[bgcolor=#33ff99][color=#333333]So I moved into my new place, obvs. That's going pretty well. Liz, whom I knew already, is really nice and we've been hanging out a lot. Her sister Kyla is cool too, although I'm not sure we have as much in common. She's 19, and she's dating this 30 year old guy that Liz hates and is trying to get her to break up with. He's nice, but he's honestly pretty dumb so I just avoid talking to him. Talking to dumb people and pretending the stuff they say isn't stupid is just, you know, exhausting. [:D]

So. The reason I haven't been on at all, after coming back like three times and saying I'd be back on as usual again. [:/] We were sharing wireless internet with our upstairs neighbors, which was awesome because it was only going to cost us $15/month ($5 each!) and worked just find through the floor. Then the weekend before last I went down to Champaign and Liz went home, leaving Kyla and Seth there. We got back and the pass key to the internet had been changed. Liz figured it was because we hadn't paid them yet (she tried, but they're gone a lot and anyway it had only been a week) so she taped some money to their door and left a note and went up there when she heard them get home.

Apparently what happened is that Friday or Saturday night our neighbors (who are kind of bros and seemed nice but not that cool) were drunk and wrestling in their kitchen at 4 or 5 a.m. Not fighting, just doing it for fun. Yeah, because they're jerks. That's practically over Kyla's room, so Seth (the dumb boyfriend) went up there and apparently words were exchanged. Kyla doesn't know if he was out of line because she didn't go up there with him.

Then, apparently, he went and got a baseball bat! OMG. Our neighbors say he went into their apartment with it, and also that during one of these confrontations their door was partly opened and he just walked right in. Kyla said he was just kind of waving it around on our landing. Still so not OK. But yeah, the internet was in their name and they changed the password the next day. They claim there's no hard feelings but still won't turn it back on. And they asked Kyla to go up there and apologize, like it would be cool if she did, but then were awkward about it and told her to tell Seth "to just be smarter next time" like it was all his fault. Oh, and they didn't offer Liz her money back even though she gave it to them after they knew they weren't going to give us internet, and we only shared with them for a week. Grrr.

Seth and Kyla said they'll pay for the first month of getting our own, and she's supposed to call the company today. I don't know why it took so long, but... Meh. I just moved in and I really don't want to nag since it's not her fault, either. But my Russian homework is only announced online, not in the syllabus, and at least half of my course readings are .pdfs I have to get online. So it's been a hassle to make a trip to the library to download those, then come back and print them at home, only check my email every few days... Blah. Oh, and I have to email reading responses the night before one class and turn papers in every week online for another. My professors have been nice about it, but it just feels really unprofessional. And obviously I'm not going to tell them the story of why we don't have internet, since it's so trashy.

My Kiwibox is not, as far as I can tell, a part of the website you can get on your phone, so I haven't been on at all really except to see what's going on with the people running our site into the ground. [:/] Facebook actually works well on my phone though, so I've been on that pretty frequently and if you want to talk, I'm available there. It sucks to be dependent on a phone whose battery life is so crappy, but at least with my grad student schedule I can hang out a lot home. [:D]

Nothing important is going on other than that. And regarding the minor stuff, I can't remember if I gave you guys any background since I haven't updated a lot. And I guess this is getting long, like it always does when I check in every couple of months to tell you some crazy dramatic story. [:D] But yeah, that's the moral of this story: Facebook me.[/color][/bgcolor]

[bgcolor=#33ff66][color=#333333]I guess I don't get to the blood and guts that quick in my ramblings, so feel free to read out of order. [:D]

So I'm moving into my new place tomorrow. [:D] So excited.

I don't know if this is common in college towns, but at U of I most of the housing where undergrads would live, i.e. near campus and cheap, came furnished. So I lived for two years in the (obv. furnished dorms) and two in my furnished house, and only owned an armchair and a bunch of kitchen things. Obviously random Chicago apartments don't tend to come furnished, so I needed to get my bedroom stuff together in about a week. I got a bunch of stuff at Ikea, and an awesome desk chair at Goodwill (it matches the color of my armchair almost perfectly [:D]), but it took pretty much my whole day off Tuesday to do that. And I had to pick what I'm actually bringing, and yeah... Didn't get a whole lot of work done.

Luckily I have a long weekend... I don't think it'll take me that long to get settled. Instead of giving you a full week off for Thanksgiving, Loyola gives you Wednesday-Friday. Then gives you Monday-Tuesday off in October for a "mid-semester break." I've got to say I really need it, I'm getting a little burned out. But since I'm moving, and since Matt and I thought it was next weekend, not this one, I'll just be hanging around. Getting ahead, like the great student I am. [:D]

Anyway, I got a foam mattress from Ikea because it felt OK (and it's easier/cheaper to buy a nice bed base from them than a great mattress) and it comes rolled up. So I wouldn't be without a bed for a day waiting for a mattress delivery, and wouldn't have to shop furniture liquidators in the suburbs. It fit in my backseat diagonally, but then I couldn't get anything else in there, so I wanted to get my keys early and drop off the mattress during the week. Liz and I met Thursday night before, so that was my plan. And then: disaster struck!

It rained really hard all day Thursday, so by the time I got out of class at 8.30 p.m. I was seriously considering just telling Liz I wasn't coming. It was that nasty-- too gross to pull into a space right outside the door, run inside with one bulky item, then get home. Yeah. And there was a Cubs game. So I was going around the block, half-aware of where I was, trying to figure things out since I'd only ever been there at night and it was raining.

And this woman runs out from between a couple of cars in the middle of the block! And I slam on my breaks but it's wet and I hit her! And she screams and rolls off my front passenger side! Oh. My. God. So scary.

So I get out of my car, and so does a girl about my age from the car behind me. The woman was sitting up but moaning like she was hurt. I really didn't want her to sit in the middle of the street in the rain like that, but whether she was disoriented or just in pain I couldn't get her to get up right away. And obviously I didn't want to force her. We were on the campus of the hospital where she worked, and a doctor she was with wanted to just get a wheelchair, but they wouldn't let her-- legally, she had to call 911. So eventually we got her up and walked her over to my car so she wouldn't be sitting in the gross wet street. [:/] And exchanged information, blah blah, while we waited.

I thought I was OK, but I think I must have been shaking or looked really awful because the female paramedic kept telling me to calm down, it was no big deal, how do people expect anyone to see them on nights like this. Same from the cops, ER intake people, etc. [:/] Called Liz and my family, got the police report, got out of there. I felt really bad because Dixie (the woman I hit, who I thought was mid-50s but apparently is 70! She's beautiful plus it was dark) thanked me on my way out and I just called back "sure." I meant "sure, no problem," but since I thought she might have broken her leg at that point I felt pretty bad. I was just freaking out too much and wasn't sure what to say to her.

Luckily she called me today. She's doing OK and is just really sore. I told her I'm moving to the area where she works so we're going to talk in a couple of days when she's back to work. I'm so glad she's all right.

So I got my keys and dropped off my mattress today after class instead, and tomorrow I start living in Boystown, Chicago. And that's my story.[/color][/bgcolor]

[bgcolor=#33ff66][color=#333333]Things are going pretty well. My dad's birthday was good (even though Matt couldn't stay the night [:(]), I'm moving Saturday, and next weekend I'm visiting Matt. In November, I might be going on a road trip with some other grad students to the Southern Historical Conference in Louisville! Jug band! [:D]

So I thought I'd share this entertaining tidbit, since I've got nothing really to say for myself besides [:D]:

---

Emma: Speaking of stress, do you think I can sue Tetris when I get carpal tunnel?
Matt: i don't think tetris is a company
Emma: Actually, I think it's still owned by the game designer, and licensed to game companies
Matt: sue a russian? absurd.
Emma: But there is a "Tetris Company" actually
Emma: You'll feed me and take dictation when all I have are claws, right?
Matt: you will be rich enough from suing russians to hire someone
Matt: or you'll get a mail-order bride in the settlement
Emma: But I like you.
Matt: but mail-order bride
Matt: i will feed you and take dictation when tetris beclaws your hands
Emma: [:D]
Emma: Besides, sex with a claw-person!
Emma: Don't act like there's nothing in it for you
Matt: ullllllll
Emma: Picturing this scenario is really brightening my day
Emma: I hope no one in 491 asks why I look so thrilled
Matt: why are you like this
Emma: Because it's so, so fun
Matt: wugh
Emma: If there were a licensing agency for fucking, we'd have been on its do not fly list since birth
Matt: hahaha
[/color][/bgcolor]

[bgcolor=#33ff66][color=#333333]Feeling crappy. [:/]

Matt was supposed to come visit this weekend. It's my dad's birthday, and my mother suggested it, and since by then we won't have seen each other in 3 weeks it kinda made sense. The all day birthday party/staying at my parents' thing will be kind of a drag, but there was other stuff we wanted to do, and it's actually my last weekend here before I move in with Liz and Kyla.

Then the other night we realized the Art Institute closes too early on Friday for us to go unless he skipped class to leave earlier. He said he might earlier so I don't know why that's changed now, but... meh. So then he suggested he wouldn't come at all Friday, he'd go up to Rockford instead and come down Saturday morning. Even though he was already planning on leaving early Sunday for work. Can someone tell me what the point of that is when we're already on a schedule of spending 3 weeks at a time apart? The only day he'd be here would be my dad's birthday, which will be this big (and really boring) family party. Doesn't like. [:(]

I admitted I was disappointed, but told him to do whatever he wants. His parents just agreed to help him buy a new computer because his doesn't even start up reliably and he's taking a couple of CS classes so he really needs it. And they've been helping him out a lot lately since he ended up living alone, so I understand he really owes them a visit. Last year he just dropped off the map and didn't see them for an entire semester, and I don't want him to do that again. But did he really have to let me spend all week looking forward to the super fun and awesome plan, then change it at the last minute and expect me not to be disappointed?

I don't know, it just seems like if you missed someone that much, you'd realize one day where you're just fulfilling a kinda boring family obligation is not enough after three weeks. You wouldn't need to be told. I told him it hurt my feelings and he called, but it was a pretty unproductive conversation. What am I supposed to say, "Want to spend time with me!"? It wouldn't "fix" anything if he complied with that request.

I don't have seasonal depression, exactly, because it can happen at other times, but fall/winter are almost a given for me. So I'm really trying to be honest about my feelings even when they're dumb, and tried to explain how shitty commuting is. I'm meeting people I like, but I never get to go out with them-- the only socializing I've done in the last month, besides visit Matt once, is drop by Sean's a couple of times to listen to his recordings and play with my cat. Yeah. I'm just really lonely, and looking forward to this was going to brighten my week a lot. Not so much anymore.

I told him he's right to go see his family, because he is, I guess. But I'd feel happier about it if he'd at least offered to make a more satisfactory plan for a couple of weeks from now.

Even though I think it actually is kind of insensitive, I know I'm being way too sensitive lately, and just having a hard time expressing myself productively. Which is a problem when I seem to take everything he says or doesn't say the wrong way. I'm trying to let him know that I really am working on this and working against these bad impulses, but they make it hard to even know whether I'm right to be hurt so I feel guilty asking him for help. I tried to make an appointment with Loyola's mental health clinic, but so far their site is down. It's really limited-- only 6 sessions, which isn't even every other week for a semester-- but I'm still on both my parents' insurance so I'd probably have some options with a referral.

It's really shitty though. I can't concentrate-- I feel like I've been reading non-stop all day, but it'll take me like 40 minutes to read 12 pages. I keep forgetting things. And, yeah, over-analyzing everything x10000. I started my work for this week on Friday morning, and it definitely still will not be done, even though I've worked on it every day. [:/] It feels like it makes no difference if I do it or not.[/color][/bgcolor]

[bgcolor=#33ff66][color=#333333]Wow, I thought I'd written in here sometime in August... Guess not. [:/] Sorry about that. So I'll update you as briefly as possible:

Condo didn't work out, so I've been commuting to Loyola for the past couple of weeks. That's been no big deal actually. My first classes are late enough that I can leave really early for them in case of traffic without getting up insanely early, and I really, really enjoy driving. So unless we're at a standstill I really don't care much. Only drag is I can't really go out with history people after class, or I could but not for very long since they're usually going out for drinks.

Got coffee with Sean a couple of times since I'm a 10 minute drive from him when I'm on campus. He really doesn't like Kendall (the culinary school he's at) and wants to take a break to do the Peace Corps or something. Which is cool, but I'm pretty sure you need to be a college graduate for that. Don't you? I'm hoping he'll like his internship better when he gets there. Oh, and I went over to his apartment to see my kitty! She remembers me! [<3] It was pretty precious.

I just got my chunk of the security deposit from Kelly, so I'm finally free of my roommates! Shannon decided not to pay me for the last gas bill because she's a bitch, but apparently due to a mistake on it I overcharged everyone. I was late with the second to last bill, so they included that amount on the last bill without being clear about what it was for. I assumed it was service charges for shutting it off and just charged everyone accordingly. So I think I'm going to let people know and see if I can just keep a little bit from everyone so I'm not paying Shannon's portion all by myself. Seriously, I'm the only person who had a bill all two years with no lateness, getting it shut off, etc., and it was a huge bill. Basically I provided them a service for 2 years that I told them I didn't want to do, got stuck with it anyway, and I don't see why I should pay for the privilege now at the end. Heh, when I put it that way maybe I should just keep it all. [>:)]

So this evening Sean's friend Liz emailed me. She's staying in her apartment from last year, our mutual friend Jess (not the Jess I was roommates with) moved out, and her sister moved in. So they need a third. Looks like that's me! [:D] I'm so excited. And the rent is a little lower than what I paid in Urbana. My parents and Nancy said they would help with the rent through January while I look for a job, and then I'll have a clearer idea how much of a loan I'll need/will probably be able to take out less. I still have to meet the sister and see the room (I've been to the apartment before, but I don't know which one I have), but I think it's more or less a done deal because they need someone by October 1st and I really want to live there. So yay!

Matt and I are doing pretty well. I visited him in Champaign for Labor Day and he's coming up the weekend of the 26th for my dad's birthday. We also want to go see the new Modern Wing at the Art Institute, and there's a pow wow here in the suburbs I want to go to. He's living in a single apartment that we both like a lot, even though it's off campus. He has his car down there now, so it's not too big a deal, and there are areas around there I can park overnight, which I probably couldn't if he were still on campus.

So. Since I've been away so long and am doing school now, I'm not sure there's a way I can catch up on 2 solid months of journals. But I love you guys! And I want to know what's been going on with you! So here's what I'm hoping: I'll read as much as I possibly can. You let me know what you've been up to. And if there's anything huge that happened or any entries I should definitely not skip, let me know *about* when they were so I can make sure to check them out. I don't want to make work for you, so don't go back and look or anything-- a guess is fine and I'll do the rest. [:D]

Oooh, and I finally got a new computer. So I should now be back to being my old semi-reliable self, without the crazy disappearances.[/color][/bgcolor]