UrbanDecay13 , 20

This weekend has been long...


I love Marissa for sure.
It's so crazy the fun we have together.
Vodka and rum and miller lite and music. Oh music.
And grilled cheese sandwiches.
I love it all.



JC's wedding last night was fun.
I enjoyed it.
It made me think a lot.
JC reminds me of Brandon. Jillian and Xtal were right.


Brandon is an idiot.
He freaking got himself grounded for a month.
As in not ever seeing me except prom.
At least he's honest.
I hope that doesn't change.

"There is no stop along our escape route where reality isn't expecting us." - Wistawa Szymborska

I think I like this new poet.
I'm getting sick.

I really like Brandon.
I was supposed to meet him for 5 minutes last night, so he could hand me the paper he needs to go to prom with me. We stayed in the Walgreens parking lot for close to half an hour.
Try explaining that to your parents.

I'm hanging out with Marissa tomorrow.
Gosh I've needed this.

I want to get wasted at this wedding on Saturday but my parents want me to drive them home, because they think I don't drink. Hah. They'd be surprised.
Maybe me and Marissa will just get drunk tomorrow night. We're good at that.

I'm so excited for prom. It's going to be amazing. You can't imagine.
On that note, Brandon probably expects more from me than he's going to get. Or maybe he's just joking around. But I'm still a virgin and I don't "plan" on losing it any time soon. It's not even my virginity that's the problem. I wouldn't mind having sex. Whatever. It's the fact that pregnancy results from sex. And STD's. I'm way to cautious for all of that.

I'm kind of in the middle of being happy and being upset right now. Like I just have bad moments, when the rest of everything is good.
I hate school.
I'm so done.
Only 9 more weeks to go.
Thank god.
omg.


I want this summer to be amazing.
It better be.
I don't know if I want a boyfriend when I go up to Connecticut.
Or I could just not care. He'd never find out. It's so crazy.
I'd like to have someone waiting for me up there when I head to college. That's a secure feeling.

I'm so nervous for college essays. I'll be writing them in less than 6 months. I'll be turning in my Early Decision App. on Nov. 1. OMG. I'm not ready for this at all.


Life, here I come.

on the beach you can reinvent yourself.

At night in the dark. Just the sand and the water and the stars.
Someone you love.
A bottle of stolen alcohol.
You can be anyone you want to be.
You can think about anything and anyone and it's possible that your dreams will come true.

I want to live in Fiji.
You can't stop me.
I'll live on a hammock strung between two palm trees with the boy I love and we'll get drunk and love each other and we'll need nothing more.
You'll see.

I'm starting over.
Again.

I really like him.

Hah.
I don't know what to do.
<3

I like this boy who likes this girl.
But he kissed me first.

Hah.
I hate boys.
I'll still be with him.
He's just too sweet to let go.


I'll always settle for less than what I'm worth.