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Well well well..
Marcotte87 24
heeey you! i see youre not overly active on the site… -
Well well well..
Sme 28
Oyy I have very obviously not been on here in a whi… -
Well well well..
Sugar_xxx 26
You finally made an entry!! Lol. That sucks Jewel s… -
It's all just too much
KKzMissShrtcake 26
I figured they would fire him. Like I said, falling… -
It's all just too much
Sugar_xxx 26
Aww, that sucks Mike got fired. I hope he can find …
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[x. Somethings not right x.] nonstop headaches-pain pain-too much, cant even tell wha's real anymore[font=webdings]gcgcgcgcgcgcgcgcg[/font]  [smallest]date: April 15, 2004=====time: 10:49[/smallest] [font=webdings]gcgcgcgcgcgcgcgcg[/font] As for today, things seem to be a bit out of place. I actually feel like something's missing, or.. more like somethings gonna go wrong. Then again could just be my insecurites and whatnot. -sighz- I dont know. I suppose I've been keeping myself occupied for awhile now, I havent been thinking about Mike THAT much, but yet he's still on my mind. We did talk last night.. tis was nice.. watched tv together over the phone. hah. He was sharing with me how the girls on the OC were hot, then we watched I want a famous face and South park, and by that time.. he had to go bye bye. =( now I feel like there's something I need to say.. Im just a tad bit lost. Got another subby though, thank you madroxsbabie666 it's funny cuz I seem to gain one every day or every other day, but they dont respond much. hah. Oh well. It's cool. Up to 14 now. -grins- Better than nothing though, I very thankful for you all. There was something I was explaining to Laura in her response the other day.. about me being scared because of my past and whatnot. It's not that bad compared to others that I know, but the past relationships I've been in with guys isnt the greatest. As I said, the last two relationships I was in before Mike ended at 3 months, and me and Mike's 3 months is coming up in like 2 weeks. Im not really scared that he's gonna break up with me or that we're gonna be over, it's just more of a when am i gonna do something wrong and start the first fight? Maybe I worry too much, I dont know. But I cant help but think about these things. After the last two bullshit relationships, I put up all my guards and didnt trust anyone after that.. but then somehow.. I trusted him, and for some reason I believe almost every word he says to me. And funny thing is.. my sister sent me a horoscope quiz, and I took it and one of the questions was pick your favorite number from 1-10.. so I chose 7 cuz well, it is.. and then at the end it tells you what everything means.. and it said that number is how many people it'll take before you find true love.. and I counted yetserday, and that's exactly 7.. I didnt even find it as a coincidence.. I dont think it is. I believe in all that astrology stuff.. so I dont know. It just made me wonder. oh yah, went and got my hair cut yesterday. Hopefully I shall get it highlighted again. bwahaha. Im thinking blue streaks over the summer. lol. but i dont know. my hair used to be straight as hell when i was younger, and now it has some shitty wave to it, it sucks ass. ah enough about hair.. -shakes head- Spring breaks almost over.. then back to the hellhole for another 6 weeks or so.. then I graduate, or at least Im hoping.. hah. wow, there's something seriously wrong with me. Not quite sure if im focusing in on Mike too much but I dont feel like me anymore. I feel angry.. and kind of dizzy.. almost numb too. hahh. yah wow.. wahtever. I havent been able to sleep though because I get damn headaches.. like right before i go to bed, then when I lay down, cant find a good position cuz it hurts, I have at least 3 a day.. dont know why though. bleh.. might be going to the mall though, not quite sure.. but we shall see. [color=ff3333]Shhh.. My Picytures [/color] [font=webdings]gcgcgcgcgcgcgcgcg[/font] LiL_Babie_Gurl blondie3705506 skribblez67 Arniwyn responder responder responder responder [font=webdings]gcgcgcgcgcgcgcgcg[/font] [smallest]©SeductiveBunny[/smallest] Angie- Well, I thank you very much for leaving me something, despite the fact of you not having the energy to be here. I appreciate it. meh, the pics are nothing good though, hah I garentee you that. lurve you. Shina- lol sorrys about your computer. =( hope that gets fixed soon. and your welcome for the spam. haha. I would have done more.. but i would have gotten outta hand. haha. ah, 10 months on the 23.. lol i got 3 months on the 27th. -grins- close to yours. bwahahha. haha your great though woman. lol the part you said about seeing me so you can finger yourself.. lmao, had me laughing so fucking hard. haha.. thank you thank you.. I LOVE YOU!!!! TriXie- thank you Dear. But just remember you need to let me know waht i can do to help you as well. okay? I lurve you. [x. Love..just another form of suicide x.] -Poem- (thinking) picytures-thank you subbys <3 entry 000 date 00.00.00 [font=wingdings]«¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨«¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨«[/font] My Day --Mine as well skip this part--((not important))Love can make you do crazy things. Craziest thing it did, was make me fall in love with him. Maybe that doesnt make sense. But, I cant see myself without him. He's my world. My everything. My light in the darkness. The one that holds my worthless heart. The only one to make me happy. The only one to make me smile. The only one to hold me in that special way. The only one to make me feel the way I do. The one that changed my look on the world. My only reason for living. The one that keeps me going. My life.. plain and simple, I'd be lost without him. He helped me get off my feet, and continue on living life like I should. Instead of basking in sorrow and pain.. always feeling sorry for myself. I always wanted to give up. Never had confidence in me.. but I suppose he changed that around a bit. Sure my feelings are still the same about some things, but I dont think the way I feel about him has been like any other. This is two months.. going on about 3.. and I havent regretted it once. Not once have I regretted meeting him, speaking to him, being around him. I enjoy every minute of my time being with him. I never thought it would actually happen though. I wanted him so damn bad. never thought he'd actually like me as much as he does. For a person like him to feel the way he does about me, kind of makes me wonder. But, Im thankful to have him around That was some of what I wrote in my passworded journal about Mike.. two of the 13 paragraphs I have written. heh. I dont know. I really < Got another subby though.. so thank you beachdevil182 for subbying. -grins- And I just so happened to write another poem with my time last night, so I suppose I'll show you guys that one as well. But other than that, I dont have much more to say. Kind of lost in my own little world at the moment. I keep seeing things. eh.. maybe im finally losing my mind. Oh yah, my Mom had the digital camera out on the table last night.. so i was messing around with it for at least an hour taking pictures of myself, hah, it's funny cuz for once in my life I actually felt pretty. And the pics on the camera didnt look all that bad. Now alls I have to do is load them on the computer. hah. so, maybe you guys will get to see my ugly face soon. It's funny the way you make me feel The way you dont make me shed these tears Ir's funny how much you care.. Because no one's ever cared this much before The affect you have on me. You cant compare it to any other It's funny how you can change every frown into a smile with just one touch It's funny because you've changed me so much And it's funny because I need you too much, or better yet I love you too much. Makes me think... all those painful days are over once again I've found my happiness I've found the keeper to my heart And I trust you not to break it You can break me down as much as you want As long as you promise to lift me back up those tears that I've cried the sleepless nights the scars on my arms I dont want to be there again Sometimes, it's the only way out But you've rescued me from the hellhole Now the only thing I need, is you. [font=wingdings]«¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨«¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨«[/font] Me Now mood:ehh time:10:51 eating:nothing wearing:pj pants,boxers,tanktop wanting:Mike thinking:What Mike's thinking hating:pain loving:Mike plans:load those pictures [font=wingdings]«¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨«¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨«[/font] Responders Shina: lol, well Im glad you think Im sexy. haha. Mike tried to get me to agree with him that I pretty.. but -whispers- I dont think I am, so he lost that one. bwahaha. ah yesh, you should continue writing though. It's good for you. lol. But thank you for all that you said. Really means alot to me. jebuz, what would I do without you girl? haha. I LOVE YOU!! Amanda: Tis alright Angie: Hm, well I suppose we'll find out when it gets here eh? Thank you for reading though. <3 Laura: lol I know, but I couldnt get my mind off the kid. Since I cant tell him everything,I just pretend. hah. It works. Bah, I have a low self-esteem.. cant help it either. =( You are right though, Im so scared because of my past, I'll tell you this.. the last two relationships I was in both ended at exactly 3 months, and I was hurt two times in a row. And have been hurt many other times in the past as well, which is why Im always so insecure about this and spilling out my guts to someone because i dont have any trust in people usually. It's just a little fling you know? but eh.. whatever.. gotta stop that rambling. hah maybe we'll talk later. and Im glad to hear that you liked the poem as well. heh. Thank you for everything chick. I love you!!!!! lol Julia: Glad you loved the poem. =) I tried. hah yeah, I suppose everything will be okay. Hopefully. But thank you for all your support and whatnot hun. Ally: Eh, I always have alot on my mind. So it's nothing really new to me. =/ I'd be interested in hearing about what you have to say though. I'd listen, and try to help if you'd like that. Glad to hear that you liked the poem as well though. If your reading todays, I dont think this one is the greatest. bleh. Thank you for subbying and everything. Means lots to me. [font=wingdings]«¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨«¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨«[/font] [x. Cant help but wonder what the future holds x.] -Scared for Life- poem-Paranoid-need him need him[font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font]
 Welcome to My Journal..hahaha [font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font] [font=wingdings]v[/font]My Wicked Ways[font=wingdings]v[/font] [font=wingdings]v[/font]Eh,well after yesterday, I find myself asking numerous questions, but they remain unanswered.I sat here for like 2 hours or maybe even longer typing shit about Mike and the way I feel about him. I got at least 8 paragraphs out of me, plus the other day when I was writing that's like 13 all together. If i just sit here and think about it, it doesnt make sense. I keep wondering why he chose to come to me? What's so great about me? I dont have much to offer. Im a suicidle psychotic bitch, what more is there to ask for? i've scared plenty people away from me because Im not good enough, I suppose. Or just the fact that they cant handle me. But for once.. I dont understand it at all, he was a complete asshole to me and now he cant stop telling me he loves me. Makes no sense at all. [font=wingdings]v[/font]Im very very thankful to have him, because without him i dont think I'd be here at this point. And he's help change me and make me stronger in a sense. He's my world. Not much more I can say there, but it keeps me wondering. And then the questions about how long we'll last bothers me as well. When will I do something to fuck everything up? Will he ever get sick of me? Sometimes I dont know waht to expect from him, but when we were talking on the phone last night, he said some more about his past and usually it slips, he doesnt mean to say it but it happens, then when it comes down to mine, he only knows so much. Sometimes I feel bad for locking everything up, and not explaining things to him, but still going on three months, Im still insecure. I dont know why though. [font=wingdings]v[/font]I barely slept last night. I woke up at least every five minutes, my mind was on Mike. I suppose that's why I couldnt sleep very much. But, I cant help it. meh, I dont know. I think I should just shut up.. and keep shit to myself. I have it going good for me right now, and it almost seems like Im trying to fuck something up, but I cant help the fact that I worry alot, that's one of the things I do best. -sigh- so shoot me for being paranoid. Enough of that, Laura said I should put some more of my poems up, so Im gonna do that just for you Darling. =) But, let me know what you think about this one.. [font=wingdings]v[/font]"Scared for Life" Wipe away these tears from my eyes take me into your arms let me know I'll be safe in this world filled with pain and anger i cant take much more help me overcome my fears of being hurt again let me know you'll never hurt me like all the others have these scratches and red marks you see on my wrist and on my arms are signs of all the pain I've once been through it shows you that the pain is real scars for life never will they leave me they're stuck there forever along with the hurtful memories which i keep locked up inside for the world to never know to scared to show you the real me i dont know waht the consequences would be you dont wanna see me hurting and suffering from all the torture give me the blade, and let me be sleepless nights with tears running down my face no one to comfort me no one there to hold me every tear that I shed for you makes me wonder why i still keep trying... ©SCV [font=wingdings]v[/font]texthere [font=wingdings]v[/font]texthere [font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font] [font=wingdings]v[/font]My Evil Stats[font=wingdings]v[/font] [font=wingdings]v[/font]Mood~bleh [font=wingdings]v[/font]Time~11:08 [font=wingdings]v[/font]Entry~13 [font=wingdings]v[/font]Subbies~ 12 [font=wingdings]v[/font]Eating/Drinking~ nothing [font=wingdings]v[/font]Thinking~ need Mike [font=wingdings]v[/font]Wanting~ Mike [font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font] [font=wingdings]v[/font]Just Plain Evil[font=wingdings]v[/font] Name Name Name Name Name Name [font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font][font=wingdings]v[/font] ©babyboo16 4M4ND4 : haha yeah that sounds like a good idea actually, except for the fact that the guy who mooned me was outside both the times he did it. lol. and I didnt see more than his ass cheeks.. haha but my brother did. =P he was pissing on my house, trying to pee on the window, my bro looked down and then saw his package. lmao. Arniwyn : hm, so your probably telling me I wont like this letter than eh? But, I hope your alright. I suppose we will talk later about everything. Sorry I didnt get back online though, after I had my talk with Mike my sister was on the computer for awhile, and I was in my room watching tv.. probably fell asleep.. so i dont know. My apologies. LiL_BaBiE_GurL : haha hell yeah hot mexicans all the way man!! lmao. hm, what school do you go to? I figured, you woulda had yours last week like all the other schools, cuz i gotta go to a shitty catholic school. =/ -shrugs- ah well that's cool. lol, we can be bored off our ass together. =D Numba1Chic : hm, well Im also very glad to hear that you like the poem as well. =) I didnt think it was all that great.. but eh, I did what I could. thanks for you support though chick. Skribblez67 : thank you for everything babycakez. =) hehe, no worries though. I still love you. hope you have a good day. xDarkxAngelx : Thank you for all the support that you've given me chick. It truly means alot to me. and you always got me smiling. hehe. Your awesome. As for my spring break, I know some other people just have it ending, but i suppose that was a public school, because where Im at now all the catholic schools have their spring break. So eh it blow, we're not all out at the same time. hah. And Im also very glad to hear that you liked the poem. hehe. I tried. xxxYeah, Im back again, wrote out another poem just thinking of you.
-Feelings for you- It's funny the way you make me feel The way you dont make me shed these tears Ir's funny how much you care.. Because no one's ever cared this much before The affect you have on me. You cant compare it to any other It's funny how you can change every frown into a smile with just one touch It's funny because you've changed me so much And it's funny because I need you too much I love you too much. Makes me think... all those painful days are over once again I've found my happiness I've found the keeper to my heart And I trust you not to break it You can break me down as much as you want As long as you promise to lift me back up those tears that I've cried the sleepless nights the scars on my arms I dont want to be there again Sometimes, it's the only way out But you've rescued me from the hellhole Now the only thing I need, is you. But what's even funnier is that I continue writing to you nonstop, but i wont get any answers back. You wont be reading this, or at least I hope you wont. But ehh.. I dont know. Maybe someday you will. Then you'll realize why I always agree with you that I am lucky to have you. You must not realize what all I went through in the past, and if you compare it to the way things are now, they're alot better. You make everything better. You have the power to make all my pain go away for a certain amount of time, until i come back to my senses and realize what's actually happening. I never thought I'd get to be this way again. I never thought I'd be this happy with someone. Nor did I ever think I was ever gonna get someone as great as you. Sure we all have our ups and downs.. we have our falls, we all have our habits, but we can work together to overcome them. I could stop just for you.. if i really tried, but sometimes I feel there's things that i cant tell you. All my past seems to be a blur when it comes down to actually talking about it. I dont mind telling you about it, but im still scared. I feel like if I tell you too much, you'll know how to hurt me, you'll know each and every move to do some little thing to make me mad, or to purposely hurt me just because you have the will power to do so, not saying that you would or anything, but i only say what i have to when it's necassary, otherwise it's never to be spoken of. I dont see a point in it.. [x. Rip my heart out x.] Poem--spring break- Damn guyz-got mooned TWICE-- bla bla blaSo, I dont feel all that great today as I would have wished. But, I suppose that's just the way things go sometimes. Yesterday wasnt all that exciting. I did spend most of the day talking with Mike.. online.. and then we had our hour talk before we went to bed and all. So it was nice overall. That's exactly how I wanted to spend my Easter. -sighz- Other things happened during that time, as well but i dont think im at liberty to say.. so moving on. Some of the guys came over yesterday though, played their stupid card games for awhile. And I was talking to David, he's a REALLY hot mexican.. heheh and smells yummy as hell. -grins- and well Gma made some jello eggs for easter, and he stuck the whole thing in his mouth, and i was like god damn, then he took it out and started licking it, i was like haha ooh that's sexy, so he put it back in his mouth started sucking on it and i was like haha dont choke on it.. then i said something about swallowing..(( haha holy shit i dont know how to spell that )) and then he was like, oh dont worry I can deep throat baby.. and.. that.. wow.. wheee.. that was kick ass. haha but then of course Jesse mooned us twice, so eh.. that wasnt all that exciting. But he was calling me his lady and whatnot, since he finally broke up with that bitch, Brenda, mind you she's the one who wanted to kick my ass bcuz supposively i said shit.. but whatever that's a whole nother story there. Finally, Im on spring break. But i dont think im gonna do much. Probably spend most of my time writing about Mike on a little notepad thingy. Just to get some shit out. -shrugs- I dont know. This will be one hell of a long week though, I think things are being dragged out a bit. So.. eh yeah.. I dont know. I miss Mike already.The days just begun too. But, I suppose it happens eh? I dont know, Im all outta place, but im sure i shouldnt be complaining about it, so I'll just stop there.. doesnt matter. Little update, I suppose... it's 1:38 now.. been sitting here for an hour or so writing down my feelings towards Mike and everything.. and got a poem along the way as well.. not the greatest.. I suppose, but lemme know waht you think. -Misunderstood- so many things i wish i could tell you so many things that are left unsaid all the unspoken words my heart uses as tears to seek the attention I never once had no one ever understood me no one ever took the chance to get to know me It was never all about me so why is it now? all the sleepless nights all the times I sat there screaming wishing for someone to help but no one ever bothered to try to help there's alot that i keep bottled inside that hurts deep inside i dont know waht more to do than to hide it all what's the point in bringing the past back up? it wont change anything now It'll just bring back all the painful memories that I once lived through It'll show you how many mistakes I really did make I'll do everything in my will to please you but im sorry for not being perfect Im sorry for not seeing a pretty girl everytime i look in the mirror im sorry I have so many insecurities and depend on you to help me through it all.. But.. this is me.. The misunderstood girl with one too many broken hearts.. They never seemed to heal. |
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