babydoll_881 , 24

So my first week of my senior year of college started this week. Its been hell. Im an education major. I am duel majoring in early childhood and special education and right now I am on SPED block. This means that I am taking 3 classes for 7 weeks and then going into the classroom for the last 8 weeks of the semester. Yeah, 3 classes doesn't sound too hard but they are all 3 hours long. My finals are in 7 weeks which is really scary and not feeling prepared is terrifying. Another scary factor is that I know I have to do this all over again for Early Childhood block next semester. Then my final semester is spend student teaching. UGH!!!

Today I got so upset and worried about not being able to make it though the semester and was all alone on campus and had an anxiety attack. Oh it was terrible. Since I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression last year, I decided I didn't want to take medication at that time, However, now I am realizing that maybe I need something to help me out or I will never make it though the semester. I realized that today and as much as I don't want to depend on medicine to make me feel better, I have to because I am absolutely miserable right now. So I scheduled a meeting at the on campus doctors office. The campus doctor is also my family doctor cause I live up here so I picked her. Its free on campus though so I just went that route. I am getting mad over everything, so I had to do something.

I got mad because my fiance didn't text me this morning like he always does. His friend was sent home from fighting overseas because his mother died and my fiance was helping him move things into a storage garage until he is offically home from over seas. I knew he was going to be super super busy all morning yet I got all pissy and took it out on him. I felt like such a bitch after that. I mean who does that and why in the hell did I do that? I find little things like this to start problems all the time. It bothers me that I do this yet I can't seem to stop it. I want to because I love him sooooooo much and I want things to get better between us and not fight so much. Any help would be greatly appriciated. Any advice, information to read online or anything!

Also, any help on how to lower my stress level would be amazing. Any ideas of what you all do to help, things I can do that won't take up too much time during my busy schedule but are inexpensive and fun. I have 3 roommates so it can involve other people as well.

Thanks for reading and have a good weekend!!!!

-Armywife_mommy~Thank you so much for taking time to read this and respond. I am going to try medicine. My fiance understand but still gets really upset. He just keeps saying, why don't you just understand that I love you? And I do its just so tough! Thanks so much!

So my first week of my senior year of college started this week. Its been hell. Im an education major. I am duel majoring in early childhood and special education and right now I am on SPED block. This means that I am taking 3 classes for 7 weeks and then going into the classroom for the last 8 weeks of the semester. Yeah, 3 classes doesn't sound too hard but they are all 3 hours long. My finals are in 7 weeks which is really scary and not feeling prepared is terrifying. Another scary factor is that I know I have to do this all over again for Early Childhood block next semester. Then my final semester is spend student teaching. UGH!!!

Today I got so upset and worried about not being able to make it though the semester and was all alone on campus and had an anxiety attack. Oh it was terrible. Since I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression last year, I decided I didn't want to take medication at that time, However, now I am realizing that maybe I need something to help me out or I will never make it though the semester. I realized that today and as much as I don't want to depend on medicine to make me feel better, I have to because I am absolutely miserable right now. So I scheduled a meeting at the on campus doctors office. The campus doctor is also my family doctor cause I live up here so I picked her. Its free on campus though so I just went that route. I am getting mad over everything, so I had to do something.

I got mad because my fiance didn't text me this morning like he always does. His friend was sent home from fighting overseas because his mother died and my fiance was helping him move things into a storage garage until he is offically home from over seas. I knew he was going to be super super busy all morning yet I got all pissy and took it out on him. I felt like such a bitch after that. I mean who does that and why in the hell did I do that? I find little things like this to start problems all the time. It bothers me that I do this yet I can't seem to stop it. I want to because I love him sooooooo much and I want things to get better between us and not fight so much. Any help would be greatly appriciated. Any advice, information to read online or anything!

Also, any help on how to lower my stress level would be amazing. Any ideas of what you all do to help, things I can do that won't take up too much time during my busy schedule but are inexpensive and fun. I have 3 roommates so it can involve other people as well.

Thanks for reading and have a good weekend!!!!

I seem to be having a problem getting the page to load. Everytime i try to get onto it, it tells me there is a connection problem. It seems weird that it is saying that because I can get onto other websites. I have to back log into this one . Like going to my.kiwi. I have had this problem before but its starting to get annoying to have to do this all the time. I can't even get to my kiwi notes. Just journals!

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List of responders

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sa555, x_anyotherway_x

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Im so sick of drama!!!! Ok so a few months ago (like the beginning of june) Mike bought an external hard drive from one of his buddies(Todd). He didnt have the money to pay him right away and his friend didn't care he said he would get it from him when he got paid. Well mike had bills to pay so he didn't have it from his first pay but he said he would get it for him. He promised. Like the day before mike got paid his friend came over to visit us and when mike left he hung around which I found weird. Well he tried taking the hard drive back. I told him mike would have the money in the morning. He was getting paid in the am cause he works nights. I went down to work and told mike what happened and when mike went on break he called todd and told him he needed to talk about everything. He would give him the money or he wanted his files off of it and he could just keep it. Mike was not happy since he waited til mike left for work to take it and made me tell him about it.

Well we happened to vent to one of mikes female friends, Jess, about what was going on with Todd and how shady he has been acting. Him and mike had been friends since 3rd grade. I mean best friends. I dislike Todd, I think he is fake, two faced, a liar, and wants everyone miserable but him. We knew Jess had a big mouth but we were venting and she was too about everything. Well the other night todd called and invited mike and I to Applebees with him and jess and another friend of ours (justin who I totally love and trust). We couldn't go because Mike had to work and I wouldn't go without him.

Mike got home that morning from work and told me that after applebees Todd came to Walmart to visit mike and said he heard that I didn't like him and that mike was still mad at him. Mike said everything was fine and that yes we were upset but its water under the bridge now.

Well tonight mike gets a text that says he is upset that he was kicked out of a wedding and wasn't even told about it from the groom. So mike called him and he was all upset and jess got on the phone and was like if your going to believe your girl over your friends and thats were I got up and went out on the porch. I don't know what there is to believe. I tell mike everything. Here it was over me adding a FACEBOOK application called WEDDINGBOOK, a place for me to keep track of things for our wedding and because I didn't have Todd as a groomsman(because he isn't a friend of mine on facebook) he thought he was out of the wedding. OVER A FACEBOOK APPLICATION SERIOUSLY?!?!?! I am using it to keep track of things for my wedding, rather then making a ton of different documents or whatnot. I found it and started using it so I would have a small list. And i can continue to update it. I barely have any information. Just a few names of people mike and I have talked about that we were for sure we wanted in our wedding, the date, and colors. Thats it. I have the ring bearer, made of honor, a few bridesmaids, flower girl, and a few of his groomsmen but he isn't sure who he is having as best man so i listed everyone as groomsmen for now. I hate people that have to try and get in to everything. There is nothing to get into. Mike and I would be fine without other people around. Its so annoying. I mean he doesn't like my one friend jenn(i use that friend term lightly she is my roommate at school) and I told him thats fine, he doesn't have to like her, just be civil til I move out at the end of this school year. Ill do the same with todd. Ill be civil but how long til I snap.



Ok this was really long. Im sorry. Im done venting and will write more soon about how things have been going with life and clarion and when school starts. Thanks for reading. Please leave any amount of help or support you can.

Just a short update. Heading to Indiana for the week for AYOP (American Youth On Parade) Its for baton nationals. Its a twirling competitions and its huge. around the world. I have been doing it for years. About 12 to be exact. My sister is beginner miss majorette 16+ of PA so its really exciting to see her compepte for Miss Majorette of America.

Things with mike and I have been amazing lately. I just hope it continues. I don't know what happened but I am NOT complaining at all. Counseling is going well as well. Had to miss it this week cause I was sick but it was ok because things are going well.

hope all is well for everyone else. Kiwi started magically working again for me again. Im not sure why but oh well Im not complaining. Have a good week!