emokatie , 16

Hey everybody :)
I'm sick again. Like the 2nd time within 2 weeks! First i had the flu, and now i have strep throat ='(
if i miss any more days of school, i'll be kicked out! I mean it's not my fault that i'm sick! I don't even know how I get strep throat every winter :/
I'm confused...

Oh, i started talking to my old friend Isaac again :3
He's really sweet =) He's always been that way. When I called him, he answered, I told him it was me, and he was all, "OH MY GOD KATIE IT'S BEEN THREE YEARS!!! I'VE MISSED YOU SOOOO MUCH!!!!How are you?!" I've never heard him that excited before!I was happy. So we talked for a while, I couldn't really hear him that well cause i was using my house phone, then he said he had to go and we hung up. Apparently he's coming over during christmas break, or sooner than that. I think i'm in love with him...no... i KNOW i'm in love with him... I really want to tell him, but when i try, i chicken out. I think i'm scared of ruining out friendship...How do i tell him my feelings without ruining our friendship or freaking him out??

Thanx in advance!!

P.S. If you have time, please look at my profile and tell me what you think of it. please and thank you!

<33 Katie

I'm all alone, nobody cares whether I live or die.
All I ever do is cause problems for everyone.
Can't they see how bad I am? Don't they care?
I can't make it through school, I cause my family problems, and I can't keep a man in my life.
I'm a failure at everything... the only way out of this is to die.
Mom, I wish I could have been the person you and dad wanted me to be. I'm not smart, pretty, athletic, or skinny. I know that you and dad never even wanted me...and...I wish...That I was never born.
You're all so busy, and here I sit. Please, someone do something so I can't feel the hurt anymore.
I hurt so bad, what can I do? To make everything better, I have to die.
I can't make it right by living. There is nothing for me here. I don't want to go on.
I didn't mean to hurt anyone. Please believe me. I love you all so very much, and I don't want to hurt you anymore.
I'm so cold, please do something. I can't stand this empty feeling that I'm having. I'm breaking into pieces...
Somebody do something.
[ This was written by a young girl who was being bullied ][and harrassed-- So she took her life]
------------------------------------------------------------
I hate myself and I hate living. I think that if someone who knows me reads this, they will know who I am.So I will leave this unsigned...
I am an asshole. I have let everyone down and I feel as though I will never change or never improve.
I am in love with a girl and I know that I am not good enough for her.
I have come to believe that my life has all been meaningless. I keep trying and I keep failing.
I have thought about and attempted suicide many times in the past. I used to think of my failiure as some mystical way of telling me that I was really meant for something meaningful.
The only thing I dread, besides my pain, is the way my family will suffer. I do not want my mother or father to think that it was anything they did that lead me to kill myself. I never really had any plans to leave a note. I thought that I would not be able to explain why I want to do this, and I am right.
There is no way to tell you or anyone else why I dread every new day. My father had such high expectations for me and tried to give me every opportunity to improve upon myself. I let him down. I think that I am a major disappointment to him.
I have a job but I'm always broke and I am in college, but barely, I show up to the class but that's about it.
I want my life to end. I am tired of fucking up everything. I am tired of people always telling me that they do not like me. I am tired of trying to be decent.
I hope that someone finds this post and I hope that my parents know that I fucked up, not them. It is my fault, I screwed up my own life. The hate that rages within me, rages not for those i love so dearly or those who have crossed my path. The hate rages towards me and only me. I have long forgiven those who have hurt me, but I have not and cannot come to terms to forgive myself for the things that I have done to myself, and the things that I've done to hurt those in my life. You have all touched my life one way or another, especially those whom I call family.
I cannot tell you how sorry I am for ending my life the way I did. I hope that you can all find it in your heart to see it as way for me not suffering anymore. I am finally at rest with myself, for being at rest with the guilt that constantly ate at me for so long.
Please forgive me all for taking my own life so early. I tried so hard to fight against this strong battle.
I have reached out for help so many times, and yet I believe, I was turned away because of the things I did, that it is a punishment I am willing to take, for I know that being who I am has only brought myself and others pain.
I love you all and will forever live within the memories we created...
Forgive me.
Love always and forever,
I will leave you with a quote so that if anyone reads this, they will know it's me,

"Can't feel pain if you're dead? Just saying."

[This anonymous young man thought that he was nothing-- and commited suicide]

SORRY....

I want to say goodbye…. I want to have the courage to let go…….
To grab the blade and cut deeper…. to finally be in peace….
If that’s what I want, then why can’t I do it? Hoping and praying is all I seem to do…. But what for? Is it worth living in this cruel world?
People keep telling me to hold on…. That things would get better….
That I should think about the people I will leave behind….
But hey… what about what I want???
Does anyone care? Why should I care???? I’m the one living my life….. suffering…… holding on…. But to what?
There’s just no point. There never will be…. If you care then you will want me to be happy right? Then understand me…. I want to leave…. I want to be in peace…. Far away….
Is this a mistake? I don’t know…. But anything is better than this right???
Will I regret this? I really don’t care…
I’m doing something for me for once in my life… I’ve been living for you all my life… Now I want to leave… Forever…
I’m sorry if it hurts…. But I’m hurting more….
Always have been bad….. always in pain…. Fighting with my thoughts….
Not letting my soul be free… my soul is slipping away…. And I’m going with him… I don't really care if you forgive me or not...
But this is... goodbye
Goodbye to the world.... to people.... family... and friends
don't try and understand me... you never will...
Just accept reality, i did a long time ago...
I'm going to be in peace... please.. don't cry.
Afterall, I loved you all.... just couldn't hold on any longer...
Goodbye to all...
(Not really)
(I wrote this out of boredom and depression)

Hey everyone.
I just got up to clean my newly pierced ears when I saw that my left earring was gone! The back is still there, so i figure that it's inside of my earlobe. The skin was already covering it, so I asked my mom if she could try and get it out, but she can't! I'm going to my friend's grandma's place to see if she can get it out for me. Be back soon!

------------------------------------------------------------
I'm finally back!
Sandy (friend's grandma) got it out. It hurt like all hell though! I was crying the whole time :(. She had to cut the back of the earring off and then push the rest of it through the front of my ear. After it was out, I went into shock and then I started Hyperventalating. This went on for about an hour, and then I started to calm down. I keep hyperventalating every 30 mins. I don't know what to do!
Any advice?
<33
- Katie

There is nothing to do around my place... Which really sucks because it's summer and I'm supposed to be haning out with my friends! Almost all of my friends are at summer camp or in a different state :'[
Only a few of my friends hang out with me; Kaeleigh, Grant, Alex Evans, and Christofer. I want all of my friends with me because I'm in pain right now :[
But four is good enough... For now.
ANYWAYZZ, somebody talk to me, cause i'm really bored!lmfao.

<33 -Katie