Seven months ago I was diagnosed with BED. But it's been going on for a lot longer than that. Since then I have been hospitalized countless times.  None of my friends said anything to me about it.  Not even "hope you feel better" or "how are you feeling today?"  And that's fine.  Whatever.  I can deal with that.  But when another girl has bulimia and gets hospitalized ONCE, all my "friends" get together and make her cards and go and visit her.  Emails are sent in her benefit.  THAT HURTS.  And this isn't a diss on the girl at all.  She deserves those friends, but why didn't they care that I was in the hospital?? Why don't I matter to them? My BED started because of them in the first place.  And they wonder why I'm bitter towards to them...  There's so much pain in my heart.  It really does make a girl just want to die.

My best friend and unfortunately the only friend I had started ignoring and hating me.  She didn't even tell me why.  Just left me alone while she went and became besties with the two girls that we hated on and bitched about TOGETHER.  I'm left without anyone and I'm lost.  I don't even know what the fuck I'm supposed to do.  I told her everything and who the hell knows what she's told the other two girls that hate me.  She has so much she could blackmail me with.  Normally I would say she wouldn't do that kind of stuff, but I never expected she would do this either.  So who knows?  I'm screwed.  Absolutely screwed.  I have no friends.  Only tumblr and Nick.  So thanks a lot Justine.  I don't even know what I ever did to you.

so fucking pissed off its ridiculous. i wanna freaking slap someone. god fucking damn. go fucking die.

sometimes a feeling of hopelessness overcomes me, makes me feel like nothing will ever be able to get better. nothing is good anymore. there is always bad that goes along with it. this pain: i just want it to end. i want it to be over.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cXDgFwE13g