humanhead , 18

so, I've been quite sleepy these days. yes, that happens when i eat a lot of sweets. am so sleepy and my mind isn't clear. i get pretty annoying then. yesterday, i was asleep from about 1pm to 6pm. don't ask me about the time zone thing, i never liked that lesson in school... same with currencies. then again, i slept from 3am 10am today. i write my journal in the middle of the day, and most of the time, yesterdays story continues today.

yesterday, i was textng Rush. my faithful friend. well, we were just joking and all, it was all random stuff. but some times he'll make it look obvious that he kinda likes me. i don't know. it was this year that i told him that i did like him more than a friend. but it maybe just because he's lonely now and wants to just have fun(not with bad intentions). lets leave it at that.

my cousins came over yesterday. not my next door cousins but my father's sister and all. i don't like them much, we are not that close. other than that, nothing exciting happened. anything exciting never happens in my life!! a bit depressing. and also am having this cold, which isn't that good.

i have to go for a dinner today, a family i don't know much. hope i enjoy it. and am a bit picky with food. i don't like egg, chicken and so on. thats according to my mood, though. my mother really finds it annoying to cook for me. my head's aching at the moment. maybe because i slept a lot! i really don't know.

well, nothing interesting enough to mention.

PATHWAY!

a lonely road
or a grean pathway
it'll always lead one
to his home
not a home
with loved ones and family
but home where
you are no longer
a prisoner
caring nothing about
what you do and
how you do it
a place where
one can be himself
the path can
be different
but the end
will remain the same
and at the end you'll
find your home
home, where your
dreams come true!

so, i'll start off with wishing all Sri Lankans a HAPPY SINHALA AND TAMIL NEW YEAR and all others a happy day/week!

today didn't go as i expected it to go! a bit disappointed. we have these traditional stuff(for the new year) and i had to wake up at 0445h. err.. so early. but then i woke up to see that one of my closest friends(mentioned in 1st entry) had wished me. okay, that's kinda a lie. i woke up to the alarm ringing as if it didn't care about my sleep.anyway, i was so happy. just wished that he'd come around. but well!

also i have to say that at this moment i hate Li Tian, cos he gets credit for inventing fire works. today there were so many crackers that i thought that i'll have a heart attack!
think about the homeless dogs who are so afraid of the noise! and also think about me!!!
i ate so much today! we got loads of sweets from our neighbors! i loved my aunts sweets. also i got some money today. enough to buy about 3-4 john grisham books. why do i love his stories? i don't even understand all that law and football! anyway, am feeling very sleepy and my arm's aching. from the sweeping i did yesterday!!! but really, am a very lazy girl!
i have nothing else to say. so that'll be it!

also this is a poem i wrote. i usually write what i feel or something. but this isn't about any kinda personnel experience!

SUICIDE!

she climbs up the hill
and sees that
there's no turning back
there's no going back
it all ended here
the good and the bad
her life was done now
just a final breath
and she would be gone
a final look at the sea
rumbling below her
waiting to eat her
and then finally, eating her

i've been eating quite a lot these days. am not this beauty conscience girl or over weight or anything. so i really dont worry about what i eat. yet, i feel all stuffed up and all. also my mother has been trying to make me eat healthy. very hard at this age. not that i eat a lot of junk food and all, but on the whole i eat very little healthy stuff. forget about food. the thought of it makes me hungry.

other than my weird cravings, i have nothing new. just got a bit annoyed with my father today, and took it out on this sweet i made. it came out well. my first time making it, too. my brother and i swapped our "work for the day" today. i had to clean my table while he had to clean the garden. so i took the garden job.
he made my desk look like Newyork! the books are like sky scrapers and there are tiny roads like things. weird! thats so not him!

i was really busy today. tired to death at the moment. i got this idea about shaving my head[?]. maybe, someday!!

i made macaroni yesterday, and never got to eat it. the thing was that, if it was divided into four then we wont get enough for dinner. and i believe that if you dont get enough to enjoy then might as well not have it at all. so i ended up having bread and butter instead. my grandmother didnt know, or she would have given me her share but i didnt want to eat it, anyway. also when am all angry and stuff i like to cook. i let my anger and problems boil away. so then i dont feel like eating the food i boiled my anger with. its stupid, i know,but i just feel like that.
today, my father came to see us. he's not with us and lives abroad. he came for easter(also comes for Christmas) so we see him about trice a year. and i don't feel that close to him. so it was a bit awkward. you know, him trying to make jokes but not succeeding with making me smile, let alone laugh!!
i finally cleaned my room, it was a bit hard. and also i got my hair trimmed. i have short hair and it grows fast. can be a bit annoying!! i normally go to a salon but today my grandmother cut it. why pay for a thing you can get done at home. anyway, thats all for half of yesterday and half of today.

my life!!

my hope is fading like the rainbow
and my dreams are washing away in the rain
my path is all muddy and uneven
tear drops like a heavy shower
and grey clouds in my life
a confused girl, i am
a sad, unhappy girl, i am
reaching to the sky
seems so impossible
yet, there are times, when it is possible
my life is a mystery, a jigzaw puzzle
some places are clear and some are foggy
but through a dark cloud i can see sunshine
cos the sun will always shine
but the moon will always remain
life has its seasons
and am going to the worst
looking at my mother's face
i know that am not alone
but life is still a mystery
to me!

well, today was boring too. why cant my life get any better? we had no electricity yesterday night. i finished one Agatha Christie book, and that leaves me with 4 left. no classes these days, which is great. we got our school holidays, which isn't much. just 19 days!
i still have to clean my room and study table. those are stuff i really hate... being neat is not me! i had an argument with my mother and grandmother yesterday. it was kinda bad. see, they dont want me to go to the US to study but they want to send my brother. he wants to study nano technology and we dont have it in our country yet.
at this moment we are in good terms but i dont think it'll last long though. i've got loads of stuff to do and also its lunch time. am really hungry these days......