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Well well well..
Marcotte87 24
heeey you! i see youre not overly active on the site… -
Well well well..
Sme 28
Oyy I have very obviously not been on here in a whi… -
Well well well..
Sugar_xxx 26
You finally made an entry!! Lol. That sucks Jewel s… -
It's all just too much
KKzMissShrtcake 26
I figured they would fire him. Like I said, falling… -
It's all just too much
Sugar_xxx 26
Aww, that sucks Mike got fired. I hope he can find …
CommentsShow all Subscriptions (2)Statistics
[x. Tired of Trying x.] giving in seems like my only hope-safety pin-asshole-marker wars[font=wingdings] «««««««««««««««««««««[/font] Entry #:24 Tim[color=990033]e:11:04 Mood:shitty Thinking:need Mike [font=wingdings] ««««««««««««««««««««« [/font]Without Anyone Today So I've made many mistakes in my life before. Some that I regret, others that I don't. But I dont know.. I still feel like somethings wrong.. or somethings missing but Im yet to figure that one out. I dont know what's wrong with me. I dont know why I feel the way I do. I dont half answers to half my questions. See, I called Mike last night around 8... usual time. He didnt have much to say, and the convo was basically.. pointless. So my ma needed me to get off, then I called him back at 8:30.. and he was playing mortal kombat on his xbox... and basically was spacing out to the point that I was sitting there talking to myself for about 5 minutes, so i just stopped talking and listened to him talk to himself and the game. There was at least an hour of silence, bcuz we didnt get off the phone till 10:30 and bout that time we had a convo going. ((thank goddess)) He basically brought my mood down, I was happy at first, but then got the vibe he wasnt, so I was depressed as all hell.. he started being an asshole.. so I just shut my mouth for awhile.. in the mean time.. I was scratching myself with a safety pin, and well there's shit on my wrist now... but really doesnt bother me. I felt relieved after I did it. So whatever. Then I sat there for awhile just running the safety pin on my hand.. and I had a cut thing on my hand from my nail ((was playing vball and my nail got jabbed into my hand and the fucker was bleeding and opened up pretty good)) and it's just about done healing, so i tried opening it up some more... all that while I was on the phone with him. didnt seem like he cared anyways, and I was tired of holding back. So that's that. And we talked about me getting my hugs and all.. and then I told him to bite me.. so he said.. he'll give me a hug and bite my neck.. so i was like oh hell yeah. But eh, i dont know. He might be coming over again tomorrow, if he's not being an asshole. By the looks of things, Im not gonna see him today, and we didnt even discuss if we were or not. So, hopefully tomorrow. oh yah, if you guys remember that constitution test I had to take. I passed it by one percent. hah. Lucky me. So i dont have to take it again. Im actually hoping to get somewhere near straight A's by the end of the school year. Doubt I could do it. But i suppose it's always worth a try eh? Moods are up and down nonstop. It really blows. Yesterday night, Oscar and Jeremy were at my house till 1 in the morning. Oscar's around my age and Jeremy's 26,still living with his parents.. but he's handicapped.. and cant drive.. but anyways, yeah they were here till 1. Half the time I was spazzing out like all fucking hell. Oscar told me it seemed as if I was possessed by something, I wouldnt doubt it. But i was sitting on the floor in my brothers room, watching all of them play video games and i was rocking back and forth screaming things. and I was just.. eh.. i dont know. it was interesting. I cant believe I did it either. So, sooner or later they went to go play their gay card game and i went to sit by oscar since there wasnt anymore seats left.. and we soon ended up having a marker fight. I colored on him so then he got it from me and got me a couple times. tis was amusing. by the time I went to bed, I think I was a bit better. But I wake up... and Im back from square one. Miserable as hell. Not much I can do to change it either. Im just locking up again.. and Im sorry and apologize to any of you, that I usually talk too and barely do anymore, I dont have the energy too.. anymore.. I just sit around.. lifeless hoping for a better day. I really wish to tell you, Angie, that Im fucking sorry. Because I dont want things to go back like they were before. Im not intending for it to happen, but Im just not me at the moment.. Im really fucked up. That's all I do know. Maybe I'll drag my bro out to the store with me.. get my mind off things for awhile... bleh... HERE HERE [font=wingdings] ««««««««««««««««««««« [/font]Noone Near Me [smal]Wearin':pj pants, white tanktop Hatin':everything Listen':tv and me typing Doin':this... obviously [font=wingdings] «««««««««««««««««««««[/font] Still Alone but Not Subbie:HERE Subbie:HERE Subbie:HERE Copy and paste more subbies if needed [font=wingdings] «««««««««««««««««««««[/font] ©J[colr=cc0033]c[/color]hess From Me To You  Always, Serenity_978 From Me To You Always, Serenity_978 Thank You Guys <3
Angie- well, thank you for sending out my letter. I know I dont need more battle scars though. -sigh- Just feels like it. I almost feel like I did something wrong. hah. oh well. Thank you for everything hun. your the best. Lurve you. Mark- dont worry about it. hope your alright though. Trixie- hah, well if that's what you really want me to do, I suppose I could < Ally- If only I knew why the sudden darkness. I'd be more than happy to tell you, but I have no clue. heh. Oh well.. I suppose shit happens.. Im just messed in the head. Shina- meh, as for the best friend. I think I could really care less. I should be used to being alone with nothing to do anyways. But this summer will be hell, that's all I know. I hope you have fun with andy though. I sure you will. thank you for caring though. <3 Julia- Damn, I made you cry by just reading that. shit.. lol, Im sorry. well, i know what you mean with your situation with your best friend, basically same thing as me.. except I dont feel uncomfortable around her, i dont tell her everything in my personal life really.. or problems.. anything of that sort. But, thank you for being around for me hun. Lurve you. Laura- hehe, well Im glad to hear that my response made you feel better. I tried. lol.. so I've noticed many words seem to be amusing to you. haha. Your great chick. =) Thank you for all that you've said. I really wish you wouldnt have to result to cutting either, just as much as you wish for me not to do it, but I suppose we're in this one together eh? Your probably not too happy with me, but eh.. I love you tons and tons and tons anyways. =D xxWell, surprise surprise. =D haha, It's Steph filing in for Shina tonight. I havent seen her online at all today, er anything. Have no clue where she could be.. maybe with Andy er something. -shrugs- I dont know. I didnt know if she was gonna be around or not, to do an entry, so I wanted to keep her blue month going for her. Just cuz Im nice like that. bwahaha. So, there's really not much that I can say here. Leave some love for her.
Just a little something for Shina-- My Babycakez, Just wanted to say thank you for everything that you've done for me. It truly does mean alot to me, and I dont know where I'd be without yah. I hope you dont mind me doing this for you. lol, just thought I'd do you a little favor though. heh. Ah well. I hope you had a good day and all... hopefully everythings okay. Your the bestest. I lurve you tons!!!! -hugz- <3 xxAngie- well, thank you for sending out my letter. I know I dont need more battle scars though. -sigh- Just feels like it. I almost feel like I did something wrong. hah. oh well. Thank you for everything hun. your the best. Lurve you.
Mark- dont worry about it. hope your alright though. Trixie- hah, well if that's what you really want me to do, I suppose I could < Ally- If only I knew why the sudden darkness. I'd be more than happy to tell you, but I have no clue. heh. Oh well.. I suppose shit happens.. Im just messed in the head. Shina- meh, as for the best friend. I think I could really care less. I should be used to being alone with nothing to do anyways. But this summer will be hell, that's all I know. I hope you have fun with andy though. I sure you will. thank you for caring though. <3 Horoscope for April 23 You may be going through a long-term phase in which you are altering the way in which you see the world, Angel . Spiritual concerns are suddenly becoming a more important part of your life. Unfortunately, however, you may find that these new developments in thought are creating emotional unrest at this time. You may be feeling stubborn and conservative. This inner conflict is a sign that you need to let go of old habits and traditional ways of viewing things. [x. My worlds falling apart x.] Emotions Blow-Pain Pain-Urges-I give up-[smallest][font=webdings][color=3c3a3e]g[color=514e55]g[color=615d66]g[color=77707b]g[color=827c86]g[color=949099]g[color=a29ea6]g[color=b5b2b8]g[color=c8c6ca]g[color=e1e2e2]g[color=3c3a3e]g[color=514e55]g[color=615d66]g[color=77707b]g[color=827c86]g[color=949099]g[color=a29ea6]g[color=b5b2b8]g[color=c8c6ca]g[color=e1e2e2]g[color=3c3a3e]g[color=514e55]g[color=615d66]g[color=77707b]g[color=827c86]g[color=949099]g[color=a29ea6]g[color=b5b2b8]g[color=c8c6ca]g[color=e1e2e2]g[color=3c3a3e]g[color=514e55]g[color=615d66]g[color=77707b]g[color=827c86]g[color=949099]g[color=a29ea6]g[color=b5b2b8]g[color=c8c6ca]g[color=e1e2e2]g[color=3c3a3e]g  [smallest][font=webdings][color=3c3a3e]g[color=514e55]g[color=615d66]g[color=77707b]g[color=827c86]g[color=949099]g[color=a29ea6]g[color=b5b2b8]g[color=c8c6ca]g[color=e1e2e2]g[color=3c3a3e]g[color=514e55]g[color=615d66]g[color=77707b]g[color=827c86]g[color=949099]g[color=a29ea6]g[color=b5b2b8]g[color=c8c6ca]g[color=e1e2e2]g[color=3c3a3e]g[color=514e55]g[color=615d66]g[color=77707b]g[color=827c86]g[color=949099]g[color=a29ea6]g[color=b5b2b8]g[color=c8c6ca]g[color=e1e2e2]g[color=3c3a3e]g[color=514e55]g[color=615d66]g[color=77707b]g[color=827c86]g[color=949099]g[color=a29ea6]g[color=b5b2b8]g[color=c8c6ca]g[color=e1e2e2]g[color=3c3a3e]g [color=514e55]First and foremost, I earned meself a new subby yesterday. So, thank you very much Mark [ SyCxNxThExHeAdx ] for subbying to my journal. Hopefully I dont scare you away. hah. But anyways. I do wish to thank you all for all the support you've given me through this "emotional" time of mine, I suppose you could call it. I guess everything with school is piling up on me nonstop. I only have about 5 more weeks of school, till I graduate. I cant wait. And come to think of it, I wont miss any of the people there either. they're all assholes, and they're not worth my time. All they do is piss me off to the point where I want to strangle them all. I've been in school with those same people for at least 10 yrs and stilll the only thing they do is pick on me. Im getting used, walked all over, made fun of, whatever the case may be. Im an outkast.. me and my best friend. We hate them all. But still.. she's got Billy [her boyfriend] to attend too.. she's always around him. Not that theres anything wrong with it. But she's always so happy..around him.. and watching them makes me sick. She's barely online anymore to talk with me. She always has shit to do with him. So, Im left with nothing, as usual. Oh yeah 2 pages yesterday, thank you guys so much!! You guys rawk.
[color=615d66] Doesnt really surprise me. I suppose I should be used to have nothing too. Best thing I got close to me is Mike.. that's 3 months in 4 days. I cant believe we lasted this long. I dont see the good part in me. I dont see why people call me pretty. They dont know half of it.. look at my scars and then tell me Im pretty. My fucking heart has been torn apart countless times it's not even worth trying to put it back together anymore. Mike's my life.. my everything.. and still.. I hold back from him. Im not fully over the pain, i dont know if I ever will be for that matter. Im not strong enough. All my scars.. are battle scars. Im still here after all that bullshit. Im not disgusted with myself, nor do I regret it. To tell you the truth, I wish there was more. I know I told Angie this, but I dont know.. Im fucked up in the head, so shoot me. Im a freak. What can I say? I like the pain that I bring forth upon myself with the blood gushing out and whatnot, I can sit and watch that forever. Watch myself bleed to death. I dont even know why I feel the way I do anymore. Controlling these emotions is the last thing I could ever do. [color=77707b]In my world, everythings falling apart and I dont know how to put it all back together. Truthfully, I dont even know why Im still here. Yah, I was put here for a reason, bla bla, heard it all before, same stuff I've told most of you, maybe i should take my own advice, but i can only help others, not myself. sucks that it has to work that way.. but still. Nothing I can do about it. Then again I havent had a good rant in awhile.. and I probably need this venting bit. Although, Im sure its nothing you guys want to read about. but, I appreciate those of you that take your time out to read all this nonsense. At this point.. Im just lost in nothingness. But somethings not right, I can feel it. Oh that must have been it.. Mike informed me yesterday that he realized scissors can cut skin, obviously, but he was just letting me know what he was doing, told me it wouldnt open up again so he was gonna go get it open.. and well... he's doing his thing, so im tired of holding back.. whatever happens.. happens. [color=827c86]Write here [smallest][font=webdings][color=3c3a3e]g[color=514e55]g[color=615d66]g[color=77707b]g[color=827c86]g[color=949099]g[color=a29ea6]g[color=b5b2b8]g[color=c8c6ca]g[color=e1e2e2]g[color=3c3a3e]g[color=514e55]g[color=615d66]g[color=77707b]g[color=827c86]g[color=949099]g[color=a29ea6]g[color=b5b2b8]g[color=c8c6ca]g[color=e1e2e2]g[color=3c3a3e]g[color=514e55]g[color=615d66]g[color=77707b]g[color=827c86]g[color=949099]g[color=a29ea6]g[color=b5b2b8]g[color=c8c6ca]g[color=e1e2e2]g[color=3c3a3e]g[color=514e55]g[color=615d66]g[color=77707b]g[color=827c86]g[color=949099]g[color=a29ea6]g[color=b5b2b8]g[color=c8c6ca]g[color=e1e2e2]g[color=3c3a3e]g [smallest][color=615d66]When I cry, I close my eyes [color=77707b]And every tear falls down inside [color=827c86]And I pray with all my might [color=949099]That I will find my heart in someone's arms [color=a29ea6]When I cry, cry [smallest][font=webdings][color=3c3a3e]g[color=514e55]g[color=615d66]g[color=77707b]g[color=827c86]g[color=949099]g[color=a29ea6]g[color=b5b2b8]g[color=c8c6ca]g[color=e1e2e2]g[color=3c3a3e]g[color=514e55]g[color=615d66]g[color=77707b]g[color=827c86]g[color=949099]g[color=a29ea6]g[color=b5b2b8]g[color=c8c6ca]g[color=e1e2e2]g[color=3c3a3e]g[color=514e55]g[color=615d66]g[color=77707b]g[color=827c86]g[color=949099]g[color=a29ea6]g[color=b5b2b8]g[color=c8c6ca]g[color=e1e2e2]g[color=3c3a3e]g[color=514e55]g[color=615d66]g[color=77707b]g[color=827c86]g[color=949099]g[color=a29ea6]g[color=b5b2b8]g[color=c8c6ca]g[color=e1e2e2]g[color=3c3a3e]g [color=615d66]mood [color=c8c6ca]not the best
[color=615d66]wearing [color=c8c6ca]uniform [color=615d66]listening to [color=c8c6ca]me typing [color=615d66]thinking about [color=c8c6ca]Mike [color=615d66]loving [color=c8c6ca]Mike [color=615d66]hating [color=c8c6ca]the world [color=615d66]random thought [color=c8c6ca]maybe i should let these urges come [smallest][font=webdings][color=3c3a3e]g[color=514e55]g[color=615d66]g[color=77707b]g[color=827c86]g[color=949099]g[color=a29ea6]g[color=b5b2b8]g[color=c8c6ca]g[color=e1e2e2]g[color=3c3a3e]g[color=514e55]g[color=615d66]g[color=77707b]g[color=827c86]g[color=949099]g[color=a29ea6]g[color=b5b2b8]g[color=c8c6ca]g[color=e1e2e2]g[color=3c3a3e]g[color=514e55]g[color=615d66]g[color=77707b]g[color=827c86]g[color=949099]g[color=a29ea6]g[color=b5b2b8]g[color=c8c6ca]g[color=e1e2e2]g[color=3c3a3e]g[color=514e55]g[color=615d66]g[color=77707b]g[color=827c86]g[color=949099]g[color=a29ea6]g[color=b5b2b8]g[color=c8c6ca]g[color=e1e2e2]g[color=3c3a3e]g [smallest][color=615d66]When I cry, when I am sad [color=77707b]I think of every awful thing I ever did [color=827c86]When I cry, there is no love [color=949099]No, there is nothing that can comfort me enough [color=a29ea6]When I cry [smallest][font=webdings][color=3c3a3e]g[color=514e55]g[color=615d66]g[color=77707b]g[color=827c86]g[color=949099]g[color=a29ea6]g[color=b5b2b8]g[color=c8c6ca]g[color=e1e2e2]g[color=3c3a3e]g[color=514e55]g[color=615d66]g[color=77707b]g[color=827c86]g[color=949099]g[color=a29ea6]g[color=b5b2b8]g[color=c8c6ca]g[color=e1e2e2]g[color=3c3a3e]g[color=514e55]g[color=615d66]g[color=77707b]g[color=827c86]g[color=949099]g[color=a29ea6]g[color=b5b2b8]g[color=c8c6ca]g[color=e1e2e2]g[color=3c3a3e]g[color=514e55]g[color=615d66]g[color=77707b]g[color=827c86]g[color=949099]g[color=a29ea6]g[color=b5b2b8]g[color=c8c6ca]g[color=e1e2e2]g[color=3c3a3e]g [color=949099]Responders [color=e1e2e2] Beachdevil182 Arniwyn xDarkxAngelx CoffeeBeanKilla afchicka SyCxNxThExHeAdx [smallest][font=webdings][color=3c3a3e]g[color=514e55]g[color=615d66]g[color=77707b]g[color=827c86]g[color=949099]g[color=a29ea6]g[color=b5b2b8]g[color=c8c6ca]g[color=e1e2e2]g[color=3c3a3e]g[color=514e55]g[color=615d66]g[color=77707b]g[color=827c86]g[color=949099]g[color=a29ea6]g[color=b5b2b8]g[color=c8c6ca]g[color=e1e2e2]g[color=3c3a3e]g[color=514e55]g[color=615d66]g[color=77707b]g[color=827c86]g[color=949099]g[color=a29ea6]g[color=b5b2b8]g[color=c8c6ca]g[color=e1e2e2]g[color=3c3a3e]g[color=514e55]g[color=615d66]g[color=77707b]g[color=827c86]g[color=949099]g[color=a29ea6]g[color=b5b2b8]g[color=c8c6ca]g[color=e1e2e2]g[color=3c3a3e]g [smallest][color=615d66]The salt inside my body ruins [color=77707b]Everyone I come close to [color=827c86]My hands are barely holding up my head [color=949099]Oh, I'm so tired of looking at my feet [color=a29ea6]And all the secrets that I keep [color=b5b2b8]My heart is barely hangin' by a thread [color=b5b2b8]Hangin' by a thread [smallest][font=webdings][color=3c3a3e]g[color=514e55]g[color=615d66]g[color=77707b]g[color=827c86]g[color=949099]g[color=a29ea6]g[color=b5b2b8]g[color=c8c6ca]g[color=e1e2e2]g[color=3c3a3e]g[color=514e55]g[color=615d66]g[color=77707b]g[color=827c86]g[color=949099]g[color=a29ea6]g[color=b5b2b8]g[color=c8c6ca]g[color=e1e2e2]g[color=3c3a3e]g[color=514e55]g[color=615d66]g[color=77707b]g[color=827c86]g[color=949099]g[color=a29ea6]g[color=b5b2b8]g[color=c8c6ca]g[color=e1e2e2]g[color=3c3a3e]g[color=514e55]g[color=615d66]g[color=77707b]g[color=827c86]g[color=949099]g[color=a29ea6]g[color=b5b2b8]g[color=c8c6ca]g[color=e1e2e2]g[color=3c3a3e]g [color=949099]Subbies
[color=e1e2e2]4M4ND4 AmongTheLiving Arniwyn Beachdevil182 InsaneLeo LiL_Babie_Gurl madroxsbabbie666 Numba1Chic playb0ibabiexo Skribblez67 Sme Stephy77 sweetstuff2169 SyCxNxThExHeAdx xDarkxAngelx [smallest][font=webdings][color=3c3a3e]g[color=514e55]g[color=615d66]g[color=77707b]g[color=827c86]g[color=949099]g[color=a29ea6]g[color=b5b2b8]g[color=c8c6ca]g[color=e1e2e2]g[color=3c3a3e]g[color=514e55]g[color=615d66]g[color=77707b]g[color=827c86]g[color=949099]g[color=a29ea6]g[color=b5b2b8]g[color=c8c6ca]g[color=e1e2e2]g[color=3c3a3e]g[color=514e55]g[color=615d66]g[color=77707b]g[color=827c86]g[color=949099]g[color=a29ea6]g[color=b5b2b8]g[color=c8c6ca]g[color=e1e2e2]g[color=3c3a3e]g[color=514e55]g[color=615d66]g[color=77707b]g[color=827c86]g[color=949099]g[color=a29ea6]g[color=b5b2b8]g[color=c8c6ca]g[color=e1e2e2]g[color=3c3a3e]g [smallest][color=615d66]Oh, look at me [color=77707b]At all I've done [color=827c86]I've lost so many things that I so dearly love [color=949099]I lost my soul [color=a29ea6]I lost my pride [color=b5b2b8]Oh, I lost any hope of having a good life [color=e1e2e2]So I cry [smallest][font=webdings][color=3c3a3e]g[color=514e55]g[color=615d66]g[color=77707b]g[color=827c86]g[color=949099]g[color=a29ea6]g[color=b5b2b8]g[color=c8c6ca]g[color=e1e2e2]g[color=3c3a3e]g[color=514e55]g[color=615d66]g[color=77707b]g[color=827c86]g[color=949099]g[color=a29ea6]g[color=b5b2b8]g[color=c8c6ca]g[color=e1e2e2]g[color=3c3a3e]g[color=514e55]g[color=615d66]g[color=77707b]g[color=827c86]g[color=949099]g[color=a29ea6]g[color=b5b2b8]g[color=c8c6ca]g[color=e1e2e2]g[color=3c3a3e]g[color=514e55]g[color=615d66]g[color=77707b]g[color=827c86]g[color=949099]g[color=a29ea6]g[color=b5b2b8]g[color=c8c6ca]g[color=e1e2e2]g[color=3c3a3e]g [smallest][color=e1e2e2]by:jmlace
[color=FF6699].x. [color=FF9966]*~http://my.kiwibox.com/journals/journal.asp?id=204489[color=99FF00]CoNgRaDuLaTe[/link][color=0099FF]TaShInA [color=9900FF]& [color=FF6699]AnDrEw [color=FF9966]On [color=FFFF00]ThIeR [color=99FF00]10 [color=0099FF]MoNtH [color=9900FF]AnNeRvErSaRy[color=FF6699]![color=FF9966]~* .x. ©SkRiBbLeZ67 Love You All <3
Mark- Well, happy early birthday to you Dear. hm, depression since you were 13 eh? Yah, I know it sucks. Mood swings blow as well.. that could be what Im having as well.. or just me being bipolar. =/ I was happy a little while ago, but now im just pissed/depressed. -shrugs- i dont know. I gave up trying to figure me out a long time ago. but thank you for subbying. Brittany- Yeah, I hate most people I know. They most likely dont know that, I just pretend alot. I dont tell most people much of anything that runs through my head though. So it really doesnt matter. This is like the only place I rely on, and sometimes this doesnt even help. But thank you for responding, although i doubt you'll even read this. heh. Maz- thank you for responding and all. Depression really does hit you hard and there's no telling the difference between pretending and actually being happy. I'll tell you that much. I hope things do start looking up again, or at least with my emotions. cuz this sucks. Ally- Yah, I am very insecure about myself actually, and many other things as well. But most of it was brought upon from other people and my low self esteem, so i dont know waht I can do to help me and the ideas that I've been giving, im too scared/worried what the outcome would be. Im just sick of life and living in a hellhole, even though I have it better than some, or so I've been told. Either way, thank you for all your advice. it helps me alot. it really does. I dont really go about exposing my body to guys bcuz it's just stupid.. sometimes I grab the wrong attention to people though.. some want me just for the looks.. and then here comes Mike... bringing a whole new meaning to everything.. which is why.. Im so touchy about all this, I suppose. meh, i dont know. but thank you for everything, the response, all of the above, I really cant thank you enough girl. <3 Angie- Ah, I'd shoot myself before I ever became another Jen. hah. Im sure in time I will be able to open up to Mike more, but Im just too.. worried, I suppose. maybe in another two months or so, depending on how long this lasts. I got alot locked up that people dont know.. and it's hard to just throw my feelings out in the open to someone. ahhhh, i dont know. but thank you thank you, for everything. I really appreciate it. Lurve you. Laura- Ah, I love you. heh. I dont know waht I'd do without you chick. I suppose we're all in this together. Im not worrying much about that incident with the chick's boob and all.. I just.. bleh.. i dont know.. over reacted on that one, but then everything hit me at once. lol, but you know, Im not a lesbian either, and i dont got to be one to tell you that your fucking hott too.. haha cuz im not kidding either. you really do know how to cheer me up, just with your words, hah, funny how that works. but thank you for everything chick. You really do help me. More than you know. i wish we'd live closer as well.. that'd be awesome. But, yeah.. someday maybe. bwahhaa. <3 Trancie- I highly doubt anything will change, things will just get ten times worse. I cant get over this crap that easily. Im not that strong. Julia- thank you hunni.. for everything. all your support and all. Im sure things will get better sooner or later, I just dont see/feel it happening yet. Im just lost in my own world.. trying to get back. I suppose. Truthfully, Im not okay. I can make it through if I really try. But, i dont know. Your a sweet girl chick. =) Sme- ah, so finally someone knows what im talking about. lol. thank you. hehe me loves you. Trixie- anytime you want chick. just lemme know. Shina- ah you dont have to be so worried about me like that, sometimes i do think about not coming back here and everything.. but, some way or another I find myself always coming back here. thank you for everything though. About the kiwinote, heh it's fine. no worries. Love you though chick. <3 [x. Locking up x.] shitty emotions-depression? bleh. school blows-feel like crap[bgcolor=white][font=wingdings][color=crimson][font=wingdings]«[/color] nn « nn « nn « nn « nn «[/font]
 [CENTER][font=eurostile]HERES MY HEART...[/font][/CENTER] [FONT=eurostile]You know, sometimes I think Im a bad person for thinking what Im thinking. I really cant help the thoughts at all because they come nonstop. I cant help the insecurities. Nor can I help the voices. I cant control anything. Sometimes I hate myself for all this. Almost seems like I bring upon all my pain, but then again, I dont. If it even makes sense. I feel like shit. I look like shit. I dont want to be here. I dont even have the energy to do something I love to do anymore. Everythings like falling apart. Maybe it's depression kicking in again, I dont know. I wasnt even happy when I was talking with Mike last night. I was at first.. a little bit, but then as it progressed, he told me some shit happened and then he accidentally touched this chicks boob. I really didnt care to hear that. I didnt hit me until I actually thought about it. I was more than likely over reacting at the time, screaming inside. But, now Im just pissed. Dont have a reason. So Im assuming it's my fucking depression. So eh yeah. I dont know. I have a really low self-esteem. I hate me. The way I look. Almost every aspect about me no matter what anyone says, I know Im probably the total opposite of that. Mike made yet another bet with me that sooner or later he'll be getting me to say that Im hot, because he told me a couple times on the phone that I was. And i really really doubt that. I dont see what's so great.. but whatever. Maybe Im making a big deal out of nothing. But I really cant help this anymore. This all may seem like bullshit< whatever you wanna call it> i dont care> i have to take the constitution test today in school> and have to pass it> im kinda stressing that there"s so much shit that i have to do in school< it"s not even funny anymore> it"s pretty much just unbearable. Im just.. bleh.. dont know what's wrong with me. And Im sorry for any inconveniance to you all. Im locking up, I havent been online much. As I said, my computers being slow. Im sick of life. Sick of all the pain. I seriously have the biggest fucking urges you'd ever think of. but i cant even tell you whats wrong bcuz. i dont even know. Im just hurting.. or somethings missing.. because things like this dont happen in this order. I could seriously just fucking cry right now im so god damn frusterated. People at school annoy the hell outta me. They wont leave me alone. I just wish to be in my own little world, and away from those people. I cant fucking wait till may, when it's over. I only have like 5 more weeks of school left. dont even know if I'll have a graduation party, i cant stand people. let alone being the center of attention with them. Nothing was ever about me, so i dont see why some people are making it look like that. No ones paid this much attention to me. I dont have close friends that actually live by me that I can tell everything to. I dont tell my best friend half the shit that's said on here. I dont tell Joey this stuff. Nor do I really tell Mike this stuff either. Now that I think of it, I think I only told Ted my TRUE feelings. hah. he was just a little fling so that doesnt matter anyways. weekends approaching soon, just as I wished for. thankfully. dont know waht's gonna happen though. But whatever, im done here. I give up. [/font] [bgcolor=black][font=eurostile]beachdevil182 Arniwyn LiL_Babie_Gurl Skribblez67[/font][/bgcolor][CENTER][font=eurostile][font=wingdings][color=crimson][font=wingdings]«[/color] nn[/font] I'LL LET YOU BREAK IT. [font=wingdings]nn [color=crimson]«[/color][/font][/font][/CENTER][/bgcolor] [color=white] Ally- Your not a bad subby at all. Dont even start thinking that. heh, your actually one of the greater subbys that I have. =) But, I really do want to thank you for all that you've said. I really do like your responses and your advice and all. Means alot to me. Just for the record, I was talking about that silver.. shiny.. small thing that can hurt you, I've done it a million times and already have my battle scars. bleh, but i suppose you are right. I really dont like doubting him and the relationships but sometimes i really cant help it.. im just.. blah, i dont know. I really do thank you for sticking around with me though. Take care of your problems too hun, dont worry about me. I be fine. Angie- Well as much as I trust Mike, it's just as hard to open up to him as is to any other person. Just like I had my issues with you, I cant help it. Because I've kept things locked up for a long ass time now, and now everythings supposed to change. There's alot that I say, but alot that I'm still yet to say. It was never about me, and im always being there for other people, not bothering them with my crap, which is why I think I dont say much come to think of it. I didnt say that you led me wrong or anything. Your doing a fine job, and I thank you for much for all the help that you've given me. It really means alot to me..I never said the scars were embarrassing either. Im not.. what's the word.. uhh disgusted with myself, nor do I regret doing it either. I wish to create more on me, as bad as that sounds. Im not fully over this. i stop over a period of time.. bcuz i know with some things it's pointless to do it over, bcuz at that rate I'd have about 5 times the scars I do now. I wait till I cant overcome the urges anymore. I understand the whole power thing though. I know waht I see though, and it comes to me.. so eh.. thank you for your support though. Lurve you. Laura- I love you chick. some reason your responses always leave me smiling and im in a shitty mood too. bleh, but thank you for everything chick. really means alot to me. I was referring to cutting there, just to make that clear. Im sure it wasnt that hard to figure out, but oh well. I suppose your right as well, he wouldnt be doing all that if he didnt love.. like... me. Trixie- ah, dont worry about it chick. I be fine. I lurve you. Shina- Tis alright love. No worries. Hope you have a good time with Andy and everything. I love you too. Sme- heh thank you Sme. -huggles- lurve you. |
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