essencexofxtear , 23

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Shoutouts to people who responded

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Khayos :
pink_dreams :

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My mom and i got talking about me and my sister and our situation.. Even she thought my sister needed to lay off some.. She offered to talk to her and tell her to lay off some.. I told her not to though. Hopefully she listens. I'm amazed my mom actually took my side once against my sister.. First time i remember it happening in 21 years..

I was talking to my friend Dani, and she agrees with my sister.. We were talking about it some this morning, and she thinks i need to try and see things from her point of view.. Cuz Dani knows what my sister is going through. She had 5 people living with her who didn't pay her a dime, took advantage of her and screwed her over whenever they could.

That's not exactly me and my sister's situation. Yes i don't have a job right now, but i'm looking. The 5 people with Dani weren't.. Well i should say 4 cuz the one was only 2. I don't ask my sister to buy me anything. My sister buys me things she thinks i need and then i'm expected to pay her back.. Which i will. The people who lived with Dani expected her to buy everything even when they did have a job.. They didn't have money for shit they wanted her to buy but they always had money for alcohol. I don't expect her to let me stay here for free.. When i have a job i do plan on giving her some money.. And expecting my sister to load or unload the dish washer once in a while and clean HER cat's litter box isn't expecting too much. Dani had to pick up their mess as well as her own..

My sister spent the night at Becky's last night.. Steve and i talked some. He told me it's my choice if i want to go back to Michigan Labor Day. He knows what my sister said cuz she told him too. He knows i'm looking. We've talked about it.. He's heard my sister telling me about all these jobs i can't apply for cuz the waiting period isn't up. He's heard me tell her i can't apply for them cuz it's not up. Him and i have talked about how NOBODY does paper applications anymore so why the hell does my sister expect me to go ask for them. We were in Dominicks's the other day and i asked for an application. The lady looked at me like i was nuts.

Dani also thought i was overreacting about my sister making plans for me without talking to me about them. The example i gave her was with my cousin Kelviannah. I'm expected to babysit her. That's fine.. I love Kelviannah and everything.. But i was planning on going to Michigan. I couldn't watch her if i wasn't here.. Then what would she do.

The only thing Dani did agree with me on with my bitching about my ssiter is why i didn't get to go to Michigan for the day to see my family. An old family friend got married today. I have family up from Texas and my nephew's 1st birthday party.. Dani didn't see why i was pissed about that at first that my sister's friend Becky and Becky's step daughter Rachel were going.. Becky i get cuz they're using her car. Dani said maybe they told Rachel she could go first before Shelly knew you wanted to go. With all that why wouldn't i want to go. Plus i mentioned it to Shelly before I overheard her and my mom talking about it.

So then it ended up being ok i could go but how would i get back and who would watch Kelviannah. I planned on staying in Michigan for a week or so to see my family and friends. I could get the money from Josh. So Dani's like "I thought you guys broke up." Yes we did but 1. Josh wants us back together. 2. Josh owes me money. 3. Josh is still my best friend. Josh's brother Mike also told me too he'd give me money to come and go. So then Dani flipped and she's like "Why are you gonna date him now?" I could date Mike, but i'm not going to. I can't see myself with him, and i'm pretty sure i'd cheat on him with Josh. So if Mike did give me the money i would pay him back. So then she wanted to know why i'm not back with Josh then.. Simply cuz i haven't told him yes yet.

What's it matter to her for anyway? She doesn't know any of what's been going on with me and Josh.. Most people don't. She don't know about Josh dating the other girl cuz the girl told him i was dating his brother. That's the only reason he dated her. She has her own relationship to worry about anyway. She's the one who has to worry about the fact that her boyfreind could be gone tomorrow cuz of immigration. She got back with the guy i mentioned before.. The one who was convinced she was pregnant.. And i didn't know what i was talking about. Which she's not.. She just hoped she was cuz she wanted a baby. Either that or she is pregnant and that's why she's back with him and just hasn't told me that. Whatever though.. Not my relationship. Not my problem. She's willing to let him treat her like shit. She won't bitch to me anymore when he does though cuz i already told her what i think.. And he didn't like it.

I thought i fucked up the computer last night.. I tried to reinstall the router program since we can't access the router settings.. Then the internet didn't wanna work.. My sister went on it this morning though and it worked fine.. It was just running slow though i guess.

Whatever's wrong with me, i'm not better yet.. It's giving me like breaks. I was throwing up every other day at first, and the days i wasn't throwing up i almost did.. Then i was ok for 3 or 4 days, threw up worse for 2. My sister accused me of making myself throw up. I wouldn't make myself dry heave until all the acid and crap came up from my stomach cuz it was empty though. Or have my digestive system burn the way it was.. Then i was better for a few more days.. Now throwing up.. Then i threw up again yesterday or the day before.

I was on Mocospace, and i had some guy from Misouri telling me he's in Michigan right now and when he comes back he's going through Illinois.. And he wants to meet me.. And offered to let me live with him so i don't have to be my sister's slave. Yeah i don't think so.. I'm not stupid enough to live with some guy i met online. He wants to date me apparently.. Not gonna happen.

I think i'm gonna wait and make my decision next month.. That will give me plenty of time to see how bad Josh wants things to work and if he's willing to make the effort.

I might end up back there next month anyway.. My sister told me if i don't find a job by labor day then she's sending me back to Michigan. She claims i don't do anything around here, and i'm not looking for a job.

I quit doing most of what i did, because she didn't appreciate a damn thing i did. It's always you're doing it wrong, do it this way.. And it's always MY.. Like "Fold MY laundry like this.. "Clean MY counters like this." "Read the labels on MY clothes before you wash them." "Don't throw MY jeans in the dryer"

She doesn't appreciate it, so if all she wants to do is bitch, she can do it her damn self.. That's how i look at it anyway.. The only time i ever hear a thank you from her is after she bitches at me for not doing something right away. Steve at least tells me thanl you.

She says i'm not holding up our deal.. Our deal was that i HELP her with cleaning.. Not do it all.. She tries to say otherwise.. If it was me do everything, she should have said that.. Not tell me one thing, then get pissed when i wait for her to do something when it's her turn.

This is how she told me the other day. "YOU better have this place in immaculate condition by the time Steve gets home." She says he's been bitching too.. It's not just her anymore.. I guess when she picked him up the other day, he told her "Robin hasn't been cleaning." She told him i was sweeping when she left. I was.. Till I threw up, so i went and laid down..

I'm ready to be out of here anyway.. It's amazing i've been here this long and i haven't killed her yet.. I've thought about it enough. But then what did i expect living with someone i can't stand.. I still can't believe she wouldn't even let me go buy a sympathy card for my old store manager when his brother commited suicide last week.. Like $2 (if that) will make a difference.

The only downfall about going back would be, it's all on me to support my parents again.. Going back to someplace where there's no hot water, and i have to go someplace else to shower. Or do a sponge bath.

Well that and having to find a job all over again there. If i find one by Labor day herer, i don't have to go back to Michigan, i can get myself out of debt.. But then i have to put up with wanting to kill my sister always.. Unless i can find a job where i work nights. Then i won't see her..

Josh has already told me he wants me back.. I was expecting that to happen.. just not that soon. It hasn't even been 3 days.. I don't think.. Or maybe it has.. I'm not sure.. Either way... Not sure what i'm gonna do.

Josh and i are completely over.. He deicided he wants to date someone else.. I didn't even cry.. I was supposed to marrythe guy and i didn't cry.. Maybe i will give his brothe Mike a chance afterall.

I went to add something and it posted it on today's at midnight.. But the main issues are what i talked about yesterday.. The addition can wait.