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We often meet our fate on the road we take to avoid it.
Nickle9 14
wow i am goin thro the same thing except i don dri… -
And the hope that I never see your face again is anything but questio…
Slmys520 27
good luck in 2011,brave girl!there is an absolutely … -
I just don't know.
Jennnnnnn_xo 24
im going through the same bullshit. & it fucking s… -
I just don't know.
Karo_xxo 21
hey , I know exactly how you feel ! When I'm si… -
Home is where you make it love don't get yourself confused.
Essencexofxtear 23
I left and came back.. Kiwi is so shitty now.. Like…
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UrbanDecay13 , 21fromCommentsShow all Subscriptions (1)Statistics
I wish I were happier.I hate school a lot. I want to go to Marissa's school a lot. I should seriously get to do what I want to do. And what I think is best for like the rest of my life. Not that I need to be thinking about that now. Sometimes I wish I were just free of all commitments, softball boyfriend school, cause then I could do whatever I wanted. I could make myself happy, instead of relying on other people to do that for me. This stupid "college prep" shit really contrasts with my opinion of the world. Maybe it's good in the long run, but damn, can't I just like live in the moment and have some fun before I have a career and kids and my life is over?
I just want to be happy. And right now, happy is in Connecticut with Marissa and reading books and listening to music and sleeping on the beach and just relaxing. I was so much more calm up there. Happy would be reading the newspaper and being informed and reading the best books I can find and having long conversations about everything relevant and even stuff that isn't. School is just me retaining information so that I can pass. I need discussion, understanding. I want to be challenged, something that rarely happens for me. I want projects and essays and I want to do things that I like to do and I want to have to work hard to achieve something that might actually mean something to me one day. I want more mature friends that think about the things I think about and care about the things I care about. But I also want to be able to just do stupid things and not have to do drugs or drink alcohol to have fun. I want to color and draw and play oldschool video games. I want to read every single Dr. Seuss book there ever was. I want to play music and listen to music and dance to music. I just want to relax and stop having to think about school. I should be homeschooled. I would so be done with school already. And I'd probably have a better education than I can get anywhere else. Things just seem so different then I always thought they would be. I wish someone had told me when I was four that I would never really be a princess. I wish I'd been told that the glass slipper rarely fits and once you take a bite out of that beautiful apple, you just aren't coming back. I would have been a better person. I swear I would have come out not so selfish if I had known that that stuff doesn't really happen. I could have just started thinking about real things at the age of four and stopped bothering with that crap you read in books. I'd rather have known things were always destined to turn out wrong. There's got to be something wrong.[font=times new roman]There has got to be something wrong with the world if, on this amazingly important day, no one says anything about it.
I don't understand it. We have to realize, recognize, accept, understand and like 4 million other words, if we are going to move on and stop it from happening again. I'm not big on, like, celebrating history. It's done, let's move on. But September 11th is something bigger than that. I understand there are bigger problems this year. But if we ever forget what happened today, 5 years ago, that only means that we are letting it happen again. And I thought the rest of the world, or at least the United States, believed that too. Hurricanes.Hurricanes honestly don't even scare me anymore.
There is nothing left that you can tell me about hurricanes that I don't know, or that I haven't experienced just about first hand. This is the 4th or 5th time I'm going through this. It really doesn't even phase me anymore. Which I bet is kind of bad. But I mean, how do you want me to react? Panicky would not be good. Sleepy sounds more like a good attitude. And sure, maybe I panic a bit when I'm withstanding a Category 2 hurricane with my grandma who knows nothing about these stupid things while my parents are at the Grand Canyon and we don't even have shutters up, but who wouldn't? This time, it's just part of life. Part of the school year. These breaks really do kind of screw school up. I'm already preparing for the intense heat that is going to follow the rain tomorrow. It already smells like stale air in here, because of having the shutters up and everything. I just want the storm to be over so life can get back to normal. Except these breaks are nice because we get like 2 extra days of break and that means we have lots of time to makeup work that we've neglected the past few days. ew.School is school.
Things are confusing. I miss talking to Will. I miss the great conversations we had. I really like having Russell in all of my classes. Things are confusingconfusing. Not just confusing. I think things are always confusing. Yeahyeahyeah.I've been gone for two days and my boyfriend still manages to have nothing to say to me. Except that he's leaving tomorrow and such. For a day. And that I probably won't see him again before school starts. And after that we're never gonna hang out. Because he works Friday's and Saturday's. I have no reason to even want to be alive for the next like 6 and a half days. I'm debating if it's even still worth it. Never hanging out and not having anything to say. Ever. Does that sound like a good relationship? I'm sick of not even having anything to say to him. |
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