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UrbanDecay13

UrbanDecay13 , 20

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  • Rank: Baby blogger

Ugh.

  • 04/26/08 8:40 pm
The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them - words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they're brought out. But it's more than that, isn't it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is hidden, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That's the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within, not for want of a teller, but for want of an understanding ear. -Stephen King, "The Body"




I'm always disappointed.
I'm beginning to think it's me, not them.
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This weekend was a total bust.

  • 04/20/08 9:55 pm
All the plans I had fell through.

Except that Brandon came over last night.
I kind of freaked out at him before that.
Ugh. I feel bad about that.
But I apologized.


My parents probably don't like Brandon much.
He came over last night and I didn't even bring him inside.
We just hung out outside for an hour.
Which is fine with me. I like being outside.
But I know my parents think our relationship is crazy.
Whatever.



Whatever.
This week will be better.
Tomorrow after school I get the house to myself.
Dance party for one?
Fosho. My favorite thing to do.
:]
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I feel;

  • 04/19/08 1:30 am
sick to my stomach.


This week has been awful.
And I was hoping tonight sometime before, during or after the stupid fucking game I would get to have some fun.
But of course not.
Ugh.
I guess that's partially my fault, but still.
I shouldn't have to do all the work.




I can't stand Brandon right now.
He's the sweetest kid when we're together, but when we're not with each other he doesn't even want to talk to me. I don't get it.
This is an impossible situation.


I could throw up right now.


Tomorrow night everyone is going to me ex-best guy friends 18th party, but I wasn't invited. Duh.
Amber hates me.
Stupid bitch.
I can't believe she isn't over that shit yet.
And no one thinks it's wrong that they're all going and I get to sit at home and do nothing, like it's my fault Amber holds a grudge for years. No one felt any sympathy for me. What great friends I have.



I feel mostly alone right now.
This is fucking gay.
And I'm not even tired.
My eyes hurt though. From crying.
I've done more than my share this week.



I hate bullshit.
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<3

  • 04/16/08 1:10 am
"It's like talking to somebody you haven't seen in a while,
or eating your first piece of chocolate on Halloween,
or putting up that first ornament on your Christmas tree,
or waking up on January 1st.
Something about talking to you just makes everything feel so real."




:]

:]

  • 04/13/08 11:06 pm
I have had the best weekend in so long.
And no alcohol was invovled.
Close, but no cigar.


Destry left his freaking board in my car.
I don't know how that's getting back to him.



I really like Brandon.
Hah.


I've realized that me and Marissa have grown up so much in the past year. It's pretty much amazing. She's my best friend for sure and I don't know what I'd do without her.


I hate school but I think I'll be able to bare it for just another two months.
Possibly.

And if not I'll just drop out and move to Hawaii with Kevin. We'd have a good time.
:]


I've also decided that when me and Marissa leave to go to Amherst we're leaving all of our former selves behind.
Or at least I am.
Amherst is my escape and I'm not taking any baggage with me there.
It's funny that I say this in a plural sense. Because most people would leave everything behind. Including Marissa. But we're really just two extensions of a whole. So I couldn't leave her behind.
<3

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