Blog | christina_bee | Kiwibox Community

delete?

11/04/09 12:03 am

how do i delete my account here. this is retarded. no more points... no more for teens by teens. wtf is this shit. booooo!

So you're telling me kiwi changed and then all of my old entries are gone? that kinda really pisses me off because i love looking back and reading all of my old journal entries.

I guess we'll see how this goes. And I'll write something tomorrow or something if this kiwi gets any better.

lost 2.5 lbs. zombies.

10/31/09 2:13 am

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[font=verdana][color=white] [Entry: 005?] [Time: 8.03 000] [Date: 30/10/2009][/color][/font]

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[color=white][font=wingdings]n[/font][font=verdana][color=deeppink]Sup Bitches[color=white][font=wingdings]n[/font]

[color=white][font=wingdings]n[/font][font=verdana][color=deeppink] I uh. Dressed up as a zombie today for our school halloween spirit day. it was pretty kick ass. i'm sweet at doing makeup. tomorrow though i'm dressing up as dorothy from the wizard of oz and going over to my friends place to party and drink and stuff should be a good time. [color=white][font=wingdings]n[/font]

[color=white][font=wingdings]n[/font][font=verdana][color=deeppink] So last night i went over to my boyfriends and we watched saving silverman and the strangers. They were both pretty bad. Shawn fell asleep during the strangers. I was in such a good mood before i went over to his house and then like 20 mins of being there my mood severely dropped. my eye super hurt. the muscle behind it got super sore and it was giving me a rank bad headache and i cried a little bit. [color=white][font=wingdings]n[/font]

[color=white][font=wingdings]n[/font][font=verdana][color=deeppink] So i got wii fit plus yesterday. pretty hardcore. the only thing i DON"T like about it is that it measures weight in kg and height in cm. but i've lost 4.4 lbs since i last hopped on the wii fit. and then since monday i've lost 2 lbs. already. it hasn't even been a week. but i have a lot of weight to lose and i was eating just over 2000 calories a day and now it's between 800-1200. so i'm making a huge change. it won't be so easy later on. i'll have to actually start exercising! gasp. but i can't wait to see 180's!!! just 6 more lbs to get there!! i hope to be there in 3 weeks. it seems like such a long time for weight to come off. I'm so impatient. if i keep on with my diet i'll be at my goal weight by july next year!! 141! that's like 57 lbs to lose. that's A LOT of weight. what i really want is to be 150-160. it seems more realistic to me right now. Maybe once i get down there i will shoot for 10 lbs at a time. but i can't think that far in the future right now. i have to focus on now and getting down to those 180's so i can say GOODBYE to the 200's and the 190's!! I will be SOO HAPPY! i haven't been there for just over 2 years now! i'm so glad i decided to do something about my weight. i've tried but i just haven't had the dedication. and i get all of my motivation from watching youtube videos. and hope to one day make my own to help others out like it helped me!!! i'm going to go watch some now! Ciao. [color=white][font=wingdings]n[/font]

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[font=verdana][color=white]I Fucking Love You//© xXx_madgurl_xXx[color=deeppink]xXx_madgurl_xXx's[/user]

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weight loss. been busy.

10/28/09 3:39 am

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I've been sort of busy the past week. The weekend was fun. Got to hang out with my boyfriend and some friends. My bf actually took me to a movie. We went to go see Law Abiding Citizen. It was very good. And Saturday night I went glow bowling with a bunch of friends. I had a test on Monday. I'm pretty sure I aced it. No surprise really.

The past couple of days I've been watching weight loss videos on You Tube. I find that it motivates me to eat less crappy and control what I eat. I find myself consciously thinking about what I'm putting in my body. Last week I weighed just over 200 lbs and I just weighed myself a few minutes ago and it said 197.2. I'm going to keep this up for a bit to see if I can get some real results (about 10 lbs is what I'm hoping.) And if I can see that 10 lb change I will start going to the gym again and keep up the conscious eating. I want to be 145 lbs and a size 7 again!!!

It would seriously make me so happy. I have never been so miserable about my weight. I think my highest weight I saw on the scale was 210. 4.5 years ago I was 145. I was 17 and skinny!! And now I'm 22 and FAT. I hate it. The other night I tried pretty much EVERYTHING on in my closet and I thought I looked disgusting in everything except for my sweatpants and my sweatshirt. That's the night I started watching weight loss videos. Trying on all those clothes is definitely a turning point for me.

I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror. And I hate looking at pictures of myself. I feel and think I look so disgusting. I honestly don't know how or understand why my boyfriend thinks I'm so attractive. It completely turns me off from sex with him because I feel ashamed of my body. He always talks to me about wanting to have sex more than we do, but I can't seem to even tell him that I feel ashamed. He would just tell me I'm full of BS and say that I'm beautiful no matter what. I can't take that shit! The only time I will believe I look beautiful is when I feel beautiful. And he would never understand.

I don't even remember what it feels like to be beautiful. I just can't wait until the weeks pass and see this weight melt off my body like ice cream on a hot day dripping from a chocolate dipped waffle cone! I feel hungry a lot all day. But I will get used to it. Because I used to eat a LOT. I don't want anyone telling me anorexia is BAD. I'm NOT anorexic. I feel like I'm not eating enough because it's not what I'm used to. Small meals with fruits and veggies. A little bit of carbohydrates and a little bit of meat for protein. Lots of water. No juice, pop, chips, candy, pasta, creamy dressings, noodles, nothing filled with massive amounts of sodium, so no pickles, or preserved foods, no take out, no fast food, only healthy choices in restaurants, no alcohol and most of all no eating more than the portion sizes that I should be eating. I'm aiming to consume about 800-1000 calories a day. And yeah I know it's low but I need to see a rapid change in weight loss to stay motivated or I will just give up. Once I see that rapid change I'll go to the gym three times a week and eat quite a bit more.

I"M SICK OF BEING FAT
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[font=verdana][color=white] RESPONDERS HERE COMPACT FORM

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[font=verdana][color=white]SUBBIES HERE COMPACT FORM

[font=verdana][color=white]i own you//© xXx_madgurl_xXx[color=white]xXx_madgurl_xXx's[/user]

ate like crap again. he never takes me out.

10/22/09 4:12 am

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[color=white][font=verdana] entry: 3 [color=black]______________ mood: gay
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[bgcolor=white][color=black] To Do List:
1.shower
2.play xbox
3.sleep

k. so. i went to school. finished my business package. it's not due till friday. sweet. and then i went to work. and i ate like fucking crap at work. i really need to stop doing that. i should pack a lunch AND supper when i work right after i'm done school. fuck. yesterday was the same. i ate like fucking crap. i have no self control over food yet. but it's getting a little better with time. i can't even remember what i did yesterday. played rock band and halo with my friend jesse. sweet i guess. all i have to do tonight is shower and stuff.

i don't get to see my boyfriend till.. i duno when. he works shift work 12 hour shifts. and with me going to school and work i barely ever see him. it sucks so bad. and i won't be able to see him tomorrow because i'm going out for supper with a friend that lives in vancouver. so i can't miss that. and friday i duno i think he works nights. saturday i'm hanging out with finigan outside the tattoo place and waiting for the grand opening. piercings will only be 30 bucks and tattoos will only be 50 bucks an hour. and then we're pumpkin carving. and sunday garret is taking me to go see flogging molly. and i barely ever hang out with him cuz he doesn't live here. time for my bf and i is few and far between. not like we ever do anything special anyways. i think i'm going to have to train him. take him on a date the way that i would want to be taken out on and let him see that THAT is how you treat your girlfriend. we've been dating for over a year and he's never taken me out on a nice romantic date. i didn't think it was too much to ask for but i guess it is.

sad.

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delete?

really?

lost 2.5 lbs. zombies.

weight loss. been busy.

ate like crap again. he never takes me out.