ActionsReport violationweight loss. been busy.am 10/27/09 11:39 pm[bgcolor=hotpink][color=white][font=verdana] - - - - - - - -[/font][/color]
 [color=white][font=verdana]- - - - - - - - ||| entry ||| 000 ||| Time ||| 00:00 |||[/font][/color] [font=verdana] I've been sort of busy the past week. The weekend was fun. Got to hang out with my boyfriend and some friends. My bf actually took me to a movie. We went to go see Law Abiding Citizen. It was very good. And Saturday night I went glow bowling with a bunch of friends. I had a test on Monday. I'm pretty sure I aced it. No surprise really. The past couple of days I've been watching weight loss videos on You Tube. I find that it motivates me to eat less crappy and control what I eat. I find myself consciously thinking about what I'm putting in my body. Last week I weighed just over 200 lbs and I just weighed myself a few minutes ago and it said 197.2. I'm going to keep this up for a bit to see if I can get some real results (about 10 lbs is what I'm hoping.) And if I can see that 10 lb change I will start going to the gym again and keep up the conscious eating. I want to be 145 lbs and a size 7 again!!! It would seriously make me so happy. I have never been so miserable about my weight. I think my highest weight I saw on the scale was 210. 4.5 years ago I was 145. I was 17 and skinny!! And now I'm 22 and FAT. I hate it. The other night I tried pretty much EVERYTHING on in my closet and I thought I looked disgusting in everything except for my sweatpants and my sweatshirt. That's the night I started watching weight loss videos. Trying on all those clothes is definitely a turning point for me. I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror. And I hate looking at pictures of myself. I feel and think I look so disgusting. I honestly don't know how or understand why my boyfriend thinks I'm so attractive. It completely turns me off from sex with him because I feel ashamed of my body. He always talks to me about wanting to have sex more than we do, but I can't seem to even tell him that I feel ashamed. He would just tell me I'm full of BS and say that I'm beautiful no matter what. I can't take that shit! The only time I will believe I look beautiful is when I feel beautiful. And he would never understand. I don't even remember what it feels like to be beautiful. I just can't wait until the weeks pass and see this weight melt off my body like ice cream on a hot day dripping from a chocolate dipped waffle cone! I feel hungry a lot all day. But I will get used to it. Because I used to eat a LOT. I don't want anyone telling me anorexia is BAD. I'm NOT anorexic. I feel like I'm not eating enough because it's not what I'm used to. Small meals with fruits and veggies. A little bit of carbohydrates and a little bit of meat for protein. Lots of water. No juice, pop, chips, candy, pasta, creamy dressings, noodles, nothing filled with massive amounts of sodium, so no pickles, or preserved foods, no take out, no fast food, only healthy choices in restaurants, no alcohol and most of all no eating more than the portion sizes that I should be eating. I'm aiming to consume about 800-1000 calories a day. And yeah I know it's low but I need to see a rapid change in weight loss to stay motivated or I will just give up. Once I see that rapid change I'll go to the gym three times a week and eat quite a bit more. I"M SICK OF BEING FAT [/font] [color=white][font=verdana]- - - - - - - -[/font][/color] [font=verdana][color=white] RESPONDERS HERE COMPACT FORM [color=white][font=verdana]- - - - - - - -[/font][/color] [font=verdana][color=white]SUBBIES HERE COMPACT FORM [font=verdana][color=white]i own you//© xXx_madgurl_xXx[color=white]xXx_madgurl_xXx's[/user]
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