TheSunIsGone , 27

im doing ok now. definitely better. im sleeping again, thank god but im having some other lovely side effects that are supposed to go away within a week or two. so hopefully soon. and ive been having some kind of unsettling dreams. not every night or anything but probably more than is normal? idk but last nights involved stabbing and a disembodied head. ugh someone analyze that for me.

so i havent been sleeping well at all for a bout a week-ish or so and its been taking a lot out of me physically and mentally and whatever else..
i think i was doingreally well for like a while before this little setback. i was reaslly actually happy for nearly a solid month but noqw everything is shitty again. im depressed and anxious and my whoole body just aches and ugh.
but idk, im ok i know its just because im not getin genough sleep. im trying to keep reminding m yself that nothing is wrong and nothing has changed from the past month and its, idk its hard but im doing ok
im going to start taking a higher dosage of my pills tomorrow and that is supposedly going to help me sleep. theyre supposed to help already but idk it's not enough i guess

im ok. just tired.

im so sick of hurting

Dacota found a cute little house that he wants to rent. if he does he'll move in on either august 1st or 15th, i cant remember when the lease on his apartment is up.
obviously thats really great for him and i'm excited about it. but, ugh. he told me he wants me to move in too if i want to and of course i want to but i dont know if i should. i had my heart set on moving in with him in november from the second i started living on my own last november. and i really thought that was going to happen up until just a couple months ago when my therapist suggested that i might not be ready for it. obviously it's up to me if i think i'm ready for it or not, but that made me nervous about it.
but, fuck. im not going to be able to wait another year. i just wish i had more time. if i could get out of this lease when ever i wanted then i wouldnt be so eager to move in november. but what if in december or january i feel like i'm ready to move in with him and then i have to wait until november all over again? or what if i really am ready for this come november but i'm just scared because someone smarter than me suggested that i might not be.
i just want to live with Dacota in a cute little house more than anything. i want it to be our house and i want to feel like a family, even if it is just a family of two. if i can just have that i would be so happy.