WamBAMThnkUMaam , 48

So, Craigery's new solo album is only going to be released online or at his shows, haha. welll I'm going to have to send in an order form, because yeeah I has no paypal or credit carddd. but whatevs, I have have the paper printed out already, I just yeah have to wait until Sept. 15th I'm guessing.
oh and there's now way I'd make it to one of his shows.
I doubt he'll come to Reading.
Speaking of Craigery shows.. Katie has insisted on making sure that I meet Craigery, and on taking me to a warped Tour, which I highly doubt will ever happen.
ahwell.

I don't get high hopes learned it's pointless too.

ooh, I have to get another book too.
Nikki Sixx is coming out with another uhm (I just read a bulletin about it on Myspace) September first, fuuuuuuuck, everything is coming out in September. haha. ah well. Atleast it'll be cheaper than Heroin Diaries. Heroin Diaries was like 30 sum dollars. This new book is only $24.95. Mmm, it's called 'An Education in Rebellion: The Biography of Nikki Sixx' idk, I want it, haha. I liked Heroin Diaries so why not.

I understand, I'm weird.

oh, Today, I have to go get my stiches taken out of my gums, I hope that whole thing goes smoothly, I don't want to be told that I have an infection or that I have a dry socket, or this, this, and the other thing.
I just want it to be finnne.
hah.
And I also want to know why I can't close my mouth completely.
Maybe that has to do with my stiches being in, idk.
idk.

Welll, we're going to leave at 11:30 so that my mom can stop at Home Depot and see about getting a new weed wacker annd about getting the bird potting soil. Then we're going to go to the dentist for my appointment which is at 1:00.

funfunfun.

gina.

I don't think I can do this much longer.
I feel like a fucking prisoner.
and my fucking mouth is jail dog biting on the keys.
and won't come to you no matter how much you whistle or throw the dead inmates bones at it..

too much imagination, maybe..
what the fuck does it matter.

I feel like I'm going fucking insane and I can't do anything, I still can't fuckking eat right, I can't talk right, I still have pain, my cheek is still swollen.

I just want to cry.

but my mouth permits me from even doing that.
Because I know that if I do that I'm going to end up in even more fucking pain than I want to be.
or am.

which right now isn't much.

I havn't eaten anything big enough in five days to even be considered food.
it's all:
pudding
apple sauce
yogurt
cottage cheese.

in a continuos cycle.
it never fucking ends.

and you know what else, I'm quite aware that since this is a huge entry about the rambles on my mouth and how I'm pretty fucking sure that I'm slipping into another onset of a fucking depressive state no one will care to read it or well respond..
except Keli..
that's how it always is.

and atleast she cares enough.

All I do is fucking lie in the dark and listen repeatedly to Coraline play on the tv.
I just feel like a fucking corpse, I'm a fucking lifeless corpse; a shell of something that once was.
and it's because of my fucking mouth.

I want to just fucking blow up my mouth or maybe pretend that this never happened.

Maybe, sleep until fucking Wednesday afternoon.

Oh and by the way, I have to take a bath Wednesday, should fun.. small bath tub, wetness.
watch me fucking fall and smash my face against something oor punch myslef in the head as I'm going to clean some part of my body, you never fucking know what could happen.

Karma is a bitch.
it's also going to fuck changing shirts without hitting my head..
fuck this.

oh and by the way my room doesn't make it any better.. it's a god damn fucking mess.

I just don't know anymore.
fuck it.

ohwell