beachbumgalx , 21

Entry - 103

Dear Kiwi readers,
well its pretty early for a Sunday..I'm actually awake and its only 6h36 AM. Normally I'm not awake till at least 8 or 10h and it takes me forever to wake up. But the reason for my early waking is basically because I have a lot of things going on in my mind right now. I just need to let it all out and maybe on paper it won't sound as bad or maybe it'll help me figure things out see if its the right decision or not. See yesterday while I was speaking with my mother I decided to check out this website where you can post free ads of services offered, things you want to buy or sell etc. I was mainly looking because I had made an ad for my mother's daycare service..but then I saw it the section for pets. Since I already have a dog I was thinking well why not check if there's nice things for sell here for her. But instead I fell upon an ad of dogs for sell. At first I was just looking for the hell of it, but this ad really got me interested. Its German Shepherd Husky puppies for sell at a reduced price of 50$ instead of their original price of 100$..my dog is the same mix and lately she seems a little lonely in fact I find she looks lonely since we moved back from the big city and she doesn't have her little friend anymore..so I thought this is a cheap price for a 6 weeks old pup and that way my dog will have a companion. Because I know with the baby coming she might not get as much attention as she usto so at least if she has a little pale to keep her busy she won't feel so lonely. So I mentioned it to my fiance who agreed that it was an amazing price and there isn't any harm in taking a look right. Except for the fact that in that case it gets way too tempting. So I gave her a call. She only had 2 pups left and one of them was on hold. So it was pretty much you like this one take it if not well too bad its all I've got. They are all females, so I was a little worried at first because my dog is a female too, yet mine is 2 years old and this is a 6 weeks old pup, so my dog's motherly instinct will kick in and it won't be so bad. As for getting her operated well she only needs that done at 6 months so that gives us plenty of time to pick up that sum of money. So we decided to go see them. We called her back and she told us she would meet us in town with the pups..which is kind of odd to me, but maybe people at home were asleep it was almost 10 by the time we actually met you know. It was 2 young girls they said that these pups are an elderly ladies pups she can't take care of them her dog had gotten pregnant and this was just too many pups for her to handle so they are selling it for her. We saw the pup she is adorable really and my dog met her and she loves her too. So now we gave them a down payment of 16$ to show our interest. But they had no paper on them to make a note and receipt of that. so basically we have no proof that we have given them this sum of money.. which kind of got me a little worried and all huh, but at the same time if we get fucked over it was only 16$ and not the full amount. They seemed pretty honest, but you can never trust anyone these days, so now as much as I wanted to wait originally till at least the 8th of December before bringing another dog in, just so that money won't be tight, now I'm trying to do everything I can to bring this dog into our home sooner, just in case. Now at the time we were all gun ho about getting the dog we never really thought about well food wise. I mean its a 6 weeks old pup what does she eat, I've never had a pup before. so yea! My boyfriend kinda knows, but I mean what we gotta get specific food for her now, because if so we won't be able to take her in for another week and a half. Which as gotten me worried about the fact that will she truly keep the dog for me. Are we gonna end up with the dog at all. So I've been dreaming all night about this dog, hoping to get some kind of sign that will help me make up my mind. Besides is this a good idea at this time to bring in another addition with the baby coming, patches already here. Sure won't cost much at first.. being so small she will barely eat, leash, collar and training pads we would get from the dollar store so wouldn't cost us an arm and a leg. But now that the down is set I feel more obligated in getting her, and as much as 50$ isn't a lot of money it is when your tied up at the end of the month because of rent. Plus we only get money every second week, because thats the payment plan of my fiance's company. To be honest my credit card is already maxed out and my unemployment checks haven't started coming in yet, they said roughly around the 11th of December. Bills are coming in, so I'm wondering did I just do something stupid on impulse. Should I just think of it this way.. I get the dog and thats it even though might be hard to feed for a couple weeks or wait till the 8th of December like we had originally planned and fuck the deposit. If she is honest she will keep the dog for us until then like she promised and if she isn't then we lost our deposit but  at least it was only 16$. If this pup is really meant to be it'll be there waiting for me by December 8th. Its just the deposit feels like its more then it is, and I am excited about the new addition and I can't wait. I'm like a baby because this is pretty much my Christmas gift. So I'm just really confused. Sleeping something through really makes you think and worry and over think and that is why I'm an impulse buyer to start off with. Which of course has a lot of cons to it, but what can I say its how I am. I'm probably going to meet with my mom today, so I was hoping to break to her the news of it all. Maybe just leaving out the part about the deposit. And seeing what she says about it. If she really insists that its a bad idea, then maybe I'll fuck the deposit and just not get the dog after all. Or try to explain to her the pros of this and hope to change her mind. I guess in a way I'm still a baby and I just want my mother's approval in the end, because I know it would make me feel loads better. I guess I still have that baby-ish thinking but whats a girl to do. I got usto it for like 17 years of my parents making decisions for me that sometimes I don't think straight and I make a stupid decision and then they get upset. So I'm just thinking a lot. I think once I speak to my mother about it I'm sure it'll clear everything up for me. And if its meant to be I'll get the pup today. We'll see.

Entry - 102


Dear Kiwi Readers,
So yesterday was a real mess. I found out that some fraud is going on in my bank account. Luckily only 40$ is missing, but I mean if they did it once they can do it again, and god knows if they already have but I just haven't noticed. So I was pretty pissed off and upset really. I called in thinking that maybe its me or my boyfriend that withdrew the 40$ from the ATM just didn't quite remember, so when I called I asked which debit was used and most of all where was the money withdrew and what time. But all she could see was what time. It was at  3 AM..at  that time I'm clearly in bed sleeping. There was no way that this was me. So it made me pretty mad and most of all creeped out. Because who copied our debit, who did this, where and how could they do this to another person? All these questions popped in my head. So our accounts are going under investigation for fraud. So hopefully they figure it out and give us our money back, because this is clearly not our fault. I know for most 40$ is like nothing, but when you don't have that much money 40$ is still a lot, and we don't know if that has occurred before without us noticing. So we had to go straight to the bank change our bank cards, so now we have one with a chip so its suppose to be a hell of a lot more secure, is that true that I cannot tell you, but I certainly hope so, because I don't want to have to go through this again. We also had to change our pins, so now its gonna be difficult to remember a new pin after having the other one for a couple years now and same goes for my fiance. Well at least now its all over and we don't have to worry about this occurring again, but thats still besides the fact. Plus I had to bother my parents to drive me to the bank at the other end of town to go fix this fraudulence. All this because I can't drive anymore because my stomach is getting too big and because some idiot instead of getting a real job decided to steal from others. Anyways afterwards my parents offered to take us out to the movies which seemed like a great plan to get away and especially because we don't get out much anymore, money is tight and what not. But when we got to the theaters they decided to cancel the showing of the movie the boys were going to go see. So my dad and my fiance were pretty disappointed, only me and my mothers movie was giving. So we decided to buy the tickets for today. So now we are going to the movies tonight, since the movie the boys wanted to see is going to be playing tonight. Me and my mom are going to see A Christmas Carol and my fiance and my dad are going to see 2012. Me and my mother will have time to go shopping for a bit before because our movie only starts at 7h and their movies starts at 6h20 but theirs lasts an hour longer so everything pans out well. =) So I'm pretty excited to get my mind off things. It'll be nice to get out of the house and spend time with my parents. well its now 4h30 I better get ready because my parents our taking us out for supper to, so we might leave at around 5h30 ish probably. So I want to make sure that my hair, makeup and house is all ready. Well Have a nice evening!

Entry  - 101


Dear Kiwi Readers,
So I just called my Doctor today asking if they think I should go to the hospital to double check since the baby is barely moving at all, or at least I can't feel him move. Plus I think i lost the plug and I'm having pains and all. So they advised me to go to the emergency better safe then sorry. So I showed up and had to do your typical urinary test, the Doctor checked to see if I lost any of the amniotic fluid and apparently it doesn't seem like I have. As for the plug might of fallen out but not entirely because he found more discharged that was lime-green and he believes that its part of the mucous plug.. so I'm more likely losing it in pieces. As for the baby not moving he was has pretty much been sleeping since Saturday.. the cord isn't around the neck so thats good and his heart rate is okay, just a little slow because he is sound asleep. They've told me that if I don't feel him move more then 10 times a day I should go in.. before I left they made me have some ice to see if I'd feel him moving and that did the trick. So they've advised me to keep doing that having ice, Popsicles etc. Anything to wake him up so that way I'll feel him moving and that way he will work his way out or else I can be in labor a long time and what not. So then my Doctor did an internal exam, to find that I'm 1 cm dilated. Which could have been a happy moment, but this only means that I can be 1 cm for like weeks on end it doesn't mean that he is coming out anytime soon. So basically have cold things so I can feel him move and know that he's okay get him working as well. Walking is good and such! So now I'm seeing him on Wednesday and he will check then to see if I'm anymore dilated then I was today. Hopefully when I see him I will be. =) because when you start getting dilated you start getting contractions and cramping pains (well at least for most) so this could be a long process if I'm dilated but no progress for a very long time because this means I'll be in pain until my due date. Which quite frankly is 5 weeks and a half from now so thats a pretty long time to go having contractions and cramps. I know that I'd love for him to be 37 weeks that way its considered full term, but I have a very small figure so all my internal organs are getting squashed, my kidneys are constantly hurting, my heart is weak as it is so now its taking a mad tole on my heart. My skin is ripping apart very badly sometimes it looks like my stretch marks are bleeding, my hips and legs are letting me go (considering I have a previous bone problem.. they aren't that strong) So by the time I give birth I'll be quite damaged at the age of 18. So thats why in a way if its safe enough for him right now its best for both of us if he comes out soon. Better if he's at least 37 weeks, but still okay now. So I'm finally back home doing the waiting game once again. I feel more cramping though in my back now and more uncomfortable.. and I'm starting to wonder if the internal exam can be the cause of it all. Because it does hurt when you get that exam to start off with and I'm sure it can help get the process underway. So I wouldn't be surprised if this caused some of the pain I now have. Anyways soon..at least we deeply hope! 

Dear Kiwi Readers,
So I guess its still the waiting game for me. My water hasn't broken yet, getting pains here and there, very uncomfortable but thats pretty much it.  We are actually starting to wonder if it was indeed my mucous plus that I had lost, because truly its taking forever for the water to break or any progress to be made. Then again some say it took them 48 hours, so two days before their water broke or before anything else really happened. So tonight at like 4-6h PM I'll see if my water breaks or any progress is made then good. If not then..Ah! I'm really ready, and when I heard that my aunt thought I lost my mucous plug I was ecstatic because finally this would be all over very soon. But now I'm starting to wonder was it really that, but why would my aunt have called, it really had to concern her and look pretty different and weird. So in the end I guess I just really don't know. Only way for me to know is to see my Doctor. Which unfortunately that will only be on Wednesday and for some this seems like its just tomorrow but for me it seems like its in a month from now. Because I have been have some pains which do seem like contractions since Wednesday, last Wednesday, then we think I lost my mucous plug on Saturday and now still nothing. So is it a progress or not, what's going on I really want to know. Am I dilated at all? Did I indeed lose the plug? Should I be concerned in anyway? Is my baby simply stuck? Is he okay?..because he is barely moving at all anymore, and normally he moves like a maniac he hasn't moved at all since last night. When he did move last night it was just a few jiggles not even 5 minutes worth and done. Normally he would be making a party in there. So should I be concerned is he okay. I'm honestly freaking out. It certainly doesn't help when people put shit in your head either. My mother goes well when you give birth the baby doesn't move..well I don't think so (so whats the really answer). Or I think she won't make it past this certain date. Everyone has an opinion to pitch in, but with to many opinions and most contradicting the other there is no way for me to tell between all of that what I think or find out the truth. Its driving me nuts. I like hearing what people think, but right now too many people are thinking and its making my brain speed up. All I've been dreaming for these past days is delivering the baby or going into labor or getting admitted into the hospital. And me just hoping that these dreams will become a reality (and I know they will no matter what, but I mean RIGHT NOW! in these next fews days not till my due date which would be Christmas). My poor fiance he is working and he can't get this off his mind either. He keeps thinking that maybe I'm already in the hospital or maybe this, maybe that. I don't even know how he does it to concentrate. Because it really can be anytime if I did indeed lose the plug. So lets just hope that its gonna be all over soon. Or maybe the baby subconsciously knows that his dad is working until Tuesday and has Wednesday, Thursday and Friday off. So maybe thats why he is waiting for his dad to be off for 3 days to come out. So hopefully at least by Tuesday night I'll be in the hospital giving birth! I HOPE! If not then at least on Wednesday I'll see my Doctor and tell him all about this and hopefully this time he takes the time to actually check it out and not just send me on my way. Because I need to know if I really lost the plug, if I really am in labor sorta, if the baby is okay and if I'm dilated. 
So Yesterday was a long day, my fiance started his new shift so now he works Saturday till Tuesday from 9AM to 8PM. Yesterday was the first day of the 10 hour shift and let me tell you I was bored like there was no tomorrow, luckily I was at my parent's house so I wasn't entirely alone and I had someone to talk to and something to do, but it doesn't stop the fact that I was still bored! Imagine today I'm home with my dog. There's like still 6 hours to go for his shift to be over. I have no one to talk to here. So this will be long. Same goes for tomorrow. But then at least I get him to myself for 3 days. At least when my son will be born I'll have him to take care of so I won't have time to be bored! =)
Oh, I still hadn't payed off my car insurance down payment talk about procrastinating, and even more now that I can't really drive. So I finally called them in wondering if they can just directly take it out of my bank account. and Thank god they can! So now everything is done, just waiting for the cable company to take out the money for the bill. And everything is pretty much set. Once my fiance gets payed on the 22 nd then rent check is sent out and no worries until 2nd week of December, which hopefully my unemployment checks will be coming in then as well!
So many things..so little time! 

Entry - 099


Dear Kiwi readers,
So this was a big weekend for sure! Yesterday I had to get the car seat installed with my mother. Afterwards we decided to stop by my aunts house to say hi and drop off some stuff she had forgotten at my mother's house. We stayed there for a few hours playing with her dogs and then left and we went straight to my mother's house. I ate my other aunt showed up and then we got a disturbing phone call. It was my other aunt the one we had spent the day with, she had gone to the washroom and noticed that there was something funny in there. Turns out she thinks that I might of lost my mucous plug. Which means that I might go into labor quite soon. 2 hours later I started getting very weak contractions every hour. But then it seemed like it had stop over night. I kept waking up in the middle of the night quite frequently but it seemed like I was just uncomfortable. This morning I have stronger pains then yesterday but yet quite mild, which is quite surprising to my mother, but then again everyone is different. I can be having contractions but a lot more mild then the ones I had this past week so my body mistakes it for just small cramping or simply being uncomfortable, when truly its labor. So I guess we will have to wait and see upon that. I sure hope that this truly is labor, because I hate waiting. It seems like when I went to sleep last night as if the baby would have fallen asleep on me because I was sleeping so it feels like I have to start all over again, the pain is more strong like I had mentioned but still far apart seems like an hour or an hour and a half apart sorta I'm not timing it too much because its taking long anyways and no very important unless it gets quite frequent and close together and more painful. But I hope its sometime this weekend if not this week the latest. I'm tired of the wait. AH! its driving me nuts. Feels like I have to pee all the time and everything to, so thats pretty annoying, but at least I'm at my mother's house we spent the night and I'm here again today so that way I won't be alone in case. Anyways so my parents are going to do the groceries and unfortunately I'm forced to go as well because walking and doing squats quickens the process or at least helps a bit so I try to do my best, because having contractions or being uncomfortable and exhausted for over a week is quite annoying and I'm pretty tired so I'll anything to dilate faster and get him out of there faster because damn takes forever. Well I better get ready because apparently I have to go help them do the groceries so that way I get fresh air and a walk, even though all I want to do right now is sleep my life away.. like damn I'm so tired theres no other explanation for it. Well I'm off have a nice day!