essencexofxtear , 23

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[color=00ff33]Date: [color=00ff66]Time: [color=00ff99]Entry: [color=00ffcc] Sub count: [color=00ffff]Mood:

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[color=00ff33]Make
[color=00ff66]Journal
[color=00ff99]Entry
[color=00ffcc]Right
[color=00ffff]Here

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[color=00ff33]Hans Christian Andersen-writer
Napoleon Bonaparte-general
Isaac Newton-scientist
[color=00ff66]Tim Burton-artist, movie director
Jim Carrey-actor
Sigmund Freud-physician
[color=00ff99]Abraham Lincoln-US President
Robert E Lee-soldier
Mozart-composer
[color=00ffcc]Jean-Claude Van Damme-athlete, actor
Vincent van Gogh
Winston Churchill- British Prime Minister
[color=00ffff]Edgar Allen Poe-author
Marilyn Monroe-actress

They ended up doing the surgery on my grandma afterall i guess. So far she's doing fine though. That's the good news.

Now for the bad news. Josh got a letter from the court today. He has to go on the 26th. Over supervised visitations.. Amber finally thought of a way for it to happen since she's been trying for 10 months almost. She's claiming Josh is abusing Addyson. i don't even need to be there to know that's a lie.. I'm gonna try to get back to Michigan to go to court with him.


This song holds special meaning to me. It was written by my favorite band, about their friend and former member "Justin Sane" who was bipolar. The song was written from his point of view from his suicide note he'd left. It was a failed attempt, but still. With my failed attempts, i understand how he's feeling.. Sometimes i get that feeling still.

---

I Won't See You Tonight Part 1- Avenged Sevenfold.

Cry alone, I've gone away
No more nights, no more pain
I've gone alone, took all my strength
But I've made the change,
I won't see you tonight

Sorrow, sank deep inside my blood
all the ones around me,
I cared for and loved

Building up, inside of me
A place so dark, so cold, I had to set me free
Don't mourn for me, you're not the one to place the blame
As bottles called my name, I won't see you tonight

Sorrow, sank deep inside my blood
all the ones around me,
I cared for and most of all I loved
but I can't see myself that way
please don't forget me or cry while I'm away

Cry alone, I've gone away
No more nights, no more pain
I've gone alone, took all my strength
But I've made the change,
I won't see you tonight

So far away, I'm gone. Please don't follow me tonight.
And while I'm gone, everything will be alright.

No more breath inside
Essence left my heart tonight

My dad called today. They were gonna do my grandma's surgery afterall. They cut her open to do it, and they seen they don't need to. Her small intestine was twisted. So they're going to induce her into a coma for a week to give her body a chance to heal, and she should be fine after.

They didn't wantto operate before because of her being almost 87 and weighing 93 pounds. And she wassick or something else too besides so her body was pretty weak.

My mom just sent me a text.. My grandma can't get her surgery.. The doctor's wont do it.. And gave her about a week left to live. And i don't know if i'll even get to see her one last time.


My grandma and nephew

I went on myspace yesterday. I need to start going on that more. I never go on there. I go on facebook more.. But anyway, so i went on there, and i seen these pictures. My best friend back home had her babies. She was supposed to have twins and they were supposed to be due in November. I'm not quite sure when she had them, probably some time in the past week. But she had triplets. The pictures made me feel sad.

Christian
Chase
Richard

My parents got into a car accident Monday. My dad was pulling out of the gas station on the way to his doctor's appt. and he didn't see a car coming and hit the back door. They're ok. Smashed the front of their car, that they're still paying off but... The important part is they're ok.

I found out Sunday that my grandma's in the hospital. Then today my mom told me that they transfered her from the Pigeon hospital to one in Saginaw. She's having surgery done. The surgery could be a major one considering her age and weight. She's 86 (turning 87 in November) and weighs 93 pounds.

From what my mom said her small bowel has blockage and the medicine the doctors have been giving her hasn't been working. They were going to try it a little longer but she's getting fluid on her heart. She hasn't been able to eat or drink for over a week. So they're feeding her through an iv her lipids (fat) and stuff she needs.

Josh and I so far are doing pretty well after our last fight. It's been a week since the last one. Since he was being stupid and wanted to try acid. I asked him what changed his mind since i couldn't. He told me, actually i did. That was on Friday, the day he picked up his daughter. So not getting to know or play with his daughter must have sunk in.

This whole living situation thing confuses me. I know i need to get out of my sisters. Completely not happy here. I don't know if i'd be happy staying with Becky and her family. So i'm considering doing that if i can find a job in Kenosha. Since my parents, or at least my mom is talking about moving to Kenosha i could just stay with Becky until she found a place to live. My dad wants to finish his doctor appointments he's got made.

But i'm also considering staying at my parents back in Michigan. Now if i do that i won't have acomplished anything that i wanted to, but i'll be with Josh and my friends. I'm sure i can stay at my parents house, and Josh would stay with me. Now once he gets his license back, it'd be perfect so then i could use his car to practice until i got my license. (Yes i know, i'm almost 21 i should have it by now) And if we had to we could find another roommate.