greentoes57 , 27

I haven't made an entry in this thing since April? That's crazy. Good old kiwibox is still alive and kicking I see. I write more in livejournal(tompettyismine is the username) and myspace. myspace.com/rhiannathebanana.
One more semester of school for me, and then I'm going off to one of the great and wonderful SUNY universities. Joyous joys. Was gonna move to Georgia, but it would mean I have to put school off for a while, and I'd rather not. But we'll see. I haven't yet told the people that are expecting me to be down there, that I may not go after all :/ Tough decision.

Wow I never come on this anymore, Im a livejournal ho now.

I have internet back at home!! Word. Well nothing much to report on because pretty much everyone who reads this reads my livejournal and that's what I've been posting in more regularly. livejournal.com/~tompettyismine

School starts again Monday night. Then I have my Tuesday, Thursday class starting Tuesday. I'm excited.

I got a new job. My hairdresser has also worked at this grocery store for like 20 years, and it's only about six miles away from where I live. My cousin's wife works there in the deli now and she's going out on maternity leave so my hairdresser suggested I come in for an interview. I interviewed Monday, and about half an hour after I got back my cousin's wife called to let me know I had the job and needed to start Wednesday. So I worked last night and I work tomorrow and Saturday. It isn't too bad but it's a lot more involved than I thought it was, they have a lot to do. But I definitely won't be left alone to close the deli by myself for a long while. As of right now they only pay minimum wage which is now $6 an hour here, but the manager told me that when minimum wage was $5.15 an hour they used to bring deli clerks up to $6 by the end of their first 90 days, so I should at least get a little bit of a raise, and it's so close so I'm saving money on gas, plus I got 15 hours to start, and that's with starting on Wednesday in a schedule that goes Sunday to Saturday. The girl I worked with last night said I'll probably pick up Deanna(my cousin's wife) hours when she goes out so I should be getting 20 some odd hours a week. The store itself closes at 10 but the deli closes at 8:30 for the winter months and 9 the rest of the year, so even working weekends I won't be there late at all. So although I may make less money than somewhere else, it's closer and I'll get hopefully the amount of hours that I want, and it will be so much less stressful with school. But I'm kinda afraid that the manager is gonna go into overload because I told her the only hours I can't work are when I'm at school, I probably should have set aside a few hours a week extra just so I know I definitely have time to get school stuff done.

Blair is moving to Las Vegas within a week. I'm sad, I went over there and watched movies with him Monday. I dunno. It sucks but he's set on going, and I'm not gonna try to hold him back.

Things with Stew are on the rocks. He pulled some serious crap with me two weekends ago, to the tune of going all the way to the brink of having sex with me and abruptly stopping and telling me not to come on to him because he already told me we aren't having sex. So I thought that was pretty messed up, but we continued talking and he was calling me every day on his way home from work as usual. But then last Thursday night I was busy and didn't know he was calling me, so I missed his call. Called him back, he didn't call me back until Saturday night at 8:00. I was at Jessica's because Stew had said he wanted to do something with me sometime over the weekend, had had a four day weekend because of Martin Luther King Jr. Day, but he hadn't called me so I went to Jessica's, and I talked to him for a little while, he said he wasn't feeling well, but I was going to Wal-Mart with Jess and her dad so he told me to call him when I got back from there and he'd let me know what he was doing. He said we might do something on Sunday depending on how he was feeling. I don't think he realizes how long it takes to get to wal mart from Jessica's, like half an hour each way, as opposed to five minutes from his apartment, and we were there really late, so I figured with being sick and all he didn't want a phone call at midnight. Then that was the night I found out about Blair moving to Las Vegas, so I stayed up until 5 a.m. crying to Jessica. I called Stew on Sunday and told him why I didn't call him, aside from the Blair part, but no phone call back, and no phone call Monday either. So I called him and left a voicemail Tuesday night, no phone call back since then, and I called him tonight but didn't leave a message. It's weird because he's always really good about returning my calls and he calls me on his way home from work. But he hasn't all week. I remember he did say he was going on 12 hour shift work for the Army this week, so maybe he's on nights or something, but you would think after a few times of my calling him he'd at least call and leave a voicemail even if it was at an odd hour just so I know. I hate it because he always says that if either of us has a problem with the other we need to be adult and discuss it, not ignore each other, but what is he doing? It sucks too because last Tuesday night he was out of gas and money and didn't get paid until Friday, and he had to get back and forth 80 some miles one way to work Wednesday and Thursday, so I let him borrow 60 bucks, and now he isn't calling me. I hope he seriously isn't going to go and ignore me over 60 bucks. That's pathetic. I don't know. I'm gonna call his house number, I finally found it, they just got a house phone over there because the cell phones don't get reception in that area. Then I'll know if he's really ignoring me or what.

Oh my parents got a new vehicle!! A red 2000 Dodge Durango which the only thing really wrong with it is the tailgate closes but won't accept the key to lock it. It was $5600. Way awesome deal. Bought it at an auction Saturday. It was my idea to go there because I was gonna get a car and they were gonna buy my car off me for the $2,000 it's worth according to Kelly Blue Book, but I wanted a '99 white Monte Carlo and it went for $3500 so I couldn't bid that much since I'm only get $2,000 for my car and I'm still $1700 in debt to my grandpa for it. Then later on my mom told me that she would've just given me the extra money I needed. So now the plan is my parents are going to go in with me on another car, since my mom owes me a ton of money anyway from all these years of borrowing it and not paying me back, so she'll make good on that, and my dad is gonna pitch in for using my car, and they're still gonna buy my car to use as a winter rat and runaround car to keep the miles off the Durango, they're just not gonna give me as much as they would have if they didn't have a vehicle. It's so nice though, not having them in my car all the time. It's had 3/4 of a tank of gas for three days now! That hasn't happened in a year!! It sat all day today until I came here to the library. It's weird getting used to having free reign in my car again, and I actually get to use their Durango Monday nights for school because my car is really rough right now, the headlights are acting up and even on high beam they don't even send out what they should be lighting up on low beam, and school is 20 some miles away, with my night class 6-10, so they're gonna let me take it so I don't have to deal with that crap.

So it's been a while, being on break from school I don't have internet access as much. Got a 4.0 GPA, straight A's, nice. I was wicked excited when I got my grade report because I knew I had A's in history, college success, and psychology, but I was riding either a B or A in sociology and I thought I had a solid B in math, but I ended up with A's!! So that was awesome.

My brother came home for leave December 20th-January 3rd. I didn't cry when he came home but I cried when he left even though I said I wasn't going to. It was kinda disappointing, didn't get to spend as much time with him as we planned, and he is going to airborne school in Georgia in about a week, and then on to Army Ranger training which is so tough less than half the people who try actually make it through. He probably won't get leave again for a year and a half, he'll be stationed with the 82nd Airborne division out of Fort Bragg, North Carolina, and all the airborne squads are overseas right now so he'll probably be going to Afghanistan. Next Christmas he probably won't be on leave, which sucks. He spent most of the time with his friends, which I can understand, they didn't get to see him in October like we did when we went down to South Carolina, but still, it sucked because I miss him, and it's hard. Especially knowing that he probably won't get leave for a while after this. He lost his wallet somehow between Sunday night and Monday morning when he packed to leave. That created a huge problem because losing your military ID results in a $400 or so fine and a demotion, which my brother is only a private right now, so that basically means going back to E-1, which is like dog poop compared to anyone else. So he knew he had that problem, but we were ready to go to the airport, and I realized he can't get on the plane without photo ID! His license is in his wallet too. We went to the airport and they let him on the plane when he explained the situation, but he had to go through heightened security because of it. I don't know how it went when he got back to SC though, couldn't get on the base without ID, and it was midnight or later when he got back there, so they'd have had to wake his drill sergeant up at home in the middle of the night to come verify that he belongs to that unit and escort him onto the base, which I'm sure was not very appealing to the drill sergeant. His debit card and social security card and all that important stuff was in there too. Don't know how he lost it. It isn't at home anywhere, and he checked all over the place he spent the night Sunday night, my family and I to be honest think that his so called "friends" stole it because they're hard up for money, or maybe they didn't steal it but he left it there and they took the money and of course aren't gonna give it back to him without the money, and the average civilian doesn't comprehend what deep crap you get into for losing your military ID, so they figure that's no big deal he can just get a new one. That's pretty sad to suspect, but we don't know what else could have happened to it.

I quit Lord and Taylor. Technically quit a week before Christmas, officially quit a week ago. I was scheduled to work Sunday the 19th 6-11:15 at night, but I added on Saturday, and extended shift Sunday, and Monday. But by Wednesday I realized that I wasn't gonna be able to do those extra shifts, and it wasn't that I took over anyone else's shifts, I made those shifts, they asked me what time I could work and I made it up. So I figured okay I can't do it now, it's a few days notice, and they already knew my brother was coming home a few days later and I was way busy. Well I got this major attitude about it how it was scheduled so it shouldn't have been a surprise blah blah blah. So then Sunday rolled around and I was crying about it because they have that retarded credit card requirement where cashiers have to get customers to open up a new credit card account, if you don't open at least one new account per shift, which for me was a whole four hours at night when I have like seven customers total, you get yelled at, and it goes on the review which affects how much of a raise you get. I think that's retarded because I can't control whether people want credit or not. And I don't feel comfortable hounding them about it considering that my parents just went through a bankruptcy over credit cards. I was gonna stay there until I found a new job but my dad said that if it was stressing me out that much, it wasn't worth it. So I said screw it and just didn't go Sunday and Monday, then I only knew the schedule through Christmas, so for all I know I was supposed to work that Sunday or Monday following, but I went out Monday afternoon and handed in my stuff, figuring at least if I went out and did that it would look a little better than job abandonment, which they consider after three days of no call no show. The ASM didn't even know my name!! She just heard me say about quitting and told me to go put my stuff on the executive desk, didn't even wanna know my reasons or anything, they're just so used to losing people I don't think they care anymore. So now I'm jobless, and it's gonna suck because the whole reason I ended up at Lord and Taylor in the first place is because I couldn't get a job anywhere else because of the whole "it looks better when you still have a job" thing, and now I've quit two jobs in as many months. It does help me a little that I'm a student, and the fact that Syracuse is thirty miles away, my reason for Lord and Taylor is just gonna be that it was too far away and not enough hours. I don't wanna end up working fast food.

My parents got me a gym membership for a year for a Christmas gift. I went for my training Tuesday, and this morning I went and worked out for the first time. I learned about half the machines Tuesday and I had the option of either learning the rest today or working out for a while on the ones I know and then going back for the other training, so I decided to do that, figuring I can get used to the machines I just learned, and that way it won't be information overload all at once. I felt way crappy after the training Tuesday though because I gained 25-30 pounds over the past year. Last time I got weighed which was last October when I went for birth control, I weighed 166, so that's what I told the trainer when she asked me if I know how much I weigh. Then the scale balanced at 190 pounds!! I knew I gained weight but not that much!! So I told her it was wrong!! And instead of telling me nicely that maybe I had gained a little more weight than I thought, she said, "oh really" and got on it, said it wasn't off for her, and then proceeded to drag me out into the main area and got like three people to get on and show me it wasn't wrong. I felt retarded. A simple "no it's right" would've been sufficient. So I felt like a big fat cow, because I'm only 5'2", and I've never weighed that much in my life! Closest I came was a little over 180 in eighth grade, then through high school I slimmed down. So now I look in the mirror and see fat, not just okay like I did feel, even though I know I got a little chubby. She wouldn't even let me go at a fast walk on the treadmill. She thought I was gonna overdo it. Come on!! But I know that she doesn't have a clue about what I can handle so it's better to play it safe. Today I did 40 minutes on the treadmill at 3.0 miles an hour, which was two miles, and then I did the recumbent bike for 20 minutes, that was a little over a mile. I got on the elliptical after that, was gonna try to push myself throuh 20 minutes but I just couldn't do it. I did two minutes, 8 tenths of a mile, and got off for the day. But I did pretty well, worked up a sweat. I know if I just stay away from fast food this won't really be that hard. It's mostly because going to school I ate my three meals a day at fast food joints because I was at school 8-4:30 three days a week, and my house has nothing but junk crap in it. We don't have anything to drink but water and soda, and the tap water is so gross it's just above acceptable health department standards. I went out and bought some fruit and yogurt and healthy stuff after my training session Tuesday. They did a body fat analysis on me, and my body fat is 33% compared to a healthy average of 19% for a female of my age and body frame. Yikes. I weigh 190 and just to be borderline healthy body mass index, I need to get down to 147, so that's 43 pounds. Just to be borderline!! The printout said that compared to other females in my age group, I'm at a very risky category for health problems and things like that, and the trainer told me that it says that for everyone. She was trying to make me feel better, but I know it doesn't say that for everyone. They recommended that I cut 495 cals per day, because based on my body fat I consume an average of 2456 a day, and my body is metabolizing 1600 a day, so I need to eat 1900 or so plus exercise to lose 1-3 pounds per week, and it will take me 40 some weeks if I keep at that pace. But like I said I think just staying away from the fast food will make me drop a lot faster because a few summers ago I slimmed down over one summer just by walking with my mom two miles a day and drinking lots of water and staying away from a lot of soda and fast food.

I dunno, my dad said oh yea you're just soooooo fat, and I asked Stew and he said he bets I weigh about 160, so I guess I'm hiding it pretty well. And he told me I'm not fat because if I was he wouldn't be talking to me. Oh speaking of Stew, things are pretty good with us right now. I went over there to watch a movie last Monday and I spent the night, and I told him to stop when he tried to have sex with me, I told him that I don't want it to be about sex, and that we need to get to know each other, and he actually agreed, and we went on to debate why we shouldn't be having sex. Then he called me Thursday and told me he decided I shouldn't stay all night for a while, which I agree with, because I think right now that's the only way we're gonna resist the temptation, if we don't let ourselves face it. He calls me every day on his way home from Fort Drum because someone stole his stereo out of his car before Christmas, all his Christmas gifts too, in the parking lot of wal mart, damn thieves, so he gets bored and we're phone buddies. Hehehe. Right now he says he enjoys being my friend but yet we got on the topic of sex with other people and he said he wouldn't do that to me without telling me it wasn't working out first. So I guess we're friends who are exclusive, but not friends with benefits, because right now there are none. He told me the easiest way to lose him is by being paranoid that I will lose him, so I'm trying to be positive, but I really like him and it's so great, it's hard not to be scared. We're gonna go out to Lights on the Lake this weekend though :)

Well I've babbled a bit and I'm gonna go because there's freezing rain and sleet supposed to be heading up this way, and I'm gonna be drivingsouth right into it, so I better get going before it gets real bad.