UrbanDecay13 , 20

I had a ton of fun with Heather and Emily at Rock the Universe.
It's this huge concert where Christian bands play for 2 nights at Universal Studios and then we hung out at Islands of Adventure each day. It was soooo much fun. And I totally like the music.
But I just don't get the whole religion-God thing.
Like I don't understand how people can believe in that. And they're sooo hypocritical. There was this comedian who was obviously a Christian, and he was talking about how being an Agnostic isn't okay because it "doesn't make any sense."
That really just pisses me off. Like, hey, I'm not critical of your religion, don't be critical of mine.
I just don't understand how people believe in religion, so I don't believe in it.
But the music was still good and it was still a lot of fun and we met a lot of cute boys that we hung out with all night.

And then I got the craziest sense of deja vu.
Like there were these two boys standing near us, and I could have sworn I knew them. But then we started talking and hanging out with them, and we found out that they were from Brazil, and had only been in Florida for a little while.
But then it almost made sense that they were from Brazil, like I already knew that's where they were from.
It was the weirdest thing I've ever experienced.



And now I'm probably going to Universal for Halloween HOrror Nights in 3 weeks. I'm super excited about that also, because I'm gonna see Dashboard Confessional the next night with my bffaeaeaeaeaeae. lolzzzzz.

Last night I saw the man of my dreams on stage.
But of course he's the man of every other teenage girl's dreams also, therefore I'll never actually marry him.
But hey, a girl can dream.


So anyways. John Mayer is my hero and I love him and his music and the cute faces he makes when he sings and the amazing guitar solos he performs.

And then I found out that the kid that I might actually have at least a little bit more of a shot with than John Mayer likes John Mayer's music also.
Fuck.
How do I get in these messes forreal.
I think that I can totalyl be not silly and just forget about him and then one thing happens and I'm falling all over again.
I don't understand what it is about boys that makes girls go all silly in the head and do silly things and just be silly in general.
I want to know so that I can stop letting it affect me and I can have a real relationship with a guy that is real and not based on superficial things.
Except for John Mayer's music is anything but superficial, and I'm not just saying that because I love him. He sings with such emotion that you can really feel it all in your heart.
Gosh.
I'm done gushing about John Mayer and the kid I like and boys in general.

But last night was amazing and I'm glad I went to the concert forreal.

Tomorrow's my last day at work and I'm gonna miss them but I gotta go back to school. Which gives me at least a little bit of a reason to miss my job.
But next week is gonna be the crunkest week of my life.
Except for crunk in the clean sense.
Which I think is not really crunk at all.
But maybe it'll be a little bit real crunk. Maybe. :)

That's true. For me at least. Mine is this kid from New York. He lives in Brooklyn. Brooklyn Heights. He's silly and stupid and he has the cutest and biggest grin I've ever seen. He's related to my (ex?)best-friend in some way that we never really figured out. I met him last summer when I visited Marissa in her tiny little (beautiful and charming) shack on the bay in Connecticut. I was practically living with him for a week. Gosh. Marissa knew. And she understood and she didn't care. I miss him. And I don't even know him. What I wouldn't give to see him again.





So anyways. I was reading this quote. And also I talked to this kid that I kind of like. And it made me realize how insignificant every decision I make now is.
I mean sure, smoking or drinking or doing way too many drugs isn't insignificant. And that kind of makes me understand why my best friend has done so many; she knows it will affect her entire life.
But. Which guy I go out with or if I go to this party or that party or which friend I like the most. It's all trivial and redundant and silly.
I was talking to this boy I like. And I was jokingly saying he wasn't gonna get into college. And he laughed. And talked about he was gonna play Division 1 football, and maybe go to Westpoint and get ROTC scholarships. And it just made me think that whether or not I go out with him is insignificant to the rest of our lives. He's gonna be in the Army and he's gonna live the life he wants to live. And I don't fall into that life anywhere, except for in the here and now (hardly).
I mean. No matter what plans are going to fall apart. Me and Marissa planned to spend every summer together for the rest of our lives, no matter what it took to do that. We were gonna share her house in Connecticut. With our families and everything when we got older. But. Now we haven't even had a significant conversation in over 4 months.
We suck. Our lives suck. It's stupid to think that this is all we get. No second chances. Nothing more and nothing less. I just don't understand our existance.
But on the flip side of the coin, we never know where our lives are going to take us, so maybe me and the boy I like could end up getting married and having wonderful children.
But that's stupid and trivial also.