desperaterain , 26

because the outside world is far too scary

you might actually achieve something


you might get away from the divorced grounds you've known all your life

between the woods that are too cold
and the desert that is too bright & foreign, even though you were born there.


Somewhere out there is a place where you will thrive.

Somewhere out there is a place where you will remain.

For a time, a long time


I guess I should start taking better care of these bones for what's to come

I knew it once

lost it several times thereafter

and gained it again in one trip




One trip which I can't get out of my head.

You could call it a vacation
if I wasn't miserable the entire time.


You gave me my sanity back
and took it away in one evening.


"Chaos continues to roll around in my head"


They were mine once,
these words I borrow

but now they're yours.
And you were yours too.

Alright.

So.

I'm a loser.

You should probably kill me.


K?

K.

When & where... when & where.


As my self-deception ends
my self-hatred begins
my self-annihilation is weak
so we'll have to find a new way

to end this undeserving misery

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Shoutouts to people who responded

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daisyrosegirl : have fun

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The urge to destroy

to dismantle

to take apart

to set aflame

to kill.

For as civilized as we pretend to be

always remember
we aren't.


We probably never were.

People love to talk about how things were simpler in days of old because life was a great mystery to be lived and experienced and then you die.
And then you meet God.

Now we know something closer to the truth.
That as great as our existence is
it isn't

as great as this planet could be
it isn't

as great as each and every one of us could be
we aren't.


I dream of change on a second-by-second basis.
Milliseconds.

It's not that I'm unreasonable.

I want evolution to be true to the Nth degree.
So we can have our fantasies & live them too.

Why not?

I know a little about a lot

and a lot about a little

but when I think about the things I want

the things in my dreams I want to work hard at to make them come true

I'm blank & empty and waiting

three things I find worthy of spite
three things I have had my fill of

and three things I feel like I will spend the rest of my life running to avoid.

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Shoutouts to people who responded

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daisyrosegirl : You're not. I don't. I'm not. No psych diagnosis - although I'm sure if they looked at me long enough they might be able to come up with something. I think because I feel spurned by you in some way, we're never going to get along.
You might consider never reading my words again.

desperaterain : go die

hiddentruths : thanks :)

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List of subscribers

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crazycanuck, daisyrosegirl, desperaterain, Isabella2521, KraZii_BlueZ, LuzObscura, starfly_18, TheWordless, Xuu_

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DISORDER!




I hate to view things too simplistically.

I also hate the grandiosity of truly understanding anything at all.

Within this bi-polar framework, we see the line as something more.

We see it as a marker, a measuring stick, something to compare ourselves to.

This is my interpretation of our Western world looking at something that is, and making it something that it is not.


Will we own our own home by age 40?
Will we be able to afford the mortgage on it as well as the car payments?

These questions, while common, are just that.
Questions.
Leading us toward something we've been sold
called Stability.

Called Normality.

Called our lives.


Well, and maybe this is my irrationality speaking,
I'm not buying.

Count me out.

I can't be a part of this machine any more.

You encouraged the break down, my dearest of friends
and now I am rusted and forever stuck on the side of the road.

I will watch the others pass
as I always have

and wonder if they understand
this is a dead end.

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Shoutouts to people who responded

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daisyrosegirl : In light of our distrust, I nominate this journal to be forever memorialized as a standing tribute to our lives & the dust the memories here will collect.

Not to probe into your mind or anything but...
if you don't trust me - I am forced to again ask: why bother reading my journal?
If neither of us trusts each other, don't you think that makes things a bit weird on my end as the author to know someone who doesn't trust me is reading about my life?
You can try to defend yourself all you want, but I believe trust is required when reading someone else's thoughts.

I guess now we really won't be friends.

KraZii_BlueZ : You say too deep, I say not deep enough

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List of subscribers

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crazycanuck, daisyrosegirl, desperaterain, Isabella2521, KraZii_BlueZ, LuzObscura, starfly_18, TheWordless, Xuu_

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