essencexofxtear , 23

[bgcolor=#ff9900]Shoutouts to people who responded
hunniebunniedee :
pink_dreams :
RaZzLe_BeDaZzLe :
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Shoutouts to subscribers
babydoll_881 :
hunniebunniedee :
Khayos :
KraZii_BlueZ :
miss_sassypants :
pink_dreams :
RaZzLe_BeDaZzLe : [/bgcolor]

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[CENTER][B][BIG][color=fd9c09]I'D [color=ffa508]LIKE [color=ffad00]TO [color=ffbd00]BORE [color=ffcc00]YOU [color=fde300]WITH [color=fdf000]MY [color=fde300]DAY [color=ffcc00]SO [color=ffbd00]WE [color=ffad00]CAN [color=ffa508]BOTH [color=fd9c09]SLEEP[/BIG][/B][/CENTER]
[color=f5ff6e]So Josh and i almost ended things today.. That doesn't even come as a surprise anymore. Maybe we should just end it. But neither of us really wants to. Otherwsie we'd have done it by now.
[color=f5ff85]Josh told me yesterday that he wants to try acid. I flipped on him. I had an aunt who more or less killed herself while on acid. She got into an accident and after that, couldn't take care of herself. Think of a nursing home resident with Alzheimer's. That was my aunt until she died 2 years ago at 52. She barely knew her own family.. Didn't know her own grandkids. Didn't know anyone from after her accident.
[color=f5ffa2] I asked Josh did he really want to risk all that.. Especially now when he's finally getting to see his daughter. Did he really want his daughter to wonder why daddy can't play anymore. Or have her tell her kids that grandpa doesn't know who they are cuz he just wanted to get high. He said yes.. He was willing to risk it once.
[color=f5ffb3]He just wants to try it.. And If he's ok after that he won't do it again. And if he wants to do it again, I better hope i can talk him out of it. I told him i wasn't going to. Be an adult about it and take responsibility for his own actions. He's 27. If he wants someone to baby him and tell him what to do go to his mother cuz i won't do it.
[color=f5f5b3]So that means i don't care about him. At least in his mind. But that's probably the brain talking that isn't on meds. He said he wasn't gonna take his meds until he did the acid. And he got pissed at me over that.
[color=f5e0b3]I wanted him to quit drinking because he does stupid stuff when he drinks. He didn't do it. He hid it from me sometimes or would ask me if he could drink. Or like when i wanted him to stop smoking weed or else he could end up in the mental hospital again longer. And risk everything with his daughter.. He didn't do that either. He's gonna do what he wants, and i can't make him not do something he wants to do.
[color=f5d0b3]Then i flipped on him cuz he compared me to trash.. That Kim girl. I'm sorry but if you're gonna try and get me and my boyfriend to break up so you can be with him, at least do it with some tact. Even his ex boyfriend Joee had tact when he tried. But yeah, he compared me to her by saying that not even she said that.
[color=f5e0b3]And if you wanna compare me to someone, at least do it with someone i like and have some respect for. If he wanted to compare me to his ex girlfriend Kim, that would have been ok even. I love her. But someone who's trying to fuck up your relationship.. Nope..
[color=f5b0b3]That's one thing i don't geet either. I mean i know Josh doesn't have many friends, and he's trying to make some.. I'm fine with that, but why continue to be friends with someone that goes behind your back and tells your girlfriend that you're trying to get with her. Then tells your girlfriend she isn't into you and talks about how she just plans to use you anyway. And then after that makes at least 2 attempts to play you and your girlfriend against eachother in attempt ot break you up. He's let me read the convo..
[color=f59cb3]I'm disappointed.. This weekend we were planning to go to Michigan for a visit. I was looking forward to that. Josh has Addyson. But now we're not going. Steve has to work this weekend. I wanna meet the girl who's daddy i held as he cried over her.. And went to all the court hearings with.. Th girl who may one day be my step daughter.. (Or will be if her daddy acts right.)
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[B][CENTER][BIG][color=fd9c09]MY [color=ffa508]SL[color=ffad00]EE[color=ffbd00]PY [color=ffcc00]ST[color=fde300]AT[color=fdf000]S[/BIG][/CENTER][/B]
[color=f5ff6e]Mood: [color=f5ff85]tired
[color=f5ffa2]Watching/Listening to: [color=f5ffb3]the tvs.
[color=f5f5b3]Talking to: [color=f5e0b3]nobody
[color=f5d0b3]Eating/Drinking: [color=f5e0b3]Faygo Cream Soda. [<3] [<3] [<3]
[color=f5b0b3]Planning to: [color=f59cb3]maybe call Josh
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[B][CENTER][BIG][color=fd9c09]THEY [color=ffa508]CARE [color=ffad00]ENOUGH [color=ffbd00]NOT [color=ffcc00]TO [color=fde300]FALL [color=fdf000]ASLEEP [color=fde300]WHILE [color=ffcc00]READING [color=ffbd00]MY [color=ffad00]JOURNAL[/BIG][/CENTER][/B]
[color=f5ff6e]Babydoll_881
[color=f5ff85]Hunniebunniedee
[color=f5ffa2]Khayos
[color=f5ffb3]KraZii_BlueZ
[color=f5f5b3]Miss_sassypants
[color=f5e0b3]Pink_dreams
[color=f5d0b3]Razzle_bedazzle
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[B][CENTER][BIG][color=fd9c09]MY [color=ffa508]RE[color=ffad00]SP[color=ffbd00]ON[color=ffcc00]DE[color=fde300]R[color=fdf000]S[/BIG][/CENTER][/B]
[color=f5ff6e]pink_dreams:[color=f5ff85]At least the strange dream won't be coming true. I like the strange dreams.. They don't mean anything then.
[color=f5ffa2]hunniebunniedee:[color=f5ffb3]My sister will never chill out.
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angelprincess_0

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[CENTER][B][BIG][color=fd9c09]I'D [color=ffa508]LIKE [color=ffad00]TO [color=ffbd00]BORE [color=ffcc00]YOU [color=fde300]WITH [color=fdf000]MY [color=fde300]DAY [color=ffcc00]SO [color=ffbd00]WE [color=ffad00]CAN [color=ffa508]BOTH [color=fd9c09]SLEEP[/BIG][/B][/CENTER]
[color=f5ff6e]Make
[color=f5ff85]entry
[color=f5ffa2]in
[color=f5ffb3]these
[color=f5f5b3]blanks
[color=f5e0b3]stop
[color=f5d0b3]when
[color=f5e0b3]you
[color=f5b0b3]reach
[color=f59cb3]here
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[B][CENTER][BIG][color=fd9c09]MY [color=ffa508]SL[color=ffad00]EE[color=ffbd00]PY [color=ffcc00]ST[color=fde300]AT[color=fdf000]S[/BIG][/CENTER][/B]
[color=f5ff6e]Mood: [color=f5ff85]Here
[color=f5ffa2]Watching/Listening to: [color=f5ffb3]Here
[color=f5f5b3]Talking to: [color=f5e0b3]Here
[color=f5d0b3]Eating/Drinking: [color=f5e0b3]Here
[color=f5b0b3]Planning to: [color=f59cb3]here
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[B][CENTER][BIG][color=fd9c09]THEY [color=ffa508]CARE [color=ffad00]ENOUGH [color=ffbd00]NOT [color=ffcc00]TO [color=fde300]FALL [color=fdf000]ASLEEP [color=fde300]WHILE [color=ffcc00]READING [color=ffbd00]MY [color=ffad00]JOURNAL[/BIG][/CENTER][/B]
[color=f5ff6e]Subby
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[color=f59cb3](copy and delete as needed)
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[B][CENTER][BIG][color=fd9c09]MY [color=ffa508]RE[color=ffad00]SP[color=ffbd00]ON[color=ffcc00]DE[color=fde300]R[color=fdf000]S[/BIG][/CENTER][/B]
[color=f5ff6e]RESPONDER:[color=f5ff85]SHOUT OUT
[color=f5ffa2]RESPONDER:[color=f5ffb3]SHOUT OUT
[color=f5f5b3]RESPONDER:[color=f5e0b3]SHOUT OUT
[color=f5d0b3]RESPONDER:[color=f5e0b3]SHOUT OUT
[color=f5b0b3]RESPONDER:[color=f59cb3]SHOUT OUT
(copy and delete as needed)
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angelprincess_0