essencexofxtear , 23

Wednesday
Had my 2nd interview at Sears. As i was walking there, i cut through the Walmart parking lot. These 2 Mexican guys were trying to hit on me. It took me a minute or 2 to realize it. They were gonna come talk to me, but i cut across the grass instead of walking on the sidewalk so they couldn't. I didn't do it intentionally. Apparently they liked my ass enough to comment on it. If i hadn't been in a hurry, i would have stopped to chat with them for a bit.

After my interview, i went to Walmart cuz it was really hot outside. I found some baby clothes for $1. So i got Addyson a dress, a bathing suit for next year, and a shirt and pants outfit for $5. Then whatever the tax is for Illinois.

Thursday
I cleaned some. My sister came home from work.. Sat her ass on the couch, then i stopped. She told me i needed to move her furnature. I knew that. Her ass had to get off of it. I was sick of cleaning anyway so i quit. We were supposed to do a deep clean the next day anyway.

I talked to Josh. I'm pmsing, and i hurt his feelings, and we almost broke up. Then we talked a little bit. I told him about what's going on with my family, and why i'm so stressed. And we talked about why he's a dumbass and thinks he wants to date other people. Us having a long distance relationship is hard on him. I get that. And he wants someone to be there with him. So it's not as if he doesn't love me. I know he does. Or else we would have broken up by now.

Friday.
My sister did most of the cleaning. I tried to help her, but i didn't know what all she had done. Instead she just bitched about the pile of dirt and cat hair and whatever else she swept up and asked if i see why she bitches when i don't do it right. I do see but i don't want to be the only one who does anything around here. And we hadn't cleaned for a week and a half. We couldn't with my cousin here.

So she turned on some music. I asked her to turn it off. I was nice about it and everything. But I'm pmsing, and i had a migrane. I tried explaining that to her. She was pissed about that cuz i asked. And she thought it was cuz i'm sick. And complained about how i'm always sick.So i got up to go to the bathroom and then she turned it back on.

Saturday
My sister and Steve went to Chicago to see their friends. I've been here 4 months almos and i haven't gotten to go. I tried playing with my sister's internet again trying to get it to work on my laptop. This time, hooking up the cable to my laptop worked.

Today
I walked to the dollar store. and bought a cable for my computer so i don't have to unhook my sister's. Then i went to Target to buy cough dropps. They were cheaper than the dollar store. Then i came back here and am copying dvds to burn at Josh's later. I don't have a dvd burner on my laptop. He does. They're for his daughter anyway.

So i'm pretty sure of 3 things... But can prove none of them yet. 1. I didn't get the job at Sears.. 2. I'm going back to Michigan soon. 3. If i don't go back soon, Josh and i are not gonna last. But maybe i wasn't meant to leave and that's why i can't find a job.

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Shoutouts to people who responded

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hunniebunniedee : I did with Josh and Mike. And seeing some of my old Kmart friends. If i told her to go suck it, i'm sure i'd end up back in Michigan soon. Steve is. If it wasn't for him, i'd probably have killed my sister. Thanks.

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So.. Sunday night, i managed to sleep for 12 hours and still be tired when i woke up. I was excited about that. Then last night of course i couldn't sleep. I went ot bed at like 4:30 am, and then i slept until like 10:30.

Yesterday i was freezing, and i'm one of those people who are never cold. So i asked my sister if it was just me or if she thought it was cold. She thought it was cold too, but she's had the chills.

So i think either her or Josh got me sick. I figured it was Josh, since he was the one i was making out with, but then when my sister said she was sick, it might have been her. She wanted to try my blue coconut slushie i got at Sonic and my watermelon slushie i got at The Dairy Barn in Sebewaing.(It's a local place back home. Think like Dairy Queen, that has both food and ice cream, only you get your food to go, or sit outside their building.)

I threw up again today. I knew i was going to as i was trying to take Midol. I'm bleeding, so i'm hoping my period is going to start. Since i didn't have one in August. I'm looking into going to the health department in Waukegan but i don't know how i'm going to get there. Shelly and Steve are always at work. And when i was throwing up a few weeks ago, they never took me to the doctor, even when they did have time off.

But yeah.. I'm thinking it's all stress related. At least the vomiting, and some of the gagging. I think the other part of the gagging is sinus problems. Or at least my mom thought so and i think she's right. I wasn't that bad in Michigan. I know that with Josh, he was gagging and vomiting because of stress. And his panic attacks.. I had one of those when he was in the hospital.

I went to Target today and picked up some of their store brand cold pills. it says it's supposed to help with sinus congestion so maybe i'll feel better. So good thing Josh gave me some money too this weekend. Otherwise i would have had to hit my sister up for some. And she would have bitched. Oh i don't need it or some shit.

Seriously, living with her, going back to Michigan looks better and better everty day. Especially when Kelviannah was here. If i did that though, imay end up haing to live with Josh. If his family would let me. I couldn't impose on any of my friends like that, especially with them all being pregnant. And my family doesn't really have the room. By my family i don't mean my parents.. But i'll get to that in a minute.

My mom was talking about how if she doesn't find a job soon they may be moving up here. I kinda laughed when she told me that, but then she told me she was serious. She thinks they're about redy to repo their car. $263 a month (my dad's SSI he is/was getting) isn't gonna cut it when she has $476 car payments. My sister doesn't exactly have the room either, but my mom was talking about making up a room for them in the garage.

?They can't lose the house. My grandma owns it. She bought it for us, when we lost ours in the fire almost 4 years ago. So i might be able to stay there if i did go back, i'd just have to find someone to live with me to help with bills and stuff. Granted, it'd be buying gas to have heat, hot, water, and be able to cook, electricity, and that's about it. I could have Josh live with me, but he'd need a way to get ot Caseville from Bad Axe.

He can't drive. He lost his license when he was with my friend Kim. For a 2nd drunk driving charge when he flipped out and ended up cutting Kim's leg somehow. That was before he was diagnosed as bipolar. They just thought he was depressed and he wasn't on the right meds.

As for me, I never tookj the classes to get my license. I was too young when i wanted to, and we had the money for them. When i was finally old enough, my dad lost his job, so it was just my mom supporting the 4 of us. My brother was already moved out then. So i was going to just wait until i was 18 to do it. It's cheaper that way. That never got to happen. House burnt when i was 17, so when i finally found a job, my money went to helping out my parents to get our life back on track. Just like why i haven't gone to college yet.

I could have gotten my license, i had some money where i could have. But there's no point (in my opinion) in having a license if i don't have a car to drive. And if i did have a car to drive, i couldn't afford the gas or insurance. Once i saved enough to buy the car that is. I could always have my aunt Linda or Unlce Frank or cousin Mike (Frank and Linda live on the one side of my parents, Mike lves on the other) run me uptown to go to work, or even ride a bike but that'd be in Bad Axe. Caseville is a little far for that.

So Michigan Friday night.. We got to my parents at like 2 am. But we didn't leave as early as i figured we would and hit a lot of construction. We spent at least a half hour trying to find our way back on the main street in a city that was an hour from home. My sister told Steve to get off the detour cuz she knew the way. What she didn't know was that the main street was closed for over a mile. So she didn't. But we finally managed to make it.

Josh wanted me to come over as soon as we made it in. But i wasn't making Steve go out of his way. And Josh got that. So i was supposed to come over Saturday instead. I got to see the kittens ou cats had a few weeks ago.



These ones were in my bed.

Of course Kelviannah had to sleep with me at my mom's too. So i got no sleep. It felt weird sleeping in a bed again too. My mom thought i was comin home for good. Not this time. Maybe next time. My siste still says if i don't have a job in 2 weeks then i'm going back.. Since Steve said it was up to me though, i don't know. Right now, either way i won't be happy, but i won't care where i end up.

Saturday.. I went to Kmart to visit everyone at work. I seen my old manager Paul, Donna, Paulette, Tom, Be, Marge, Mary, Bobbie Jo, and Kris. It was nice getting to see them.
Steve went to get a fishing license. Then him and my dad dropped me off in Caseville so i could see Josh.

Before they left to go fishing, we all smoked one (We all = me, Josh, Steve, my dad, and Josh's brother Mike).. Yes i smoke weed. Smoking with my dad isn't weird to me. Then we went in Josh's room and listened to some music and stuff. Josh and i made out a little bit. I'm sure we were both wishing Mike wasn't in the room with us then. Sears called me. I have my 2nd interview with them on Sept. 2.

Mike, Josh, and i wen't for a ride. Before we did that though, we stopped at IGa, where he works, and he bought me cream soda. I talked to one of my old Wendy's manager's Jen. i always liked her. It had to have sucked going from a management position to running a cash register now. She got fired for too many customer complaints.

So anyway, on this ride, we drove through these woods and smoked a few more. Josh fell asleep. So when Mike finally took us back, their mom was there. Josh and i watxhed about 5 minutes of Twilight. Mainly so we could smoke 1 more with his mom. It doesn't look like it's a good movie. The books were ok though. Then Josh and i went back in his room, had sex, and went to sleep.

He had to work at 9, and he's sick so he wanted a nap. I slept for a few minutes i think, then his mom woke up him for work. He didn't wanna get up. I didn't want him to go in either, but hours got cut at the store so he needed to. So after they left, Mike came in.. I hadn't managed to put my clothes back on yet, so good thing i was cold and was under the covers.

He wanted to smoke some more. I was half asleep though so i didn't wanna. After that i did get my clothes on though. Half hour later he came back.. He wouldn't drop the smoking thing, so we smoked 2 more. I hdn't managed to fall back asleep. So i played with Josh's computer a bit. I hate that damn thing. I wanted to break it. Then Mike and i listened to some more music, watched Alpha Dogs, on my laptop and smoked some more later until Josh and his mom got home.

Once they got home, we smoked some more. Then beth and Mike left. Josh and i made out some more. Or we tried to, but then i made him go brush his teeth. That sounds mean but the taste of coffee, weed, cigs, and taco cheese doritos is not a good one. So then we made out some more after he did that. And he wanted his surprise i had for him. So i gave him this i love you card and told him it had a clue in it.

The clue was on a post-it and it said action.. So then i had to fill in the blanks for Josh.. When i told him, he didn't seem like he was into it. And wanted to know if i was serious. IHis surprise was filming us. i chose that cuz he told me before he wanted to. So we filmed part of it anyway. We didn't know that on my camera it only shoots videos for a half hour.

So yeah.. We filmed us, went to bed, i kept waking up, but it was the most sleep i got in a while. I was sleeping again at noon when Steve called. He wanted to know where i was so him and my dad could get me and go back home. We stayed like an hour and visited though. When my daad and Steve got there, Josh's dad didn't even know i was there until i walked out.

Josh, my dad, Steve, and i smoked one and then my dad and Josh talked some. Josh's mom was gonna smoke with us, but his dad hates it and would have bitched. My sister called me and bitched. Steve went out to the car, and she said if i wasn't out there in 2 minutes she was telling him to leave without me. It technically wasn't even my fault. So i told my dad what she said. We talked about how she's driving me nuts for a minute.. She's pretty sure she's OCD even though she's never seen a doctor about it.

So we left. Josh's mom and dad gave me a hug. His dad i know likes me, but his mom doesn't.. I'm pretty sure anyway so it was weird that she did. His parents have never hugged me before anyway though. So first Josh gave me a hug, then his mom, then his dad. Then Josh gave me another one and kissed me. I guess that means they know we're back together.

So we left at 2 pm michigan time. We made it back to gurnee at 9:40 pm. We had to go to Wisconsin though, cuz when my sister went to Michigan with Becky, Rachel, and Ben they wanted some cats. So we had to go and drop it off cuz Snickers, my sister's cat would eat her. Steve wasn't happy. It took me about 3 hours to fall asleep after getting home. I woke up a few times, but didn't end up getting out of bed until almost 12:30.. Most sleep i've gotten in 2 weeks.

Becky's new kitten that she named Reese's

I'm too excited.. I get to see Josh tomorrow.. I haven't seen that boy in 3 1/2 months. The downside is that going this weekend instead of next weekend like i thought is i won't get to meet Addyson yet. But, and this part is gonna sound a little bad.. at the same time i'm kind of glad. I don't wanna share him with anybody since i'm only gonna get to spend Saturday with him. I want it to be just me and him, no interuptions.

We're leaving tonight. If we leave when my sister gets out of work, we should be in Bay City by 10. And it's another hour back to Bad Axe from there. But since it'll be 10 at night, i doubt my sister will drop her off tonight. I'm not sure if Steve is gonna go or not. I know he was talking about it, and planning to go fishing.. Not sure about now though.

I just know he's ready for her to leave. I could tell that when he came back from Florida. And i think Shelly's ready for her to leave too.. Not that Shelly's even taken care of her anyway. Even when she's here. She got highlighter on the couch, and Shelly blamed me for that. She was here too, she told her not to color sitting on her couch. It's not my responsibility to watch her 24/7.

Then yesterday she peed on the couch. She was watching tv and didn't wanna get up to go to the bathroom. So she sat in time out for lying to my sister for over an hour. My sister said she could get up when she came an apologized. She didn't wanna though. So when she finally did, she got spanked and put back in time out for giving her attitude and not listening. Steve was playing his guitar last night. He has this thing that's a form of one. He was letting Kelviannah play with it. She ended up hitting his $800 guitar with it and taking some of the finish off of it. It was an accident but he was pissed.

Josh and i are doing pretty well right now. The other night when he decided he was gonna break up with me is over. He was just upset. I get that, but still. The more we talk the better we are.. I'm glad cuz if we broke up, we'd still be best friends, and that's not good enough.

I got his ex girlfirend Kayla out of the way.. And that Jeff guy who wanted me to go back to Michigan and date him. They're gonna date eachother i guess. So i'm happy. That was 1. Kayla isn't after Josh. 2. Jeff isn't after me. 3. I won't have to listen to Kayla bitch about how she wants a man. And 4. I feel bad cuz Kris didn't want to. That kind of makes up for it.

And Josh's brother Mike gave up on dating me i guess. I mean i told him i thought it was a bad idea and explained why. Then he agreed with that. He tried talking to me the next night though but i was only online for a minute. So i didn't get the message until later. And then at some point between then and a few days ago he took both me and Josh off his friends list. And that girl Josh dated for like a day, Christy, Mike is trying to get with her now i guess. They should.. Then i wouldn't have to worry about her.

For fucking up on me when i had my entry completely done and went to save it.. And could i get my writing back.. No.. So thanks for pissing me off even more. I spent enough time writing that shit, i'm not doing it again..