hopelessdreams1 , 29

SO TODAY WAS AN OK DAY PLAYED SOME VIDEO GAMES WITH MY LITTLE SISTERS, HAD BREAKFAST AND DINNER NO LUNCH. NOW IM HERE IN THE DARK WITH MY THOUGHTS AND I STARTED THINKING OF MY EX. I CALL HIM MY EX BUT TRUTHFULLY WE NEVER DATED WE WERE MORE LIKE FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS. WHICH I WILL EXPLAIN, WHEN WE FIRST MET WE WERE JUST FRIENDS BUT I LIKED HIM FROM THE MOMENT I LAID EYES ON HIM. WE WERE HANGING OUT CONSTANTLY AND WE WERE COOL THEN ONE DAY,(CUZ MY ROOMMATE KNEW I LIKED HIM SHE WAS BLACKMALEING ME AND SAID SHE WAS GOING TO TELL HIM I LIKED HIM) SO TO TAKE AWAY HER CONTROL I TOLD HIM MYSELF, AND HE JUST SAID THANKS BUT WE SHOULD JUST BE FRIENDS. I WAS DISSAPPOINTED BUT OK WITH IT, I CANT FORCE ANYONE TO LOVE ME. THEN WHEN I STOPPED SHOWING SOME INTEREST IN HIM HE STARTS LIKEING ME! THEN ONE DAY WE WERE TICKLING EACH OTHER AND HE KISSED ME AND THAT WAS MY FIRST KISS AT 20 YEARS OF AGE KIND OF PATHETIC REALLY. SO LIKE EVERYDAY AFTER THAT WE MADE OUT AND I GOT BETTER AT KISSING I HAVE BIG LIPS SO GUYS SEEM TO ENJOY LOOKING AT THEM AND THEY ALWAYS COMMENT AND SAY I HAVE DICK SUCKING LIPS. ANYWAY BACK TO THE STORY SO AFTER ABOUT A MONTH OF KISSING AND DRY HUMPING, LOL, WE ENDED UP HAVING SEX!! HE WAS MY FIRST EVERYTHING, WE HAD SEX ON THE BED AND THE FLOOR OF MY DORM ROOM WE HAD SEX IN HIS ROOM. I FELT LIKE I WAS ON TOP OF THE WORLD I THOUGHT TO MYSELF FINALLY SOMEONE LIKES ME! AFTER WE HAD SEX THE FIRST TIME HE TOLD ME HE LOVED ME I DIDNT SAY IT BACK THOUGH. AND THEN IT WAS TIME TO LEAVE SCHOOL IT WAS SUMMER AND I HAD TO GO BACK WEST AND HE LIVED ONLY HALF AND HOUR AWAY FROM THE SCHOOL, OH YEAH I GO TO PENN STATE! SO WHEN I GET BACK HOME HE CALLS ME A COUPLE DAYS LATER TELLING ME HE MET SOME GIRL, I MET HER BEFORE, AND HE WANTS TO BE WITH HER BUT HE STILL LOVES ME AND THINKS I WOULD MAKE A GREAT WIFE SOMEDAY AND HE WILL KEEP ME ON THE BACK BURNER JUST IN CASE THIS DOESNT WORK OUT FOR HIM, WHAT A JERK!!! SO ITS BEEN TWO YEARS SINCE THIS HAPPENED HE IS STILL WITH HIS GIRL BUT HE VISITS ME ONCE IN A WHILE AND CALLS ME. EVERYTIME I SEE HIM I GET BUTTERFLIES IN MY STOMACH I HATE HIM AND I LOVE HIM ALL AT THE SAME TIME!!! AND NOW I JUST THINK BACK AND CANT BELIEVE I LET HIM TREAT ME THE WAY HE DID WHAT AN ASS I AM TO MYSELF AND WHAT AN ASS HE IS FOR TREATING ME THE WAY HE DID!! WE NEVER WERE BF AND GF, HE TOLD ME HE WAS GOING TO ASK ME ONE DAY BUT SOMETHING TOLD HIM NOT TOO WHICH I REALLY THINK IT WAS BECAUSE OF THE GIRL HE IS DATING NOW AND BECAUSE IM A BIG GIRL. I MEAN THIS GUY IS A CUTIE, I AS WELL AS OTHERS CALL HIM SPIDERMAN CUZ HE LOOKS KIND OF LIKE TOBEY MAGUIRE A GEEKY CUTE GUY BUT HE HAS AN INCREDIBLE BODY!! I MISS HIS BODY! DAMN IT WAS NICE ANYWAY YEAH I WILL MAKE ANOTHER ENTRY ABOUT THIS STORY LATER ON PROBABLY ME MORE EXPLICIT AND IN DETAIL WELL THAT WELL THATS ALL FOR NOW HOPE EVERYONE HAD A GOOD DAY! CANT WAIT TIL FRIDAY!!!

Hi to everyone well this is my first entry in this and I dont know where to start. Well I guess I will start off by saying that I started this journal to keep my real thoughts and feelings in here. Some things I say in this will be mature reading, being that I am 22 I feel I have a right to have mature writing. If this journal gets really personal I might put a password on it. I guess now I will say a little bit about myself. I am 22 and Im latina Im a big girl Im like 230pnds. Thats one of the main reasons I decided to start this because I want to lose weight and get healthy again. Believe it or not I wasnt always this big. I fell into depression after my father died and well it was the beginning of the end for me. I will write more about it later on. If you decide to comment or respond to future entries please leave helpful comments and not stupid shit like FATCOW cuz thats just mean and I was skinny once I know how it is to be skinny just like I know now what its like to be fat. Hopefully with this journal I can help myself to lose weight and get my life somewhat back together. Also I just wont be writing about being fat in here I do have some what of a life, ex's, sex, drugs, sexual explorings just a couple other topics I will write about in here. So thats it for now I might write my second entry in here tonight so stay tuned.