Working the "Bases"

I think society puts too much emphasis on sex.. I think in order
to have sex you have to be in love- and ready. because otherwise
it's like 'woops the condom broke and I'm pregnant. will he stay
wiht me and make a good father?'
my original thinking (at age 15) was to wait until marriage.. 3
years later- not the case anymore. I've been with my bf for almost
two years and we waited a year and a half to go all the way when I
was almost 18. I'm glad that I waited. the wait just made it so
much better when it actually happened.

This is the most pointless article I have read in a while. It is
barely 2 pages long and the topic is incoherently ambiguous. Half
concerns the proper labeling and progression of sex bases, the
second with the social and emotional implications of intercourse
versus others. An article focusing entirely on the later topic I
think would be much more useful.

I totally agree with most of what pinkalien girl has to say.

In my expreience though I was brought up not to have sex until
marriage, I never even really saw my parents be affectionate with
each other. But they were strict with me about everything. I still
have sex. I lost my virginity when I was 17 but I knew to be
careful. I went to a clinc and got on birth control.

It does seem though that the girls who parents let them stay out
late and aren't that strict are the same girls who are getting
pregnant. They got pregnant, dont have a job, barely passed high
school and aren't married.

I believe if you have a strong family and parents who are a bit
more strict with you things like this shouldn't happen. Of course
there are going to be exceptions. I do think sex education needs
to be taught in school but I think that the parents should be
right there in the room with their kid while they are learning it.

the bases are indeed very unclearly defined. i am 17 years old and
i have made rash decisions involving guys some i dont think i
would do over if i had the chance to rewind but none i entirely
regret. i lost my virginity on a first date...the next morning i
felt like i didnt even know who i was although thats not the
magical way i planned it to happen it was in the moment and i have
learned alot about myself since then..everything happens for
people at different times and different ways. everything happens
for a reason. i am not ashamed of my first date hook up..its not
something i flaunt and not something i plan to do again but put
yourself in someone elses shoes before you pass judgement.

I agree with PinkAlienGirl. Kiss or hold hands or have sex when
you feel it's right -- not when someone else tells you it's okay
or not okay. I lost my virginity at 15 -- some people will gasp in
horror at the fact that I was fifteen, others will scoff and say,
"Only at fifteen? Jeez, I did it when I was a lot younger." That's
okay, though -- I was ready for it. My mother might not have been
happy when she found out I was having sexual intercourse at
fifteen years of age, but she accepts it.

One thing about having sex at a young age, though, is to be
careful. If you're fourteen, you have a boyfriend, and both of you
are ready to have sex, don't forget the protection. Sex education,
specifically, protection, is something that should be learned at
school at a young age -- it's true that many people are reaching
puberty at younger and younger ages. So, if you want to have sex,
make sure you're protected.

It is an interesting thing to think about. I'm not sure what to
think.

I don't think that teens should feel pressured by their friends to
go further than is comfortable for them. But I acknowledge that it
goes both ways - there is also a lot of pressure to NOT have sex
unless you're "in love", to stay "good" and "innocent" the way
kids were 20 or 50 or 100 years ago. Too many kids feel like the
desires that are flowing through them are wrong and nasty, because
they're too young.

I don't think there's an arbitrary age when it's okay to have sex
- or do anything else related. My sisters are 12 and 15, and if
Amy (the elder) comes to me tomorrow and tells me she's having
sex, it's not going to shock me. If she's happy, I'll be happy. At
the same time, if I sit her down for a chat and she says, "sex?
Ewww" then that's fine too. I don't think it's reasonable to
expect teens to ignore the things their bodies are feeling. It's a
fact that kids are reaching puberty at earlier and earlier ages -
I started getting periods and growing breasts when I was 9, and I
was the first out of everyone I knew, even before the kids who
were 3 and 4 years older than me. Nowadays half the 9 and 10
year-old girls I know are already getting their curves and their
periods, and the boys are starting to get facial hair and a lower
voice any time from 11 or 12 onward. Any medical book will tell
you that those are the first sign that the sex hormones are
flowing. And while I don't think that periods and breasts or body
hair and a deep voice are an indication that someone is ready to
have sex, it's likely that once a teen or pre-teen reaches
puberty, they WILL start getting interested in the opposite sex.

I don't think that any teenager should be made to feel that their
hormonal feelings are wrong, or that they're too young for them.
If those desires are there, they're there, and suppressing them
ends too often in body insecurities, embarrassment when it comes
to telling later partners what you like and what feels good, and
general shame - as well as extreme promiscuity when the walls of
guilt are eventually shattered.

Consider: in France, Spain and Italy, kids are brought up drinking
wine and occasionally other alcoholic drinks. Those countries turn
out very very few alcoholics, much less than countries like
England and America where drinking at a young age is not
permitted. In Switzerland, almost every house has a gun. They have
the lowest rate of accidental shootings in Europe. When you grow
up with something, when it is viewed as a "normal" thing, it
ceases to have that fascination that taboo things have, and you
don't feel the need to play around with it so much. Most extremely
promiscuous people come from homes where sexual contact - anything
from kissing to intercourse - is considered something that you
don't do, at least not in your teens.

It is perfectly possible to enjoy a relationship with someone
while only doing what you're comfortable with, whether that's
holding hands, kissing, more than that - or nothing physical at
all. I'm not saying that all teens should be having sex. I'm
merely saying that different things are right for different
people, and that, no matter how much you love and want to protect
your kids / siblings / cousins etc, there is a point where they
have to choose what is right for themselves. I DO believe that
experience is essential - not that you should get experience for
the sake of fitting in with your friends, but that you do need to
learn what's right for you. When it's the right time for kissing,
or for touching, or for anything else, you should instinctively
KNOW it...but too many people - and not just teenagers here -
listen to the voices around them that say, "no, that's wrong" or
"come on, everyone else is" and lose that inner voice that tells
them when the right time has arrived.

In short, I don't think kids should be taught not to kiss, not to
touch, not to have sex. Instead, they should be taught to be
honest with themselves about how they feel, to do things because
they feel right and not because everyone else is doing them, to
treat people well and not use them purely for your own needs and
wishes. And of course, sex education is a must. SEX education, not
abstinence education, because sexual feelings are not something
that people should be ashamed of. At any age.

Being English, and living in the UK, the term 'hooking up' is one
that is rarely used. So it's interesting to me to see everyone's
different take on it.

Personally, I think the idea of 'hooking up' isn't a particularly
clever notion. Someone mentioned previously that it is "all about
gaining experience". But why? Why does it matter if you have
experience?! I would never just mess about with some guy just so I
could tell my friends [or even for my own satisfaction] that I got
to whichever base I reached.

I think the part of this that concerns me most is the fact that,
correct me if I am wrong, but it sounds as though the person you
are 'hooking up' with you are not in a relationship with. Hmmm.
Interesting article.

I thnik this depends on your age and maturity. If your young you
should def take your time and not rush into anything, but as you
get older/more mature i believe you become more sure of what you
actually want. personally, i wouldnt do anything past 1st base
when i first meet someone (and im 20! lol) but that my choice.
some people go faster, fair enough thats their choice. I say let
people do what they want, as long as they take precautions I dont
think its any of my business, or anyone elses for that matter.

i'm 19 and I JUST went to second (old school) base with a guy
friend. It was consensual and we both liked each other. These
days, kids are way to young, and hooking up is taken for granted.
Even our society tells us that hooking up can be taken for granted
(as all the "hook up" phone lines and companies tell us in their
commercials) and that it's supposed to happen.

I would rather that my cousins (14, 13, 10) WAIT until they are at
least 17 before they do anything. Even then, I would rather they
do it old school with somebody that they cared about. I have
spoken to them about it, and they have very good opinions about
themselves. I'm proud of that.

Hooking up is NOT something to be taken lightly. If it's in a
COMMITTED relationship, even then, it would be grand if BOTH
people involved in the relationship wanted it, not just one
person.

This is actually really interesting because alot of my Christian
friends dont kiss in their relationships for fear of it going
farther and even I in drawing my lines have knocked out kissing in
my relationships. Holding hands and hugs is as far as I will go.
This article is so true, the standards are way higher and most are
expecting to go all the way within a couple of weeks of dating if
not sooner. Sex is not inevable with boundaries, but since society
is all about sex it is no wonder that everyone is looking for a
hookup.

i'm gonna have to agree that people who aren't at least 16...thats
even pushing it shouldn't have sex. honestly you can wait....you
can wait for a lot of that stuff.

i do think that it is very important to have sex with someone you
think you love before you get married to them. having good sex is
a connection between the souls....if you don't have that
connection...your marriage will probably fail in the long
run...because face it....we were made to reproduce...not
necessarily get married. its just human nature and primal
instinct.

as for the other stuff...i'll admit it...i love play the field a
bit...i don't have intercourse with random guys...but i do hook up
with a couple guys here and there...its all about gaining
experiece...learning about your wants and needs and growing...if
you are mature with handling it...then doing it isn't a big deal.

it's made me the excellent lover that i am today...and i'm really
not going to complain because i am STD free (ladies get checked
every so often if you are sexually active in any sort)

but always go at your own pace...never ever let a guy have control
over you...you are the woman..you should be in charge!;-)

i agree with polisher33. to elaborate, i feel if you are in a
serious relationship and you have been dating awhile and take your
time, and you really love the person, its ok to reach those higher
bases. people these days tho are doing it regularly with random
people they just met though. that's not right. like i have this
friend who has hooked up with 3 different guys in a very short
period of time, and she didn't date any of them. I just don't
think that's right. Isn't that what we used to define as being a
slut? if that's ok now then what is a slut then?

haha, you know, I was thinking about this earlier. lately whenever
i'm hooking up with someone, and just making out, it does feel
like it's expected to go even further... but I just attributed it
to growing up, since I turned 18 in 2006. interesting, though.

I think that girls ages 1-13 should not be thinking about bases
and stuff like that. I think that should worry about their school
work and not boys tryin to reach home base!!

in my experiences, I've gotten to both old school bases one and
three, but I have not gone further.

in my world, ppl didnt refer to bases in high school, so i dunno
why it matters... for me personally, intercourse always comes
before oral. just my own comfort level

I think the whole problem with society today is the "expectation"
in regards to hook ups and sexual contact. There shouldn't be any
expectations, and no one should feel obligated to reach a certain
point of sexual contact because they feel it is "expected" of
them.

I think there are too many people out there today moving too fast.
I mean, I guess if you want to progress to clothing removal with
every person you are with, it's okay because at least you want to.
But then I feel that there no longer remains a point to sexual
contact of any kind, other then to say "I like you" or "you're
hot". Just my opinion, but I'd rather leave all that stuff until
marriage...at least then I know that the sexual contact is because
of genuine love and not just because I'm horny lol.

Im almost 18 and the ladies and i get together at least once a
month for the good ol game of truth. Its great to find out the
"good stuff" and yeah we sometimes refer to the bases. nice
article.
*Lisa*

Yea girls these days need to slow down. And here im talking about
your 9-16 age group

I agree that oral sex entered the bases very recently. When I went
to high school, oral sex was on the same level as vaginal sex.
Anal sex wasn't even discussed. Then Bill Clinton changed all
that.

personal... It think up a shirt, manual, oral, and sex should wait
till marriage... but I have had sex. My boyfriend have been dating
two weeks and all we've done is made out and I hope to keep it
that way.

no1 ever used bases. And second and third were touching only.

I've never heard the bases being like that before. Everyone I've
ever heard it from does it like this:
1. Kissing (of any kind)
2. Touching above the waist
3. Below the waist touching/oral sex (either or both)
4. Sex

This is what people see the bases as now, I'm saying. Not five
years ago; I had no idea what the whole baseball metaphor was five
years ago (I'm 16 now).

Anyway, good article. I think people are a little too loose and
easy today, and that sex should be special and with only a few
particular people in your life who really deserve it, not anyone
who you happen to kiss. We're a little too hot and heavy nowadays;
we need to think about cooling it!

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