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Well well well..
Marcotte87 24
heeey you! i see youre not overly active on the site… -
Well well well..
Sme 28
Oyy I have very obviously not been on here in a whi… -
Well well well..
Sugar_xxx 26
You finally made an entry!! Lol. That sucks Jewel s… -
It's all just too much
KKzMissShrtcake 26
I figured they would fire him. Like I said, falling… -
It's all just too much
Sugar_xxx 26
Aww, that sucks Mike got fired. I hope he can find …
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xxEh so.. things have been a bit out of place lately. Im not quite sure how to put things though. My emotions are pretty much just out of place, and I've been having tons of stress and worrying about everything, it's just crazy. Im on the verge of shutting everyone out. Dont really mean too, but it happens, I suppose. As much as I despise people.. I never usually shut them out. But, i guess I've been very irritable these past few weeks. Not sure why though.. I suppose those wonderful womanly things came earlier than they should have. Not like you guys wanted to know that or anything.. hah. but I found it a tad bit odd.. =/ ah well.. whatever..
And today is the day I get my tooth pulled. When I went the last time, they said it wouldnt be that much bcuz it's barely hanging on, cuz it's still my last little baby tooth, but i dont know. My dad was telling me about when he got his pulled out and he ended up passing out bcuz some student was doing it er wahtever.. I mean, i dont see it being a big deal er anything.. but i dont know.. just nervous I guess.. and I dont like the fact of people touching me either. I hate doctors/dentists/ all those fucking assholes. Anyone ever got their teeth/tooth pulled before? lol im starting to freak out.. And you guys remember when Joey came over that one day.. when I was on the phone with Mike and he flung water at me and i locked myself in the bathroom? Well he finally came online and we got into a deep conversation about all that, and me being afraid of opening up to people, and he's making some big ass deal out of it, I was almost about to tell him that im fucking sorry for not being perfect, and sorry for not being happy all the time, and i told him I usually have to pretend just to make people happy.. bcuz I cant always be happy, it's not possible anymore. but he's got his head too far shoved up his ass, im bout ready to tell him to go fuck himself. He's gonna sit there and lecture me telling me all this shit, but whatever. Im kind of sick of the kind believe it or not. I just give up... Was talking with Mike yesterday night as well, and he was telling me about some convo he had with this chick, talking about me and him and getting into all this personal shit and everything. It was cute. hah, then he told me he had a contest with some people. they were doing something with skittles in school, and then they were seeing who could eat more and he ate like 273 of them and won by two, i think he said. Then he told me he went into the bathroom and coughed up blood, but he wasnt sure if it was the red ones or not.. hah, but i dont know. That kids fucking crazy. Im just hoping.. that I'll get to see him Saturday. I could REALLY use that right about now. [x. What if the world was coming to an end? x.] --More Bullshit-- ( I dont like this place anymore )[bgcolor=white][font=wingdings][color=crimson][font=wingdings]«[/color] nn « nn « nn « nn « nn «[/font]
 [CENTER][font=eurostile]HERES MY HEART...[/font][/CENTER] [FONT=eurostile]Alright, well truthfully. Im not okay. Never have been for that matter. But everything seems to be falling down on me all at one time and it's almost getting to be too much for me to handle on my own. But, yet I dont know what to do to make anything better, I dont think there's much I can do anymore. Im starting to feel like Im not good enough for anyone.. Almost, like I just dont matter to anyone these days. Im just another useless soul living in this hellhole. -sigh- I dont know anymore. In a sense I know what Im feeling, just cant get it out into words. Then again I dont even want to try. That one girl that kiwinoted me about how my screen name here was bad and that I should change it, finally wrote me back. Didnt take long. hah. But tis what she had to say: "well why don't you just shut the hell up i didn't say anything to you wrong. and no i am not trying to preach oh by the way are you gothic?" so basically I replied back to her saying this: "Okay, well first of all, you came to ME.. telling me that I need to change my name because it "isnt right" so dont try acting all fucking innocent like you didnt do shit and im just now all the sudden on your case for nothing. Who are you to judge what a good or bad name is? Your not, so dont even get started with that. I dont care what you were trying to do either, plain and simple, i dont give a fuck. May I ask, what it matters if I'm Gothic or not?" And that is yet another thing that leads me to how much I despise people. Like nothing I do is ever right, it's never fucking good enough. What she said really doesnt matter to me, it's bothering me bcuz she wont shut the fuck up about it trying to play like she's not doing anything wrong, but she had no right in the first place to tell me to change my name bcuz it was "not right" it just irks me that people are so fucking ignnorant like that, having to get on your case for every little thing. I was very irritated yesterday, all day, I couldnt stand people any longer. I wanted out, I need away from them all but yet there's no where to run. I have no where to go. No one to catch me. Or so it feels. Im just slowly losing my sanity. Half day today.. I must say it's better than having a full day, but I dont know how much more I can take. And I was just reminded that Friday I have to go to get my tooth pulled.. so that should be fucking lovely. I cant wait. -rollz eyez- Mike has off as well, which is kind of surprising, tis "good friday" and all... and he goes to a public school, but eh whatever. It's cool. Except as far as I know he's going over to Max's house. I dont know. I miss Mike though. He's been the only thing on my mind for awhile now. I had an odd dream about him the other day too.. meh wont go into detail there though. I really dont feel like me anymore. Im just drained.. is what it feels like. I cant feel anything but fucking pain, although I dont know why. Or maybe they're not even my feelings, I dont know. I cant ever tell the difference anymore. Im just so damn lost. At dinner yesterday, my mom was saying something about going to church next saturday, I think it was and how they were gonna do something "different" to hopefully make it more "enjoyable" and she's expecting me to go. Mind you we dont usually go to church. So, I didnt like that idea too much, Im all against it, but I suppose I have no choice, so I sat there stabbing my neck with the fork I had.. mom told me to stop.. slapped my arm a couple times, told her it didnt hurt, she'd have to do it harder, she tried, but it still didnt hurt, it didnt even bother me, Im immune to the pain now, it comes so fucking often, not to mention me inflicting pain on myself doesnt help any, but still. My lil brother dug his nails into my hand as well, left a nice indent, but it gradually went away. Everyone got their share of beating me. Ehh.. I dont even know what the hell is going on. My Nana's ((Gma on Dad's side)) is supposed to be coming over today, probably will be spending the night.. leaving Friday night, because she has work Saturday. So, should be interesting. I dont know what's gonna happen. Hopefully everything can work out beautifully, for once, and I can see Mike Saturday and enjoy the time there with him. -sighz- But, I guess a girl can dream...[/font] [bgcolor=black][font=eurostile][color=white]Arniwyn LiL_BaBiE_GurL Skribblez67 sme xDarkxAngelx [/color][/font][/bgcolor][CENTER][font=eurostile][font=wingdings][color=crimson][font=wingdings]«[/color] nn[/font] I'LL LET YOU BREAK IT. [font=wingdings]nn [color=crimson]«[/color][/font][/font][/CENTER][/bgcolor] [x. Sick and Tired of Fighting x.]xxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxThere's not really much that I have to say for today, and I dont think there will be either for that matter. I got to talk to Mike online for awhile last night.. but then we didnt have our hour talk before we go to bed. So.. eh, I dont know. I miss the kid already. And just to think only today and a half day tomorrow, and Im starting on spring break.. I get to lose my fucking mind for 10 whole days. It's gonna be fun. [/sarcasm] I dont know though.. Emotions have been up and down, but Im trying to keep them up just for the next day and a half, then I really dont care what happens. I still feel like somethings missing and everythings not quite fitting together in my eyes either. But, oh well. I dont know.. whatever.. I didnt plan on making this long.. so for now, guess this is a boxie. =/ Everytime you masterbate..... [x. Dreams are slowly coming to end x.] cant control the pain any long[bgcolor=white]
[color=black][font=tahoma]E N T R Y # OO6[/font] [color=black] Eh, so Im back here to release myself a little bit. I suppose this is the only place I can go these days. Everyone else has all their shit to deal with.. and Im barely around to help them.. makes me feel like a bad friend. And I dont seem to stay online much anymore either.. only when Mike's on.. but after he leaves, I seem to not enjoy being on as much. Funny how that works, but I dont know. I woke up unhappy yesterday. And was unhappy throughout the whole day. Although, Im not quite sure why. Of course Mike was the only thing on my mind all day.. so in a sense, they might not have been my feelings. -shrugs- Either way, Im unhappy.. usually at lunch Im all spazzy and such, but I wasnt, I was just.. like.. dead. No energy whatsoever. Somethings wrong with me.. that or somethings just missing, which could be a huge possibility. I wrote 3 poems the other day.. just because I needed to release some of me. Im tired of feeling this way.I know I probably shouldnt, yeah other people may/might have it worse than me, but still. I cant control these damn feelings. I cant help the way I feel. No one can. Im just fucking lost.Or maybe it's something telling me something bads gonna happen.. cuz something doesnt feel right. Emotions are shaky.. starting to get insecure again.. all that good stuff.. but yeah that's life for you, I suppose. Okay, so Im tired of holding all my fucking feelings inside, I dont give a shit anymore. this is too much to handle. I have NO WHERE to go with the type of person I am. And, I cant do it alone.. I just fucking need someone who understands me.. Mike's at that point.. as far as I can see.. but right now he seems distant from me. I dont know. But.. this is a later entry than usual. I didnt wake up this morning till 7:30 and only had 20 mins to get ready.. so I was kinda stuck with that one. but, my day was pretty boring.. had to pretend I was happy for the most part, otherwise my tummy would be mad at me. See, too much stress makes the tummy unhappy.. therefore, I have to try and attempt to BE happy.. and yeha.. so it blows pretending. I dont like doing it, but I guess if it makes people happy and they get off my damn case that's what matters. -shrugs- Lots of fucking drama at school.. and I just sit there and laugh at the fuckers cuz they're so damn stupid. damn, i cant wait for the weekend. http://my.kiwibox.com/journals/journal.asp?id=169818[color=black]©luckys74r[/link] Shoutouts to people who responded Arniwyn : Er, well yeah I have thought about that a little bit too, but I dont understand what it would mean that's the problem, why would I be seeing dead faces of someone i dont even know.. er.. could be the people that used to live in this house, i mean there are spirits living here still and all.. could be telling me something. But I dont know. Im just as lost as the next person. LiL_BaBiE_GurL : hah yea.. just a little bit. lol. But thank you for being around for me babie. Lurve you. Numba1Chic : haha yeah funny, cuz i used to be like that too.. but then something possessed me and im not anymore. hah oh well.. thank you for the support you've given me chick. means alot to me. Skribblez67 : nope, no funny pills. lol. I see things all the time. =/ oh no that response didnt make me feel bad.. just made me think a little bit more.. I didnt want it to seem like I was taking Mike for granted, tis all. lol, I couldnt be mad at you anyways. lol, I lurve you too much. xDarkxAngelx : hah, yeah usually I do apologize for being a bitch to him cuz I do it too often and everytime he's around my moods arent the greatest and he comes at a bad time. He trys to make me happy though.. never works. hah. Glad you like my screen name though. haha. I thought it was good. =D |
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