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essencexofxtear

essencexofxtear , 23

from Bad Axe

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F*uck you Kiwi...

  • 07/01/09 12:47 am
I made and entry early this morning.. It was a long one too.. And after i clicked submit, it said something about report. And i of course didn't save it because i hate when people respond to a half finished journal entry. So i'm not making my entry all over again.. Now you just get pictures.

This is my ex Aaron.. He may be mentioned, he may not.
This is my friend Dani.. She most likely will be mentioned.
My nephew Riley.. He's almost a year old.
My brother Josh, his wife Toni, and another pic of Riley.
My sister Shelly and her husband Steve. I live with them.
My fiance Josh.
Josh's ex fiance, my friend and fromer coworker Kim.
Mylisa a.k.a. Missy. Josh's sister, my friend and future bridesmaid.
Josh's dad and neice Amelia.
My Josh and his other neice Breanna.. She's my baby.
Josh's daughter Addyson.. This picture isn't perfect cuz i had to edit it and cut out her mother so Josh could have a picture of his daughter wihtout her mother.. It's far from recent.. She's about 3 months here but she's a little over a year old.

Seize the day

  • 06/30/09 7:47 am
[color=660099][font=webdings]111111111111111111111111111[/font]
[color=660033]Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost
It's empty and cold without you here,
[color=660066]Too many people to ache over
I see my vision burn
[color=660099]I feel my memories fade with time
But I'm too young to worry
[color=6600cc]These streets we travel on will undergo our same lost past
[color=6600ff][font=webdings]111111111111111111111111111[/font]

[font=webdings]g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g [/font]
[color=9966ff]Time:
Mood:
[color=9999ff]Clothes
Eating/Drinking:
[color=cc99ff]Watching/Listening to:
[font=webdings]g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g [/font]

[color=660099][font=webdings]111111111111111111111111111[/font]
[color=660033]I found you here,
Now please just stay for a while
I can move on with you around
[color=660066]I hand you my mortal life,
But will it be forever?
I'd do anything for a smile,
Holding you till our time is done
[color=660099]We both know the day will come,
But I don't want to leave you
I see my vision burn
[color=6600cc]I feel my memories fade with time
But I'm too young to worry
[color=6600ff]A melody, a memory, or just one picture [font=webdings]111111111111111111111111111[/font]


[color=9933cc]Make
[color=cc66ff]your
[color=cc99ff]beautiful
[color=99ccff]and
[color=6699ff]wonderful
[color=3366cc]entry
[color=003399]here

[color=660099][font=webdings]111111111111111111111111111[/font]
[color=660033]Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost
It's empty and cold without you here,
Too many people to ache over
[color=660066]Newborn life replacing all of us,
Changing this fable we live in
[color=660099]No longer needed here so where do we go?
Will you take a journey tonight,
[color=6600cc]Follow me past the walls of death?
But girl, what if there is no eternal life?
[color=6600ff][font=webdings]111111111111111111111111111[/font]


[font=webdings]g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g [/font]
[color=9966ff]Responder
[color=9999ff]Responder:
[color=cc99ff]Responder
[font=webdings]g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g [/font]

[color=660099][font=webdings]111111111111111111111111111[/font]
[color=660033]Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost
Its empty and cold without you here,
Too many people to ache over
[color=660099]Trails in life, questions of us existing here
Don't wanna die alone without you here
Please tell me what we have is real
[color=6600cc]So what if I never hold you near? Or kiss your lips again?
So I never want to leave you and the memories of us to see
I beg don't leave me
[color=6600ff][font=webdings]111111111111111111111111111[/font]

[font=webdings]g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g [/font]
[color=9966ff]Subby:
[color=9999ff]Subby:
[color=cc99ff]Subby:
[font=webdings]g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g [/font]

[color=660099][font=webdings]111111111111111111111111111[/font]
[color=660033]Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost
It's empty and cold without you here,
Too many people to ache over
[color=660066]Trials in life, questions of us existing here
Don't wanna die alone without you there
Please tell me what we have is real
[color=660099]Silence you lost me, no chance for one more day
Silence you lost me, no chance for one more day
[color=6600cc](Silence you lost me, no chance for one more day)
I stand here alone
[color=6600ff]Falling away from you, no chance to get back home

[font=webdings]111111111111111111111111111[/font]

Job, hunting,bi polar,wedding almost off, maybe some hope

  • 06/26/09 3:18 am
I've been living in Illinois now for a little over a month. Still nothing on a job. I've applied to grocery stores, the book store, Wal mart, Target, Sixx Flags, and some other places. My next thing is gonna be fast food if i don't get some calls soon. I filled out some more applications last night.

Josh's case worker thought he might have schizophrenia. But he doesn't he's bi polar. Good thing he finally got on some meds. I was having a hard enough time handleing him. I was ready to leave because i was getting sick of fighting all the time. So was he. But we're doing better. So i'm happy that we can actually get back to planning our wedding. It was getting annoying deciding if we should break up every other day or not.

I've actually made a few friends finally. My sister and i went to a bonfire at her friend's sister's. It was kind of nice. So i have 2 friends who are 16 and in her 30's. My sister's friend and her step daughter.

Josh might be able to finally continue to try and get custody of his daughter too. He kind of knows where to find his daughter and her mother. Her friend Amy told him she's living at her mom's. So once he gets an address he can continue to talk to a lawyer. Amber should start pissing Amy off more often. Then maybe Amy would tell him the truth when he asks about her and Addyson instead of Amy saying she hasn't heard anything, hasn't talked to her in months, making Josh worry about Addyson even more. He hasn't seen her since she was 2 days old. How could a mother deny her child knowing her father?

1st time here, Hating Illinois, Damn Mothers

  • 06/09/09 5:09 pm
Wow... It's been forever since i was last on here.. There's so many changes they made. But i think i like the old site better.. I think it's literally been like 3 years so i'm basically new again.

I just moved to Illinois a few weeks ago. I hate it so far. I miss Michigan. But what do you expect when you've spent 20 years somewhere and then you move. And i haven't gotten to do anything really. I live in Gurnee, Illinois now with my sister and her husband.

I'm engaged and my fiancee has a 1 year old daughter. He's only seen her once, not by his choice. The mother is doing everything she can to keep them apart. Maybe in the next entry i'll talk about that. But we might finally have a lead on where they're at now.. So hopefully we can get an address eventually so he can hire a lawyer to get custody.