It's not like I'm even really looking for a relationship.
But I can't say I'd mind it.
I mean, I find these guys that I'm so attracted to, that actually have good personalities and actually seem like good people, and then somehow, they're attached to someone else in some way, that's not enough to make them exclusive, but just a bit too much for them to be involved with anyone else.

Fuck.
Like really.
I just need to stop. Stop doing whatever it is that I do that makes me attract unavailable guys.
I just don't want to be me anymore.
I'm that girl that guys absolutely love to be friends with. But that's it.
And it's fucking unfair.
I just for once want someone to understand me better than that.

I don't lay in your fucking bed because I want to be your best friend.
Like fuck that.
Is that what you think?
I just don't get it. And I'm sick of being that girl.
And of being that girl that's attached to guys that would never be attached to her. I'm always that girl.



I miss my car. And being able to ride in my car and fucking scream. And just scream, and scream.
I just want to scream and cry and cry and scream until my voice is hoarse and I don't have to cry or scream anymore.
Because I just don't want to be me anymore.