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Sick, living situation, Josh..

09/22/09 10:34 pm

[bgcolor=#660099]My mom thinks i need to see a doctor since i'm feeling sick all the time. I figured it was just from stress. But She says i should go get tested for diabetes. I know it runs in my family. My grandpa had it and it runs in the family on my mom's side somewhere. But i think that's with her grandpa. I didn't know it could actually make you feel sick like that. But i read on it last night and it says it can. And you don't usually notice it unless you had the flu and sometimes it can act like the flu. [bgcolor=#9933cc]So i still think Illinois sucks. And i don't think i want to move to Kenosha. with Becky and her family. I don't know her family well enough for that.
My parents are talking about moving to Kenosha now too. It's cheaper than Gurnee. But i'm really not too sure about living with them again. I couldn't handle living the way we did before we moved.
[bgcolor=#cc66ff]So i'm pretty sure what i'm gonna do is o back to Michigan. If my parents move, i can stay in their house, and Josh is working on getting his license back. He bought a car. So i'll have some help with the bills. And if we need to we can have someone else stay with us. Although i'd rather it not be someone who has a kid. I'll be able to handle every other weekend and every other holiday, but i can't do someone elses kid all the time.
[bgcolor=#cc99ff]Josh told me something yesterday and it got me mad at him. We're not fighting but i'm still mad at him. He shouldn't have kept this from me. One night he got in a fight with his family when he was drunk.. Left the house. He spent 1 night with me since that's all my mom would let him stay. So he spen the next night with his ex Joee so he'd have a place to stay until my friend came back home and we could spend a few nights there. Well he told me that something happened with Joee, and he wasn't willing.
[bgcolor=#99ccff]Then he told me it happened another time when he was drunk and went over there. The only reason he even told me is cuz he was telling me about a nightmare he had the other night. I wasn't so sure he wasn't willing but i'd never accuse him of lying. He's used to men treating him like shit and he doesn't write them off right away.
[bgcolor=#6699ff]Pink_dreams: So far it has been. Lets hope it stays that way.
[bgcolor=#3366cc]RaZzLe_BeDaZzLe: It's ok. I get to people's whenever i feel like it. As long as he's trying for us i can't complain too much. From what i know about the trouble he's been in, some of it has been pretty stupid. Like my friend who was 17 atthe time, went with him and this other guy who were 18. They went to Ohio and because her parents weren't ok with it they got kidnapping charges. And this one i don't really agree with either even though it is the law. He slept with a girl (willingly) when he just turned 19. And she was really close to turning 16. After her family found out she wasn't raped they wanted to drop the charges but the stste picked them up anyway. And with that, personally i feel if you said yes, when you're close enough to the age of consent it shouldn't matter how old he is within reason. Now if he was like twice her age i'd be all for the charge, but 3 years difference.. That's just stupid.
[bgcolor=#003399]hunniebunniedee: He's sweet when he wants to be.

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pp[

09/22/09 9:49 pm

___________________________It seems like just the other day that we hooked up
____________________________(I was drivin, you was walkin and I swooped you up)
__________________________From that moment on I knew you were the one, yeah
___________________________(I was single, you was lonely and we fell in love)

===============This Is Tha Journal Of Name
=====================Entry #:000
===================Monday June 00, 2003

============How Mah Dayz Been Without You

Text
Text
Text
Text
LuVn Ya AlwAyZ *n* 4EvA!
~*Your Name*~

___________________________We would sit and talk for hours about anything
____________________________(Baby, you hang up, no, you hang up, on three hang up)
__________________________I bought your whip, I paid your rent, I gave you everything
___________________________(Said youd always be my baby then you bounce)

============What I*m Doin Now Without You

Time::
Woke Up::
Plans::
Wearin::
Hair::
Jewelry::
Make Up::
Eatin::
Drinkin::
Talkin to::
Listenin to::
Crushin On::
Thinkin Bout::
Hatin::
Quote::

___________________________Girl, I never thought that lovin you would hurt
_____________________________(I did everything a good man would to make it work)
__________________________Girl, you should have told me you had second thoughts
___________________________(Like before I put the down on the house we bought)

============Who's There For Me When You Ain*t

Responda::
Responda::
Responda::
Responda::
Responda::

___________________________Now Im thinkin you and me was a mistake
_____________________________(But then it hits me and Im missin all the love we made)
__________________________Girl, I know that weve been goin through some things, yeah
___________________________(But the sun is always shinin even when it rains, oh)

============Who Never Leaves My Side Ever

Subbies
Subbies
Subbies
Subbies

___________________________How you gonna up and leave me now
_____________________________How you gonna act like that
__________________________How you gonna change it up, we just finished makin up
___________________________How you gonna act like that

============I Still Never Stopped Lovin You

Thanks for stoppin by! If ya liked mah journal, maybe you might wanna subby, or rate? *smiles* hehe! Luv Ya ALwayz!
P.S.~I always Rx3/S Back, if ya ask me!

©SeZyHoOdLuM23

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fdsff

09/22/09 2:18 am

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[color=404040]Talking to:
[color=808080]Eating:
[color=bfbfbf]Drinking:
[color=ffffff]Watching:
[color=dfbfdf]Listening to:
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[color=9f409f]Thinking:
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[color=9966ff]Responder
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So Josh isn't a total dumbass.

09/19/09 4:53 am

[bgcolor=#568E14]

[bgcolor=#56AA1C]I woke up this morning with a bit of a headache. And an earache i got yesterday. I went for a walk earlier. Walked about 2 miles.. Bad idea. Made my earache worse. It wasn't even that windy. Helped my headache some but then it made it worse too. It probably wasn't the best idea to go on a nearly empty stomach. Shell and Steve brought me back food from Culver's though. So after i ate i was ok.
[bgcolor=#009E0F]One thing about not being home this weekend i learned is i wouldn't have gotten to see much of Josh anyway. I think he worked this morning, i tried calling him at like 9:50 (10:50 his time) and his dad said he was at work. So he must have been doing floors tonight. So then i went and checked my messenger. Had an offline message from him and then talked to him for a minute before he went to bed. He has to work at 8 tomorrow morning.
[bgcolor=#5BBF21]But this was the convo:
Josh 11:00 PM :i am sorry for the fighting and not talking to u but i do love u with all my heart and soul i miss u like crazy and i am not going to do acid ok its not just for u but addyson too i love u honey night my little honey bunny
Me 11:11 PM: I know honey.. I'm glad you finally realized why you shouldn't do it.
Josh 11:14 PM: i love u so much and i am sorry honey i am going to bed i have to work at 8 am and i am going to ask ur dad 4 ur hand in marrige
11:14 PM: love u night
Me 11:14 PM : I love you too.. Night
[bgcolor=#AADD6D]hunniebunniedee- You're just having a blonde moment.Not going sucks but oh well i guess.

[bgcolor=#C4E58E]RaZzLe_BeDaZzLe- I get why she doesn't approve. He's 27, has like 5 felonies in 2 different states, was an alcoholic, has tons of emotional baggage. But she has to realize people can change. Just cuz they've made past mistakes doesn't mean they still are. He hasn't been in trouble in 3 years, has 2 still on his record but still, quit drinking, is getting treatment for his mental problems.. He should get counseling but with no medical insurance, he was only allowed 6. Which he's done. When we first got together he didn't have a job. He has one now working in a grocery store doing like 4 different jobs, but still. He's working. When he's on his meds, he's a lot better. Not the perfect boyfriend, but i mentioned that in your journal.

At least we're talking today...

09/17/09 11:12 pm

So Josh and i talked today. Mostly how we've been talking is through offline messages. I actually explained why i won't tell him, when i know it won't do any good ang gave the drinking and smoking example. he told me well at least he quit drinking right? I'm glad he quit drinking, but that isn't the point and i told him that. The point is i can't control what he does... Especially from 8 hours away with me being in Gurnee and him in Caseville. We're ok for now.. at least. I still won't be ok with him doing acid, and he says he'll only do it once, but i'm not gonna fight with him anymore over it. I just want him to get it over with and start taking his meds again. I spent 6 months with the drunk asshole Josh before he was diagnosed as bipolar. The drinking was how he dealt with Amber keeping Addyson from him. He didn't smoke much weed then.

I don't know how much he smoked with his cousin Matt when they lived together, but when he was staying at his sister Mylisa's, he didn't smoke much. His brother inlaw Brian didn't share it with him until i made a comment about him smoking it in the basement. I could smell it. He smoked down there when he did laundry since Mylisa wouldn't go in the basement. And he told her he was quitting when their first kid was born. Who just tunred 3. But now Mylisa knows and she lets him smoke it in their room if it means he'll do more with the kids. That was his excuse why he never. But yeah. The weed doesn't bother me.

So i found out today, that if Steve didn't have to work on Saturday we would have spent almost a week in Michigan. So that way i could have spent time with my family without my mom bitching. Spent time with Josh and Addyson since it's hiw weekend with her. And seen my friends. Last time i was home i spent it mostly with Josh. I probably would have spent a little more time at home if my mom wouldn't have bitched about me wearing my ring. Still gotta see if i can exchange it for the right size. And if she wouldn't have bitched about me and Josh getting back together after we broke up. She needs to realize it's my choice. And if she keeps bitching about him, i won't be home. I told her that after she kicked me out after Christmas. It still stands even though i don't live there now.

[bgcolor=#ff9900]Shoutouts to people who responded
hunniebunniedee : Actually how most people do it is it's put on a sticker or a stamp and you just lick the back of it. Sometimes you'll see in movies where there's a sticke on someone's tounge. That's why. We matter when he's on his meds.
pink_dreams : I don't know what it's gonna take for him. I mean i know what happened to my aunt probably won't happen to him. She was in a car accident while on the acid.. But still.
RaZzLe_BeDaZzLe : I think deep down he knows that but just from not taking his meds, he's not thinking straight. Or at least i hope.
[/bgcolor]
[bgcolor=#ff6600]
Shoutouts to subscribers
babydoll_881 :
hunniebunniedee :
Khayos :
KraZii_BlueZ :
miss_sassypants :
pink_dreams :
RaZzLe_BeDaZzLe [/bgcolor]

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Sick, living situation, Josh..

pp[

fdsff

So Josh isn't a total dumbass.

At least we're talking today...