TiGeR_hOtTiE , 22

Hey

I am doing alright tonight.  I am kind of upset due to the fact that I have been off work for the past couple days along with tonight and it seems that everytime I am off that Gary decides that either he does not want to spend time with me or its an all night drinking fest until he passes out.  So much for happily ever after huh?  Marriage was supposed to be a great adventure between two people that want to be together.  I have been working my ass off at Walmart working the shittiest shift imaginable (nights from 10 PM to 7 AM).  On my days off I do not want to go out or hang with anybody, but I would rather spend it catching up with my husband.

Maybe it seems selfish or lame or whatever, but thats how I want to spend my day offs.  Tomorrow night I go back to working nights for four days and then once again I will be off for two days, but what will happen then??  Will he continue to drink like a fish or go out to drink with others?  I just do not know.  I am actually scared to know.  Being scared to know actually makes me want to just stay working so I do not have to put up with shit like that.  As much as I want to have kids, I do not want to have any unless tha drinking either quits or cuts down quite a bit.  If I end up childless or a single-parent then I will at least have saved somebody from witnessing and putting up with it.

School has been alright.  I have a midterm next week in Social Theory so I definitely need ot study for that one.  I took my second Corrections exam yesterday.  I have been fortunate enough to be able to get all my homework done for next week.  I did not think I did very well on my Literature Review, but I got an 80% on it.  Other than my marriage problems that just happen to go on with Gary, I live in a busy world right now.

When is the point at which one feels like a failure?  I kinda feel like one now between my schooling, work, and my marriage.

*+_Sheryl_+*

Hey

So yesterday Gary ans I went to the County Clerk's office where we just went ahead and got our marriage license out of the way.  We have legally been married for the past day.  The realization of it all is still kind of setting in with us.  We did go celebrate last night by eating out and doing other things.  I always thought marriage would feel different or that I would be bouncing off the walls because of it.  But its not really that way at all, its a different feeling that I cannot quite describe.

*+_Sheryl_+*

Hey

So tonight I cannot sleep because I just want to scream and shout about Gary's sister, Becca.  I am okay with the other one because she has learned her place and so have I.  We respect each other's needs with Gary.  Becca has this way of suddenly getting her way with every single member of their family.  Like just tonight I watched him, his mom, and his other sister go ahead and baby her while she dumped her bullshit drama on the couch.  I cannot help that her feelings got hurt by the music department's rejection of her singing.

Right now, it seems that everything must include her...even the wedding stuff.  I cannot help but get frustrated over this because every time Gary is asked if there is anything that we need hep with pertaining to the wedding he allows her to somehow budge her way into it without asking me about it.  I sometimes feel inadequate by how everything has to involve his family or his sisters or at least one of them.  I thought she wanted to help with the Girl's Night/Bridal Party thing so I let her because I knew that I would not have to deal with her.  Now Gary has allowed her to volunteer for helping make the birdseed bags.  Not that we can't do them ourselves, but because it is his family...she must help I guess.

I am not really sure how to tell him how I feel just yet about all this, but I need to let him know that maybe I just need a break from his family right now.  That will hurt him, but it is the truth.  Gary has announced that he is going to go get his climbing wall certification card or whatever it is called.  I guess Becca is getting one too and his other sister has one.  So apparently, if Gary gets one then I should too because then we can all do climbing "as a family".  As I do not come from a 'family is important' type of family, I really do not care to do family stuff with these upcoming "family members".

I need to be more okay with things, but with the wole cold feet thing and school just starting...I cannot take this whole "family" thing right now.  Its foreign and I don't quite like it right now.  Besides I do not think that his oldest sister is going to be able to go climbing that much because she is really involved in her schoolwork which just happens to take up a lot of time as it is anyways.  I told him his sisters were 'busy bodies' and he was like 'so?'.  I guess whatever, but how do I tell him I don't want her to help with the wedding stuff without him getting offended?

On the brighter side of the day, I was able to get the flowers ordered only to get told that I am going to need more flowers that nobody told me about.  We are talking 1-2 more dozen.  Wish people would let me know before I ordered them.  It has taken me about a week to be able to get the flowers I want and hunt them all down.  Its costing me a fortune anyways.  I also got the bridesmaid's Pashmina shawls ordered for their bridemaid favors/gifts.  Gary has opted out for groomsmen gifts which is fine.  I don't care at this point.

This week is the first day of school, going to be my fifth year here at college and I am so fed up with all of it.  I hopefully should be hearing back from Wal Mart hopefully in the next couple of days about that job I interviewed for last week.  I hope I get it.  It would keep me busy and get me out of thinking toomuch about the wedding stuf that needs to get done.

*+_Sheryl_+*

Hey

So wedding plans are becoming finalized!  All the girls have gotten their dresses in from the company.  The flowergirl's dress is in as well.  Next week there are a few things that need to be taken care of.  We will put the deposit on the tuxes and turn in the best man's measurements.  I still need to figure out where the flowers are coming from and when I need to order them.  I'm getting kind of sick and tired of planning the wedding, but I know it will be great once the day arrives.  I still have a few things to pick up such as the guest book and champagne flutes.

I have stayed continuous with my weekly workout being careful not to push myself too hard.  I have not seemed to have lost any weight, but I am getting trimmer on the sides.  Its the belly I just cannot knock off quite as easily.  My diet has gone to less sugary items and a little more healthy snacking.

There is drama brewing between my new sister-in-laws where it has now gone from just them to now including us.  This bull has got to stop because I cannot handle more stress or else my face will break out like crazy at this point.  Let's just drag everybody into everybody's drama and ruin whatever kindof day everybody is having.  These two somehow always seem to get their underwear all in a bunch.  It's really not my problem except when people are dragging me into things.  This is the reason I do not socialize with others...I hate drama just like anybody else, but the difference is I do not create it.

*+_Sheryl_+*

Hey

Wow it has been quite awhile since I have written in here.  However, it has been very busy this summer.  I traveled to Michigan to meet Gary's extended family.  That was a lot of fun.  Wedding plans are slowly coming together.  People just cannot be happy with anything that we decide on anything which is why everybody else was originally kept out in the first place.

So right now as the wedding stands, it sounds like Gary has already asked his mother if she will be the facilitator for the whole ceremony.  I don't mind except that everybody in his family seems to think that they need a part in everything.  Really what they need to do is just come and enjoy themselves like everybody else.  Then, apparently, the community members have been getting upset because they did not receive an invitation to the wedding so instead of spending that much more money on invitations we now need to create some fliers to put around town telling everybody that the wedding is open to the public.  I don't care if the reception is open to the public, but the ceremony should at least be private to close friends and family.

We already went on our honeymoon to the Pacific Northwest.  We loved doing that roadtrip so much that we decided that we will just do another in December only this time we will just fly there instead.  I'm excited for the wedding, but I don't know how much more I can fight people with their schinanigans going on about the wedding. What whiners they all seem to be.

*+_Sheryl_+*