabbed my hand and we holded hands for awhile. Twas nice. I really enjoyed my time with him yesterday. I wish it never would have ended.. Cassie and Katie came by.. the two chicks that I despise secretly.. hah..so I was getting all crazy.. then Joey was coming by on his bike too.. so I went over by Mike.. holded his hand, and I was like yup this is mine. And he just said hi and went on doing what he was doing. Sounds mean.. but ehh.. lol whatever. Just wanted to get my point across. hehe. He scared the shit outta Cassie and Katie though.. but thats where have my craziness comes from. yup yup. So, before he left.. gave me another hug.. and I just walked around some more. Fucking crazy as hell. Got like a shitload of guys staring and shit.. not to sound uhh self-centered er anything.. cuz well, I got a really low self-esteem.. but damn.. these guys gotta be at least 18 or older... all mexican too. hah. And funny, cuz most the time their in groups in their cars. And the one stopped in fronta my house and was like you wanna go cruise..eeek, sometimes it's scary around here. These guys are fucking crazy as hell.That's half the reason im not outside much. Half the neighborhood hates me and you cant go anywhere without somebody hitting on you. It's like damn. Eh, but... yeah.. touched Mike's.. ahem.. special area.. haha he was holding my hand.. telling me he was getting a boner n shit.. he's like just the littlest touch and bam there it is.. he's like i cant control the thing, that's why I wear baggy pants. I was like haha. so, I moved closer.. hehe.. he he wanted some.. was gonna do it too.. I could see it in his eyes, but got all paranoid and shit.. my hands were shaking.. bleh. I guess I I got chickened out.. haha. it's sad. He was gonna give me some frenchy, but I dont think you should rush into that without just doing little pecks and shit, im not one to move fast.. and well... hah never done it before. So.. yeah.. sometimes I worry about me. haha. oh well. I I just really love that kid. -sigh- Cant wait till next weekend.
[bgcolor=white] [color=black][font=tahoma]E N T R Y # O39[/font] [color=black] Yesterday wasnt the greatest day I've had. Im sure it could have been worse, but that's not the point. We didnt go out to eat as planned for my sister's birthday..her and my brothers and her boyfriend went to see a movie around 7 instead, so going out to eat was out of the question. I didnt wanna go. Didnt really care too. Then again, that's where being anti-social pops in. Meh.. so I sat around the house most of the time. Cleaned it up.. but of course it's dirrty again, so I have to do it ALL over again, bcuz these people are fucking lazy. I only like with 6 other people, but god damn. I hate it. We didnt eat till like 10 though. Mike was supposed to call me at 8.. and I waited and waited.. nothing.. and then finally 10 he calls.. Im glad he still did call me and everything, but I was about to have a break down.. I dont know what the hell was wrong with me.
So, we talked for a little bit.. he *might* come over today. Depending on what my parents say.. and if his Mom will still let him come over. My Dad mentioned something to me yesterday about him coming here today... so maybe he wants him to come over, I dont know. We'll see though. If he does come over though, we're having some fun damnit. He suggested we go take a walk somewhere and then yeah... should be interesting. Hopefully everything goes as planned. I've been really irritated with people lately. It's pretty weird. I'll just throw random mood swings.. really not like me. But.. hey, Im not okay.. so.. really doesnt surprise me.
I just dont feel like myself anymore. Almost everyone seems happy, and then Im still not. But one day... maybe.. just maybe.. I can stay happy. Who knows. But whatever.. I just really miss Mike. wish I could be in his arms right about now.. I thought about it.. dreamt about it.. cant fucking wait. -sigh- Damn.. why must I need this kid so bad??? http://my.kiwibox.com/journals/journal.asp?id=169818 [color=black]©luckys74r[/link]
entry 000 date 00.00.00 [font=wingdings]«¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨«¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨«[/font] My Day [color=0000ff] [[ I hate them all and I hope they die ]] The depression is definately catching up on me. somethings not right. I feel like shit, even talking with Mike, I felt like shit. I felt like cutting.. just releasing, about the only thing I thought would help, but we stayed on the phone long enough for me to calm down. So, tis okay.. I guess. -sigh- I ended up going on that field trip, when me and my Ma got there they were all just getting on the bus.. about to leave. I was hoping she wouldnt have got up, so we didnt have to go, bcuz the ride there was horrible. Way too early for that shit. I didnt really enjoy it. Had to get hugs from someone else, since I didnt have Mike around. I missed the kid like all hell. Damn did it suck, and sitting there having to watch Steph and Billy together, holding each other and shit, really made me just.. bleh.. by that time I needed/wanted Mike 10 times more than before. Twas horrible. Ex Boyfriend, noticed me sitting by myself, told me I looked lonely, came by me, gave me something to play with, some squishy ball connected on a rainbow string, really stupid, but, we werent supposed to sit with guys.. it was girl girl, guy guy. So he was like oh I would sit with you but we arent 'allowed'[/color]
So whatever, I know he doesnt care anyways. At least he put some thought into it though, Supposively he wants me and it's so obvious, tis what Steph n Billy say but eh whatever. So, then on the ride home.. this other guy, Jake, sat behind me and Steph and it's said that he likes me.. then it's said that he likes Steph, so who really knows. But, he was trying to get lucky.. making conversation and shit. I told Mike about him, and he was like oh you should give him a chance. I was like god damn Mike.. but eh, whatever. So, got home earlier than we had planned, thank god. Called Mike around 8:45ish.. we talked till 10. And that was really good, except I clammed up on him.. and started being quiet and all, like I usually do, and he pulled that, I wanted to talk to you ALL day today, I was so excited, now we're finally talking and your clamming up on me.. shit.. bleh..
He tolded me that he missed me like nonstop. Trying to make me feel better, bcuz my lil bro pissed me off. Took my D12 cd.. lost the case for it.. and the basterd wont help me find it, told me it was on my bed, and it's NOT there, so Im like wtf. So I was pissed, sick and tired of people by that time. I hate them all. And after a full day of everyone in my class yesterday, that was fucking hell. I cant wait till I graduate. That'll be the day. So, that's that. Not doing much today. Plan on cleaning my room and the house basically, since no one else can do it. My Mom has other shit to do, so she cant do it. My sister's birthday is today, dont know what we're gonna do. Maybe go out to eat for din din or something. Beats the hell outta me though. Mike's gonna be at the comic book store most of the day, wont get to talk to him till later tonight.. -sigh- that sucks. Then, I remember Mother's Day is Sunday... so.. that most likely means my chances of getting Mike at my house, is unlikely, bcuz he'll prolly have to spend the day with his Mom, just like me, or.. something along those lines. So my plans are fucked. Im kinda pissed now too.. so Im gonna go before this gets even longer, besides doesnt matter anyways. texthere [font=wingdings]«¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨«¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨«[/font] Me Now mood: bleh time:12:22 eating:nothing wearing:shorts,pj pants,t-shirt wanting:Mike thinking:how much I'll dislike this weekend hating:people loving:Mike n my subbys plans:cleaning my room [font=wingdings]«¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨«¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨«[/font] Responders Mark:Eh, at least he's not lying. I can be a bitch. haha. That parts true.
Ally:Yeah, some workout is better than none. and the dude the insulted me like that is a prick, doesnt matter, but either way, in a sense he's not lying. So it's okay.. I suppose.. I dont know.
Shina:I dont really frown when they say shit.. just look at them like their fucking crazy.. bothers me, but not that much to get me down.dont worry about missing a day though. tis alright. I got my sis a necklace and a cd.
Angie:Hope you feel better Ang.. it's okay that your response was short and all. Dont worry about it. Take your time on the letter though as well. no rush. Take it easy over there though please. I lurve you.
Julia:hah yeah, my ex is his best friend, but funny thing there is he's the one that hooked us up, so it's cool. I guess. responder:shoutout responder:shoutout responder:shoutout responder:shoutout [font=wingdings]«¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨«¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨«[/font]
[[ I hate them all and I hope they die ]] The depression is definately catching up on me. somethings not right. I feel like shit, even talking with Mike, I felt like shit. I felt like cutting.. just releasing, about the only thing I thought would help, but we stayed on the phone long enough for me to calm down. So, tis okay.. I guess. -sigh- I ended up going on that field trip, when me and my Ma got there they were all just getting on the bus.. about to leave. I was hoping she wouldnt have got up, so we didnt have to go, bcuz the ride there was horrible. Way too early for that shit. I didnt really enjoy it. Had to get hugs from someone else, since I didnt have Mike around. I missed the kid like all hell. Damn did it suck, and sitting there having to watch Steph and Billy together, holding each other and shit, really made me just.. bleh.. by that time I needed/wanted Mike 10 times more than before. Twas horrible. Ex Boyfriend, noticed me sitting by myself, told me I looked lonely, came by me, gave me something to play with, some squishy ball connected on a rainbow string, really stupid, but, we werent supposed to sit with guys.. it was girl girl, guy guy. So he was like oh I would sit with you but we arent 'allowed' So whatever, I know he doesnt care anyways. At least he put some thought into it though, Supposively he wants me and it's so obvious, tis what Steph n Billy say but eh whatever. So, then on the ride home.. this other guy, Jake, sat behind me and Steph and it's said that he likes me.. then it's said that he likes Steph, so who really knows. But, he was trying to get lucky.. making conversation and shit. I told Mike about him, and he was like oh you should give him a chance. I was like god damn Mike.. but eh, whatever. So, got home earlier than we had planned, thank god. Called Mike around 8:45ish.. we talked till 10. He tolded me that he missed me like nonstop. Trying to make me feel better, bcuz my lil bro pissed me off. Took my D12 cd.. lost the case for it.. and the basterd wont help me find it, told me it was on my bed, and it's NOT there, so Im like wtf. So I was pissed, sick and tired of people by that time. I hate them all. And after a full day of everyone in my class yesterday, that was fucking hell. I cant wait till I graduate. That'll be the day.
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