ShyJenn84 , 28

You are ALL truly awesome .. seriously .. like reading what you've said especially the last two comments i love you guys which is the main reason im back ..

when it comes to ruell like all i really want to do is hug him.. its not to say i dont mind talking to him but its one thing to say good bye on the phone and another to actually hug the other till one decides to let go.. its truly a pain that wont go away till he returns.

Today was a really ruff day .. too much to get into but yea im trying every day to basically get by.. god i cried and cried driving home from work .. i could barley pull myself together.. im so drained and tired.. i think ill take a nap after i respond to everyone.

I found a new song well not really too new but new for me im obsessed with it i just adore his voice. its beautiful [:)]

check it out

Mike Doughty-Girl in the Blue Dress

I've been writing again ive got about 30 pages im so happy with this one.. its dark with a bit of romance .. friendships im loving it.


[Quote of the Day]
“People have scars. In all sorts of unexpected places. Like secret road maps of their personal histories. Diagrams of all their old wounds. Most of our wounds heal, leaving nothing behind but a scar. But some of them don't. Some wounds we carry with us everywhere and though the cut's long gone, the pain still lingers.”
-Dr. Meredith Grey

Hey guys man honestly i've just been going though a lot where to begin and end.. i haven't a clue.. i've been dealing with alot.. Ruell who is currently in Texas He goes to Iraq Sept 4th i believe.. i never got to say goodbye to him what happend is the day we came back from jersey and he and nick dropped me in Ga i only had enough time to shower and jump in my car and drive to work .. well he and nick went to sleep and i thought that they would be there when i got back.. well around four they woke up and decided to hit the road cause they didnt want to drive to Florida (which is where ruell's mom lives) when it was dark out so they called me and left .. and it was then that it clicked that i never got an acutal proper goodbye .. when i left the house it was litrally a "ok ok .. uhh ill see you later" and i ran out the house.. and i remember him coming in for a hug but i just left cause i was gonna be late..

My sister and Nick and Joey, and allan all were able to give him a proper goodbye .. and i didnt .. even though we spent time together and stuff it's not the point to actually hug him and say be safe i love you ill miss you .. and not being able to do so is heartbreaking.

But im trying to deal.

I've spoken to him a few times since he's been in Texas but were not able to talk much cause all this training their doing and stuff..

And lastely well ill just copy and paste my myspace blog and end it at that


Monday, July 21, 2008

All Thats in my head ... i just typed out.
Current mood: drained
Category: Writing and Poetry

its really crazy this thing called life.. i dont know.. man.. for some reason today i've been like on a verge of tears on like 3 seperate occassions and i honestly can not say why like i know why but in my mind it was like uhhh jenn it's not that serious but in my heart or what ever.. well .. just that the tears were close to exposing themselves/. but none yet.. uck... lots of shit on my mind and i just need to release it... god im so close to just getting drunk.. seriously! i just want to leave it all behind.. or maybe by doing that it'll all just come out.. hm...X the drinking idea. im just rambeling .. leting my fingers do the typing and my mind release whats in it..

God im so happy Nick and my sister are coming in a few weeks.. its so needed. The Three of us just being us... i dont even need to express my self further more on that issue but just to say them coming is needed.

I think in life im gonna have to realize that people dissapoint it's just how it goes.. you cant expect everyone to keep their promises cause even though you know that you would .. it doesnt mean they will ..

and beyond promises sometimes people that ask for your advice really dont want it .. i think they are seriously just searching to get their decissions validated unfortunantly for them Im not the one to ask for this advice cause i dont really agree with what the decision made by said person.. (clearly i have a situation in mind)

Why do people think so low of themselves and others so highly? .. why do girls constintly put blinders on when it comes to guys? Why are SOME guys such Ass's? .. Why do they hold so much Power on Females?

Im tired of being called a fucking femminest just because i wouldnt let a guy fucking cheat on me a million times or hit me 40 times and still stay with them..
IM tired of being made fun of because I CHOOSE to remaind a virgin till im married.. and im sick of others trying to persuade me otherwise..

I hate that i get anxiety attacks.. and i hate that i cant tell anyone about them.
Im happy they happen at home alot of the times.. only a few times i've had to pull over... uck... im a mess.. there's sooo much on my mind that i want to let out.. im sooo stressd.. and what's funny what's really interesting is that all this stuff on my mind.. alot of it HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME!!

it's everyone else dumping their problems on me cause im the listener the one they all turn to and still i have no one to turn to to listen to me.. i mean yea i have some people here and there but alot of the times they listen cause of complaints like this one .. not cause they truly care..

I've ended a 17 year friendship with someone one who couldnt control their lies that finally got out of hand.. and in the very end of the whole dibocale when they were finally telling the truth no one could believe them because of the lies beforehand.. and whats worse is that friendship could have lasted.. and those lies really would have been overlooked if they didnt disrespect my family that they've known for years.. disrespect their house.. and a celebration for me .. if they'd have just got stayed in their car and kept on driving.. it's unfortunante.. all because of one lie.

.. .. today was a really really weird day ..

This made absolutely no sense to anyone but me.