SatansGift666 , 21

[font=wingdings]C[/font] Eh, so.. emotions blow. As I've said many times before. I hate the fact that they can't stay at one thing for awhile.. then I grow accustom to it and then yeah... at least I'd be used to it, but with them changing all the time, it's freaking insane. Yesterday afternoon, I had to go over to the other house and do some work.. basically cleaned out a dirrty ass basement... for about two hours.. then came back home, got ready in like less than 10 mins, which is not something im capable of doing, then went to the comic book store, to see Mike an all the other nerds at that place. I think some of you took waht I said a different way... almost like I was saying 5 hours with Mike wasnt good enough. I was actually saying it as a good thing.. everytime i see him, it's for a long period of time, so it makes everything better for awhile. So, ehh.. I was glad to see him and everything, of course his ritual routine, ignoring me for awhile, so my lil bro went over by him when we walked in and was like "omg hi Mike" and was touched his shoulder, followed by me kicking him in the ass. I seem to do that alot around him.. meh.. but whatever. That's not what matters. [font=wingdings]C[/font]

[font=wingdings]C[/font] So.. we did talk for awhile. I stood near him.. waiting for him to come by and talk to me anytime he wanted.. I was basically screaming for him in the inside, hoping he'd come talk with me, hoping he'd come hug/hold me. But, I shouldnt get my hopes up too high, just seeing him makes my day. But bout time we had to leave and I got into the car, my moods automatically fell. He felt guilty though afterwards for not paying as much attention to me. He went to Max's afterwards, so he tells Max to tell me that he's sorry for that.. and that he loves me and owes me a "monster hug" eh yeah.. but sadly, I have to wait another 5 days.. or even longer for that to happen. Still havent gone anywhere with him yet.. figured, I mine as well mention something.. so maybe we actually DO something for once.. -sighz- i dont know. [font=wingdings]C[/font]

[font=wingdings]C[/font] Some of the time.. he had one of the caps to the bottles and was making indents with it on his hands/arm and then he was scraping his hand with it, got all red and whatnot.. I told him to stop.. tis not good for him.. but of course that means nothing to him. Im just bleh..I dont feel like me anymore. I.. cant get words to express the way I feel. And, Im too scared to even do it in here anymore. Doesnt feel like my feelings are needed here.. nor anywhere else.. but locked up inside me. Spring break will be hell.. I know it will. Schools almost over.. and summer comes.. kind of funny, cuz right now i really dont care about summer coming anymore. I've changed alot more than I really though I have... and most people havent realized that yet. meh.. but I thank you all for the support and whatnot.. and Sabrina.. lol.. for all those pages. hah. Your kick ass man. Ah, yesh 666 pages in total. And the last thing she had to say was, "told you i loved you the most" haha. she's great. [font=wingdings]C[/font]

[font=wingdings]C[/font]Hm, I dont know.. me and Mike were talking.. and this one kid he knows was talking to him about me and him and all.. asking how long he thinks we'd last and all that good stuff.. and he said this to me "I was sitting there explaining to him how to know he loves someone and shit....so it made me think(we got deep it made me sad and I missed you more lmao)so I ended up saying(and I quote)well Brandon you just know you love someone when they change your life around...you know when you go from hating everything and cutting and and shit to actually caring about things and you lose your evilness(taken from my experience)and he was like ahh....well mike how do I know if it will last and then I was like well dude honestly(not tryin to lie to the kid but I dont want him to feel bad)i said nothing lasts forever but you have to try as hard as you can to make it last.......then he was like well Mike...do you think you and Stephanie will last?? and I just sat there like uhh well I hope so...it might...and i was like im not leaving her...(care too much)and yeah" so now I know im not the only one thinking about how long we'll last.I love that kid.... -sighz- [font=wingdings]C[/font]


















©Sinister_Kiss69 Steal and I'll steal your paper clip!![:P]

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Thank You *Very* Much Ladies!!

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Arniwyn : Well, thank you for leaving me something at least. And, I am grateful to have seen him yesterday. lurve you.

LiL_BaBiE_GurL : alright then. lurve you.

Numba1Chic : Tis alright sweetheart. Dont worry about it.

Skribblez67 : as for the other days response you left me.. ((thank you for that, by the way)) Yes, Mike does mean alot to me. Eh, yeah the both of us being suicidle doesnt help any.. yah we can relate and everything but it makes matters worse, knowing that he still thinks about that with me.. and still wants to leave and all.. and yeah.. i dont know... whatever.. fuck these emotions. meh.. yah.. i love you. thanks for everything sweetheart.

sme : haha, twas nice talking with you yesterday. lol. but uh yeah.. wow.. lol thank you for those pages. haha. you crazy girl. Twas nice talking with you on the phone as well. hehe.

xDarkxAngelx : Heh, your welcome for me mentioning you in my journal and all. =) I thought you'd like that. hehe. Either way, your a really great friend chick. Thank you so much for everything. hah, yeah my right hand looks like shit... lol so I know waht you mean...with that. Usually my nails would always break.. so I'd give up and just bite em all off.. or like getting them wet when washing dishes, or taking showers bothers me, so i'd bite them off, but, I've managed to stop for awhile.. seems awfully tempting though. Plus, I tend to hurt people with them.. accidentally. heh. but your great, you really are. =) hehe, reading your responses always make me smile.

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