im sorry i havent been around very much in a while, especially the past couple weeks. things arent good right now.

really fucking busy

i just want to be able to marry Dacota. thats it. i just want him to be my husband and i want to be a real family and i dont need anything else. i would be so happy if they would let me have that.

im inredibly stressed out right now.
my sister is coming down with her family next week. they're not coming specifically to see me but they do want to hang out a little while they're here.
this would be fine except i totally fogot until she called me todau because i forget everything even though she told me about this months ago. fuccck. seeing her really takes a lot out of me. not because of her or anything but just because of all the weird feelings i have regarding my family and im not really comfortable with it yet. i justneed to be able to prepare for it mentally and i dont know if i'll be able to get myself in the right state of mind by the time they're here. i've been in a really awful rut for a while now and i'm having the hardest fuking time getting myself out of it and i just dont know if my state of mind is one that will allow for a stroll down memory lane with my sister and seeing her with her happy family and her beautiful kids and hearing about her great career. fuck i'm getting fucking jealous already.
plus on top of that i have to help Dacota get ready to move. he's moving into that cute little house i mentioned a while back not this weekend but the weekend after. and moving is a big fucking job so there's a lot to do. and if i'm working during the day then i'll be helping Dacota after that and when the fuck am i going to have time to see my sister?
fuck, idk. i guess it will all work out when it comes down to it. i really do want to see them especially that little baby of hers. idk im just nervous.

ugh and ive been in the weirdest mood lately.its not really like sad or anything just kind of... idk. apathetic? i have no idea. and my temper has been awful. idk maybe its my pills i have no idea but i need to get it sorted out soon cuse it sure isnt doing me any favors.

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