TheSunIsGone , 27

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i want a baby so bad

im really confused about everything with my dad. i really hate him but he's still my dad and he could have died. and i dont really care. i might have even been glad to see him go, i dont know.
but then at the same time im almost like, mad at him for this. like he's not allowed to die until i get a chance to tell him how i feel about him and what he did to me. but then i feel really awful because thats so selfish but then at the same time i dont care if it's selfish because all he's ever been is selfish. hes never done anything for me so i dont know why i should owe him any sympathy or anything.

i dont know how i'm ever going to forgive him. he almost dies and all i can think about is how mad i am at him. he almost dies and all i feel is scared that he's going to die before i get the closure tht i need from him. i dont care about him any more. i dont even really think of him as my dad at all. i dont know what he is to me.

i dont know i dont know. im just really confused.

so my dad had a heart attack.
i dont know how he's doing other than that he's not dead. i didnt really care to find out.
i dont know how im supposed to feel about this.

i cant fix everyone else's shit.
ugh going back to bed. goodn ight, good afternoon whatever.